I, 32F, and my husband, 33M, have been married for 2 years. Since the beginning of our relationship, we fought mostly when I’m on my period (maybe 80% of fights).
I think that it’s mostly cause I’m less tolerant of things and get vocal about things that I would otherwise tolerate during regular times. Because if this, my husband says I’m disturbing the peace and that I should fix the problem.
Just today, we fought for the second day a row. Yesterday, I got mad cause recently my husband got into running. He has a much more flexible job where he gets to work from home and so he runs every alternate day. Initially he was making comments that my job sucks and I’m a workaholic and that I should just come back earlier to run. To be fair even if I did come home earlier, since I’m the one I charge if cooking dinner everyday, I wouldn’t really have time to both cook, run and chill in the evening. He claims that I’m just making excuses and that he doesn’t care whether I join him on his runs. But he makes this comment every other week.
Yesterday, while we were getting ready for bed he said his legs ached and I told him to go easy on his runs. And somehow it got to how I made excuses not to run, so I got mad. And I know I wouldn’t have if I wasn’t on my period.
This evening, he requested that we made tiramisu for tomorrow. I was doing more of the initial prep work and when he came he started making comments on how I was such a messy cook and leaving jars everywhere. I said I was busy doing the prep and he could help to keep the stuff. Then he started commenting on many little things, like how I was being too careful and should just hurry. I told him that he was complaining too much and he said if he was it’s because he was tired and wanted to finish. So I told him to help by putting the things away. When I was clearing out space in the fridge he again complained that I was too slow and I just snapped because (1) I was also tired (2) I had even cooked dinner after work (3) he was the one who wanted to make tiramisu. And then he said that it’s not a coincidence that it was the second day in a row during my period.
TLDR. We fight more during my period, and I feel that the reason we fight is justified but the timing makes it easy to blame it on my period.
Is this really my period? Any advice on how I can deal with it?
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It sounds more like you build up resentments between periods and the flux of hormones loosens the tidal wave.
Perhaps instead, both of you need to communicate fairly and kindly with one another.
Like if he complains about the mess, you can plainly state, well, you are welcome to help clean up since I am presently working.
Or tell him, directly, when you complain about me, I feel (whatever you feel) Be direct. Be honest.
And if your husband is telling you, pointedly, that YOU are the only problem, you need to inform him, that this is not the case. It takes two people, being intentional, to communicate well and make a marriage work, and he needs to step up his game.
I think you tolerate less of his bullshit when you’re on your period. So yes, your period is related but it isn’t the cause. Your husband is passive aggressive and that shit is annoying. You just typically have a higher tolerance for his idiocy.
I think you should be arguing when you’re not on your period. It sounds like he makes a lot of shitty negative comments to you constantly and you only stand up for yourself when you’re on your period. Stop putting up with his rude and negative attitude. Him getting into running does not require you to be into running. You said you both were making tiramisu but it doesn’t sound like he was doing any of the making himself, just insulting how you were making it. Then he blames you for not taking his insults because you’re hormonal. He sounds like a bad person who doesn’t respect you
Idk much about your relationship but I would also hate if someone always comments on everything I do regardless if I was on my period or not. Like, idk how you can stand someone who criticizes everything you do. I feel so sorry that you have to deal with him and I rather you leave him, but thats just what I think based on this post.
Estrogen drops and testosterone increases during a period. So really you’re acting more like a man.
In all seriousness though, he has fault here probably more than you based on what I read. He needs to be less nit picky in general and especially maybe have more compassion when you’re on your period to not nit pick things. You may be able to work on patience while on your period but it sounds like you’re plenty patient with him every other day of the month. He should really consider his role in this issue more than he seems to be.
He shouldn’t be so picky on how you do things and he doesn’t get to dictate what you do for a workout and when you do it. His gripping on that would only be partly explained if you had a heart problem that the doctor insists you increase cardio to help it. Otherwise, he can run solo unless you choose to run with him on your own terms. As for the cooking, if he doesn’t like your process, he can make it himself. I make a mess while cooking or baking but I clean it up every time. So the mess happening shouldn’t be complained about unless you leave it a mess after. If he doesn’t like it, he can do it himself or help out instead of complaining.
Well, this is the smallest snapshot of your 2 year marriage (it’s 2 days).
But hey, let me take a shot. You partner and your partner don’t align on how you each like to do things. He sounds inconsiderate and unwilling to understand you. He’s also been picking on how you choose to work.
I doubt the period is the issue tbh. This has gone on since the beginning of your “relationship” and he is unable to understand things that just might be part of your personality around the home and your life today.
The period thing, I’m willing to bet that if we go back in time…something happened and it revolved innocently around the time and it has stuck as a reason for you to be blamed for it. That has masked and given an excuse for him to blame it on you rather than taking accountability for what’s truly on the table – you both haven’t worked through what you accept of each other. There’s always two sides to a coin and I’m not saying you’re guilty or innocent here, but both of you need to address this before the resentment builds more. He’s also being a dick blaming it on your period.
These are all created (not real) problems. Bickering between couples is very normal but almost never worth it. I would have a serious conversation about how you don’t like arguing and would like to deescalate when you realize things getting tense.
