I’m 26M. Just got back from a long-ass work trip. Been traveling a lot lately, barely slept, just completely drained. For once I said screw it and used my points to upgrade to first class. Never flown first before.
My mom (50s) happened to be flying the same route because we were both headed to a family thing. She booked her ticket separate from mine, just basic economy. I didn’t think it was a big deal. At the gate I told her “hey just so you know I’ll see you when we land, I’m sitting up front.”
She looked at me like I killed her dog. Asked if I was serious. Then said, “You’re really gonna let your own mother sit in the back while you relax in first class?”
I thought she was kidding. She wasn’t.
Told me I was being selfish, ungrateful, disrespectful. That she “raised me better than this.” I said, “Mom, I love you, but I paid for this seat with my own money and I’m exhausted. I just want one flight where I’m not sandwiched between two strangers.”
Now she’s pissed. She told my aunt, who told my cousins, and now half the family’s calling me an asshole for not giving her my seat. Honestly? I don’t think I did anything wrong. But now I feel weird.
So yeah. AITA for not switching?
Comments
^^^^AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! READ THIS COMMENT – DO NOT SKIM. This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read this before contacting the mod team.
I’m 26M. Just got back from a long-ass work trip. Been traveling a lot lately, barely slept, just completely drained. For once I said screw it and used my points to upgrade to first class. Never flown first before.
My mom (50s) happened to be flying the same route because we were both headed to a family thing. She booked her ticket separate from mine, just basic economy. I didn’t think it was a big deal. At the gate I told her “hey just so you know I’ll see you when we land, I’m sitting up front.”
She looked at me like I killed her dog. Asked if I was serious. Then said, “You’re really gonna let your own mother sit in the back while you relax in first class?”
I thought she was kidding. She wasn’t.
Told me I was being selfish, ungrateful, disrespectful. That she “raised me better than this.” I said, “Mom, I love you, but I paid for this seat with my own money and I’m exhausted. I just want one flight where I’m not sandwiched between two strangers.”
Now she’s pissed. She told my aunt, who told my cousins, and now half the family’s calling me an asshole for not giving her my seat. Honestly? I don’t think I did anything wrong. But now I feel weird.
So yeah. AITA for not switching?
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I chose to sit in first class and didn’t switch seats with my mom, even though she was in economy. She got upset and said I was being selfish and ungrateful. I might be the asshole because I could’ve given up my seat to make her more comfortable, and maybe it came off like I was putting myself above her.
Help keep the sub engaging!
Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
Click Here For Our Rules and Click Here For Our FAQ
Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
nah you’re good bro. you’re 26, paid for your own upgrade, and needed the rest. your mom booked her seat, you booked yours. it’s not a disrespect thing, it’s a boundaries thing. family guilt trips don’t count as boarding passes.
NTA. Makes sense it feels weird. Felt weird to family. Heck, the way you describe it feels weird. She knew she wasn’t sitting with you, so why at the gate would that become convo? Not the asshole, your free to upgrade but yea feels weird.
NTA
> She booked her ticket separate from mine
So you were never going to be sitting together in the first place!
> half the family’s calling me an asshole for not giving her my seat
Give them a call next time your mom’s traveling and remind them it’s time to pay for her seat upgrades.
Info: It seems like you knew your mama would be on the same flight but you did say y’all booked separately. Were your original seats near/next to each other?
>“You’re really gonna let your own mother sit in the back while you relax in first class?”
>Told me I was being selfish, ungrateful, disrespectful. That she “raised me better than this.”
This is gross. She is horribly entitled.
If this had been me and my kid, I would have responded thusly: “You are gonna LOVE it! I hope you get some rest, I know how tired you’ve been. See you when we land!”
NTA. You don’t have to light yourself on fire to keep other warm…and yes, that means even your mother.
NTA. She is not entitled to the first class seat you paid for just because she’s your mother. She and her flying monkeys are ridiculous. Perhaps the flying monkeys would like to chip in for an upgrade to her return flight.
Damn, trying to make her daughter’s day worse so hers is better, then calling her selfish!
NTA.
YTA. Your mother raised you though, so if she didn’t cover the basic manners part, then that’s on her.
It doesn’t matter that you booked your tickets separately. You were traveling together. Of course it’s rude to leave a traveling companion and go off to enjoy first class.
