I have another post with some relevant background but long story short my son has a (potential) half-sister who my ex likes to pretend doesn’t exist. Her mother’s been trying to get a paternity test for years but it still hasn’t happened which is why I say she’s his potential half-sister. While I’m not friends with the mother, we do share a few mutual friends so I’ve seen her and her daughter around.
Last year one of our mutual friends hosted a birthday party for their son and my son and her daughter ended up playing together. When my ex saw pictures he went absolutely ballistic and told me I shouldn’t have let our son play with her or be near her mother. I agreed at the time not to let it happen again only because everyone was on his side and he voluntarily supports our son right now so I didn’t want him to stop just because he was angry at me.
However, a few weeks ago the same friend invited me to a picnic. I didn’t know the other woman and her daughter were going to be there but they were. Of course the kids ended up playing together again. I asked my friends not to share any pictures where my ex would see them because I knew he was going to be angry but it’s not like I could force my son to not play with her without confusing him or causing one of the kids to be excluded.
One of my so called friends told my ex a few days ago and he’s once again furious at me. We‘ve had multiple fights over it and I finally lost my patience with him during our last fight and I told him I didn’t care what he wanted and I would let our son be around anyone I saw fit. I pretty much told him I was tired of walking on egg shells around him and I wasn’t going to listen to him anymore. I even contacted his parents to complain to them and thankfully they’ve been supportive but it’s made him angrier so right now things are toxic between us.
I don’t know if I was in the wrong, especially for involving his parents but I’m just so tired of this drama with his potential daughter. I’ve told him not to visit (we live in different countries) us unless he was prepared to take a paternity test but I doubt he’ll listen to me.
AITA?
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I have another post with some relevant background but long story short my son has a (potential) half-sister who my ex likes to pretend doesn’t exist. Her mother’s been trying to get a paternity test for years but it still hasn’t happened which is why I say she’s his potential half-sister. While I’m not friends with the mother, we do share a few mutual friends so I’ve seen her and her daughter around.
Last year one of our mutual friends hosted a birthday party for their son and my son and her daughter ended up playing together. When my ex saw pictures he went absolutely ballistic and told me I shouldn’t have let our son play with her or be near her mother. I agreed at the time not to let it happen again only because everyone was on his side and he voluntarily supports our son right now so I didn’t want him to stop just because he was angry at me.
However, a few weeks ago the same friend invited me to a picnic. I didn’t know the other woman and her daughter were going to be there but they were. Of course the kids ended up playing together again. I asked my friends not to share any pictures where my ex would see them because I knew he was going to be angry but it’s not like I could force my son to not play with her without confusing him or causing one of the kids to be excluded.
One of my so called friends told my ex a few days ago and he’s once again furious at me. We‘ve had multiple fights over it and I finally lost my patience with him during our last fight and I told him I didn’t care what he wanted and I would let our son be around anyone I saw fit. I pretty much told him I was tired of walking on egg shells around him and I wasn’t going to listen to him anymore. I even contacted his parents to complain to them and thankfully they’ve been supportive but it’s made him angrier so right now things are toxic between us.
I don’t know if I was in the wrong, especially for involving his parents but I’m just so tired of this drama with his potential daughter. I’ve told him not to visit (we live in different countries) us unless he was prepared to take a paternity test but I doubt he’ll listen to me.
AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I agreed to keep my son away from his potential half-sister and her mother. 2. I went back on my word and let my son play with his potential half-sister and I told my ex I’d decide who our son could be around (and I wouldn’t take his input into consideration)
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
You need to go to court and get a formal separation agreement with visitation and child support spelled out.
You are NTA, but depending on his “voluntary” support of your child gives him leverage that he should not have over your parenting. Long term relying on this would put you in the AH category vis your child.
As for the other woman, I’m really baffled as to why she hasn’t gotten a court ordered paternity test, but that’s on her and not the subject of your question.
ESH
Y’all need to get tests done and actual child support and visitation figured out. With courts and lawyers.
Preferably before these kids are old enough to date each other.🤮
You’re NTA for telling your ex off for trying to control you & your child. He’s your EX, not your “current,” so he doesn’t get too much say in the matter, especially if he’s in another country & doesn’t spend too much time with your child anyway. Besides, as you said, to tell your son that he can’t hang out with the girl would bring up a whole host of “Why” questions, that your ex likely doesn’t want to have explored.
As to telling him that you don’t want him to visit you, you might need to get some sort of court order to enforce that. And for that, you’d likely have to give some pretty damning evidence as to why you don’t want your ex to see his son.
It sounds like your ex is the AH, & you’re well rid of him (inasmuch as you can be right now).
Is there anything stopping you from getting a paternity test using your son’s DNA?
Could he be fearing some nebulous plan by the mother to check if the two children are related?
Why don’t you just have your son and the little girl tested? This will confirm if they are related or not and then this issue can be put to rest.
NTA but your ex sure is.
So lemme get this straight, since I read your other post – your ex has been avoiding acknowledgement of paternity for 3 years and had the audacity to get angry at you about who your kid is hanging around because you have the same social circle to some extent? Dude is a giant AH and controlling as, to boot.
You and the mom of the other kid need to go to court and have this handled legally so ex can”t avoid caring for his other kid, or using threats of withholding support to you and your kid if your kid is around his half-sister.
NTA. Your ex is trying to dictate who you and your son can be friends with. The only way you’d be reasonably able to keep your son away from his potential half-sister is if you stopped being friends with the person who is also friends with the half-sister’s mother. This comes off more as an attempt by your ex to socially isolate you rather than any genuine concern about your son.
NTA.
However, you should just talk to this woman and see if your kids are related. Your ex doesn’t get to decide the relationship you have with other people. And if your son has a half sister and the mom is not an awful person, it would be nice for your son to have a sister.
ESH. This is probably fake. Can’t you use your own kids to help establish the possibility of shared genes? Unless no one has any money or resources, both kids can do 23 and me or a similar service and see if they’re closely related.
Can’t his parents just take the test? It won’t be 100% match but will show relationship.