My bf put his hands on me and idk what to do. We got in a huge fight in which he screamed at me and then later took my phone and was saying he was going to throw it in a lake. He’s stronger than me so I didn’t know how to stop him other than cops. I opened the front door and told him im going to the neighbors to get the cops and he ran to me, grabbed me by my arm (so hard it left bruises) and shoved/threw me to the ground halfway across the room and he said “no cops what is wrong with you”. I responded by saying what is wrong with YOU. He immediately switched up and kept saying oh my god. He apologized perfusely and checked to see if I was hurt. He told me he has never done anything like tht in his whole life and reacted out of fear. Do I believe him? Should I leave him? He has some emotionally abusive habits as well but I love him. Idk what to do.
My bf put his hands on me. What should I do? AITA?
r/AITAH
Comments
Leave him
Leave him.
That’s physical. Completely up to you. If you decide to stay do not throw that in his face.
Trying to put myself in his shoes i can only see the threatening of cops as an issue. In todays climate its easily a death sentence to call the cops on someone. Idk if you know this but police are generally not the good guys American propaganda has led people to believe. Even the supreme court ruled that police have no duty to protect and serve.
Leave him immediately. Go somewhere safe. Do not go back, no matter how sorry he is.
He has to do a lot soul searching, therapy, etc. It might never work. Don’t risk your health or your life.
This is round 1. Don’t think you want to be around for rounds 2, 3 and 4. Trust me they’re coming
Him stating “he never done anything like this on his whole life and reacted out of fear” kinda says a lot about him, fear of what?? You said he was stronger than you then him telling you that sounds a lot like manipulation. I apologize if I’m being too harsh but no love is worth it when your life is at risks.
Please leave him. You are at the very beginning of a vicious cycle that is about to start. Leave before it becomes impossible to.
Leave now. Nobody who truly loved you would do this. You love him, but he doesn’t love you.
LEAVE, because if he’s done it once he’s gonna do it again and it’s only gonna get worse as time goes by.
You know what to do, that’s why you’re asking. I’m so sorry this happened. It’s not going to get better. He MIGHT seek help for himself & work on his anger/impulse issues, but not if he learns that he can act like this without repercussions. He may be stronger than you physically, but it’s your turn to be stronger mentally & emotionally. I know it’s very hard but you’ll be so thankful & proud of yourself later on, rather than regretting not acting sooner, or worse, not being around to regret it. I’ve been there. Save yourself. It’s not an exaggeration.
what you do is get the fuck out!!!!
This was your warning.
Please leave. This is abuse. Love doesn’t come with bruises, fear, or threats. The fact that you’re scared and asking strangers if this is okay tells you everything you need to know.
This is step one. Don’t let it become step 2.
Run , run as fast as you can!
NTA. Putting hands on you once is enough. It means it’s certainly possible that he can and will do it again. Leave him.
Leave him. I can vaguely understand the instant remorse if he isn’t a violent person, but quite honestly, if he doesn’t receive consequences for it, then he won’t learn from it the way he needs to.
If you leave him, you don’t need to go to the police if he will accept that his behaviour was out of order and he doesn’t try to obsessively pursue you.
Be prepared though for a reaction when you tell him you’re leaving. If he will put hands on you over an argument in the relationship, there’s no guarantee he won’t again when you end it.
Start the break-up by really hammering down hard the incident that just happened. Make it clear that that is the reason you need to break from him. That way it will keep the guilt of him grabbing you at the front of his mind and decrease the chance of him lashing out…
But still, have your phone ready to call for help, or make sure you have a male friend/relative outside just in case anything escalates.
Definitely get out of that relationship before “next time” happens.
He needs therapy. If he’s not a piece of shit he might realize that and be making an appointment for himself right now.
But unless he’s actively treating this like a surprise mental breakdown that needs immediate attention then he’s a piece of shit and you need to clear our of there.
Leave him now.
Don’t give either of you a chance to get used to this behaviour.
“My bf is a POS and abusive, but I love him”
Get help pls
Call the cops. Get it filled with pictures. Leave him. Restraining order.
NTA. He is a worm. Any man who would put his hands on a woman in anger like this is despicable.
Also a liar. He HAS done it before. And even if the 1% chance is that he has never done it before, he will surely do it again. Abusers do not simply stop.
