I (26F) am friends with someone I met in college who I’ll call Jenny (23F). They were originally friends with one of my roommates and just hung around enough that she eventually became a part of the group. Our whole friend group has graduated so we haven’t had time to hang out like we used to. We still message each other all the time but only see each other in person a few times a year.
Jenny has always dreamed of being a published author and has been working really hard to get her first book published. I don’t exactly know how one goes about getting their book published, but from what I understand from Jenny, she has sent it to a lot of agencies/places and no one has picked it up yet.
She got tired of waiting and decided to self publish a few copies and go to local bookstores and promote it on social media. She even had a book reading for a few of the chapters in her hometown that I went to. For context, she lives 3 hours away and I am currently in medical school and had to pull a lot of strings to make it to her book reading.
This is where the problem lies. Her book is a very dark, adult novel that focuses on the mystical world and is over 400 pages long. I personally enjoy reading more historical fiction and science fiction novels, but was going to read her book anyway because I’m so proud of all the work she’s put into it.
But during the book reading I got very uncomfortable with how graphic the novel was and I feel so bad for saying this, but I honestly just didn’t like it.
Afterwards she asked me what I thought and I said it was fantastic and even had her sign a copy of the book I bought.
I tried reading it again when I got home but only made it about 50 pages in before I couldn’t read anymore. I feel so bad about not reading it but I have so many exams coming up and I really need to focus on them.
She keeps asking me if I’ve finished the book yet but I keep telling her I have exams and will finish once I’m done.
She got really mad at me and said I wasn’t being supportive and was putting school before her. I’m the first person in my family to ever go to college, let alone medical school, so I feel a lot of pressure to do well. I tried telling her that and that this is my career so I need to put it first right now and she hasn’t returned any of my messages since.
AITA?
Edit: I feel bad about not reading it so I’m going to try giving it another go after finals. I honestly don’t think I’ll like it the second time around but once exams are done I’ll have more free time to give it a chance.
Also after reading some of the comments, I’m going to be honest with her if she asks if I read it. I’ll just tell her that I’m really proud of her work but I don’t have much free time right now and it’s not the genre of book that I enjoy or am comfortable reading
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I (26F) am friends with someone I met in college who I’ll call Jenny (23F). They were originally friends with one of my roommates and just hung around enough that she eventually became a part of the group. Our whole friend group has graduated so we haven’t had time to hang out like we used to. We still message each other all the time but only see each other in person a few times a year.
Jenny has always dreamed of being a published author and has been working really hard to get her first book published. I don’t exactly know how one goes about getting their book published, but from what I understand from Jenny, she has sent it to a lot of agencies/places and no one has picked it up yet.
She got tired of waiting and decided to self publish a few copies and go to local bookstores and promote it on social media. She even had a book reading for a few of the chapters in her hometown that I went to. For context, she lives 3 hours away and I am currently in medical school and had to pull a lot of strings to make it to her book reading.
This is where the problem lies. Her book is a very dark, adult novel that focuses on the mystical world and is over 400 pages long. I personally enjoy reading more historical fiction and science fiction novels, but was going to read her book anyway because I’m so proud of all the work she’s put into it.
But during the book reading I got very uncomfortable with how graphic the novel was and I feel so bad for saying this, but I honestly just didn’t like it.
Afterwards she asked me what I thought and I said it was fantastic and even had her sign a copy of the book I bought.
I tried reading it again when I got home but only made it about 50 pages in before I couldn’t read anymore. I feel so bad about not reading it but I have so many exams coming up and I really need to focus on them.
She keeps asking me if I’ve finished the book yet but I keep telling her I have exams and will finish once I’m done.
She got really mad at me and said I wasn’t being supportive and was putting school before her. I’m the first person in my family to ever go to college, let alone medical school, so I feel a lot of pressure to do well. I tried telling her that and that this is my career so I need to put it first right now and she hasn’t returned any of my messages since.
AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I (26F) am friends with someone I met in college who I’ll call Jenny (23F). They were originally friends with my one of my roommates and just hung around enough that she eventually became a part of the group. Our whole friend group has graduated so we haven’t had time to hang out like we used to. We still message each other all the time but only see each other in person a few times a year.
Jenny has always dreamed of being a published author and has been working really hard to get her first book published. I don’t exactly know how one goes about getting their book published, but from what I understand from Jenny, she has sent it to a lot of agencies/places and no one has picked it up yet.
She got tired of waiting and decided to self publish a few copies and go to local bookstores and promote it on social media. She even had a book reading for a few of the chapters in her hometown that I went to. For context, she lives 3 hours away and I am currently in medical school and had to pull a lot of strings to make it to her book reading.
