So I (21M) and my sister (25F) have a mediocre relationship. We sometimes fight, but we usually get along decently. She has a baby (3F), and her name is Lily. She finished college when she was 22, and she is in her 5th year currently, trying to get her masters. Me, I’m still in college, and I had a 4.0 GPA at the end of the year in my history class. Because of this, I get a trip to England in the summer because that is what we will be focusing on after the summer ends. My sister has been dropping a lot of classes lately, and because of that, she’s losing her child care. My sister is demanding that I give the money I have for England to her. She says that she deserves it more. When I refused, she told my mom and it eventually got out to the family. Now the family is divided. Some people are siding with me, but most are siding with my sister. What should I do?
AITA for not letting my sister take money for my vacation because she needs it for child care?
r/AITAH
Comments
Where’s the kids dad?
That’s his job. You made your silly choice. Lay in your bed.
NTA. Go get your fish and chips big dog.
You’re NTA for wanting to use that money for a trip. She’s the asshole for demanding that you give it to her.
She had her child, she is responsible for her child. Have a great time in England!
The people siding with sis can cough up their money or shut the hell up.
Man, NTA at all bro. U earned that trip by bustin ur ass in class, not your problem she’s not handling her stuff. Family ain’t always right, stick to your guns. Enjoy England, mate! 👊🇬🇧🍻
NTA. You earned this fair and square. Her dropping classes isn’t your problem to fix.
NTA. Go on your trip. Other people’s life choices are their responsibility and they have to learn to live with the consequences. Going abroad is formative and not many people get that opportunity. Take every chance you get to go out there, learn, and explore.
Maybe you’ll make some life long friends; family can be found as well.
NTA, you reallllly earned that trip and should keep the money for yourself, it’s not your responsibility to fix her situation, and you deserve to enjoy the opportunity you worked hard for, take a deep breath and go have an amazing time in England.
She doesn’t deserve nothing that she hasn’t personally earned. That’s your hard earned money she can go and make her own cash if she’s that desperate
NTA
“Just cause someone nutted in you doesn’t make your special”
Nta.
Family is only family when you’re getting what you want. In this instance, your sister doesn’t like hearing no & your family as a whole doesn’t want to get involved or tell her she’s wrong. Yes, life is 10 times harder with a kid. However, that’s not your responsibility as it’s her life choice to have a kid & be in college. Don’t let family guilt you into fixing her problems because that’s easier than telling her to fix her own problems. Enjoy the trip.
If you’re going to make up a story, you have to make it have enough detail to be believable.
This is clearly fake.
YTA
You did not have a child — your sister chose to do that. You did not make your sister drop so many classes as to lose her daycare — your sister chose to do that. So why is it now your responsibility to take over the burden of paying for daycare?
NTA. Everyone on her side can give her cash, and you go to England!
The “family” the has seen fit to judge you needs to POOL THEIR MONEY AND PAY HER BILL! This is NOT your problem! NTA!
NTA.
Your sister’s choices are not your responsibility. She chose to have a child (the father should be helping but that’s neither here nor there for this post) and chose to drop so many classes she’s lost childcare credit. None of that is your issue to fix.
Is this a fake or just rage bait?
This isn’t even a question. NO! Absolutely not! You do not give a dime of anything you have worked for and earned and been awarded to your sister because of her irresponsibility. She chose to have a child, now she can figure out a way to care for it.
Your sister deserves nothing that you have worked for. If the family siding with her thinks she deserves something, they can all pitch in and fund it themselves but you are not to donate one thin dime to her.
London is calling, Bestie!
NTA – In your position, my response would be as follows:
To sister – Yo, Sis. Tell me exactly where is it written that I am responsible for your life decisions? You had a child. You are responsible for that child. My life does not revolve around your choices and your life doesn’t hinge on my choices. I will do me and you can do you.
To the family siding with your sister – I hear you think Sis should get childcare money since her assistance is going away. Well, that’s mighty nice of you. When are you sending her a check? You seem to be awful generous wanting to give her someone else’s money, why aren’t you that generous with your own money?