Love can cover a lot, but it can’t cover bruises and broken bones.
Leave. Now. Don’t look back. If you have to pick up some things, go with a trusted friend, brother, someone who can protect you.
It’s not real love. Leave. Abuse usually starts with love bombing and masks. Slowly, cracks in the mask show through emotional abuse. Then, it gets physical. Take pictures and report his ass to the cops. He’s trying to gas light you by saying “what’s wrong with you”. He’s got issues controlling his anger.
Abuse will escalate. Sometimes it can escalate to death. If a person puts hands on you, it is not something to take lightly.
NTA. Runnnnnnnnnn.
You leave. It doesn’t get better.
Future beatings will come unless you leave.
Yes. Yes, you should leave him, and the sooner the better. It starts here, but it won’t end here. NTA.
Get Out Now. Can you move to your parents/friends/get your own place? Anything but that!
NTA
First and foremost leave if you can if you can’t straight away get to a reliable friend.
Second call the police and report the assault he has just shown you who he really is believe him. This time may just be a bruise and a push next time could be much worse. I have witnessed this cycle and have seen how hard it is for some to escape when caught deep in the abuse so for your own sake get out of the situation.
Break up with him. Block him. Do not ever give him another chance. Never have I ever heard of a man who only put his hands on a woman once.
Also, if you are in the US, on top of it being domestic violence, in most places it is also illegal to try to prevent someone from calling 911.
If you don’t leave, he’ll do it again. It never stops. It never get betters. You’re an AH to yourself if you stay
He will do it again. Leave!!!
Call the cops and get far, far away from him.
What a stupid question in a way ….someone is hurting you physically , and why wouldnt you call the cops and leave him? This has got to be fake….why would anyone think they they are in the wrong for calling the cops on this guy?
Leave him. Leave him. Leaver him. LEAVE HIM.
It only gets worse from here. Leave, before you wind up in the hospital. Or worse.
Sounds like he’s done it before that’s why he reacted like that to the threat of cops.
You have to leave him. This is not only emotional abuse, it also got to physical pretty quickly. It doesn’t matter that you love him, right now this is dangerous and you can still get out.
Leave him immediately. No excuses for assault. You need to feel safe and now you never will with him.
This shouldn’t even be a what should i do question. Leave him.
Leave. Now. Don’t look back
NTA if you choose to live by leaving him, filing police report, pressing charges/getting a protection order, and never interacting with him again. You cannot fix him. He isn’t actually sorry. He will never stop. He will kill you. If you have children before he does, he’ll beat them, too, and may also kill them.
>but I love him
If you choose not to leave him, though, go ahead and get sterilized and have a will written up so it’s easier on your family when he, inevitably, makes you a statistic.
I hope you choose to live by leaving.
Don’t leave. Just submit
I’d leave. I’ve been abused. I won’t ever tolerate it again. I learned the hard way.
It won’t stop. You need to leave
NTA; It’s entirely possible that he has never done something like this before but that’s besides the point, the fact he has done it now is an indication that he’ll probably do it again, I recommend that you leave him and that you seriously consider reporting this to the police as Domestic Violence.
You break up with him
Leave him. Tell him to get therapy. What is gonna happen next is your choice
Gtfo. Go. Leave. Ghost. If you don’t feel happy or happy in your own home then go. This will not improve as time goes by. Consider his actions as a wake up call. Sorry doesn’t cover bruises.
100% call the cops on the AH
I think you know what you need to do, but you don’t feel ready yet. Change is scary, I get it, and maybe you’ve internalized that you don’t deserve better, but you do. You deserve so much better, and you can attain so much more without him than you can with him.
Your best option will be to leave him now.
If you can’t do that, for whatever reason, then take steps to ease your eventual exit. Set aside money he has no access or knowledge of. Ensure you have somewhere to go, whether that be with your parents or a friend or somewhere on your own, or even your car for a while if it gets that dire, but just make sure you know you have an option. Get a storage unit or somewhere to start putting your possessions without his knowledge; it’ll be easier to leave if you have less that ties you to him. If you can, find an excuse to spend a few days or a week without him and really consider whether you’re happier in his absence or his presence.
