I’m not happy and I want to put myself first. I’m taking a few days to stay with a friend to sort my head out, but then need to make a final decision about breaking up. I’m a bit overwhelmed by how I would even do this – we bought all new furniture and I would need to find a new flat in a really expensive city. Any advice or tips would be appreciated as I’m very overwhelmed and a bit of a mess.
Edit: I want to break up because the relationship isn’t what I want. I get very little of his time, I’m not happy with how he talks to me to the point I feel awful about myself, he spends so much of his time gaming and puts it above me, and my life is ultimately just smaller than I want because of him. He’s also just not emotionally connected with himself let alone me. He doesn’t help care for our home. If I stay it won’t get better. We are both 31 and have been together for two years, living together for 6 months.
Comments
if it’s your first time living together with someone I dunno maybe like… why do you want to break up already? Did something happen or is it just hard to live with another person?
I think you should take that time at your friends and really think and consider. Dont make any sudden decisions(unless he is abusive, then run and never look back)
what are you not happy with? how long have you two been together before you moved in together?
could just be growing pains.
really evaluate if you’re leaving out of an unexplainable feeling? did you talk to him about this unhappiness?
only reason why i’m asking these is because i just went through this. it’s extremely painful, mentally and emotionally exhausting, physically draining, expensive, and awkward. and that’s with having a mutual split with my partner.
I would take a huuuge step back and think things through. Why are you feeling like this? Does it feel wrong, or too soon? Would it be better to maybe sleep separately for a while so you can have some clarity?
What was going through your mind before you moved in together? Are you suddenly unhappy now that you’re living with him? Why did you decide to move in with him and follow through with this when you want to break up—ie did you have this impulse for a while?
You break up just by breaking up. Saying the relationship is over. Finding a place to stay prior to ending it. Can you stay with a friend/family nearby? And then you look for housing and get your things. On paper is a simple process really, but the hardest part will be communicating but you just have to take a deep breath and say it’s over. That’s how you move forward.
Ha, I just posted something similar. How long have you been living together?
> I want to break up because the relationship isn’t what I want. I get very little of his time, I’m not happy with how he talks to me, he spends so much of his time gaming and puts it above me, and my life is ultimately just smaller than I want because of him.
Definitely figure out an exit plan. Don’t let anyone convince you to stay in an unhappy relationship. I assume you moved in together, and you noticed he was putting in less effort, which confirmed your desire to leave?
>I’m taking a few days to stay with a friend to sort my head out, but then need to make a final decision about breaking up. I’m a bit overwhelmed by how I would even do this – we bought all new furniture and I would need to find a new flat in a really expensive city. Any advice or tips would be appreciated as I’m very overwhelmed and a bit of a mess
Can you return any of the furniture? 😅 otherwise, I’d just split it between you and him. Does he want to keep the apt? If so, start looking for new places to live. Find a roommate perhaps to make it easier. Trust yourself – you can figure it out. Just don’t stay stuck with someone who doesn’t meet your needs.
I just told him that I want to live by myself. Found a place and moved out. He knew the end was coming. Wanted us to go see a relationship therapist but mentally and emotionally I was already checked out.
I’ve read that couples who move in together too soon sometimes slide right into marriage which ends in divorce because they progressed in the relationship for all the wrong reasons.
I love living alone. It would have to be a very deliberate decision to move in with someone again. Moving in with someone primarily for financial reasons is a bad idea
> how I would even do this
It would help if you explained what is confusing you about how to break up.
In the simplest terms…you find a new place and move your stuff out. If you were living alone before you should be able to find a place to live alone again… right?
Financially it’s probably more complicated but you didn’t give any information on if you lease or own or if one of you can afford the current flat/house alone.
Hopefully you are just renting so it’ll be as simple as paying to break the lease.
You may need to negotiate furniture if you both paid for it…but just try to make sure you both end up with roughly equal value in furniture.
Saving money will be your first priority but in the meantime it’ll be awkward living with someone whom you’re in the middle of breaking up with. Its just the way it is. Is there someone you can room with until you save enough money to get your own place? Did you both sign a lease together? Is it an owned house?
Don’t waste another 5+ years with someone you don’t want to be with. Your time is precious and you’ll never get it back. You are right to leave if you are unheard, unvalued, and unhappy.
Understandably, this situation is nerve wracking bc you just bought everything but the stuff doesn’t matter.
Pull him to the side calmly and let him know you would like to part ways. There’s no avoiding being direct so try not to overwhelm yourself with worry. Just go straight through.
You find a roommate or a room to rent and break up. It might require breaking a lease and you’ll likely take a loss on the furniture but if you arent happy no sense in wasting time
Are you British? If you’re not London based it’s a hell of a lot more possible to do than you think.
If you can, find somewhere to stay on spare room.com that doesn’t tie you into a lease. Do that for a few months while you work out who keeps what furniture. If you keep any of it, arrange for storage. I’m currently paying £90pcm for around 40sqft.
Next, get on rightmove and look at listings in your area. Work out what it’s likely to cost you to live alone. Then contact those agencies and ask to be put on their books.
Cheer up. It’s just a house and furniture. None of that is better than your wellbeing and self respect
How to break up with your boyfriend:
“[Boyfriend Name], this relationship isn’t working for me and it would be best for us to separate “
Then you need to figure out the details.
Read your update and THANK GOD you’re leaving this dud OP!
First step is to save up a little nest egg (maybe borrow money from a family member if you’re tight on cash) and find an apartment.
1-2 weeks or so prior to your new move in date, sit your loser BF down and tell him “we need to talk. I’m breaking up with you. List reasons why, etc. tell him you’ll be moved out by XYZ date”
Do not give him your address. Do not reconcile if he starts to cry (he may start to cry) that’s okay, stick to your guns OP. Don’t wavier. You’re still so young.
This is what I did at 32 with a loser ex. I’m now with a man who treats me like a queen 👸