Not your fault he seems like a jerk 90% of the time and you stay shut mostly but your Uterus is trying to stick up for you!
It sounds to me like you’re living your life and he comes and nit picks and says passive aggressive crap. Then he will get mad when you say something back…
He doesn’t like you. I’m just gonna say that.
I was in a similar boat. Except, I felt that way because I didn’t want drama and didn’t wanna start wars.
Then I saw that my own kids were doing the same. Taking insults, not standing up for themselves.
That made me change, I won’t start wars, but I will win them.
So now when my husband gets into his moods, I go ALL IN. Because I’m not gonna be picked on when I make his world go round. I’m in charge of everything because his mom didn’t do a good job raising him and he knows how to work, and that’s it.
So, I don’t let him decide whether he’s gonna treat me with respect or not, I demand it.
If not, he can go sleep somewhere else and STILL give me money for the kids.
I’m in the stage of my life where I’m not tolerating peoples passive aggression crap, I’ll make it aggressive.
It’s a set the world on fire kinda season 😂
The internalized misogyny is strong here.
You aren’t fighting because you’re on your period.
Your husband criticizes you on a routine basis, and gets away with it on a regular basis.
Stop cooking for him, stop catering to his bullshit, and stop letting him walk all over you.
Your title should read “my husband is a jerk all the time and once a month I tell him so.”
You’re 32. I’m sure you didn’t just begin to get cranky during your period since marriage.
Did your family complain about your mood swings? Have your friends ever noticed?
You don’t have a period problem, you have a husband problem.
Honestly OP he sounds mean
The period is only a portion of your issue. You need to clearly state that you are not going to run because it doesn’t fit your schedule and that you want no more comments on the subject. You also need to keep a small ledger of his complaints if you think it is constant. If it turns out you are correct, have a discussion when you are not hormonal and let him know that the constant complaints do not motivate you, they make you feel unappreciated. Show him the journal so he can see for himself how much he complains. He may not be aware of the extent he does it. The journal is not a weapon for a fight, it is simply to show either you that he doesn’t do it as much as you think, or him that he does it more than he thinks. Explain that to him if you show it to him.
Why isn’t he making dinner considering he has so much extra time? It makes no sense for you to have to commute then start making food. He can easily set things to marinade or throw something in a crockpot during a break or lull and have dinner ready by the time you get home. Then you could tidy up after dinner to keep things fair but you get a chance to rest and eat first.
Here’s an idea: maybe you should stop tolerating his shit behaviour when you’re not on your period. Try that.
Also, maybe you could be like, Husband, you’re absolutely right, I’d love to start running after work. And then we can both make dinner afterwards, K?
Quit cowing down to his sexist piggery and stand up for yourself throughout your goddamn cycle! (Also, he sounds utterly insufferable).
He wanted tirmasu, and you made it with his ‘help’ that included criticizing you. Stop catering to him.
He’s so critical of you and I’m surprised you don’t argue more often. It would make anyone angry to agree to help someone e.g. make the tiramisu, and then be criticised constantly while providing that help. You need to shut these comments down with a “If you criticise or nit-pick, I will not (continue to) do this task or agree to do it in the future”.
Also, if he is WFH, shouldn’t he be the one doing the cooking? Or at the very least sharing the task e.g. he does it Monday to Wed or Thursday and you Wed or Thursday to Sunday, or just alternating the days
He is an unkind and negative man who is married to a patient woman. He blames your period for not putting up with his nonsense 24×7 instead of looking in the mirror and taking responsibility that he’s a shitty person. I hate to say he’s only going to get worse, this situation is only going to get worse, because the resentment will only build up in you and will get worse if there are kids along the way. No woman wants to be married to a Negative Nancy.
I suggest you start calling him that when you’re not on your period. He says something negative, “Stop being a Negative Nancy.” Eventually, he might realize that he’s filling your life with negativity, and you don’t want to hear it.
If anything, most men realize to be nicer to their partner during that time of the month. They’re more helpful or at least shut their mouth and stay out of the way. They ABSOLUTELY do not stoke the fire and make things worse unless they’re just plain stupid or an ass.
U can calm the whole week w plenty of Oral Sex.
Plan ahead for “BJ Week”
Does he always make such rude and shitty comments? I think if he were nicer and respected you, your life during periods and not during them would be much happier.
It makes sense that you fight when you’re on your period bc he is horrible everyday and you finally snap on your days that you are less tolerant.
You should take offense every day with this guy. His behavior is terrible. You cook every day yet you’re lazy?
He wants to make tiramisu but you’re the one who has to make it? And he bitches on how you do it but doesn’t try to help at all?
This guy is a loser and mentally abusive to you. Your period isn’t the problem he is.
Please wake up to the facts here. He’s abusive and you put up with it until you can’t take anymore then you fight back.
I’d leave but you are married so maybe couples counseling can be tried first.
He acts like he doesn’t like you at all nor does he respect you or what you do for him daily.
Stop making dinner for him and other stuff like that and go running by yourself.
Start calling him lazy for not doing anything around the house.
your period is not the problem. he is.