And Google “Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft free PDF” and read it. See if it resonates with you and if anything in it can help you through your struggles. I read it during my breaks at work when I needed it, and during times I knew I was alone, and it hit me hard, but it was incredibly helpful
NTA. Dude needs to learn self control and ager management.
He’s already broken trust, and you’re 100% justified to walk.
Break up. It’s gonna get worse before it gets better. Which is never btw.
LEAVE. Girl there are MANY men in this world who know how to take care of a woman. You’ll get someone better LEAVE HIMMMMMMM
Leave. Do not look back. No second chances. Second chances can lead to you in a box.
Run. Never turn to look back
ONE AND DONE
ONE act of physical violence needs to be the dealbreaker. Period. NO EXCEPTIONS. I don’t care how much he apologizes. This needs to be the end for you. I guarantee he WILL escalate. YES YOU SHOULD LEAVE HIM.
“But I love him” is the most stupid reason on the planet to stay with an abuser. Find your damn spine and your self respect. Break up. Today.
Have a baby with him!
Sorry your in an abusive relationship but also why is this in AITA? Obviously being abused makes you not an asshole in any shape or form?! Go to abusive relationships sub reddit.
LEAVE. Leave immediately. It WILL get worse.
You cannot trust this man. He will hurt you again, and probably worse the next time.
How DARE he lay hands on you? How DARE he take your phone?
What he did is a crime and you could have him charged with assault. If all you do is leave, he’s damn lucky.
NTA. Don’t be an AH to yourself and stay. This is not love, it’s abuse.
Leave him and never look back.
Please leave for your safety. This is abuse.
I’m so sorry you were hurt. Please stay safe.
Some actions cannot be undone. He will tell you things to get you to stay. Staying puts you in danger.
leave immediately. NOONE should put their hands on you ever. He wont stop no matter what he says. (Interestingly enough, he never acted like that “out of fear” with his colleagues, boss, or male friends, or anyone stonger than him. You must be so scary! 😀 )
Whether you love him or not, he is too emotionally unstable for you to be safe with him. This may be the first time you have seen this side of him, but it runs deep and will only hide for a bit before re-emerging. Unsafe at any speed. Get out, get gone.
Do you love him, or the thought of being in a relationship?
What do you love about him?
What do you think about yourself?
What would you tell your bestfriend if they told you this happened to them in confidence?
Ummm leave
It doesn’t matter if it never happens again.
The fact that it happened at all is a problem, and once it happens for the first time it will be the last time because you leave and you never come back.
Do not ever stay with someone who crossed a line that can’t be uncrossed. Whether that is sexual violence, physical violence, etc; once someone has stepped into criminal territory, you get the hell away from them and you don’t ever let them come near again unless you have a tire iron in your hand and they are limping.
Please leave. Read about Femicide. I don’t want that to be you.
Even if that’s the first time the abuse has turned physical, you need to consider the emotional abuse you mentioned. Either way, he’s already abusive. Perhaps he was abused and is suffering from PTSD. He sounds like he’s carrying a lot of fear and pain around with him. He is in serious need of therapy. But even if he gets it, he’s a danger to you in the meantime. Please, protect yourself. Your BF deserves compassion, but so do you. Don’t keep yourself in harm’s way. Someone needs to remove them self from the situation, at least for a while. He sounds like a loose cannon, and you’re in his sights. Your health and safety should come first.
LEAVE HIM. run for the hills
Leave him, do not hesitate and do not give him the time or space to spew lies your direction.
“I don’t know what came over me” “It won’t happen again” “I’m sorry you just made me angry” “I’ve never done anything like that” “I’ll go to therapy”
FORGET IT! Forget him . No good, low down dirty scum of a man. And for him to take your phone, and shut the door. He’s attempting to take away your form of communication, the only things that can make you feel safer in that moment?
That is crazy calculated abusive behaviour.
Report him to the cops and leave him, block him, do not allow this man back into your life
Leave.
This will only escalate.
If you forgive him now, he will think it’s not such a big deal next time.
Make sure you’re safe when you leave. He already physically tried to stop you once from getting help, so move out in a safe way (get advice about this).
Maybe reach out to your actual bf and talk to him about it. Come to some sort of agreement
That is what the cops are for, this is the situation where you call them. This is where you show them that he hurt you so they can deal with this. Also this should be ex boyfriend now as this is unacceptable and is going to keep getting worse until you end things and get away. There always is a “first time” but very rarely a “only time” it happens, people who cross the line physically don’t magically change.
