My parents both have Jo names. And when my older siblings were born they gave all of them Jo names too. So each member of my family is Jo something. Josephine, Joseph, Josalyn, etc. I (16m) was born 8 years after my next youngest sibling and I was given a C name. So I’m the only person who doesn’t have Jo in my name.
While in some ways it’s less confusing, it hurts because my family often get called The Jo’s as a nickname and sign cards from everyone like that, it excludes me. They never use the Doe Family. It’s always The Jo’s. And more often than not people either forget I’m a member of the family or act weird when my name is so different. I have a not so close relationship with my family too.
It doesn’t help that my parents proudly tell people they gave all their kids Jo names. Except they didn’t with me. Or my siblings will say the whole family are Jo something and again not true. My parents even talk about how important it was for them to keep it going.
When I asked how I got my name they said it was just one they heard and decided to use and there was no reason for it. They didn’t even give it any real thought. They’re not embarrassed to say it either. Yet they talk about agonizing over my siblings names.
We went on vacation with the whole family and the ILs of my oldest brother and sister. And all the social media posts were like vacationing with “The Jo’s” and I was actually left out of lots of photos where that was focused on. And some of the kids in their ILs families thought I was a cousin or a foster kid or something.
It made me withdraw for the rest of the vacation and when we got home my parents didn’t notice. And they posted the photos that excluded me without a second thought and used the nickname for their posts.
A week after we got back my parents asked me if I had any photos they hadn’t posted yet and I said no. They said they wanted to keep them all in the Jo albums. I saw it as an opening to bring up the hurt I feel but my parents got annoyed at me. They told me to quit being dramatic and I’m family so what the hell does it matter. They said I was oversensitive and they wouldn’t apologize for not pandering to my emotions. They complained to my siblings and when I saw them all last weekend and they were all like way to throw a pity party or make it about yourself.
AITA?
Comments
NTA. At first I thought this was going to be a NAH because it’s not the end of the world that your parents named you something off theme. Referring to the family as “The Jos” should have stopped the day you were born and actively posting family photos without you in them is beyond rude! I’m so sorry.
If there is a group chat or album called “The Jo’s,” change it to “The Jo’s-C.” (Like Josie) If they say something negative about it, tell them to “stop being pussycats.”
NTA.
Your feelings are real and the fact that your family refuses to validate your experience in any way suggests that, as you suspect, they don’t care about you on a fundamental level.
This is a classic example of “it doesn’t bother us, why should it bother you?”, which just reinforces their lack of empathy for you and your feelings.
What can you do about it? Maybe not much, these habits are long ingrained and nobody seems minded to change or even acknowledge there’s a problem.
They’ve assigned a role to you and I wonder how deep it goes. Are you the general scapegoat of the family or the butt of all the jokes? If so, maybe there is a narcissistic streak there.
Either way, stay strong. Maybe you’ll be able to free yourself of this low level abuse one day.
There’s definitely more to this story. Not adhering to the all important family tradition for specifically you, plus the age gap between you and your siblings makes me think there’s something fishy here. Not trying to be insensitive, but are you by any chance adopted/a half sibling? If not, maybe just they just have some resentment at you for being a surprise baby (I’m assuming you were a surprise based on age difference)
Regardless, that seems like an isolating and difficult experience. You deserve to be made to feel like part of the family, and I can 100% understand why you’re feeling hurt. I hope you’re able to gain come clarity on why they’re acting this way.
I hate to say it and to start so negatively, but are you positive that you are biologically their child?
Unfortunately, you may not be able to change your parents. Do you have a sympathetic family member you could go stay with? Otherwise, plan for the future and your 18th birthday. Get a job and save every penny. Collect copies of important documents. Study hard at school. Get therapy to address the neglect. You may need to take space from your family as you build your own life and heal.
Go out and look for your “found” family. Sometimes family is not about the people who raised you, but the friends you find along the way who will treat you and love you like family. Found families are sometimes better than the ones you were raised with. Good luck.
So you become Jo C
NTA. That’s a valid reaction and you’re not being oversensitive. I’d feel the same way.
They had the option to give you a Jo name at birth, but they didn’t- so the Jo family nickname didn’t work after that. They’re being rude by excluding you and not realizing they are causing hurt, especially after you brought it up. I’m sorry OP.
Updateme!
Sorry to say this, but I would be questioning my parentage. Do you look like the rest of your family?
Is it possible you were adopted or the product of an affair?
I feel this my younger and older brothers have a joke about being number one son and without fail my dad will point at me and say “you don’t even make 3rd”
The man literally ruined my life then neglected me after I moved countries and he was my only family around the area
NTA
Have you ever thought of changing your name to Joe then when they ask why you can say now your officially a jo
NTA and for your own mental and emotional wellbeing, start preparing to leave now. Save every penny you can, study hard, make an exit plan.
Edited to add: for once you’re 18
Have you got your birth certificate?
NTA. When you’re an adult, go low contact. Your entire family is trash. I’m sorry.
u/Master-Criticism-865 so sorry, you deserve better than that. Sending a virtual hug.
NTA But The Jo’s sure are! Every last one of them. I’m sorry.
I am sorry this happened to you. ((((Hugs))) This sad enough to be excluded, but you were dismissed. Your feelings matter.
Start telling people that you were named after your father, then change the subject or walk away.
Sounds like your family is a bit stunned in the head……you have to get over their ignorance because it only bothers you and they obviously don’t dive a dam.
I assume that you will be only to happy to get out of that toxic (only to you ) household.
Then you can get on with your life and tell the Jo’s where to Go.When people comment on the Jo’s you should say that your family has always hated you and so didn’t include you in the Jo thing and have ignored you most of your life .Which has been very hurtful but that just shows how little they CARE.THEY ARE THE ASSHOLES.
YOU SHOULD SHOW THEM SOME OF THE COMMENTS…SEE what reaction you get from them “JO” weirdos.🤣🤣🤣🤣
NTA, though your family sure are.
Reading this made me so sad for you, so I am just going to tell you that what they are doing is entirely unfair, but it is NOT your fault. Disengage and get by until you can move out and then never look back.
The only solution is in 2 years when you turn 18, legally change your name to a Jo.
NTA. I’d start telling people that I wasn’t really my dad’s and that’s why they named me differently and exclude me. No point in you being the only one who’s uncomfortable.
Any chance your name is Cujo?