Throw away account because I know people on my main.
My husband works in sales and had a lunch meeting with a new client this week. The client wanted to go to Twin Peaks and my husband took him there. The issue is that my husband and I had previously discussed that I do not want him to go to restaurants like this, and he agreed that he would not go. When I confronted him about it, he said that when you work in sales, you have to do whatever the client wants and that he absolutely could not have suggested a different restaurant without risking losing the client. If you’ve worked in sales, is that true? Am I justified in being upset with him?
For context, he has a long history of cheating/ micro cheating that we went through therapy for. Our therapist told us to verbally establish boundaries and expectations, and this was one that has been clearly established. I am also pregnant.
I feel like he could have just made a joke out of it and said something like “My wife is pregnant and we share our locations with each other. She would kill me if she saw me at Twin Peaks.”
Comments
> you have to do whatever the client wants and that he absolutely could not have suggested a different restaurant without risking losing the client
This is generally true. Its impossible to say what would have happened if your husband suggested somewhere else, but his job is to make the client happy. It would be a less than ideal way to start off the relationship.
If his long history of cheating has left you to the point where you are jealous of a breastaraunt, then there is no trust in the relationship and the marriage is essentially over.
What do you think is going on at Twin Peaks that is a cause for concern? You can’t touch the waitresses and they aren’t stripping in there.
>The client wanted to go to Twin Peaks
This settles it. The client wanted to go. Your husband wants to/needs to satisfy the client to get his business.
>Am I justified in being upset with him?
You’re pregnant you have clearance to be mad at him the until your baby is born and even a few months after lol.
I see no issue with it, it’s a sales job and if that’s where the client wants to go, it’s not his fault. Those are destination themed restaurants and the client may not have one where they are from. At least you’re not asking him to change employment 🤷♂️. Trying to be neutral.
I would say it’s mostly true. You make more sales pleasing the client.
That being said why the hell are you having a baby with a cheater that you rightfully don’t trust.
I thought this was an overreaction until I read that he has a history of cheating and this was a discussed boundary with your therapist.
He could have been in a position where the client steers the wheel, but he needed to inform you afterwards that this had taken place. You wouldn’t be asking Reddit if this was normal had he met you honest out of the gate.
What is micro cheating?
I believe he is lying, cheaters are liars, manipulators, gaslighters and will cheat again…..You have settled in the marriage for someone that doesn’t value his marriage and disrespects you….So that is the kind of marriage you will have.
No im mad at YOU. Yes, YOU! You stayed with a cheater, a serial cheater according to you, so you made this bed for yourself. Only way to move on is to leave.
And if you’re afraid because you have kids with this person, with no exaggeration there are MILLIONS of handsome, intelligent, faithful, GOOD men that are willing to marry and create their own family with a woman with kids. Your dream husband and father could be in your life in the next few years. You don’t have to lie in your bed.
I think the issue is that he’s a cheater and you can’t trust him. Not allowing him to go to restaurants????? There are deeper issues here.
He had a choice. Sales people have a choice. This is malarkey.
The customer is always right.
If you can’t trust your husband to sit in a restaurant like this, you need to re-evaluate the relationship and where it’s at and if you should be a part of it.
That is 100% true.
Also, micro-cheating isn’t a thing.
Oh man it’s a restaurant how untrusting are you. That’s embarrassing honest to god. If he cheated on the past and you have no trust then leave him. If you choose to stay then you just accept it and let this dumb little stuff go. Find a backbone , but s restaurant is the least of your worries.
Twin peaks is not a strip club. If you have a problem with your husband going to that restaurant, it’s a you problem.
Tbh it’s your own fault. I personally wouldn’t date someone who would constantly have to take out the client to eat. Everyone has boundaries and if he has cheated on you multiple times and he still has a job that he constantly has to be out and about AND you got pregnant, thats on you.
The only Twin Peaks I knew of prior to this post was tue David Lynch movie and show… So it’s like a Hooters type restaurant. I mean I think the major issue here is he is cheater and you can’t trust him.
He obviously doesn’t respect you or your relationship. There is no excuse for cheating. You deserve 100% more than you’ve been given. I know this is an incredibly difficult time, especially being pregnant. You may feel overwhelmed, torn, and unsure of what the right decision is, not just for you but for your baby too. But I need to say this from a place of deep care: staying with someone who repeatedly cheats, lies, and disrespects you is not what love looks like. It’s betrayal dressed up as a relationship.
Being pregnant doesn’t mean you have to stay in a broken situation. In fact, this is the very moment to choose what kind of life and what kind of example you want to give your child. Children don’t just learn from what we tell them; they absorb how we live. If you stay in a relationship where trust is shattered and pain is the norm, your child will grow up thinking that’s what love looks like. That it’s normal to be lied to, dismissed, or betrayed.
But it’s not.
You deserve peace. You deserve safety. And your child deserves to see you in a home where respect, honesty, and kindness are the foundation, not infidelity and confusion. Leaving isn’t failure. It’s strength. It’s choosing to protect yourself and the little life depending on you.
This isn’t just about walking away from someone who’s hurting you. It’s about walking toward a future that’s stable, loving, and whole. You don’t have to have all the answers today. Just take the first step. You are not alone, and you can build something better for both of you because you deserve more.