Run
First thing to do is stop using phrases like “put his hands on me” to soften the horrifying reality of assault. In the olden days, the ” laying of hands” referred to 2 or more people gathering in prayer for an individual with their open hands placed palm side down, laying gently on the arm, back, forehead, hand , or other no- intrusive place on the body of the person they were praying for.
Don’t water down the impact of physical violence. You’re gaslighting yourself in doing so.
JFC another “he abuses me and hits me bUt I lOvE him”
Have some self respect and leave because he doesn’t love you. He hates you
Leave without telling him so he can’t stop you. Do it while he’s at work. I’m so sorry this happened OP. Please go get a hug from someone you love other than him🥺
If he did it once he will most likely do it again. Please get yourself safe.
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From personal experience from going to jail 2 times with the same man I was in a relationship with, babydoll it is NOT WORTH IT. Leave him. 🙏🙏🙏🙏
Leave, you shouldn’t need to ask strangers this, please be smarter, this is not ok and almost no scenario that man does that to you is ok so it’s immediate end of the relationship. The fact he took your phone is break of trust also grounds for at least a stern warning and reinforce if you haven’t, and don’t necessarily have to as it should be obvious, this is breach of trust and has no right to forcefully go into your private stuff.
He’s abusing you, you have to leave. NTA. Protect yourself.
Run now before you can’t
This is such a dangerous situation, and has the potential to only get worse. For me it started with threatening to throw a phone on the floor to the phone flying at my head. I am telling you now it does not get better. Run fast and run far, this isn’t safe for you. I know it can be hard but your safety is the most important
Dump him and grow up.
What was the reason of the fight though?
“He has some emotionally abusive habits” so he’s escalating. Leave and don’t come back, he’ll do it again
You are an idiot if you stay with this guy. He’s abusive. You deserve better. There are countless men who would never do such a thing.
Yeah that’s a valid reason to break up with someone. The only thing I want to add to the other comments is that I hope that this man learns his lesson, gets help, improves and becomes a better man … To someone else
It’ll only get worse just leave.
Cmon the answer is as clear as day and night, leave him. It’s only going to get worst than this, he clearly isn’t afraid to hurt you. And I suggest informing the local police department as well
‘But I love him’ is no reason to accept abuse. What is it you actually love? Think hard about that.
Stop asking dumb questions and leave.
>Do I believe him?
No. And it doesn’t matter in the end if it was the first time he reacted like this or not. He clearly has issues and if he wants to be in a relationship he has to work them out.
>Should I leave him? He has some emotionally abusive habits as well
Yes, right now. He just showed you that emotional abuse has escalated to physical abuse.
What are you waiting for? That he’ll throw your body in the lake instead of your phone?
Abusers always show ‘genuine’ remorse to keep you coming back. Please, leave him and find someone else ! He’s not the one.
My ex almost killed me shes female I’m male
No shame in leaving just don’t get stuck and
Actually move on
He gross, violent and that will only increase. You do need to leave.
You need to pack up your shit and leave as soon as it’s physically possible.
A man should never get physical with a woman like that. There’s no going back after that line is crossed.
If you stay there will be more of it.
He’s going to hit you again. 🚩
Then he’s going to hit your children. 🚩
You need to Run.
Leave him. He may be disgusted with himself but he shouldn’t be dating someone if he can’t control his emotions
Nope. Leave.
You love him? Go ahead and love him but love yourself more! Get the hell out of there as this WILL escalate.
Dump him
Leave. It always starts small. An arm bruise today can be a missing tooth tomorrow (not literally tomorrow but you know what I mean).
If you had kids would you want them to think this how son should treat women or how daughter should accept love?
If he’s never done anything like this in his life why is his reaction to you involving the cops so extreme? Run a background check on him
Even taking your phone & threatening to throw it is a form of abuse. Not normal behavior.
Please leave. Please find a safe place. He knew what he was doing. They always do. He will love bomb you and buy gifts and then the next time, beccause there will be a next time, the physical violence will be worse because he already got away with it. He doesn’t want police because he left marks. Depending on your area they cops will automatically arrest him without your say.
