i work at a marketing agency office. my coworker has been with the agency for 3 years, but only joined our current client account 3 months ago. we sit beside each other, and i was assigned to help train her.
i gave her a full month of support, including training videos, checklists, and real time guidance. even when i was doing work for a different client on half shifts, i still took the time to answer her questions. in hindsight, i feel like i ignored my own boundaries just to be helpful.
now that she’s been on the account for 3 months, she still asks questions that could be answered just by reading, checking past instructions, or thinking things through. we even have step by step lists easily accessible. it doesn’t feel like she’s trying to be independent. it feels like she’s overly reliant on me, and it’s mentally exhausting.
i eventually told our supervisor that i was having trouble focusing because of the constant interruptions. since then, her questions have lessened a bit, which has helped. but she still asks an average of 6 questions a day some of which would take a 5 minute demonstration.
ive been so stressed lately i’ve become emotionally distant and stopped making small talk. i only interact very briefly when necessary.
i raised my voice once because i was unwell and experiencing hyperventillation from stress. i said, “WAIT, I’M NOT FEELING WELL,” because i just couldn’t handle the overstimulation in that moment.
i feel a little guilty for being cold, but i also think i’ve done more than enough. i need space to do my own job properly and protect my peace.
AITA for pulling away and not being more friendly or patient anymore, or is it fair to set that boundary after months of helping someone who doesn’t seem to want to stand on her own?
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i work at a marketing agency office. my coworker has been with the agency for 3 years, but only joined our current client account 3 months ago. we sit beside each other, and i was assigned to help train her.
i gave her a full month of support, including training videos, checklists, and real time guidance. even when i was doing work for a different client on half shifts, i still took the time to answer her questions. in hindsight, i feel like i ignored my own boundaries just to be helpful.
now that she’s been on the account for 3 months, she still asks questions that could be answered just by reading, checking past instructions, or thinking things through. we even have step by step lists easily accessible. it doesn’t feel like she’s trying to be independent. it feels like she’s overly reliant on me, and it’s mentally exhausting.
i eventually told our supervisor that i was having trouble focusing because of the constant interruptions. since then, her questions have lessened a bit, which has helped. but she still asks an average of 6 questions a day some of which would take a 5 minute demonstration.
ive been so stressed lately i’ve become emotionally distant and stopped making small talk. i only interact very briefly when necessary.
i raised my voice once because i was unwell and experiencing hyperventillation from stress. i said, “WAIT, I’M NOT FEELING WELL,” because i just couldn’t handle the overstimulation in that moment.
i feel a little guilty for being cold, but i also think i’ve done more than enough. i need space to do my own job properly and protect my peace.
AITA for pulling away and not being more friendly or patient anymore, or is it fair to set that boundary after months of helping someone who doesn’t seem to want to stand on her own?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1 raising my voice and being cold by not talking or keeping answers brief
2 as someone who
has been working longer than her i should be more patient
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
INFO: is it a part of your job to train her?
ESH
Her for not taking any independent initiative to learn her job.
You for not using your words. I can’t imagine she knows how this is affecting your workload if you just go silent. It’s not rude to say, “Sorry, I really need to focus on this; the reading material should have an answer for you.”
As an aside, hyperventilating and raising your voice because someone’s asked you a question seems a huge anxiety reaction. That sounds pretty awful to struggle with. Maybe consider a visit to your healthcare professional?
It can be far simpler than you’re making it out to be. All you need to do so say Sorry, I’m very busy with another account, but nearly all your questions can be answered by looking at/ reading [X]. You actually don’t need me for that.
Just be calm and straightforward. There’s no reason you need to be cold or get overly stressed. What’s important is your behavior — not helping her — not so much your attitude toward her. She’ll have to either start asking other people or figuring things out for herself, but she won’t be bothering you anymore if it doesn’t get her anywhere.
Next time she asks you a question you’ve already answered ask her what she thinks the answer is. And if she says she doesn’t know, nicely reminder of the resources she has at her disposal like the past instructions and step by step lists.
Edit I just read that you say you have done this before, but I would nicy try again and make sure you don’t answer her question, simply direct her to the resources and go about your day. If she asks again you tell her again to check the resources and go aboit your day. If you have made her look up her the same answers many times and she hasn’t gotten it then time to talk to management again. If she’s really not absorbing anything then she won’t last at the job but that’s not for you to deal with that’s management. Good luck!
Light ESH. I can understand your feelings and it’s totally fine to establish boundaries, but you went about things kinda rudely when a more measured approach would’ve gone a long way. She also sucks for not putting enough effort into her work and taking on more things herself, though asking questions when you are still reasonably new in comparison is fine also.
Perhaps invite her for a coffee sometime and have an open chat about things outside of the office environment. Clear communcaition can solve many things and hey you may even find common ground 🙂
Hyperventilating in a marketing agency? Sounds like you’re bringing in at least a subset of the problems yourself, no?
Answer the question with a brief, “Check the instruction email or see video for xxx.”
NTA. You reached your limit and your coworker sounds like she’s not grasping the details needed to do her job competently.
I’m going through this with my boss and I figure it’s best to pull away/be distant so that it shows that you’ve reached your limit, especially if you’ve notified higher ups that they’re not doing their job as well as expected.
ESH in a mild, you were rude at the buffet line way.
Helping coworkers as they onboard/learn is expected of course. Going to a coworker constantly, not learning, and distracting is not, and not okay.
3 months is not a long time to grasp a job. They may want assurance or to double check- and feel nervous. Also, critical thinking and ability to learn/find out for yourself is a rare skill.
Can you speak to your manager and suggest reducing your workload a bit so you have some coaching time?
YTA because of your snipiness. Take a deep breath and exhale. The next time she asks a question that can be found in documentation. Simply tell her where the documentation is, to read it and “then” come to you with any questions. And be nice about it. If you stay nice it will relieve your stress.
Stop feeling guilty for putting yourself first. You are NTA.