I’m a 25M and I just had one of the most confusing, embarrassing, and honestly hurtful dating experiences of my life, and I’m still trying to process how people can treat others like content. I met this girl, same age as me, and we started going on dates about a month ago. She seemed cool, really pretty, had a fun personality, and our conversations were actually deep and consistent, not just small talk. We’d talk about music, family, goals, random funny stuff, and I genuinely thought we were vibing. On every date, I made sure to be respectful and present. I picked her up when she was comfortable with it, opened doors, paid for our meals, asked if she was cold when we were walking outside, gave her my hoodie once, walked her to her door, and ALWAYS texted after each date to ask if she had fun and got home safe. Every time, she said yes and would send cute replies like “tonight was so nice” or “I really enjoyed that.” I wasn’t rushing anything, I was just trying to show I cared and be a decent guy, especially because I know how wild the dating scene is now. Anyway, we went on our fourth date a few nights ago, nothing too fancy, just dinner and a walk after, and the vibe felt normal. She even said she had fun.
The NEXT DAY I’m scrolling through TikTok while on my break and I see her pop up on my FYP with one of those “GRWM to go on a date with a guy I don’t even like lol” videos, and my heart literally dropped. At first I thought it might be satire or not serious, but then the storytime starts and she begins describing this guy in full detail what he wore, where they went, how “overly nice” he was, how she just went because she was bored and it was ME. Like every single detail lined up, down to a comment I made about the dessert we shared. Toward the end of the video, she literally said “I can’t commit to the relationship for now” as part of the reason she wasn’t into me, and I just sat there thinking, then why pretend this whole time? I felt sick watching it, like frozen in place. She made our date into a joke and posted it online for strangers to laugh at while I was sitting there thinking we were building something real. I confronted her through text, didn’t blow up, just said I saw the video and I knew it was about me, and she apologized and said she didn’t mean it in a bad way and didn’t expect the video to get views. She said she’d delete it, which she did, but honestly the damage is already done. I felt humiliated. I keep replaying our conversations and wondering if she ever liked me or if I was just content from the beginning.
I told her she didn’t need to pretend to like me just because I was “too good for her” or say she “can’t commit right now” when she could’ve just been honest from the start and saved us both the time and effort. I was never trying to impress her with money or status, I just tried to be kind and intentional, and now I’m scared to date again because I don’t know who’s actually being genuine anymore. I’ve been second-guessing everything I say and do, and that one TikTok made me feel like I’m not just “too nice” but like being decent is now something people mock online. I never thought I’d end up as the punchline in someone else’s trending content.
AITAH for calling her out and telling her she should’ve just been honest instead of pretending to like me and wasting both our time and effort?
Comments
I’d like to say this was fake, but, these undeniably exist, so…could be possible 🤷♂️
You dodged a bullet
Nta you dodged a bullet and not every girl or guy is going to be like that
Don’t stop being you because of a “views junky”. Move on from her but continue to operate the way you do. When they show you who they are, believe them.
NTA – you only get one life. Don’t let some two-faced faker waste yours.
The minute she did that she became no longer worth the trouble to be too nice to. NTA but could have been and it would have been justified. Let it go. There are way more women that would love to be treated like that than not. Do make sure they understand you’re attracted to them. Otherwise they MIGHT take it as you aren’t really that interested.
That was mean and uncalled for and I’m sorry. 😞
The only thing you did wrong is engage with her after you saw the video. Girls like that just want attention, no matter who pays the price. Total indifference would have been a better move. Don’t let her get the attention she craves . . . at least not from you.
I really feel sorry for guys who read girl’s posts online about how terrible their SO’s treat them, and then try to do better. Only to hear they are “too nice.”
As far as I’m concerned, you could have done anything short of physical violence to this girl and I would not have judged you the AH. But ignoring her would have been the best revenge.
Run, run, run.
Run, run, run.
I confronted her after I saw the video because personally, I’m not the type to just walk away without getting clarity. I believe in communicating things maturely, and I needed to understand why she felt it was okay to act one way with me and then say something completely different online. I wasn’t aggressive or trying to make a scene, I just wanted the truth. I’ve always been the kind of person who speaks calmly, handles things smoothly, and values honesty above all. I hate liars, and being made to feel like a joke when I was nothing but genuine really messed with me. It still stings, and I’d be lying if I said I’m not disappointed. It’s just sad knowing that what felt real to me meant so little to her.
