I have a best friend and we are in the late twenties. He is my best friend, I am getting annoyed by it more easily. He will take anything that is absolute factual and disagree with me. You can google it, find it in a dictionary, physically see it, he will find the most minute detail to say I am wrong.
This is an actual conversation I have had with him.
me – “man the sky is blue today”
him – “I mean its more turquoise than blue, but yeah”
I know that is such a minute example, but when it happens 60% of what you say it gets very annoying. so I sent him a message and I was wondering if it was too rude or the right amount of direct.
I have a lot of typos and its worded weird, but I am very baked so I am sorry for the roboticness to the text
Comments
I have some friends that are annoying online and I am aware I can be annoying online so I compartmentalize.
This wouldn’t be someone I message about the color of the sky.
How often do you hang out IRL?
Is your friend on the spectrum? i do this shit all the time if i’m not masking and paying attention. it’s just like a compulsion to parse words or phrases or some shit.
Not rude at all. One option is to just say “ok man” whenever he does it, then proceed as though he didn’t just do it. He’s doing it because he thinks people will care. Show him that actually, no, y’all don’t
I think your message is good.
In real life, not online, point it out whenever it happens and ask him if the difference he perceived was so important that he really needed to correct you. Then ask him if it was more important to him to point it out than it is to hang out with you.
Part of best friendship is helping each other become better people. But it only works if everyone is in good faith and not just wanting to be annoying for the heck of it. Sometimes people get in habits and there might be no one else who will care about them enough to point out what’s off-putting.
Like those contestants on American idol who were embarrassingly terrible and their friends were too chicken to tell them they couldn’t sing so they were humiliated on national television. You’re already being a better friend than that.
If your friend is totally unconcerned with your frustration and doesn’t want to change, then you can ask your self, “is this frustration bigger than my desire to stay best friends?”
Turn the tables on him. When a question comes up have him answer first and be contrarian. See how he reacts. Then tell him that’s how it makes you feel
Sounds like he has some psych issues if this is his usual behavior. But this can be a tool to show him that he needs to tone it down. Or if the friendship is no longer relevant this is how friendship slowly die. Not telling you to stop being his friend but these kinda interpersonal grievances tend to end them in adults. You don’t keep putting your hand on the hot pan after a few burns.
But you can use it as a way to aswage into a more healthy and productive relationship. I’ve had a best friend since high school we bicker every now and then but we talk less as we are adults then side by side everyday and that’s also life too. I try not to leave anything on bad terms. He and I are also of very different political beliefs but I won’t let that be a reason to not be his friend. And I mean die hard differences just like your friend has for your view of the color of the sky
If it’s worth keeping the friendship talk it out. Don’t let it fester!
I have a friend like this and it’s gotten to the point where I say something and immediately prepare for them to tell me all the ways in which I’m wrong. I also notice that I’m quieter around them and less likely to speak my mind.
I told them how I feel, and they were somewhat receptive, but they still do it. For me personally, I’ve taken a step back from our friendship and I suggest you do the same. A true friend is someone you can be yourself with and speak freely without being constantly nitpicked.
Worth noting because I’m seeing it in the comments: Being neurodivergent is not an excuse. I’m neurodivergent too and try to be mindful of these things because I care more about my friends than being right.