Why can’t women exist in public without men harassing us?

This has been something I’ve been thinking about for a while, but recently I’ve been getting extremely frustrated with not being able to enjoy myself in public when I’m alone. To preface, I live in Canada and live in a relatively safe neighbourhood.

Two days ago I was walking to my local gas station for a cold drink. As soon as I walked into the gas station I could tell something was off. You know that feeling women get when we can sense there’s a man who’s a threat to our safety? I felt exactly that. There was a man, looked to be in his 40s, loitering near the front of the entrance inside. At first I didn’t really notice him and I walk towards the drink aisle. As I’m walking towards the front to pay, I saw that this same man was following me. At first I doubted myself, so I start walking around the gas station, taking random turns throughout the aisles, and lo and behold, he was following behind me. I’m someone who also walks very fast so he was practically chasing me at this point. At some point, he stops and I make it to the line to pay for my drink. I had thought he left.

I buy my drink and head towards the front doors to leave. As soon as I’m about to walk out the front doors, the same man who was following me suddenly rushes towards me. I thought he left but he was literally hiding in the gas station and waiting for me to leave! I was so angry and scared that I yelled “get the fuck away from me,” flipped him off, and quickly exit out the doors. I make my way to the crosswalk down the street and as I look back, he followed me out of the gas station but stopped when he saw that I was too far down the street. Fucking unbelievable. I had never had that happen to me before so I was pretty shaken from it.

A month before this, I had gone to a sapphic social event with my girlfriend. The event was public and was hosted at a clothing optional beach. I had never been nude at the beach but many other beachgoers were, so I felt comfortable to take my bikini off. It felt nice to be at the beach and socialize with other queer women. My girlfriend and I were sitting and enjoying the sun until I noticed a man recording me on his phone. I was so disgusted that we left. I had heard from other beachgoers that there were several men sexually harassing the women there. There were men touching themselves in front of people, standing around and staring, threatening the masc/butch women, and following the nude women around in the water. When I told this to the organizers of the event, they responded in a way where it was clear they didn’t really care nor would they do anything to improve safety for future events.

I’m tired of never being able to relax in public spaces because of men. I’m tired of the catcalling, staring, stalking/following, voyeurism, and sexual harassment in general from men. I’m tired of not being able to enjoy experiences that are supposed to be fun because a man decides to make it his life mission to harass me. It’s mentally exhausting to have to put your guard up because of men’s predatory behaviour. It doesn’t help that men rarely ever correct other men’s creepy behaviour. We can’t even carry anything for defence in Canada either so we’re left vulnerable. I’m just so disgusted.

For those of you that have similar experiences, what tips do you have for keeping yourself safe?