By all means, ignore your sister and take your trip. And who cares what the flying monkeys have to say. Way too many times on Reddit, posters are concerned about what others are saying. It doesn’t matter! Set your boundaries. Do your thing. Live your life. Quit worrying about what other people think! Your sister doesn’t deserve your money because she made stupid decisions. NTA
NTA Do not reward your sister’s poor performance.keep your money.
NTA. You aren’t the kids dad, and why is she dropping classes? She made her bed and needs to lie in it now. How is any of it your business?
She’s dropping classes and wants your money?? Not daft is she? Keep your money. Tell her to sort her child arrangements out by looking after her own child and enjoy England. It’s good here.
NTA if you family is for you helping her then those ones can pay for her child care
NTA
Your sister decided to become a parent, not you. It’s her responsibility to take care of her child, not yours. Your money is yours, and she has no claim on it.
If your sister has screwed her life up by dropping classes and her actions have resulted in loss of child care, that is the consequences she has to deal with. Where is the father? Why can’t he pay for child care? Tell the family that is siding with her that if they feel that way, they can give her their money. If they aren’t willing to give her the money, why should you? You earned the money and your trip through hard work. Go to England and have a great time.
NTA. Her inability to handle her class load and sort out a child care arrangement is not your problem.
NTA. Her entitlement makes her the AH in this situation. And tell any family siding with her to either open their wallet and give your sister money, or MYOB.
Wow.
NTA!
Whatever her situation is, it is HER situation.
Have a blast in England!!!!
Since the child is not yours, the child’s care is not your problem. It is your sisters and the baby’s fathers responsibility.
NTA. It’s not your kid. Next—stop talking to family about money!!
Her loss doesn’t mean you should lose to make up for it, that’s theft.
NTA. Her inability to adult is not an emergency on your part.
Tell anyone who thinks she deserves the money to give her some of theirs.
It sounds like this “England” money is part of your studies. If this money is being provided by/for your schooling it would be fraud for you to give it to your sister. The relatives siding with your sister need to come up with a joint childcare schedule since it’s so important to them.
NTA
If she hadn’t dropped classes, she would have childcare. How does she feel entitled to your money? What has she done to “deserve it”? Does she feel entitled because she procreated?
This money is for your educational experience. She does NOT get to take away any portion of your educational experience because she opted to decrease her workload/classes in a manner that caused her to lose a benefit. She should have known better.
u/bot-sleuth-bot
I get that your sister is struggling, but this trip is your hard earned reward for your academic achievements. It’s your money and you’ve worked for it. Childcare is a tough issue, but its not your responsibility to fund it, especially if it means sacrificing your own goals. Family support is important, but boundaries matter too.
Not your circus.
Go to England. If your family objects you need to say that she would have had the child care covered if she hadn’t dropped her classes and those are her consequences. The tell them you did well in your class and so your consequence is to go to England and you are not paying for her mistakes. If they feel so strongly about it, why don’t they give her the money or watch her child?
I never understand why friends and family are divided on this issue when it’s so obvious that the person demanding money is entitled and i the wrong.
NTA. You earned the trip to England. She chose to have a Child while studying and to cut classes, soo her problem whit child care is on her and the Father. You have not been a part of her choices, so she dont get to choose your, the help her, for her bad situation. It is all on her, and she need to learn how to deal… She needs to Masters it as a parent.
We all know many birds bring their babies worms in the nest until they’re big and then they kick them out. I’ve never heard of a bird pressuring their grown child to go get worms for their other child. I believe this only happens in humans.
Why on earth would you pay for her child care? It’s her child? She pays, the father pays, maybe the grandparents help. A sibling? No. You have your own life and you earned this trip. And she doesn’t ”deserve” it more because you literally earned it and she’s just demanding it.
Just say no, ignore everyone who disagrees, and get on with your life. People will be angry, that’s how life works. They’ll get over it, or they won’t. But you don’t let them bully you either way.
NTA. Not your child. Your family can all chip in for childcare. She shouldn’t have dropped those classes- also not your problem.