There are even laws about this kind of thing in California. Kids can’t have vastly different standards of living at the parents’ residences after a break-up.
It’s never OK to leave someone while enjoying a first-class experience.
> She booked her ticket separate from mine,
NTA
NTA. Your only mistake was telling her where you would be sitting.
NTA
Honestly I would have put my mom in first class. But you didn’t do anything wrong.
NTA. If she wanted first class why didn’t she book first class?
NTA
Your mom could’ve paid for a first class seat if it was that important to her.
Soft yta / ESH. Mother’s behaviour is bang out of order and she’s being a much much bigger entitled AH, but I wouldn’t personally abandon anyone I was travelling with on purpose to upgrade alone. I’d upgrade on a different trip, or go in the airport lounge together or something.
YTA. If you’re traveling so much, you could have chosen another flight to upgrade. It didn’t have to be THIS flight! At very least you could have told her and given her the opportunity to upgrade too
NTA. May have been considerate to give her a heads up earlier so she could choose whether to upgrade herself but definitely ridiculous to expect you to give her your spot.
NTA- You bought your ticket, you upgraded it, it’s yours to enjoy. There is a dollar value to your rewards that you cashed in for that upgrade. Tell the family that is the cost for the upgrade and if then ask them one by one if they are willing to hand over that much right now so her return flight can be upgraded. Doubting anyone is coughing up the full funds, so after that you can divide the amount and see if everyone will chip in their part. Guessing again not everyone. You can then just call them out at that point. Everyone cares until its their money.
NTA but yata for not letting her know in advance.
NTA, she could have upgraded if she wanted that.
Yes, soft ah.
Your Mum has likely never flown first class either.
And you rubbed her nose in it.
You sound pretty young and it’s a good feeling you do nice things for your Mum. Though people go through a more .. hmm..Independence flexing thing…when they are in their early to mid 20s. So I get it.
You would have been better off doing your first time first class on a flight Mum wasn’t on.
NTA but very poor optics. You can’t win this one with family. Your next move depends on your relationship with your mum – do you want to make it up to her? Buy her a massage certificate or similar?
My mom would give up her first class seat for me even as an adult lol If anyone called you selfish tell them that they can pay for first class for your mom then.
NTA. If she wanted the upgrade she could have gotten one herself.
NTA.
She had the option to upgrade at any time, and if she was interested, she knew what that upgrade cost.
I can only assume that she thought you got a free upgrade with points from all your travel, or whatever. Or maybe that you were now “that kind of people” that can afford first class.
If you wanted to be sneaky about it, you could have waited to board after her, and she wouldn’t have known the difference. Since she booked her own ticket, I assume you weren’t assigned a seat near her.
I’ve only flown business class a few times when I worked for a company whose policy was business class for flights over 5 hours. It’s nice and I miss it. But I can never justify the price.
NTA. I mean you’ve paid for it…
ESH
Upgrading yourself while your traveling companion—especially your mother—sits in the back is not the most gracious move. Your mother, however, blew this completely out of proportion and acted ridiculously entitled.
NTA and your mom has problems. I mean, it’s not as though you abandoned her; it sounds like you weren’t going to be sitting together anyway, so what difference does it make to her where you sit?
I suppose she is suggesting that since you could have traded seats with her and let her ride up front, you should have done so. By the same logic, if you ever buy a nicer car or a bigger house than she has, you should immediately call her up and offer to trade. Or if you are out at a restaurant together and you order a more expensive meal, you should have the waiter give it to her instead. I assume she wouldn’t expect any of these things of you, so why is the airline seat any different?
Delta Diamond and Million Miler here. YTA. You should have known this was going to go bad. Honestly, I would literally never let my mom sit in coach while I was in J. This was not the time to use your points. It’s just not worth the drama. Upgrade her or put both of y’all in Comfort Plus or save it for another trip.
Nta your mom is the entitled Ah tho
Big assumption that they wouldn’t be sitting together in economy, it’s perfectly possible to book adjacent seats on two different bookings.
I understand that she booked her ticket separately; however, you only get one mother. I’m guessing you have issues with her. I’m sorry you didn’t feel like you could do something generous for her, too, so you could sit together.
NTA but you are a loser as a child.
