I(37) am close friends with ‘Jeff’(38) and ‘Carl’(37) Jeff has two sons ‘Andy’(17) and ‘Matt’(7). They are like nephews to me and Carl.
Unfortunately, Jeff got food poisoning the night before Andy’s birthday. So Carl and I took him and Matt to a farm.
They have this area where you can pay to feed horses carrots. I bought a cup and was about to let both Andy and Matt start feeding the horses when Carl said Matt might accidentally get bitten. The farm does have a sign saying they aren’t responsible if the horses bite or spit on you. So it probably has happened or the people working there think it could happen. Carl said it would be better not to let Matt get too close to them, since he isn’t a particularly careful boy. I figured he was right.
So only Andy got to feed the horses. When Matt told Jeff about this, he got upset and said we over worried, and that Matt would have had a better day if we just let him take part in the activity.
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I(37) am close friends with ‘Jeff’(38) and ‘Carl’(37) Jeff has two sons ‘Andy’(17) and ‘Matt’(7). They are like nephews to me and Carl.
Unfortunately, Jeff got food poisoning the night before Andy’s birthday. So Carl and I took him and Matt to a farm.
They have this area where you can pay to feed horses carrots. I bought a cup and was about to let both Andy and Matt start feeding the horses when Carl said Matt might accidentally get bitten. The farm does have a sign saying they aren’t responsible if the horses bite or spit on you. He said it would be better not to let Matt get too close to them.
So only Andy got to feed the horses. When Matt told Jeff about this, he got upset and said we over worried, and that Matt would have had a better day if we just let him take part in the activity.
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> I might be an asshole since maybe I overworried and Matt would have had a more enjoyable day if I let him feed the horses.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA – horses can bite fingers clean off if you’re not careful, you were looking out for the kid’s safety. It probably would have been more fair to have neither kid feed the horses, but sometimes kids need to learn some activities aren’t safe until you’re old enough to understand the consequences. I think Jeff would be far more upset if Matt had gotten hurt, so you made the right choice.
NTA
You were being safe. It would’ve been better to teach them both how to safely hand feed horses as a 7yr old is more than capable of learning that you keep your hand flat. But I’d feel much worse if I had to call someone else and tell them that we’re at the hospital with their kid getting a finger amputated than if it was my own kid, both would suck but one would go much worse.
NAH I don’t think you meant any harm, just doing the best you could with the information you had.
Yeah you must be a real Dandy! A 17 yr old wanted to do what is meant for 7 yr olds and the 7 yr old had to watch. Geez
Jeff needs to shut it and focus on being grateful that you looked after his son for the day. Matt got to go to a farm. He’s seven, so the concept that there are certain things he can’t do is not foreign to him! I’m sure he had a great time.
I have spent a lot of time around horses. When I was Matt’s age, no one told me not to feed them so I did… And got bitten. It didn’t do me any harm, but it wasn’t pleasant.
The point is, this is one of those things that some adults let kids do and some don’t. There are good arguments for both sides. There’s no perfect answer. It’s one of those decisions that caregivers have to make based on their own comfort and a particular kid’s personality. But it’s fine. Matt will get to feed the horses at some point. This will not hurt him!
Tell Jeff that you didn’t feel comfortable with the level of risk and because you were Matt’s guardian for the day, you had to use your own judgment. Remind Jeff that Matt got to go to a farm and see the horses and that he seems perfectly happy! Don’t give it any more thought. Good luck.
NAH
You meant well and you were the adults in charge of the kid at the time. Jeff cannot micromanage choices like this when he gives the care of his kid to other people, but he doesn’t sound like an AH as such either.
I just hope y’all did not discuss this with Matt there.
NTA, I got bitten by a horse when I was feeding one as a kid, it was no big deal but I probably wouldn’t allow someone else’s child feed a horse now
NTA
You made a responsible adult decision.
If you didn’t let the older boy feed the horses it wouldn’t have been a good idea, as he would potentially resent his younger brother foe holding him back. He is not a baby , and does follow instructions. His agency over himself deserves respect for appropriate activities.
If the younger one can assert power over the older by the ‘it’s not fair’ whine, that is not a good path to go down.
They are two individuals at different stages of life and need to be treated as such. They are not the same person, they are different ages, they have different personalities and interests, and it’s up to the responsible adults in their lives to manage that.
It’s called ‘exerxising parental control’. Which you were doing as the parental stand in.
I feel you did well. Horses are a large animal and safety requires respect. If you aren’t count on able to do that, you aren’t ready to interact with them.
Maybe the younger will start to learn there are consequences. Little people are generally a lot smarter and more able than they are often given credit for. He needs to learn.
YTA a 7 yo is old enough to feed horses superviced at a petting farm. Ffs. A 2yo is old enough for that.
You listend to an older child who either wanted to be mean to his younger sibling or wanted to protect them, from something not dangerous at all.