It sounds like this trip is important for your future; but even if it were just a vacation, she has no right to demand money from you. If you give in, the demands will only escalate. Next it will be you need to pay her rent & buy her groceries.
This sounds suspiciously like the plot of an episode of Reba… 👀
Grow a set and tell her “no.” Tell any family that uses the excuse “she is family” to open their wallets first. Or you could tell them the always appropriate “mind your own business.”
Your sister can pound sand.
Fake “Now the family is divided”
No? Your family sounds so toxic and your sister sounds like she shouldn’t have had kids in her financial situation.
NTA
Not your responsibility
I would think that the people who provided the scholarship for the travel would have some stipulation that it’s non-transferable. You’ve gotten a lot of sage advice in the other comments here. Just act as if the money is non-transferable. I just can’t get over the gall of your sister to have the attitude that she can demand that money from you. I’ve had someone I’m close to offer me money, which I haven’t taken as of yet, because the idea of asking for it just sits in the pit of my stomach.
Fun story but hard to believe anyone would say you’re wrong not to give her your money…. unless you have a horrible extended family that is abusive. IF true, why are you listening to anyone else? Block them and move on..
NTA if true….
NTA. I don’t understand how, if she’s been cutting classes, she thinks she deserves the money more. Surely that means she deserves it less. It’s a reward . She doesn’t deserve a reward.
NTA. The trip is part of your education, which is important to you. You sister doesn’t feel the same about her education, which is why she lost her child care.
You are not the child’s parent, she is. She is 100% responsible for her own decisions and the consequences. If her child is important to her, she will reevaluate her decisions and take responsibility.
And the folks who are siding with her can step up and help her out, because they, too, are family.
Suggest that the people who think you’re in the wrong all chip in for her childcare payments.
GO ON THE TRIP TO ENGLAND.
Your sister’s child care issues are HERS to solve.
If you cave and don’t go then this could very likely end up being a lifetime regret.
“I should have gone to England that summer,,,”
Please go. Life is too short to miss opportunities like that. NTA
Why does anyone in your family feel like they have a right to weigh in on this? Also why does your sister feel she is entitled to your money? F*** these people. You are NTA. Go to England and have fun
Dude…your family sucks.
Tell her to get off her ass and get a job. She can get Child Care Services if she works 25 hours a week.
Tell her that’s the baby father job! if she don’t like it tell her make the father pay for child care all I hear is them asking you not anyone else.
Whose money is it exactly? Like di YOU save up your own money earned from working to afford the trip to England. And how does your history grade relate> Like did the instructor or the college say everyone who gets grades above X is invited on the trip to England but you have to pay for it yourself?
Just trying to get clairy because it’s not clear to me who is granting this reward for god grades (like it might be a deal your parents made with you) and who is paying for the trip (again – your money or your parents’ set-aside). Because in the end, if it is your own money that you earned you get to choose what to do with it. And I wouldn’t put paying for your sister’s childcare at the top of your list (like she can turn to your parents for that help, or handle her business herself). But if it is just that you were told you’d get this reward for getting good grades and it’s your parents’ money – it would suck if they broke the deal, but it is their choice.
NTA how is the family divided on your money? Maybe the divided family can pony up.
Not your fault your sister fucked someone without condoms while she was going back for her masters. Not your fault your sister was slacking, ditching her classes and didn’t ask for help beforehand from family. You shouldn’t have to miss out because your sister was irresponsible
NTA. This is a super easy solution. Those siding with her can give her their hard earned money. Did you contribute in any way when she conceived her child? Then why are you responsible for her choices? That is not your child. She is a grown ass woman and should know by now that actions have consequences. She needs to deal with them.
NTA. No one has a say on how you spend money. If family members can contribute opinions then they can contribute money. Ignore them all and do what is best for you.
NTA, I don’t understand why she thinks she can have your money because of her poor choices
Sister cannot demand your money. Keep your financial business to yourself! Do not share your plans either. Baby daddy and these family members can give up their money.
