Our daughter is 10 and has ADHD. We let my BIL (34M) watch her because he got laid off a few weeks ago and has a lot of free time this summer.
So a few minutes after I came home from work (an hour ago as of writing thi, I found his gun on the table. He had left right when I walked in the door and said bye so he didn’t stay for a chit chat. I even checked and it was loaded. I have it up in a drawer right now because I don’t want my 15 yo teen son finding it when he gets home from friends either.
So I just called up my BIL and told him he can’t watch our daughter anymore. He started screaming into his phone at me and swearing at me, saying it was an accident. However it wasn’t just leaving it there that made me angry, it was the fact he had a gun in the first place. We live in a safe neighborhood and there is no need for one.
Comments
NTA
That accident could have become a F’ing tragedy. Hell no, you are NTA!
NTA
Your BIL put your child in an incredibly dangerous situation. Keep her away from him and his house. His recklessness could have easily killed your daughter. You are not overreacting.
Just give it a few years, she’ll no doubt learn about guns herself in high school.
In the meantime keep your psycho brother in law away from her.
NTA, accidents and other incidents with firearms are a leading cause of death in USA kids. You’d be T A if you ever left a child alone with him, and I’d be super careful visiting his property because who knows if he has anything properly stored. Depending on your state you could potentially call your non-emergency police line and ask about laws related to just leaving things out like that, or giving them the item and making BIL go through them to retrieve it. The fact that BIL is getting mad at you for being upset is super concerning!
NTA, he is not a safe person to be around your kids
NTA. Not only is this man an irresponsible gun owner, he is prone to tantrums. He’s not safe to be around children. Or anyone.
NTA – Leaving aside the biggest issue of the gun being left loaded and unattended within the reach of a child, what on earth was he doing while babysitting that would cause him to take out his loaded gun in the first place?
This is the stupidest question ever. Of course you’re not an asshole for protecting your child
NTA- as a proud gun owner with multiple firearms I can without doubt say this was absolute STUPIDITY on your BIL’s part! Does he not know that it only takes eight pounds of pressure to pull the trigger? Any kid could do it! Let him say the safety iwason? ADHD makes people fidget with things so the safety could be off in seconds. Remember the childproof lighters in the 90’s? Seems like only kids could light them! Depression runs high in adolescent boys. Bad day could have become worse! I know. I lived thru every parents worse nightmare when the phone call came in. I might have not birthed him but he was my son in every damn way that mattered!! Off topic..ahyhoo…the point is you DO NOT leave a loaded firearm where there are kids around! They make safes specifically for that reason! We have four! Tell your BIL he’s lucky his stupidity didn’t cost you a child and him his freedom! When he realizes that and apologizes then MAYBE you’ll let him back around your kids..with SUPERVISION! Till then he can piss off a cliff with strong winds! I’m also a mom of four and a Grammy of nine!
Edited for grammar
NTA in no circumstances should a loaded gun be within reach of a child, no matter the age, without adult supervision like if they’re going hunting or something. His reaction when you tried to talk to him about it was also asinine. He wouldn’t be allowed around my kids at all after that.
NTA. BIL depending on where you live may have violated gun laws. Keep him away from your family. He’s not safe.
NTA: Guns don’t kill people, idiots with guns kill people. And this guy is an idiot.
NTA
Yes, it was an accident. Which is why you are only banning him from the watching your daughter.
If it had been an intentional act, you would be sending the police to arrest him for multiple serious crimes, such as child abuse, felony child endangerment, criminal negligence, and/or attempted assault/homicide. But you know it wasn’t intentional which is why you are simply not allowing him to watch your kids since he has proven he is to careless and reckless with his firearms to be trusted with your children.
Your response is completely reasonable.
YTA…
the joke goes, you gun proof a child, because anyone who has child proofed a house knows it never works, they still manage to find a way in…
Also, you’re taking a learning moment and wasting it. Finally expect your sister or BIL to explain either you pay for childcare (it is a paid occupation) or find a new sitter.
Because you’re batching about a favor someone’s doing for you, for free…
Sure EHS, but YTA
I had to read it twice to understand what happened in OPs house. So he came over to your house to watch your daughter, and brought his gun, in order to: clean it? Admire it? Is it an emotional support firearm? Why did he bring his gun? And then he took it out, did, whatever, with it, and then just left it sitting out on your table when he left? JFC, NTA.
NTA. He’s not fit to care for children.
Fuck no. I have nothing against guns, though I am not a big 2nd amendment kind of guy. That kind of inattention to the most basic forms of gun safety is a deal breaker for me, no 2nd thoughts required.
If you want to really piss off your BIL, call the police & tell them he left a loaded gun where kids can reach it, and you want them to come collect the gun.
NTA
How are you even questioning this? Your BIL left a loaded gun around a 10 yr old and then started raging at you when you confronted him?! That’s batshit crazy. I wouldn’t let him around either!
Here’s the thing- yes, accidents happen ( although I’m not sure this falls into the accident category) and it’s how we react to those accidents or mistakes that shows who we are. He showed he’s an angry man who keeps loaded weapons around kids… hard pass.
What does his brother, your hubby think?
This is horrible! No never again.
Tell me you’re American without telling me lol. Definitely NTA. My wife doesn’t even like that I have hunting rifles in a safe in our home. If I left a loaded gun on the table she would call the cops, take the kids, leave, and divorce me and I wouldnt even blame her.
While it is his right to own a gun. It is also your right to have your children watched by who you want and by what criteria you choose.
As for your “we live in a safe neighborhood.” Some years ago there was an insane incident in what everyone thought was a “safe neighborhood.”
Two men broke into a cabin that was in a gated community. It was during Christmas and it was assumed no body was at this cabin. There had never been any kind of crime in this area. It was always very quiet and even more so because of the time of year.
