I am so lost. I love her and of course find her attractive in every wich way. I don’t care if she gains 100 pounds. But theres something different when it comes to this lip filler stuff. Or any sort of plastic surgery or enhancement. It just does not make sense why woman do this stuff to their face. We have a trip in a month to see my family and she was adamant that she had to get her lips done before the trip. She got them yesterday. Yes I still find her extremely beautiful and attractive but at the same time the lips just look… silly. I realize its like this internet look. Her face does not stand out the same way its got this look to just look good for a picture and thats it kind of look. I don’t know how to explain it. Not to mention she wants more botox and eventually a chin tuck? or chin something.
I am and continuing to be supportive but I try to also tell her she doesn’t need it and more beautiful without it. But she insists its necessary. Maybe as a man I will just never understand what a woman goes the when they start to go through their 30s. My hair is starting to thin and recede in some areas so maybe its similar to that, because that does not feel good and I wish there were easy solutions like a quick injection. Woman are definitely under more pressure then men to keep up appearances and I find that very unfair.
I guess my concern is if she feels the need to do this for me? or is it for herself? Is it a problem for me if its for herself? Is she trying to look better for other people? I do not understand it but I know if I tell her I don’t like it it will kill her confidence.
Any advice?
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Most unattractive fad I’ve seen is current Instagram beauty standards. Ugly as home made sin.
I agree it’s awful how girls do this but how it looks today won’t be how it looks in a few weeks, it will go down a bit! Just tell her you think it looks ridiculous, that will hopefully stop her doing it again.
You’ve already answered your own questions, hombre. Haven’t you? Pressures of aging, as a man you just will never understand and blah blah blah. Why are you overthinking this like you are? 1. She is doing this for herself 2. Why would it be a problem for you if it’s for herself? 3. Ofc she’s trying also to look better for other people due to pressures of aging as a woman that you yourself just ennumerated.
Just tell her you really don’t like the look – and most men agree, makes your face look like a monkeys asshole.
Instead of saying “you look better without it” try more neutral compliments like “I love the way you look all the time” and compliments about her other attributes like her personality and skills. I know you want her to feel like she doesn’t need the fillers, but after she’s already had them done it might hurt her confidence to hear you thought she looked better before
If she just got them done, they will go down a bit over the next few days and not be as noticeable.
If she’s only one day in they are still swollen and probably 30-40% puffier than they will be next week.
Give it a few days they may grow on you. I felt the same way as you, but when her confidence came back my views changed.
I can say with experience the sensations of bigger lips is both better with kissing and BJs. 😂
Did she give herself Mar-A-Lago Face?
I totally get that it can be a bit jarring when someone you care about changes something about their appearance unexpectedly. Especially something like lip filler, which can look more intense at first. But just so you know, if she only just got it done, it’s probably still swollen. Fillers can take a couple of weeks to settle and look more natural, so it’s worth giving it a little time before passing judgment.
Also, chances are she did it for herself, not for anyone else. A lot of us (myself included) wear makeup, do our hair, or dress up because it makes us feel good, not because we’re trying to impress anyone. That said, it’s important to recognize that women (and men, too! Everyone, really!) do face a ton of pressure when it comes to appearance, especially now with social media constantly showing us filtered, curated versions of “beauty.” It’s easy to feel like you’re falling short, even if you’re not.
If you care about her, try to come at it from a place of empathy and curiosity rather than criticism. Maybe ask her how she feels about it and what made her want to try it? You might find out there’s more to her doing it than just looks.
Most importantly, please don’t tell her you hate it. That can be really hurtful, especially if she already feels vulnerable. If you want to say something, remind her that you think she’s beautiful just as she is, because genuine reassurance means a lot more than judgment ever could.
As a girl and a spouse, don’t listen to any of these people. If you want to know exactly what to say to her without her being upset with you or feeling unattractive (because that will for sure not go well), tell her that her natural beauty isn’t something a doctor (or Botox) can enhance. Cheesy, but it would work for me.
The irony is that they look even uglier trying to follow these stupid trends. I know women who were absolutely beautiful but fucked their lips up and I wouldn’t even look twice.
Just be honest? No point in being cryptic about it, she might not ever catch on to the “hints”. Be respectful, but be honest.
So sad. If she is doing this much cosmetic “improvement” in her thirties, she better have a huge bank account to support the procedures she will want over the next 50 years.
I absolutely think you should tell her you don’t like her making changes to her body/face.
I wouldn’t specifically say you don’t like her lips because that could be hurtful.
I think a conversation about why she’s doing it and what else she thinks she’d like to do is in order. Then let her know how you feel about it.
In the end, it is her choice but I think a healthy couple should discuss and understand issues.
Lips are very swollen for up to a week after filler. I bet you will barely notice in 5 days. I think you are being a bit dramatic.
It’s been literally one day, they’re still swollen. They’ll go down, it’s a little too soon to start panicking like this.
