So I met my friend 39m last year at my previous job. He didn’t work there at the time but his new company and my company work together. We became friends but there was always a sexual attraction there. He however was in a relationship with his on again off again girlfriend. I realized a pattern of when he was off with her he would be all in my space but when they’re on not as much.
In the middle of last year I lost my job and at the time he was off with his gf. We almost had sex and I’m happy now that we didn’t. I got a job and he was on again with his gf. Afterwards he was off and I realized that I started falling for him. Later down in the year I confessed my feelings and was shut down. It crushed me but I survived and realized that it was better that we stayed as friends. No sexual conversations, strictly friends.
I however would still help out with little things here and there with his son’s homework. Bare in mind his gf was always there. I met someone at the end of 2024 and I realized he started moving funny. He called himself a “placeholder” which I found weird because we’re just supposed to be friends. Anywho the contact somewhat subsided but I realized that he would was off again with the gf early this year. I of course would always try to redirect the conversations to more safe topics whenever he would try.
I didn’t hear from him for about a month baring in mind that he would’ve been reaching out before for help with random stuff. The other day I asked for a favor, even calling and reminding on the morning of. When it was time for him to come and do the favor, no response. I had to call and cuss him out and he said he forgot.
I think something clicked and I just felt used. So I started to distance myself he would reach out and I either read the message and didn’t respond or would respond days later. I finally decided to block him indefinitely and he’s not taking it well. Overall he’s a kind person but I had to put myself and my feelings first. Did I make the right choice?
Comments
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our rules here. We’d like to take this time to remind users that:
We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors
We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.
Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users “friend-zoned”, referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me’s, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. This is not an all-inclusive list.
All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don’t get a free pass.
Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned.
What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, “body counts” or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. This is not an all-inclusive list.
If you have any questions, please message the mods
This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
The empathic answer…
You were constantly adjusting to his hot-and-cold behavior, helping with his son, and managing your own feelings, while he gave inconsistent energy in return.
The “placeholder” comment was a red flag, he saw you as a backup option, not a true friend. You were the one doing all the emotional labor, and it drained you.
Cutting him off wasn’t just about this one incident but about freeing yourself from a one-sided dynamic.
His flakiness was the final straw, but the real shift was you realizing that he only prioritized you when it suited him (i.e., when single). You deserve reciprocal energy, not crumbs of attention. Correct?
This friendship had run its course. Staying would’ve kept you stuck in the same cycle. He may be upset now, but that’s his ego, not your problem. You didn’t “lose” by blocking him, you won back your peace. His reaction (not taking it well) proves he benefited more from this friendship than you did. You didn’t cut him off out of pettiness, but you did it out of self-respect.
YES, YOU MADE THE RIGHT CHOICE!
He was using you for emotional support, help with his son, and ego boosts when single. You outgrew the dynamic. Your feelings, your new relationship, and your self-worth demanded better. His flakiness was the last sign you needed to confirm that this wasn’t a real friendship.
Stay firm in your decision. His discomfort is not your responsibility. Focus on relationships that give as much as they take.
OP, I’m glad you stood up for yourself. Been there, done that, took a friend way too many favors before realizing they were using me. You did the right thing, hun.