RUN.. Believe me, the next slap or punch is on its way…
Leave him please… I know it’s not easy, but trust me, it’s going to be worst and worst. I lived a similar situation for 3 years with an ex, at first he was loving very supporting, then it slowly escalated but I didn’t realize I had to leave until he almost killed me, it was the most traumatic years of my life. Please be safe 💞
Definitely leave him. If it happened once it will happen again. Next time you may end up in the hospital or worse.
Girl fucking RUN pls n tell the cops cuz that man’s a danger to society
Leave him immediately. Who the fuck assaults their partner ? It only gets worse from here. ⛳️⛳️⛳️⛳️⛳️⛳️⛳️⛳️⛳️⛳️⛳️⛳️⛳️⛳️⛳️
Bad women bring out the worse of good men. Leave him before you break him and then blame him for it
Leave him. It WILL get worse.
Leave.
If hes done it once to you now, there’s no saying he won’t do it again. You cannot stay with someone who makes you feel unsafe and is emotionally abusive. Leave him.
Tell your family and friends about this and arrange somewhere to stay. Perhaps ask someone to be present if you break up with him so you have back up incase he lashes out again.
Take images of your bruises just incase you need them.
I hope it all works out for you.
NTAH.
Thats only the beginning, Trust me I know. Leave him now before it gets worse
If you talk to a cop it’s called assault. If you go look at those domestic violence websites, instances like this are also listed. You know what you need to do. Someone who really loves you would not throw you to the ground and assault you and try to stop you from protecting yourself by going to the cops
What you allow you normalise
First, I am so sorry this happened. It must be awful to have someone you love hurt and mistreat you in such a way. Like the other commenters, I’m concerned for your safety.
Do you cheat on him?
Go to your parents, my family were amazing when I needed help and support. Staying will only leave you with anxiety, depression and possibly PTSD. This doesn’t just stop here he is love bombing you now, grooming you and testing how far he can go. You got to leave quietly because if you tell him he’ll no doubt become worse. People who love you don’t do this, he doesn’t love you you’re just something he gets to control and it feeds his weak ego. Next he’ll isolate you from friends and family make you believe they don’t love you or care about you that only he does. You have to get out quietly and fast whilst he’s at work just leave a letter and run.
Leave… That’s all you can do!
Please leave.
You are not safe. Don’t tell him you’re leaving. Get in touch with a domestic violence hotline or local org and make a safety plan for getting out. Do not tell him you’re calling the cops if you need to, or any of your plans. Say a neighbor called them if you need. 💜
With so little context and so obviously he is the asshole situation with the little info there is that I’m inclined to believe there’s more to the story not told.
You need to leave him and then go to therapy. I’m not trying to say this in a condescending or snarky way, but asking if you’re in the wrong here is not normal. You’re not the AH here, and nothing should have given you any idea that you were. Staying will only reinforce his behavior. Hope the absolute best for you. Stay safe.
NTA.
What should you do?
1- go to your GP, a counsellor, a therapist, a nurse, anyone in one of those positions and tell them what happened. Tell them everything. Get them to photograph the bruises. MAKE SURE THIS IS RECORDED.
2- if you live with him, wait until he leaves the house, grab a bag, cram it with important documents, a phone charger, medications and anything else vital that CANNOT be replaced. Get out that door, then once out start making calls to crash somewhere or get to a women’s shelter.
3- DO NOT BELIEVE HIM HE IS LYING AND WILL
GET WORSE. He knows what he did. He knows why he did it. Cut all contact as soon as you’re away from him.
4- look up DV supports in your area. There’s a lot of resources out there and they can help you get on your feet.
5- yes you love him but you need to love yourself more here. Get out and do not look back.
He’s lying. Leave.
Leave him
gtfo
LEAVE HIM RIGHT NOW OR END UP IN A DOCUMENTARY.
Get away as fast as you can and involve cops
You can believe that ‘he has never done anything like this TO YOU in his whole life’ – but that can has been opened now.
This action is a divine sign. And that sign has text. And that text reads “RUN GIRL RUN”!
And do you love him more than you love yourself? Because you are going to be his victim over and over again. This doesn’t just ‘pop up’ and doesn’t just ‘go away’ – and add the emotionally abusive – this is a recipe for disaster.
Don’t want to appear fearmongering – but the numbers would support people here telling you ‘leave’.