Why are you still with him if he’s a known cheater and you don’t trust him and he’s disrespected your boundaries.
If he can’t respect you while you’re pregnant with his child, when will he ever?
Oh girl 😭 the boundaries are not for him, they are for you. He knows actions have consequences, he prioritized a client over you, because he was afraid to lose the client, but didn’t have the same energy for you. If you just let it go, he will understand that the consequence for crossing a boundary of yours is just a fight and done. Being pregnant complicates that a little more because he will think that leaving him right now is not an option so disrespecting you doesn’t mean losing you. I’m sorry. Just think about what YOU want and what are the consequences for disrespecting you.
Burying the lede re: the cheating.
Honestly, controlling where he goes to eat is not a remedy/solution to anything. This is a sideshow to the main issue: You don’t trust him. And probably never really will again, given the long history.
Honestly, if there was already trust, it’s not *completely* unreasonable that as a salesperson if a client wants to go you do what it takes to make a sale. He could easily cheat going to Outback or even McDonalds. The women that work at places like Twin Peaks/Hooters aren’t whores or more prone to sleep with married men than anyone else, don’t fall into that thinking.
This does not bode well if you are expecting a child with this man.
What is wrong with the restaurant Twin Peaks? They’re not naked. If he’s just going to please a client and not going and hanging out with his friends there then what’s the big deal have you ever been in one? If he’s going to cheat, he’s gonna cheat him going to a restaurant isn’t gonna make him cheat.
Does your husband have enough game where he could pick up a server while he’s there on a client lunch?
If so, mad respect.
Sales people usually want to make the client happy, but telling a client that you don’t want to go to a bikini bar is definitely allowed
Twin Peaks is a Hooters-like “breastaurant”. That’s the reasoning she had the boundary.
Unfortunately, he was making a sale. It is his job.
Due to the history of cheating, I understand the boundary and restriction.
My advice is this:
He broke a boundary. You get to as well. Maybe he doesn’t like it when you go through his phone (given the getting caught cheating before), he can’t really argue against that right now (and check the incognito tabs too, if he’s dumb enough to leave any open).
So have a look. Hopefully he’s as innocent as you both would prefer him to be after therapy.
There’s some great responses in here. But I will say one thing. There is no “micro” cheating. He cheated. And not all people can come back from that. I understand that you are pregnant. So these decisions can not be taken lightly. But I encourage you to have a big conversation with him. If he does anything like this again, it might be better to think about other options before having the baby. I’m not trying to say what to do. I’m just asking you to think very throughly. Once this baby is here, he/she is seeing everything. You have to think what is best for them too.
I mean it’s clear your relationship is doomed since he’s a liar and a cheater and you rightfully can’t even trust him to go to a restaurant with a client.
It was work plain and simple, but if you’re really worried about him staring or cheating with a server from Twin Peaks, then you don’t need to be in this relationship and I sure as hell would not have gotten pregnant by him
> long history of cheating
There’s the problem right there. You should have left after the 2nd or 3rd time.
You can’t control anyone but yourself. Once you start putting these kind of stipulations on being together, there’s really no point. Bc you’re always watching and waiting to be angry or hurt by something and he can’t even move freely at work without having to grovel to be back in your good graces. Lose-lose.
Either accept that he’s gonna cheat or dump his ass before you get early grays or stress issues. You knew he was a snake, so don’t complain (or pretend to be shocked) when bitten. Now you having a baby, so I feel for you but please be realistic.
I don’t know what a Twin Peaks is but I assume some kind of Hooters or similar. It’s true that in sales you have to take customers to places they like so they’re happy and more open to discuss business. That said, given your husband’s history with cheating, I would be paranoid if it was actually a business lunch or even if it was really the customer who suggested that place.
Anyway, once a cheater always a cheater. Run.
I thought Twin Peaks was the issue(which I get being insecure about, but it’s really not exciting) buy cheating seems like the actual issue. I don’t know how people can get past that.
While I think it’s good to be suspicious after what happened in the past, i think taking a client there is fine. He didn’t go alone or with his buddies for a good time. He could have lied to you but didn’t. That at least is good.
Wth is a micro cheater?
It’s true that part of sales is making the client feel liked and accepted, which might mean enthusiastically going along with their choice of restaurant. But it’s just as likely that your serially inappropriate husband has given this client a reason to believe that restaurant would be a good suggestion, and that’s the kind of constant but deniable misbehavior you’ve signed up for trying to police by insisting on being with someone who engages in it.
microcheating? I think you need to loosen up. He’s either going to be with you or he’s not, you controlling him like a dog isn’t going to change him, if anything it would drive a normal man TO cheat. Just tell him to do whatever he wants, but if he puts his penis in another living creature, you’re going to take his kid and half his shit.
I’ll say mostly true – probably won’t lose the client but would be a negative. I have been in similar situations
“Am I justified in being upset with him?”
No.
“For context, he has a long history of cheating/ micro cheating that we went through therapy for.”
It’s ridiculous that he’s cheated on you, but your concern is that he goes to a restaurant with girls in skimpy outfits. SMH
Sales professional here.
When a client suggest something, you can try making alternate suggestions a few times, but ultimately if they insist, you do what the client wants.