Unless you have the perfect poker face, she’ll figure it out pretty quickly. Her bringing up your apparent dislike is inevitable. Make sure you explain your points with sensitivity otherwise its not going to go well.
r/Botchedsurgeries
The only thing you can do, OP, is recognize that your values don’t align with hers, and move on. I know, hard to do when you love her. But it will be harder the longer you stay, and the misalignment will only increase.
Here’s the thing: two women can have the same upbringing, and one emphasizes her looks and gets plastic surgery, and the other one doesn’t. The difference is absolutely personality and influence … but it’s also what the woman herself chooses to emphasize to build her self-image and self-esteem.
Women who invest in their education, knowledge, skills, creativity, interests, etc. have many avenues to self-esteem, and see themselves as more than just a face and body. They aren’t as susceptible to beauty influencers and the like.
If your gf has other things in her life: hobbies, physical activities like sports or dance, creative outlets, volunteering, etc., then you can try praising her for her accomplishments in these things and redirecting her attention. You can also try engaging with her IN these activities, to show her how important her other attributes are to you. But ultimately, how she builds her self-conception is up to her.
If she doesn’t have any of these other things … why are you with her?
Ultimately it’s her face and her choice but you can tell her that you love her face, its perfect to you and want to grow older together with her not run away from reality. Again, it’s her choice but you don’t have to pretend to like it and you can tell her that you miss the face of the woman you fell in love with.
Oh man, I’ve been there. Her confidence, OP, is what matters most here, yeah?
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It’s literally the most disgusting ugly looking procedure to get but all the women I know want it, it’s just a fad that makes them all look like they got punched in the face. You’re not alone. People taking a break from those who get this will send a message.
Maybe the injector was bad. I have my lips done and no one has been able to tell. Not even my super critical foreign mother.
I just look a little hydrated. If it’s over done it wasn’t a good practitioner and she might need to see someone new if she enjoys it and you want to see something more natural.
Sigh I’ve never seen a post that made me so torn. On one hand I think she is a grown woman and has the right to do whatever she wants with her body on the other hand I HATEEEEE this lip filler trend and in your shoes I would be completely put off as well. I guess just wait to see how it looks in a few months hopefully she requested for a reasonable amount of filler and won’t look like a prized fish.
You could try something like “Babe, I just want to put this out there: you are beautiful now, and you’ll be beautiful 20 years from now and beyond. If you want to do this stuff because it makes you feel good, then I support you. But please don’t ever feel a need to do this on my account. I love you inside and out, as you are. And I always will.”
Would maybe hit differently if you were married because the forever is (ideally) baked in but this idea…
She got them done yesterday, they are gonna look weird. They should start looking more normal after a couple of weeks.
If you want to say something I would politely ask “I just want to know, are these surgeries something you are doing for me, or you? If they are for me, it’s not needed to keep my interest, if it’s for you, I understand.”
You won’t win telling her it looks bad, it’s already done. If this is driven by insecurity you won’t talk reason into her until she sees that for herself. Which of course doesn’t mean you need to encourage her, just be as neutral as you can.
Let’s see a pic of it
If I did my lips and my bf didn’t like them I’d prefer if he told his thoughts honestly. I think honesty is best but if I liked how they looked I’d keep them even if he didn’t like them. I think it’s also about how she feels because it’s her body but if it is a deal breaker for you then that’s what it is.
You should tell her the truth, don’t bother with hints. My husband tells me straight up that he dislikes that I get Botox, but won’t stop me from doing what I want. I acknowledge his feelings and still do it. At least we’re both crystal clear that I’m not doing it for his approval.
If it’s something someone can’t fix in 30 seconds, don’t say anything unless she is going to do it again. Speak up then. Don’t make her self conscious. It’s her face, not yours.
They are still swollen, so they definitely will look different in a few days. It sounds like she’s doing it for herself, to live up to the beauty standards of today.
I’m not gonna lie… as a woman, I’m pretty dedicated to never getting botox/filler… but the temptation is real. I’ve recently turned 34 and my face is changing. I hate how often I examine pictures of myself from 5-7 years ago and now and compare the differences. I feel like I’m losing my worth because society tells me the way I look is the most important thing I will ever contribute to the world. And it’s tempting to just… get these little procedures done.
And I hate the pressure. I hate the fact that part of me believes the bullshit. And I’m resisting it as hard as I can. But I also don’t at all blame other women who decide to get the stuff done.
I call them duck lips, very unattractive and cringey. Just like bad botox where they look creepy. Have a discussion with her, that is the only way you will know the reason she does it.
Ask her. The next time y’all are chatting ask her why she decided to do the filler in her lips and why she is thinking about botox. You just want to understand her mindset. I think this is a wonderful convo for y’all to have if its handled delicately. The way you wrote this post, I feel you can do this with her. My hope is that this will lead to an opportunity for you to tell her that you definitely prefer her natural lips, but you’ll support her in what she decides to do. That last part is important lol
You can tell her that you’re worried about her because it sounds like an addiction.