Definitely NTA – And you were very kind in how you explained things to her. Maybe she will learn something from that.
NTA, but you’re taking the wrong lesson. She wasn’t lying to you from the beginning. Only a complete psychopath could have such deep conversations “for content”. She lost interest through your dates. GIRLS DON’T LIKE NICE GUYS. Period. She’s an AH for posting the video, but that’s girls. They have empathy for children and animals, not guys.
NTA
After she’s been run through by Chad and Tyrone. She’ll be looking for a nice guy to save her used up ass.
NTA -You were messed with by someone pretending to be something they are not. It’s impossible to know if someone will be like this. She tricked you. You sound like a good person and you deserve much better.
You called her out for being dishonest and wasting your time, and that’s exactly what she did. Being too nice is literally never the problem. The problem is her being a performative, clout-chasing jerk. You have every right to feel humiliated and angry.
Awww I’m so sorry this happened. You’re allowed to feel this way and take time to gather your thoughts but I hope this doesn’t deter you from dating. Not everyone is like that, I’m sure you’ll find a great girl for you! Good luck 🙂
What.a.bitch.
NTA. Honestly tiktok has become the most toxic garbage. My advice to literally everyone, is to avoid people who are super active on there or trying to be influencers.
edit: typo
NTA. She sounds like a fuckwit. You dodged a bullet. Be glad- and block her!
dodged a massive bullet… now you know to avoid ‘influencer’-types. for every person that puts down what you did, another will truly value it.
NTA. That’s really shitty and it sounds like you handled it extremely well (way better than me tbh I would’ve crashed out over this lol). All this means is that she wasn’t your person, and you dodged a major bullet after just 1 month. There are good women out there who will appreciate what you have to offer.
NTA – keep doing you bro. Don’t let some dome shit change the way you are. A real girl will appreciate you for who you are.
NTA
You dodged a massive bullet. This is one of those girls who is going to post every detail of her life on social media for clout. You were just shrapnel in her selfish little game.
Don’t let this discourage or jade you. Being nice is a good thing, and the majority of women out there genuinely look for that.
Chin up. She’s the loser, not you.
NTA. Good for you for staying strong and sticking up for yourself! She deserves whatever a-hole she ends up with.
She obviously didn’t get hugged and validated enough growing up, sad that you had to bear the brunt of her attention seeking ways, NTA, someone more worthy deserves your time and kindness
NTA count your blessings you didn’t waste more time with her. Now you can find someone who is as nice and sincere as you are. Best of luck and sorry that happened to you.
NTA. I think you fucked up by not putting her messages with you out there in the comments though. Show those receipts. Give them the views they’re looking for. Don’t let them delete.
My pettiness aside, you did confronting and calling her out. Time to block, pick yourself up, and get back out there.
You were absolutely not the AH! She deserves to be confronted for that. She is a terrible, selfish person. I’m sorry you had that experience, not everybody is like that.
I would say you should’ve cut her off with ice cold NC but that probably would’ve given her more fodder for her content.
Be you – the assholes reveal themselves and that is a gift to you to spare you from wasting time. Someone will eventually deserve you
Women like that is why my Grand nephews don’t approach women anymore for a serious quality relationship. Well ladies you got what you asked for. My nephews were the most generous and respectful men imaginable. After being burned many times they have become uncaring extremely masculine. Sadly that makes them more popular than they ever were.
On behalf of decent women everywhere, we are so sorry you had to go through this. We are so sorry that this insecure twattwaffle has besmirched your dating experience. You absolutely deserve much better than her and we hope you find it!!!
A real woman would appreciate those gestures of kindness and affection.
This chick is a POS.
NTA
for literally whatever reason it’s meta right now for woman to slam men, don’t think too much of it and on to the next.
People like that look for/want drama. They are immature and often takes them losing someone really nice like yourself to figure out they are the asshole. You are doing great, the world needs more nice guys. She csn go date some loser who treats her poorly and when she is complaining to her mom or bff about him she will remember you and be sad.
Gen Z is so fucked
Social media, more like Antisocial media.
NTA. You called a spade a spade.
NTA, she’s a bad person that your TikTok algorithm saved you from, just don’t let her use you anymore.