NTA. I’m sure he’d have been more annoyed if his kid came home crying about being bitten.
My little sister got bitten by a horse at a zoo once, and she wasn’t even feeding it, just standing near it.
We did get free zoo passes out of it for the rest of that season, though, so silver linings and all that!
NTA for keeping the kid safe. As a horse owner, a place where random people can buy carrots to feed the horses sounds really dangerous. I don’t think all horses there have the manners of “normal” pet horses, who will be disciplined in case of biting. (And most horses don’t associate humans with carrots from the get go).
But a bit YTA for letting the older one feed them while the poor little kid has to watch. That’s really unfair. It was with good intentions but come on.
I’d rather err on the side of caution with kids, especially if they are not my own.
I probably would have let my 6yo feed the horses (with my help) but I’m rather comfortable around them since I rode myself for years. I wouldn’t have let her do it alone though. And if you and Carl are not comfortable with the situation and feel nervous about letting the 7yo feed the horses, that could have transfered to the horses, which could increase the probability for an accident as the animals might get more nervous too. So I totally get why you did what you did. NTA
NTA
You made your decision based on what Carl said. You can always take Matt back another day. As another poster said that 7 is old enough to learn how to hand feed a horse. His brother could have also spoke up and let him give the horse a carrot.
This reminds me of an incident hubs and I witnessed on a trip up the coast to California. We stopped at an emu and ostrich farm near Solvang. Around the pens for the animals they had the gumball type feeders so you can get feed for the birds. They also had hard plastic bowls to put the feed in. And they had a sign on each side of the machine stating to use the bowls because the birds may unintentionally bite. We suddenly hear a “OW! It bite me.” We turn and see a 30-something guy rubbing his palm. He puts more money in and gets more feed…into the palm of his hand. Doesn’t bother to use a bowl the second time and again, we hear “OW! It bit me again!” After watching the same bird peck the food from his hand.
So teach Matt now how to properly feed an animal…don’t wait till he’s 30-something and becomes oblivious to signs and learning from mistakes. 😁🤣
YTA
7 years old is old enough to learn how to safely interact with animals. If he got bit, that would be on him. As far as I know, horse bites are not like dog bites. He would definitely get a bruise, but that’s about it.
I’d also say the farm is an AH because they shouldn’t be letting people feed the animals without proper instructions.
YTA. So no professional or worker told you it wasn’t safe, just some guy decided a seven year old was going to act so crazy he couldn’t even feed a carrot to a horse? If you don’t know enough about horses to make this judgement, why not ask? My kid started riding at three. If a three year old can manage to not spook a horse a seven year old with no known deficits would have been fine.
It’s not an alligator he’ll be fine
Nta but next time, call dad
Horses in feeding-zoos that get fed by kids every day are no death machines, they dont just randomly bite off fingers. A 7 year old is able to listen how to feed them correctly and be careful. The sign has to be there for insurance reasons, but there wasnt even an employee warning you about a horse lol.
NTA, you’re just uneducated on horses and children.
Horses can take a finger off…. But they don’t spit, anyone that has one knows this, and a offering farm wouldn’t have a sign about horses spitting. They’d be more worried about a kid being kicked, stepped on our knocked over if they slung their head around to shake off a fly. It’s why you don’t see so much much as a mini in a walk through pressing zoo. so I’m on the fence if this is real or not.
But if you are knowledgeable as you think you are, you could have shown the kiddo how to feed safely with a flat hand, with your hand underneath it for support
ETA
You for being ridiculously cautious (with good intentions though I‘m sure) instead of showing him how to do it safely. And in addition to that: letting the older brother feed the horse. That’s just mean to the kid. Especially since the risk for being bitten is pretty much the same for both, it’s a matter of how you feed it, not the size of the hand. And while a 17 yo might be better at following directions you could have assisted the younger kid. Also there would have been the middle way of helping him feed the horse or ask a staff member if there was someone around.
He is for micromanaging your choices which you made with the best intentions possible while taking care of his kids. AH move to make you feel bad about it.
Wow a true piece of work you are. Letting one kid feed the horses why the other has to stand there and watch. Wonder do you wrap him in bubble wrap before he goes out to play. Because he could get hurt.
YTA. Flat open hand. No yelling or excitement, stay calm. The only way you get bit is if you’re antagonizing them or using your fingers to give the carrot. You left him out of an experience because of a simple warning sign at a farm. If the horse wants attention, they will come to you. And you took a 17 year old to a farm to feed horses on his birthday? That’s a questionable decision. Was that his choice? Or did you just decide to do that?
I see both sides. A 7 year old is old enough to understand directions on how to feed a horse. But I also understand that no one wants to make the phone call having to tell a parent that a child’s finger got bitten off while feeding a horse… catch 22…
Yta you don’t do a group activity and then only let one child participate. Either everyone got to do it or no one does, or adults do it but kids don’t. You owe that kid an apology and something to make it up to him