Where did the money for England come from?
And if she lost her childcare because she dropped classes, what does this have to do with your England funds?
NTA. Not your responsibility to provide money to your sister. Tell the relatives to fork over their own money if they don’t agree.
She went to college. Had a child. It is your turn. You get to enjoy your college experiences. What she should do instead of demanding that you give her your money so SHE should leave her masters program and work full-time to pay for childcare. And pursue her masters part-time and in her free time. It may take her longer, but that’s the sacrifice you made when you have children.
NTA
Go to England with the money you earned. Safe travels!!!
Why do people feel entitled to other peoples money?
NTA. Enjoy England. You shouldn’t be punished for choosing not to have a baby at 21.
She’s losing child care because she chose to drop classes. When the family starts in on you, ask them how much they’ve chipped in. And then explain to them that this is a school priority and you have to go.
What do you mean “what should you do”! Go on your trip, her baby isn’t your responsibility!
NAH unless you are the child’s father which would be a whole other set of issues.
Have fun in England and tell your sister I said she’s a twat.
NTA. You didn’t decide to have a kid, she did. If your mother or other members of the family want to help her out, they should help her out, not pressure you to give up something you may not have the opportunity to do again
Why is she dropping classes when she knows that it will cause her to lose child care?
Why would she deserve this money for childcare when she doesn’t have the same class load, therefore won’t need as much childcare?
She can demand it all she wants, but she does not deserve it. Why aren’t you shaming those family members to step in and help her with paying for childcare or doing it for free themselves? Why aren’t you shaming your mother for favoring the kid who is entitled, rather than the kid who has worked hard for their goals.
NTA. My summer in London during college changed my life, and my outlook. It got me away from toxic people long enough to wake up to some situations. I hope yours is amazing.
Hold your ground dude.
Naw, your sister sounds entitled.
NTA. She can’t demand that money from you for childcare. You’ve been studying hard and doing well wgich means you get the trip. Your sister’s childcare issue is hers alone. It’s her baby, her responsibility. She shouldn’t be asking anyone for a handout and she doesn’t get to demand anything from you so don’t give her the money. If your family thinks you should give her the money, tell them to fund her themselves as yours is being spent on your trip to England.
NTA. I don’t understand how your sister “deserves it more.” Sure, she may need it, but it’s not your job to supply it, especially when you get to do something so exciting as to go to England as a reward for your academic performance.
NTA
It’s your money. There is no deserving in it.
Your sister’s bad choices aren’t for you to deal with. If you mum and people are in her side, ask them to contribute to her since they care so much. They don’t get an opinion on your money but they can freely spend theirs.
Go to England and enjoy the history !!
NTA
It is your money. Go on your trip if you give it to your sister, she will be expecting money forever.
I was a single mom for a lot of years. It is hard but I wouldn’t trade my experience or my children for anything.
Go to England. Let your sister be mad.
NTA. What’s with this ‘she deserves it’ business. She deserves nothing from you. Maybe she should ask her parents or the baby’s father.
I’ve never understood why people feel entitled to someone else’s money and why family always goes along with the insanity. NTA! Enjoy your trip!
NTA. You earned that trip. She doesn’t deserve that money. Go on your trip with zero guilt.
NTA. Tell her to go get money from the child’s Dad.
NTA, the family that’s siding with OP’s sister should be coughing up their money to help her out. Go on your trip guilt free.
“Now the family is divided.”
Everyone can keep their opinion when you keep your money.
NTA – why should she deserve the money more? Makes no sense.
Have fun in England. You are not responsible for your niece.
Don’t give her the money. She made this bed of her own volition now she can lie in it.
Also I speak from experince with Masters courses. A full course load is 3 classes a semester and while the work is more difficult and time consuming (depending on the class) it shouldn’t but that much harder on her than when she was an undergrad with a younger child. If your parents are that concerned then they should help with child care. Additionally your sister is being an asshole for demanding you give her money, if she can’t handle raising a kid, working on a master’s full time, and working (I assume) she needs to drop the master’s program until her child is older and can take care of themselves for short periods of time after school (Most master’s level courses are night classes once a week for about 3hrs if they are in person) or she needs to try taking online courses to give herself aome flexability with the rest of her schedule.