You’ll get over heartbreak. You cannot get over death.
NTA
NTA. Leave this abusive relationship A.S.A.P. Go stay with family or at a women’s shelter.
Whatever you do, don’t believe it’s a one-time thing. The abuse just escalates until one day you are being beaten senseless.
Don’t go down the rabbit hole.Should I, must I, he didn’t mean to, etc… It’s pretty simple really.
His action:put his hands on you
Consequences?:you leave that SOB! Presto pronto! He didn’t love you enough not to put his hands on you. Why should you love him enough to stay?
LEAVE HIM!!!! He won’t stop. Go to the police and show them the bruises and press charges. Do not go near him again. Ask the police to help you collect your stuff or if not the police then guys you trust to protect you and keep you safe. Do not let him make you a statistic. He WILL love bomb you and say he’ll never do it again and he didn’t mean to hurt you. He’s LYING! He will GASLIGHT you. He will try and manipulate you do not fall for it. You do not deserve to be treated like that. If he truly loved and cared about you he wouldn’t have ever laid a hand on you.
Leave
Run!!!! Document! File a restraining order! Get the hell out!
Leave him… I understand you love him… but you need to love yourself more. He just showed his true colors. This will not be a one-time thing.
Dump him, report to police, avoid Stockholm syndrome
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Leave him now. If he’s done it once he will do it again. Protect yourself first.
As long as you are not willing, don’t accept it. Leave him, completely.
Get out, leave!
Seek professional help marriage counseling if he doesn’t agree leave him immediately because the abuse won’t stop it will only get worse also have him enroll in alcohol/drug classes if he doesn’t agree then yes you must leave him immediately and never look back because true love should never be abusive. Physical abuse is just as harmful as mental abuse even worse. And only you yourself can change the situation you are in no one else but you can change what makes you happy in any situation.
Leave him on the spot. There’s NO other good option
If there is a first time, there will be a second. And the remorse will be less. Or maybe it won’t, but it will not stop him. You need to get away. NTA
Nah, leave his ass ASAP
Girl there are stories where the man never laid a hand on their partner until the day that he killed her. One of the stories he just slides her with petrol and set her alight. 😳 If you let this slide , even if it’s subconscious for him, it will escalate next time. And there WILL be a next time if your fights are this volatile already.
If your daughter was in a similar situation like you, what would you tell her? Exactly. Leaving is the only right thing you can do for yourself and you deserve better.
https://freebooksmania.com/2021/01/why-does-he-do-that-pdf-free-download-by-lundy-bancroft.html
Leave him, block his number on everything and socials too. Don’t look back because it gets worse from here.
LEAVE HIM.
This will get worse if you don’t.
By staying with him you excuse his violent abusive behaviour and tell him it’s ok to treat you that way so he’s will do it again and will escalate.
Please leave. This EXACT situation happened to me.. it’ll get worse. They say these things to see how far they can go.
he will literally kill you if you give him the chance. it’s happened to many, many other women. don’t be part of that statistic. be one of the ones who was able to escape. run away, go somewhere with people you’re safe with, tell them what happened, and stay safe <3
Run. This has become an unsafe relationship and you should leave.
Leave run away now.
New account.
Leave
Leave him. One instance of DV is more than enough. This is NOT love. Leave him, and do it quietly. Don’t tell him you leaving. Don’t tell mutual friends you are leaving. Pretend everything is fine, and plan an exit. Tell trusted friend/family if you need help, if not, find a place to stay, pack you things when he is at work, and leave. Don’t trust a word he says or his crocodile tears. Actions speak louder than words, and if you forgive and stay now, it will happen again. By forgiving and staying, you will show him that hurting you is not a deal breaker for you, and it means 100% he will do it again. He escalated from emotional abuse to physical, and he will escalate from shoving you to hitting you. Because abusers always do. NTA
If the relationship had been perfect up to this point, nothing wrong at all, no red flags, I’d say talk and take self defense just in case, see if you can mend it and if he steps a toe out of line one more time leave. But you mentioned he’s got issues already? Get out, go to the police and tell them everything, take pictures of the bruises, leave a paper trail. His comfort or whatever isn’t worth your life. He’s unstable and he’s done it before, staying will just tell him that he is welcome to do it again. One crossed, that line can’t be fixed.