Here is the story
https://www.kpcw.org/summit-county/2023-08-29/man-on-death-row-for-1990-oakley-cabin-murders-files-fifth-appeal?_amp=true
So just because you think your neighborhood is safe doesn’t mean it will always be safe. Like I said, it’s your BIL’s right to own a gun and it’s your right to not let someone as irresponsible as he is to watch your kids. With rights comes responsibility.
This is messed up on many levels. No fkn way I would ever let this douche near kids again. Your husband and in-laws should get involved immediately
Nta nta nta Jesus fucking Christ, what is wrong with people
Well.. being upset that he had a gun in the first place is a little much. He can own a gun. It doesn’t matter if it is a “safe” place. That said he is not acting as a responsible gun owner and needs to have his gun on him at all times or appropriately secured particularly around kids.
NAH for protecting your kid. He is the AH for screaming at you and acting entitled.
NTA… BIL is a danger to himself and others.
You would be negligent to have him in your house again.
It only takes one “accident” to ruin a family’s life.
That’s actually something that he could be arrested and charged for doing. Leaving a loaded gun where minors can reach is serious business.
Kids get killed this way every day. Your BIL is clueless!
NTA. Who cares what he thinks. Obviously he’s a fucking moron 🤯 keep all your kids away from that 🤡
There’s always a need for self protection. No where is absolutely safe. It’s his right to have a gun. It was however very irresponsible to leave it on a table where a child could reach it. I wouldn’t ban him, just the gun since he can’t be responsible with it. Also, please for the love of god teach your kids about gun safety!! All kids should be taught not to touch a gun without an adult present and how to handle one if need be.
I think you should unload it until you get it back to him.
NTA…what your spouse say about it? (Don’t wanna assume)
Don’t let him come in your house with a weapon. Weapons and kids don’t mix, and he is obviously NOT serious enough about the potential consequences.
NTA IN ANY WAY, SHAPE OR FORM!! I would have gone ballistic! So irresponsible!
He’s allowed to have a gun, no need to be upset he wanted to own one. You’re neighborhood being safe doesn’t matter. BUT he shouldn’t own a gun at all if he doesn’t know the first thing about gun safety. Leaving a gun on the table in reach of children is gross and dangerous. You should really make sure to not allow you children around his house anymore until he learns proper gun etiquette
Your neighborhood has nothing to do with whether someone needs a gun or not. Nice neighborhoods get robbed all the time.
Your brother should NOT own or handle a firearm until he learns how to handle and store it safely.
You are absolutely NTA!
Your brother is a huge AH for endangering your children with his careless handling of his gun.
Another responsible gun owner.
WtF are you even asking this question for 1 plus – BIL with a daughter- sorry, no anyway. and if he protests too loudly even more suspect
I would not have called him – just wouldn’t allow him to watch the kids or bring a gun into the house again
What? He brought a loaded gun to your house and left it on the table? What?
I have known several kids that age in the school district I work in that have gotten curious and accidentally shot themselves. Some resulting In Physical disabilities and some in brain injuries that will leave them completely unable to function on their own. And some with PTSD. And of course, children die frequently from firearms. It is a serious hazard to leave a gun out where a child has access to it.
Of course it was an accident. That’s the problem. When you’re carrying a loaded firearm, you can’t have accidents, forgetful moments, or careless mistakes. He could have left it locked in his car, or at home. He could have kept it on his person at all times. Or he could have laid it down as casually as if it was his phone, and even forgotten to take it home. Anyone dumb enough for that last move isn’t safe with your kids. NTA
How long until he can get it?
If it will be more than 15 minutes, call the local PD and say your brother left it behind. You don’t feel safe with it in your home. Please come get it.
However, get a receipt, including the serial number and the officer’s name/badge number.
Let him pick it up at the station.
NTA
I don’t think the owning a gun is bad, but HIM owning one apparently is because he isn’t safe with it.
Youre the worst. How dare you want to protect your kid against stupidity. /s
Not at all! My husband was in the hospital for pretty serious situation he’s out now. While he was in there one day I completely lost it outside and was crying and this wonderful lady came up and just hugged me and told me it would be okay. Few hours later I saw her again it was like thank you again and I said why why are you here cuz I had seen her a couple of times and she said my 16 year old son was at a friend’s house and the dad had his friends over will this Dad’s friend left a loaded gun on the table and the two 16 year old boys started playing with it not knowing it was loaded. Her son shot himself in the face he is so lucky to be alive today. The dad and his friends all went to jail
In what world would you be the asshole? Jesus.
As a non-American and not knowing your laws, shouldn’t that be reported to someone? Gun turned in somewhere?
NTA, but never let her go in that house ever again, or YBTA.
What sort of idiot brings a loaded gun to look after a child? He is unhinged.
I would call the police and have them pick up the gun.
NTA
OMG! I come from a multi generational family of gun owners (including myself), and this is the most irresponsible thing I have ever read.
No. Just absolutely no. I would never let him in my house again, much less babysit. Holy crap!
I’m grateful your children are safe and a tragedy didn’t happen because of your idiot BIL.
He is negligent. Him saying it was an accident diminishes what he neglected.
As someone who owns multiple guns, NTA. It doesn’t matter what kind of area you live in, he was not a responsible gun owner. Even if you did live in a shady part of town that would not be acceptable.
Not only are you NTA, he should be lucky you don’t report him. Depending on what state you’re in, that may well be a crime under safe storage laws.
My grandmother lost a sister to a gun accident when they were children. I didnt even have to read your story to know you’re NTA
That kind of accident is just not acceptable.
NTA. That was no “accident”, it was reckless endangerment.