But absolutly no matter what don’t give her the money. She will demand money from you anytime something comes up if you give in even once. And if your parents or relatives arwn’t going to fork over the cash themselves and i mean actually do it not just say that they would then they need to jeep their mouths shut.
Absolutely not. Let those with an opinion help her out.
Tell anyone siding with your sister to give her money from their own pockets. Tunes will change then. Of course NTA
NTA. She is not entitled to your money. You aren’t her child’s parent. You arent responsible for your sisters decisions- financial or otherwise. Tell her to get a second job because she can’t afford a masters degree.
I don’t understand why she thinks that you should give her your money for your trip to my country because she is dropping classes and losing childcare. What is she intending to spend YOUR money on? It’s obviously not childcare because she isn’t going to class so she can take care of her daughter herself.
If she actually intends to start going to class, the family members who are telling you to give her your money can instead step up and help her with childcare. I’m sure that between them they can make it work.
Tell your mother that your 25 year old sister shouldn’t be asking you to pay for her child or her education. She’s had plenty of time to figure it out and she just can’t be bothered. The reason? She wants to be a student forever and not actually get her masters degree because she will then have to work.
Also ask your mother why she is rallying the family against you when YOU are the one who is taking your education seriously and actually showing up for classes.
I hope you have a wonderful time here in my country. If you have any questions please feel free to ask me.
It’s your money, not hers! Where’s the dad of this child, and why isn’t he paying up?
Nta. Go on your trip and have fun. All of the family that is trying to guilt you can pitch in and help her with childcare
Enjoy your trip to England
Go to England. Enjoy the trip. She can blow off her education and deal with the consequences. You focused and worked hard and got the trip.
NTA.
As an adult, you make choices and must live with the consequences, good or bad. To help with those decisions, seek out people with more experience. Someone who has the specific challenge usually has better advice. It’s how we learn.
When people make bad decisions, bailing them out can sometimes make them feel entitled or dependent. By the way, I’m not talking about doing a small one-time favor.
And you can choose how much or little you want to help. Never put yourself in harms way or cause yourself issues without carefully considering the consequences. Giving her enough to help with some groceries? Probably reasonable. Helping her by giving away your future? Probably not.
The only exception is when they are physically/mentally injured, or about to harm themselves physically. In these cases, professional help (doctor, counselors) is best, as a “well-meaning” person can do more harm.
Her choices appear to have resulted in bad consequences. She has to figure it out on her own.
Others siding with the sister? They can help her if they want to. What those people do/don’t do is not your responsibility. And if they try to guilt trip you into doing something you don’t want to do, feel free to say, “I’m not going to do that“ without explanation
NTA
Anyone that wants to give YOUR money to sis , can give THEIRS instead
What exactly did she do that makes her think she deserves your money?
NTA
Your sister is the one dropping classes. You are not responsible for sacrificing yourself to save her from herself.
Your sister is delusional, you owe her nothing. The bs line leaches use “family helps family” literally means family needs to help me but I will never be there for them. Go low contact, go to England enjoy yourself and better yourself with an education that will benefit your future because you can only count on yourself.
She can get fucked. I mean, she already did, and see where that got her?
Anyway, not your kid, and she’s your sister, not your s/o, so it’s not your problem. Go to England and enjoy yourself. She can figure her childcare problem out on her own.
Go on your trip, it’s once in a lifetime. Taking your trip doesn’t mean you don’t care for your sister or your niece, the two things are not connected. Always inappropriate for other people to tell you how to spend your own money. Just tell your sister you love her, she is smart, and she’s going to figure it out.
NTA. She’s ridiculously entitled. You worked hard for what you’ve gotten. Her circumstances are not your responsibility. Tell the flying monkeys to mind their own business.
I’m going with bot on this one. One post and of course the family is divided. Aren’t they always?