Tell her that she needs to stop now otherwise she risks losing you, but that you support her if she starts therapy to improve her self-confidence….
Tell her the truth! If she truly did it “for herself” then why would it hurt her feelings if you don’t like how it looks? On the other hand, she already has plans to keep ruining her face with more surgery, and you need to give her your honest opinion that it is making her look worse, not better.
33??? Jesus christ….
Here is how I would want my husband to tell me something like this:
“Your natural beauty, your pretty face with all its individual characteristics, is one of the reasons I fell in love with you. Lately I’ve been thinking about how you’ve been making all these little adjustments, such as the lip filler. If I’m completely honest, it makes me sad sometimes because I feel like a tiny little bit of it is lost. I just hope you love and appreciate your own face and body as much as I do.”
I have yet to see someone with filler, that didn’t look like they got filler. It’s so unattractive.
This is a tough one. It was really kind of jarring when my sister had it done, but then I was with her at the appointment so there right after they finished. It was for her wedding and thankfully they went down by then. I don’t get it either, but then I’m not her. IMHO, best thing is to remind her it’s really not needed, she’s beautiful naturally. Long term, find genuine things you love about her and give her verbal affirmations regularly. Approve of her, be proud of her, and let her know often. My best guess is social media standards of beauty are not reality, and it breeds insecurities. Building her up will lessen the grip hopefully.
her lips are gonna go down when they’re not swollen anymore. as we age we lose fat in our faces and it makes our lips smaller. i don’t think she’s doing it for you i think she just wants to restore the volume she previously had in her face. you start to lose that fat and collagen around 25 and it compounds every year as you age.
I hate this look too. I couldn’t figure out how to tell a friend it looked bad :/ thankfully she stopped with the injections.
As people are saying, the swelling should go down, and as you acknowledged, you can’t fully understand the pressure she feels.
That said, I think you should ask her why she’s prioritizing these surgeries. There are health risks and financial components that I think would be fair to question if this is someone you’re planning a life with. I might also suggest she get therapy to work on her self esteem in other ways before committing to ongoing or serious procedures.
You are put off by her inner beauty. You are put off by her shallowness that’s right in your face, or should we say in her face.
On some level you know or you are afraid that you are going to be controlling and somehow anti woman if you don’t support her decisions no matter what, especially when it comes to her decisions over her body.
I hope we can get over that fake women’s rights thinking and be a partner with our partner, which includes talking about what you really think.
Don’t focus on her outer beauty. Be honest with your disappointment and bring no turned off by her shallowness.
I’m a woman and cannot say I like shallow people, boy or girl.
Lip injections take up to 14 days (give or take) to fully settle. They’re going to beg significantly smaller once the swelling goes down.
They are usually swollen before they settle down, hopefully this will be the case for her.
Valid concern, but her lip size will go down. I think fillers are gross but they do go down to a semi-regular size in a couple of weeks unless she way overdid it.
I’m a woman in her 30s and I find fake lips absolutely alien looking, weather or not they are in proportion with the person’s face.
I wouldn’t lie to her if she asks what you think. Don’t say you hate it but it’s okay to say “honestly, maybe it will just take some getting used to, but I liked your natural lips.” It’s filler so it will dissolve over time and maybe she will opt not to waste more money on it. Ultimately it’s her face though. Don’t be mean
Her lips will go down, they are swollen right now. This isn’t the final product.
Lips thin as you age, hers might have started and she is just trying to match them to what she had before. Mine have thinned to a point that I think it’s noticeable, so I’m going to get them done. Nothing crazy, just match my 20 something lips.
As a woman, we are faced with so many unattainable beauty standards its disgusting. I’d leave it alone unless it got to an unhealthy obsession point. At the end of the day, its her body & her choice & it would break me to hear my partner say they dont like this or that about me. Yeah a man will lose hair women are expected to be thin, pretty face, and genuinely not show any signs of aging at all. Just continue to love her for her. Dont put her down OR say you “dont like” the botox. Thats not something she even cares about if she didnt bther to ask you first anywyas. Let her live her life, again, unless you see its an unhealthy obsession (draining your accounts, DRASTICALLY changing her face, etc).
She just got them done yesterday which means it’s peak swelling. Give it another week it’ll probably go down significantly.
If her getting enhancements bothers you that much then I think you should break up. Tired of men being “against” cosmetic procedures when most women they deem attractive have had some work done.
I’m 41 and I’ve never done filler, botox, chemical peel, or anything of the sort. This isn’t a “women over 30” thing; this is an insecure vanity thing. This is the woman you chose
Tell her it feels like kissing someone else’s lips and it’s bothering you. I have a male friend who keeps getting more and more and everyone is telling him it looks bad but he doesn’t listen, of course the large lump on the top lip is the worst part