NTA but I feel sad that people have such weird relationships with their parents. In this situation, I wouldn’t think twice before offering my mom the first class seat. Not because it’s expected, but because she is aging and if I can afford it, I want her to be as comfortable as possible. On the flip said my mom would definitely not accept, she’ll insist I be comfortable and sleep nicely.
I don’t believe that you are TA. You have ligit reasons for wanting to fly first class and you paid for it yourself. It’s not selfish, it’s self care.
YTA not for not switching but for doing this on the same flight your mom is also on. you could have done this on literally any other time, doing this on this one flight does feel like you’re rubbing it into her nose, like “oh look mom i can fly 1st but you can’t”. especially if your mom has also never flown 1st before, which sounds like the case here
Very weird that so many are saying that OP “abandoned” the person she was traveling with. This is clearly not what happened. Two people on the same plane that were never sitting together still aren’t. Both of these people are adults, and OP isn’t an emotional support animal – for a parent who clearly didn’t need emotional support until her entitlement took over.
This is grade ‘F’ parenting, and a good exercise in setting boundaries for OP.
Honestly this depends so much on your family dynamics. I’d give my mom the better seat in a heartbeat, but she’s not entitled and gossipy.
YTA- You had a big week. Big Deal. You’re Mom raised you. My guess is she raised you not to stick her back in coach while you’re up front. Apparently, common sense left you a long time ago. Apologize to your Mom.
NTA
You guys booked completely separately and your original seats weren’t even together. The only thing I personally would’ve done differently would be to have let your mom know that you upgraded yourself as soon as you did it, instead of at the airport. That way she would’ve also had the opportunity to upgrade herself if she wanted. You’re an adult who used your own money to book and you guys weren’t even together originally, you did nothing wrong. You mom needs to get over herself.
I would have told her beforehand instead of telling her at the gate. Did you check to see what the cost was for her to fly first also? I would have checked then told her that she would have to pay the cost herself (if you are unable or didn’t want to). This would have least given her the option.
NTA but only because you booked separately and wouldn’t be together anyway. Saying that though I’d never do this. I’m a very nice person lol
you are so NTA and your mom needs to grow up. honestly.
YTA. I don’t get it, why would you upgrade when you have company/travelling together. Even if I was travelling with a friend I would not do it, let alone my mom. However, it’s wrong for your mom to expect that to you would switch.
In some cultures, yeah YTA. If this were me, I’d be expected to (and be happy to) offer the first class seat to my mom.
I’m really gonna be an asshole and throw in that you should never trade seats with another person on a plane. Ask a flight attendant to switch your seats. In case of an accident, reconstruction could be thrown off thinking that you had been in your original seats. And never trade seats with a stranger–don’t make me explain that one.
NTA. If Mom wanted first class she could have booked it. You don’t owe her your upgrade.
NTA. She’s 50. If she was in her 80s or suffering from an illness and you were escorting her to the event, then yes you should giver the more comfortable seat. But that is not the case here. She needs to get over herself. And stop complaining to everyone. I’d be angry that she’s having a temper tantrum over this & I’d avoid her for a while.
NTA. I was going to say it would have been nice if you had given her the upgrade, but considering the way she reacted, she should be sitting in a middle row seat across from the bathroom. She sounds awful
INFO: Would your seats have been together if you hadn’t upgraded? I understand you booked separately but had she selected the seat next to you? In addition, did she book that flight specifically to fly with you? If yes to either I’m going to say YTA for telling her at the gate and not having this convo when she was booking her flight. If it was just a coincidence she was on your flight and you weren’t seated together either way, NTA.
Is your mother Hispanic? I ask because this sounds like my family dynamic, right down to the insults of being selfish and ungrateful. You didn’t do anything wrong. If your mother was a reasonable person I’d say it would have been nice to let her know ahead of time, especially if she was planning on sitting next to you (but I assume this is an airline with assigned seats since you mentioned not wanting to be squished between 2 strangers). I would have given a heads up to my siblings, father, or any of my spouses family. For my own mother, I would have handled it like you did, since the explosion would have happened either way (she would never pay for an upgrade) and it would have just given her extra time to stew in it and throw insults. But then again, this is also why I’ve stopped going to family reunions.