This is where the problem lies. Her book is a very dark, adult novel that focuses on the mystical world and is over 400 pages long. I personally enjoy reading more science fiction novels but was going to read her book anyway because I’m so proud of all the work she’s put into it.
But during the book reading I got very uncomfortable with how graphic the novel was and I feel so bad for saying this, but I honestly just didn’t like it.
Afterwards she asked me what I thought and I said it was fantastic and even had her sign a copy of the book I bought.
I tried reading it again when I got home but only made it about 50 pages in before I couldn’t read anymore. I feel so bad about not reading it but I have so many exams coming up and I really need to focus on them.
She keeps asking me if I’ve finished the book yet but I keep telling her I have exams and will finish once I’m done.
She got really mad at me and said I wasn’t being supportive and was putting school before her. I’m the first person in my family to ever go to college, let alone medical school, so I feel a lot of pressure to do well. I tried telling her that and that this is my career so I need to put it first right now and she hasn’t returned any of my messages since.
AITA?
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Your priority is school; it’s understandable. She seems to be overreacting a bit.
School will always come before friends. if she can’t understand you have EXAMS coming up, which you’re paying tens of thousands in tuition for, then she isn’t a friend. Sounds like someone who’s miserable and will drag you down. Any one in their right mind would get the hint, you’re busy. You’ll get to it, maybe.
YTA for telling her you will read the book, even though you know you won’t! You don’t have to tell her you don’t like her book, but you shouldv’told her you’re into another genre and way too busy to read her book.
The exams aren’t the issue. You said it’s too dark/graphic and makes you uncomfortable. That is a totally valid reason not to read something. Just be honest with her and tell her you’re not able to read it because of the graphic content. I’d hope she’ll understand that a book like that isn’t for everyone.
ESH because her priorities are screwed up, and you weren’t honest with her.
“She got really mad at me and said I wasn’t being supportive”.
You’ve attended her book reading, and attempted to read her book. That sounds supportive enough to me.
Continuing to badger you about finishing the book is a bit much!
NTA
NTA
Whether you actually read the book or not is irrelevant. You have already supported her by buying the book.
You are being a little too passive here too, you can tell her that the book isn’t your taste but you are excited to see her finally get a book into print and are happy for her.
You’re NTA for not reading it, but you are kind of the AH for lying.
My mom has written, and published I think maybe 3 or 4 books and I’ve never read any of them, and she knows it. But she is also very aware that they’re not my kind of genre.
NTA – I say this as a writer and a grad student. If you truly intend to finish her book then you will get to it but asking you to do it while you’re in school is unfair to you. Also? Just because she’s your friend doesn’t mean you’ll like her book. It would be good to read it if you can but 400 pages is a commitment, especially when you don’t like something and are studying. You’ve already bought the book and showed up to a reading which, trust me, is WAY more than most people do. And honestly if she’s self publishing because the publishers and agents don’t want it that isn’t necessarily a good sign. Her asking you if you have finished is unfair and puts a lot of pressure on you and I personally would just be happy for the support you’ve given so far
Eh, you need to rip bandaid off. You’re sort of TA for leading her on and telling her that you’ll read it, but so is she for pushing you into it after essentially being dismissed several times. The situation is still salvageable, though. Just pair the rejection with a compliment. Something like, “i’ve read the first couple of chapters, and the book is really well written! But I think the content is too dark for me to continue. I can’t get past such and such scene. You can definitely write some powerful descriptions!” or something like that. Just stop dragging it on. It’s obviously hurting both of you.
NTA !!!!!
Is she serious ?!! LOL
OP, how dare you put your studies, your future before Jenny ?!!! XD
I’m also an aspiring novelist but.. come on ! My best friend is a mom of a 2 years old, her life is a tornado. She asked me to send her my chapters as i’m writing them but i never pressure her into giving me her feedback.
Same thing with my sister who’s an aspiring novelist as well, we read each other’s novel but sometimes we just dont have time…
I guess Jenny really lacks confidence in her writing and gets a boost with reviews from people… it’s a little bit too bad that you told her you personnally her book is fantastic. You trapped yourself here by wanting to be nice. You could have told her that it’s a little bit too dark for your taste.
NTA
I’m a published author, and I mentor new authors. One of the things I tell people (over and over and over) is that they should not expect their family and friends to do more than cheer them on.
Some people don’t have time to read. Some simply don’t like to read. Even if the people in your life are readers, your writing may not be what they read. As a writer, you have to accept that not everyone is going to want to read your book (and they may not like it even if they do read it).
You bought this girl’s book. If she’s not happy with that, that’s on her.
NTA. Of course you put school before reading a novel. You reading it sooner won’t get her a publisher. (And frankly, neither will a 400-page self-published dark mystical erotica, but I digress.)
