So basically my half sister on my dads side was never really that much in mine and my sisters life bc she’s older now and lives in a different state with her mom. She’s truly an opportunist tho and suddenly wants to see us when she has other plans in our state and needs some her to stay or find out we are going on a trip.
My dad wants to invite her on our one week vacation to a cabin this year because he feels guilty that she’s not close with the family but nobody wants her to come (including him in his own words) because she’s bossy, overbearing, needs to eat at a certain time and makes everyone fuss to prepare things for her, takes over the space and chooses the private bedroom without asking anyone, doesn’t pitch in on any costs, constantly picks on me and my sister and makes snarky comments, goes on political rants and makes everyone uncomfortable, orders me and my sister around like a parent, makes everyone nervous and on edge and just isn’t pleasant to be around for longer than a day. She never made the effort to get close to me and my sister bc she hated kids but now expects us to dote on her as teens.
The family had a huge argument because my dad feels bad not inviting her and refuses to just not tell her about it (“because truth is the only thing that fucking matters in this world” and i quote) even tho she isn’t even talking to him right now. More context: she’s been travelling all year because she doesn’t work and she’s like 55 she has her own life. She also once said “you guys could come visit us for maybe 2 days and then you’d have to get a hotel bc it would be too much for me” (She’s stayed with us plenty of times and even kicked me and my sister out of our rooms when we were little.) Also has come to the cabin many times before.
Basically my dad is pissed at us for asking him not to invite her because he feels guilty they have a bad relationship and he’d rather us all be miserable. Am I wrong for wanting to leave her out this time? I’m so annoyed and confused would really appreciate an outside perspective. Thanks
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So basically my half sister on my dads side was never really that much in mine and my sisters life bc she’s older now and lives in a different state with her mom. She’s truly an opportunist tho and suddenly wants to see us when she has other plans in our state and needs some her to stay or find out we are going on a trip.
My dad wants to invite her on our one week vacation to a cabin this year because he feels guilty that she’s not close with the family but nobody wants her to come (including him in his own words) because she’s bossy, overbearing, needs to eat at a certain time and makes everyone fuss to prepare things for her, takes over the space and chooses the private bedroom without asking anyone, doesn’t pitch in on any costs, constantly picks on me and my sister and makes snarky comments, goes on political rants and makes everyone uncomfortable, orders me and my sister around like a parent, makes everyone nervous and on edge and just isn’t pleasant to be around for longer than a day. She never made the effort to get close to me and my sister bc she hated kids but now expects us to dote on her as teens.
The family had a huge argument because my dad feels bad not inviting her and refuses to just not tell her about it (“because truth is the only thing that fucking matters in this world” and i quote) even tho she isn’t even talking to him right now. More context: she’s been travelling all year because she doesn’t work and she’s like 55 she has her own life. She also once said “you guys could come visit us for maybe 2 days and then you’d have to get a hotel bc it would be too much for me” (She’s stayed with us plenty of times and even kicked me and my sister out of our rooms when we were little.) Also has come to the cabin many times before.
Basically my dad is pissed at us for asking him not to invite her because he feels guilty they have a bad relationship and he’d rather us all be miserable. Am I wrong for wanting to leave her out this time? I’m so annoyed and confused would really appreciate an outside perspective. Thanks
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) telling him to not invite her or lie to her about us going 2) because she is family too and it’s hard for my dad to exclude her from our vacations
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA And if she does come, put her in her place.
NTA. I understand that he wants to repair his relationship with her, but his relationship with her is his own. It does not involve any of you. I would talk to your dad and try to impress upon him that it won’t help his relationship with her to try an force one with all of you. Tell him you respect that he wants to include her, but that making everyone else miserable is only going to make them resent her more.
I assume you are all adults here. If so, tell him that if he insists on her coming then you will not be attending.
If the truth is the only thing that fucking matters, if she cones tell her the truth. Nobody likes or wants her there, no I won’t be your maid, no we aren’t eating now, but you can. No im not making that for you, you can do it yourself. No you can’t have the private room. Keep dropping truth bombs. After all of only the truth matters then give it them. Be warned this is the nuclear approach. But if you have the balls to do it, it may solve your problem.
NTA. If your dad wanted to mend his relationship with her, maybe he should arrange a father-daughter trip between the two of them instead of doing it at the expense of you and others.
NTA- and tell your father his past mistake doesn’t need to ruin the time together you all have. He can go to her and spend time, but there is no reason for her to intrude on family time when she doesn’t consider you family. He needs to grow up- get some therapy- and do better.
NTA, let her stay one night and get her own room
NTA. That wouldn’t be a relaxing holiday for anyone but her. It would be spending time in a tense detente at best, an emotional war zone at worst. Maybe he should go to the cabin with her alone. I don’t know how old you are, but maybe out is a option if you accept that your dad will be angry at your choice.
NTA. Your father needs to straighten things up with her first off all.
If truth is all that matters, he should tell her you’re all going to the cabin but she’s not invited because she’s unpleasant and ruins the vibe and nobody wants to come if she’ll be there! NTA
“Dad, if half-sister attends, I will not. I will not spend a week with my bully, and if you were a decent father, you would not want that for me regardless of her familial relationship to you. You can of course decide to spend that time with her, but I won’t let her abuse me day after day and ruin a week of my life. Let me know what you decide so I can make other plans during that week if she will be there.”
your cabin, your property, your home (even if it’s a second home).
It doesn’t belong to him. It isn’t his property so he has no right to invite anyone.
He is not the host for this event.
if he crosses that line, there’ll be consequences.
If he wants to host his own event, he is free to do so
Perhaps your dad and step sister should take the cabin so they can repair their relationship. You don’t need to be there for that.
Book another trip to the cabin, just you and your dad.
INFO: How old is your father? I’m seeing a heavy age gap with you being a teen and the half sibling being in their 50s.
NTA. Ask dad why he’s concerned about repairing his relationship with her at the expense of his relationship with you and your sister. Tell him if he goes ahead with this that you will lose respect for him because he will damage your relationship when he already knows how she treats you. You and your sister should refuse to go if he invites her. Good luck and please update.
I wouldn’t even put myself through that under the guise of a “vacation.” I would stay home if she is invited, and make it clear why. Why make yourself miserable? You could stay home and work and bypass the whole situation.