NTA
Yeah ya not winning this one, you’re not a bad person op but you did make an ASSHOLE decision, it’d have been different if you didn’t know your mom was on the plane with you. But you knew, decided comfort was above your mother’s feelings.
Honestly, ESH, sometimes I have to remember not everyone is close with their mothers.
Apologize op, if you dig your heels in you’ll fuel your family’s anger against you.
As a mom, I would want my adult child to be comfortable, especially after a grueling work week. That said, this reads more like she bought the ticket to fly WITH you. I can only assume you didn’t run it by her in advance, which considerate adults typically do. For not being transparent, YTA.
YTA – if a mom buys a first class ticket and leaves her kids in coach, people consider her awful. When those same kids grow up and buy their own first class tickets and leave their mom sitting in coach it is just as awful. Family should mean something. It means you sit close to each other, it means you don’t upgrade on a flight she is on, out of simple love and respect.
NTA, it would be one thing if you had bought the seats together and planned a trip then you upgraded yourself but these were tickets purchased independently that you spent your own rewards to upgrade.
Your mom needs to grow up
I think this one depends with the kind of relationship you have with your mum. One time when I was going to a cousin’s wedding to another country, because we didn’t have much money, I flew with my grandma and my mum came by bus, a 24 hour grueling ride. She insisted. No drama. Same thing when we returned home. I flew and she by bus.
NTA
Although I will admit I would tease my kid (if he were old enough to purchase his own plane tickets) about it. But if he offered I’d back down real fast. My kid isn’t responsible for my comfort.
NTA. Your mom is entitled, selfish and a possible narcissist. You didn’t plan the trip with her nor deny her an upgrade. You would have done this with or without her presence, why is she offended?
How long was the flight?
NTA. But it’s a bad look.
Tell your mom to get her bread up
I just read your petty revenge it showed up directly under this post. Glad you enjoyed it and the only thing I would have done differently is not told her I upgraded. NTA
This is heavily dependent on your cultural background. It’s NTA if you are second-generation (or later) American or Western European, and YTA in the rest of the world.
Oh for f sake. If you are over 11 or 12 you don’t need to sit next to a family member.
YTA for also posting this in pettyrevenge
NTA. Maybe under different circumstances you’d be considered a bit disrespectful in some cultures, but you weren’t traveling together, didn’t buy her ticket, likely couldn’t upgrade her at that point, and you just got done traveling and needed a break. Doesn’t sound like your mom just got done traveling. Plus, although there is not enough info to know about whether she could afford it, she clearly didn’t care until she found out you were traveling better than her. This stinks of entitlement and a lack of consideration.
BTW, at no point would you be obligated to do so or an A H. Just noting that some cultures make adult children out to be care takers out of “respect”
NTA. Not even close. Your mom, your family, and strangers are all trying to make you feel guilty. You did nothing wrong. You certainly didn’t abandon your mother. If your mom wanted a first class seat, then she should have booked one when she made her own travel plans independently from you. You don’t deserve all the drama from her or your family.
>”raised me better than this”
This is classic. 99% of the times when parents trot out this silly phrase, what they really mean is “I tried to train you to be my personal servant, and you’re not cooperating”.
YTA
Soft YTA. Maybe this is a cultural expectations thing, but I’d be embarrassed NOT to offer the seat to my mother. She would be mortified if I didn’t at least offer (because she is an older person, etc.). She did in fact raise me to always consider the comfort of others first. Some people will see that as weak.
Sure, you paid for the seat… and now you’ll be paying for this flight for years with your family. You could have been the hero Good Son in the story. Even if mom was being a brat, you could have just sucked it up and the crowd would have felt bad for YOU instead.
Was it mandatory to give up the seat? No. Should it have occurred to you? YES. Should you have done it? Well, now random people and family think you’re a total dick to your mom. So self-preservation for your reputation and social pressure alone should probably been a factor here.
The optics are terrible. It’s totally possible to be right AND shoot yourself in the foot.
Spare me. I’ve got status on American. I flew with my mom. I got upgraded and gave her the first class seat. It’s called respect.
NTA. You didn’t necessarily need to make the comment since she wasn’t expecting you to sit next to her, but you have the right to sit wherever your money takes you.
I’m not sure i even understand her issue. If she wanted to sit in first class, she could have paid for it with cash or points.