You’re NTA for not liking the book, either. I’ve been an editor for 20 years, worked with hundreds of authors, and read thousands of books. I didn’t like all of them. That’s okay! Not every book is for everyone. Understanding who your audience is is a big part of being a successful, traditionally published author. It sounds like Jenny doesn’t know her market and isn’t targeting fans of similar titles. That’s unfortunate, because relying on your friends and family to make a weird niche title successful is the worst and losingest strategy.
Your friend is feeling vulnerable because writing is inherently vulnerable and the odds of literary success (in the way people imagine it) are almost zero. But that’s not a you problem. Jenny wrote the book and it exists in the world and she should focus her efforts on selling copies to new, interested readers–not haranguing a friend with other responsibilities to put aside their life to give her some kind of validation.
Very light YTA for lying to your friend. “I prefer to read historical fiction and not dark fantasy, and that my stories be sprints and not marathons.” Practice it in the mirror several times before telling your friend.
However, the longer you lie to her about it, the harder it will be to unravel all of this and the more damage you’ll do the your relationship.
Her complaint that you are putting your education over reading her book blows my mind. Of course your education comes first. What is wrong with her?
I am a published author. While I love it when friends read my stories and like them, I never expect it from them. I have family who congratulate me on my work but openly refuse to read it because the subject matter is dark and disturbing. Most authors understand that their work is not for everyone.
She needs to get over herself.
NTA
J’ai écrit un roman, pas très long. Je n’ai pas encore réussi à le faire publier.
Une seule personne l’a lu, un ami. Mon compagnon a essayé, deux fois, avant de m’avouer qu’il n’était pas à l’aise. Il a trouvé ça trop cru (il y a des passages érotiques) et pour lui, il est compliqué d’avoir l’impression de rentrer dans l’intimité et le cerveau de la femme qu’il aime, et qu’il ne reconnaît pas dans ce qui apparaît en creux à la lecture.
J’ai essayé d’insister un peu mais il a fini par m’expliquer et, même si c’est dur à entendre, je comprends. Je voudrais qu’il soit mon premier fan, mais je comprends. Le plus compliqué est d’avoir l’impression que cet aspect-là de moi, l’écriture, n’existe pas pour lui. Donc, je comprends Jenny, mais il faut que tu arrives à lui expliquer le fait que tu n’as pas lu avec les bons arguments, pas en te cachant derrière des prétextes (manque de temps, fatigue…), parce que si tu es son ami tu lui dois la vérité.
Putting school before her? What a narcissistic thing to say! You should flunk to read this thing?
Nta ” I’ve tried to read your book and honestly it isn’t something I would normally read, this is extremely dark compared to what I actually enjoy reading but because you wrote it I tried to be supportive and get through it. You’re a great writer and I’m sure your book will be a hit with the targeted audience but unfortunately I’m not it. I’m also currently in medical school, this is my career on the line. I cannot afford to mess up and fail a course. I’m sorry reading your book is not my priority but I would never ask you to make something important to me a priority for you. Sorry you’re feeling hurt about this but I’m doing what I can for myself at this time.”
YTA for making a promise you couldn’t keep, but very gently.
You don’t have to love the book, and it’s a lesson for any kind of next time you might be asked to read someone’s book.
Can you at least skim over some of the gross parts and get a good idea of the story? Did at least one part stand out as well-written? You can let her know, “Hey, I tried it again because I love you and I want to support you. I’m proud of you, man. I really loved that part in Chapter 5 where Alyina and Charles rode their chariots like hell over the grid to save… the guy whose name starts with D! I can’t decide on how I pronounce the name – how do you pronounce it?”
But don’t be disingenuous. If you hated it thoroughly, just let her know you tried it again, and you’re so proud of her.
NTA you absolutely should put your own school before helping her ambitions.
I’ve had a go at writing myself, who hasn’t these days, but what I learned through that is that it’s hard to find critical readers for honest feedback, and (as I learned in a writing group) it’s difficult to find amateur writers who will accept honest feedback.
If you’re at fault at all it’s for not being honest with her about the book. But as you have painted her, I doubt she’d have taken it well if you had.
Don’t spend more time on it if that puts your studies at risk. It would be a true, but likely unappreciated, act of friendship to tell her that:
NTA for putting your education first, priorities! Plus you tried, no one enjoys reading a book that makes them uncomfortable.
But YTA for lying to her about how bad it was, she asked for feedback, be honest it helps her to figure out who her audience is.
NTA, every amateur writer thinks they wrote the best book ever and expect everyone in their life to drop what they’re doing and read it. (obviously not every amateur writer)
NTA. You bought a copy, had her sign it, and told her it was fantastic – that is where your obligation ends unless she wants some hard truths (she doesnt).