I think I need to break up with my boyfriend but I’m scared and pregnant and don’t know what to do

r/

Hi I’m dash (18 F) and I need help figuring out what to do in my relationship with my boyfriend (18M) I guess this could also be considered general life advice help but Im not sure what to do, me and my boyfriend have been together about a year and recently I found out I was 16 weeks pregnant with his baby, when I came into this relationship we both agreed that we wouldn’t want kids he told me that he wouldn’t be helping me or talking to me ever again if I did keep the baby; he did say he’d help pay for an abortion which I would need I do not make enough money to pay for it on my own but he wants me to move in with him because he thinks my mom is mooching off of me because I help pay the rent, he says “that’s straight up just her taking all your money to live and your never going to be able to save if you stay in that house I promise you your mom is going to take all of your money and your going to be stuck there forever until you guys end up homeless without anything again just because your mom couldn’t get up and get a job of her own” I want to state that my mom is filing for social security and has been trying to get it for like 16 years, my boyfriend is saying she will never get it and we will never go anywhere, which I know is probably true she’s gotten so many denial letters but Id like to have some kind of optimism. He wants me to live with him, so I can get whatever Job I want there and I would never have to spend a penny on rent ever, but I don’t like his family I have only heard bad stories about them from him and now he’s just like “that’s the past they changed now” it’s been like 2 months I just don’t know, not to mention the city he lives in is a place I said id never move back to it was a promise I made to myself because that place feels like actual hell to me because I went through a lot there. He’s very annoyed I can’t look past it but I’m pretty sure I’m dealing with something untreated and I don’t want to be triggered back into the headspace I used to live in everyday I was there curled up on a couch by myself. He knows the whole story he just wants me to look past my bias. Also if I moved there I’d no longer have a ride anywhere until he saves for a car and there’s been some recently noticed issue with my kidneys I just don’t know if living there would be healthy I don’t really tend to care about my well being and I definitely don’t care if I go to doctors I feel like if I went to live there I would be spending all my time sleeping/ “sleeping” or working because my boyfriend doesn’t pay too much attention to my mental state just kinda gets annoyed when I’m depressed for too long because that means the room is staring to get messy and he just doesn’t know how to help when I’m depressed he just wants me to get over it but he gets depressed all the time and when he’s depressed it turns into him not even making eye contact with anything but screens all day because he just can’t handle anything else at the time I guess? Also when he was living here with me he hurt my dog Lou she’s just a little poodle mix but it was whenever she did anything he didn’t like but especially if she touched any of his things one time he kicked her right in her jaw because she nibbled on the ear of one of his stuffed animals he left on the floor. he lived here for a whole year and couldn’t get a job hardly even tried even and would have me buy him steak and stuff all the time and if I forgot it he’d get an attitude for a whole day but my mom is mooching off me ? And I brought up the fact that I didn’t want to live with him is because his family don’t have a good history with animals because like they had a dog that was so neglected if wasn’t even potty trained not to mention they think beating dogs is the only way they’ll truly learn but it just turned that dog into a scared dog, my lou is even scared of feet now 😭 she didn’t deserve that and I don’t think I should put her in that environment but he doesn’t seem to understand. I also said I wouldn’t want to move there because I would more than likely be disowned if I did because he said some very hateful things to my family and I feel if I move in with him I’d be cutting contact with my mom and I don’t have any friends at all for real where I live now or there for that matter if he hurt my lou again I’d just have to take a walk and go back and hold he doesn’t do it again or get rid of her and I love her very much I couldn’t just do that…. So my big question is should I stay or should I go now ?

Comments

  1. BaldBear_13 Avatar

    Make him pay for abortion, and take you to all the appointments. Hold back the criticism until he does. But do not move in with him, say you want to handle one things at time.

    Then wait a month and break up.

  2. Far_Speech_8892 Avatar

    Dash, your safety and well being come first. If living with him feels wrong trust that feeling. Get support from someone you trust don’t have to do this alone

  3. gipsee_reaper Avatar

    Get an abortion. Learn from the mistake. Move on in life.

    You not prepared to hand the role of motherhood. ( with regard to the emotional + financial involvement )

    Having children in todays world is a life long liability of rising expenses and with no payback.

  4. MiserablePumpkin2297 Avatar

    Sounds like you know what to do. Allow him to pay for an abortion, ghost him. Document anything troubling he and his family had done and does in the future to support a RO if needed.

  5. craftlover221b Avatar

    Make him pay for the abortion, wait until you’re a bit better physically and then dump him. The situation with your mom is not ideal but he’s probably worse

  6. Long_Question_6615 Avatar

    Make sure you take care and of yourself

  7. Grouchy-Equipment-89 Avatar

    If I were you, I would get an abortion. I would break up with him after getting the money and putting it in a safe place. He should be taking you to any appointments. It sounds like he wants to live off your income. You deserve better. Don’t move in with him and get birth control. I doubt that your mother will get social security; it sounds like she doesn’t want to work. If you make enough money, you may be better off finding a place to rent a room and/or going to college or trade school to secure your future. Good luck.

  8. Hypno_psych Avatar

    I don’t know where in the world you are, but there are resources available to you. You definitely have options.

    Deal with the pressing issue at hand – which is figuring out if you want to abort or not. It sounds to me like you’re pretty clear that you don’t want to reproduce right now, but it’s important that you make a choice.

    Would your mom come along with you to the appointment? Do you have anyone who would be there?