My on and off again partner (29/M) and I (32/F) have been together for nearly 14 months, but I have recently realized all his behavior put together might be a little sketchy. Are these weird behaviors?
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I have never seen or been to his place, I don’t even know his address. He claims his roommate is messy, but I also don’t even know who his roommate is. This has been a source of many arguments.
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He does not carry around a credit card, nor do I know if he even has one. He uses cash only everywhere he goes and will carry hundreds of dollars with him AT ALL TIMES. We do split most bills when we go out.
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He will not introduce me to his family. His sister is local, and he mentions meeting her for lunch here and there, but when I ask to join, he changes the subject or makes up excuses. He claims his sister and him don’t get along and that’s why he doesn’t want me to join or get to know her.
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He takes Ubers everywhere. Granted, he lives somewhere in the city so parking may be tough, but he will either Uber to all destinations or rent a car for a day. I have my own car.
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When talking about traveling internationally together, he cannot confirm or deny whether he has a valid passport. We’ve argued about this too, and I just think it’s strange he can’t say yes or no- what is that about?
I may be crazy but he’s a great guy, but all these things put together made me realize he may be hiding something?
TLDR: boyfriend of 14 months wont let me see where he lives, only uses cash, only uses Ubers or rental cars and won’t introduce me to his family. Red flags?
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Are you collecting red flags for an art project? He obviously has another partner (possibly even married with kids), and is likely older than 29. He doesn’t use the family car because it’s full of kid/partner stuff, or he’s scared of it being tracked or seen by his wife. He doesn’t use plastic with you to avoid the trail and his wife finding out. Do you need him to buy you a “HOT MISTRESS” t-shirt?
It’s giving “he’s not serious about you” especially if you’re on again off again
1, 3, and 5 are very concerning.
He’s married. He’s leaving no trace of you in his life. Not from the credit card. The car navigation system. The roommate is bs? A grown man who makes plenty of money living in an apartment with a roommate? No. Don’t believe it.
Have you met any of his friends? Has he taken you into his world at all?
How on/off? The only defense of this is that if your connection/relationship is unstable he may not want it to implode his whole life. It could be embarassing to explain to his friends and family that after yall broke up yall are together again.
I don’t think #4 is a big deal but I can see why you’d include it with the other context. It sounds a bit like he’s a drug dealer haha. But I also have a normal ass friend with a normal ass job who prefers all cash and doesn’t do cards or payment apps.
This would be a flag for incompatibility, at minimum since there’s very little trust here. Him not trusting to share and you not trusting for his sketchy ass behavior lol.
Lmao at dealing with this for 14 months his d game must be strong
He’s married.
Based on all this, I’d guess he’s trying to hide another life from you. I’d go so far to say he’s not even using his real name with you. You ever even see his ID? If you have, I’d google him to try to find him on a people finder website that will show you his address and the wife or live-in girlfriend also associated with it.
This man has a wife or a common law wife and kids!
You’re the side chick, how many more red flags do you need?
I see people suggesting infidelity, but is there a possibility he might be a criminal? Maybe a drug dealer or ex-con who has a travel ban.
Source: dated a dealer ex-con with a travel ban.
Do you know where he works?
Does any info come up when you google his name?
How did you two meet?
Just curious, but he’s DEFINITELY married.
He’s married. His “messy roommate” is his wife.
his roommate is his wife and possibly some kids. very messy to bring you over, indeed.
he pays with cash so his wife won’t find out about your dates.
his family knows about his wife and possibly kids. they will never know about you, if he can help it.
his wife has the car. possibly driving around his possible children with it.
he can’t leave the country with you. what would his wife think? or his possible children?
He’s married and have several kids. Cut him off TODAY. Until you can visit his place and meet his family, you are done being his side piece.
Sounds like he’s married and has become an expert at hiding all evidence. That means you’re not his first affair and possibly not even the only one he’s currently having. Spouse can’t track the car because it’s not moving. Can’t track his cards if he’s using cash, etc. It feels like you’re an expendable side piece. You need to drop him and move on.
He’s married.
His roommate is his wife.
Sounds like someone who is experienced in having extra curricular affairs.
I will say this guy has had practice on knowing how to cheat and how to keep it from your SO. He has read the playbook.