Previously good neighbor relationship. Next door neighbor on left of us is 75, had hip replacement two years ago. I’ve helped him off the ground twice now after he has fallen in his own yard. Neighbor on right was renter, moved out a month ago. Landlord is out of state, has not been back to see the house since they moved out. I came home to see elderly neighbor was struggling to cut the foot-high grass at the renters house, and had “trimmed” our grass along the sides of our house and sidewalk down to the soil with a weed whacker. I approached nicely, advised I was worried because it is 90 degrees and I did not want him to fall or get overheated. He said he was fine. I then overstepped my bounds and asked if he had permission to cut the renters lawn. He said no. Then I really opened my mouth and advised if he starts cutting the landlord’s property for free, they will come to expect it all year. I received a glare. I told him thank you for trying to help, I know he means well, but please ask permission before doing work on other peoples properties. We take a lot of pride in our yard and enjoy doing it ourselves. Elderly neighbor told me he does not want our neighborhood going downhill, he will cut it if he wants to, and walked back into his house.
I know I said too much. I hurt his pride. Grass will grow back – I am more afraid of him falling and breaking another hip!
Was there a better way I should have handled this?
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Previously good neighbor relationship. Next door neighbor on left of us is 75, had hip replacement two years ago. I’ve helped him off the ground twice now after he has fallen in his own yard. Neighbor on right was renter, moved out a month ago. Landlord is out of state, has not been back to see the house since they moved out. I came home to see elderly neighbor was struggling to cut the foot-high grass at the renters house, and had “trimmed” our grass along the sides of our house and sidewalk down to the soil with a weed whacker. I approached nicely, advised I was worried because it is 90 degrees and I did not want him to fall or get overheated. He said he was fine. I then overstepped my bounds and asked if he had permission to cut the renters lawn. He said no. Then I really opened my mouth and advised if he starts cutting the landlord’s property for free, they will come to expect it all year. I received a glare. I told him thank you for trying to help, I know he means well, but please ask permission before doing work on other peoples properties. We take a lot of pride in our yard and enjoy doing it ourselves. Elderly neighbor told me he does not want our neighborhood going downhill, he will cut it if he wants to, and walked back into his house.
I know I said too much. I hurt his pride. Grass will grow back – I am more afraid of him falling and breaking another hip!
Was there a better way I should have handled this?
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> I overstepped my bounds, said harsh words to my neighbor. That might make me an asshole because saying nothing might have been better.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA
> had “trimmed” our grass along the sides of our house and sidewalk down to the soil with a weed whacker.
I would have reminded him to stay off your property, too.
NTA. Does he have children that you can talk to? That may help remedy the situation.
If you were asking him not to cut your grass or giving him a genuine warning that he might get in trouble for trespassing on someone else’s property? N. T. A.
Even sincerely telling him that you are worried about him and that’s why you are concerned about him doing this potentially dangerous activity? N. T. A., even if he disagrees with your assessment of the danger and decides to keep doing it.
But instead, you were condescending: instead of honestly telling him your real concerns, you (rather transparently) came up with excuses for why he shouldn’t take care of a lawn that he considered unsightly. I mean really, claiming he shouldn’t mow the lawn because someone — at some point in the future — might start expecting him to continue?
You treated him like a doddering old fogey who isn’t capable of weighing the pros and cons of his actions. Instead of treating him like an adult who has the right to make his own decisions. YTA
If you really want to help him, be honest about your concerns and listen to his concerns in return…after all, if he’s doing this because he wants to exercise while doing something useful, then you could suggest other safer (yet still productive) activities. Or, if he is truly concerned about the neighborhood going downhill, you could help him contact the landlord/local code enforcement to try to get them to take care of it
Go back over with some cookies, and say your concern made you a bit harsh. Let him know your insurance agent told you a while ago that if someone is working on your property and they get injured or something gets damaged, you’re the one who has to make good in a claim, or potentially get sued. Let him know that the liability scares you, and you just can’t let either of you take that chance.
YTA for inserting yourself in the neighbors business. You know you should’ve only addressed your own yard and left everything else alone. Unless your next 🚪 neighbors asks who’s been cutting the grass, leave it alone.
Your intentions and concerns were good, but definitely poorly executed. Make some baked goods with an apology sticky note. Again, very valid concerns, but people who old age into disability don’t typically handle concerns well. I don’t think you’re an AH, but he does and that’s what matters.
YTA for focusing your comments on his age and health as a way to try to manipulate him into thinking you want him to respect your wishes about your property because you’re so concerned about him.
It’s your lawn. You should have stuck to requesting not to work in your yard without asking you. It’s a reasonable ask, and you didn’t have to imply that you see him as a frail old man who needs young people looking out for him in the process.
I would suggest reaching out to the landlord. Or just bypassing them and reaching out to your local code Inforcement.
Letting the landlord know their property needs to be kept up on. They may not care or just not be thinking about it.
If they give you or say something along the lines of not caring and will not be taking care of the property themselves, get in touch with your local code Inforcement and ask for an inspection. Without identifying your elderly neighbors, just say someone in the neighborhood was concerned and moved the lawn because they were noticing something moving around in it. You should let them know you are concerned about rodents as the home is empty and not being maintained. They will contact the landlord and give them a timeline to have the property brought up to code.
NTA. You didn’t yell at him, you were legitimately concerned, but his age doesn’t shield him from responsibility. There are lots of times in life when we have the best of intentions, but need reality checks. If we can’t accept it when politely offered, that’s on us. If he’s concerned about it, call your local code enforcement.
He needs to feel useful. It’s what keeps us alive. If you’re worried about him then you and the neighbors should be mowing your own lawn before it becomes a problem. You could also let him do other things. Like plant flowers or something.
Yes you are
If he wants to cut let him
It will make his muscles around his hip stronger
Caring about others is never misplaced.
As people age they can over estimate how difficult things can be.
And if you didn’t like he weedwhacked too low…OK . He was trying to ne neighborly.
I just feel you could have handled it a little differently.
So, not the AH in intent, but AH in delivery
He might be bored and that’s his way of having a purpose to get through the day, despite the scorching heat.
all you can do is get in touch with the proper owner of the building , explain about the building needs lawn care. or contact the city and they will fine the hell out of him until he gets the hint