I’ve been trying to figure this out for years.
My wife and I have been married for 5 years at this point but we’ve been together over 10 years. We met in college and one of our favorite pastimes was to have nap dates after class. Fast forward 10 years and we still love to have a good nap after work.
The problem is anytime I take a nap while she’s awake, she wakes me up. I’ll be just be settling in for a good snooze and she’ll shove her phone in my face to show me a funny video. I’ll roll over and get settled under the covers and as soon as my eyes close, she’ll call a friend and start talking super loud.
She swears she doesn’t do it on purpose because she knows I’m notoriously grumpy when my sleep is cut short but it has become more and more frequent and it never happens when we both lay down after work.
Help me out here. What am I missing? What’s going on?
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Your wife is being an asshole? Or does she feel as if she lacks attention from you in general? And ofc she’s doing it on purpose. Talk to her about it when you aren’t napping and tell her to knock it off. And make sure you’re paying attention to her otherwise.
If you’ve already mentioned it more than a couple of times, then your wife is being intentionally inconsiderate.
I would start napping alone with the door locked
I mean you can talk to her about why this has become such a pattern. But I think you should say out loud that it really feels like she just doesn’t care about waking you up. If she cared she could EASILY do much better, and apologizing about it afterwards doesn’t mean much when nothing changes.
known phenomenon with some wives. this is something you can look up online. unsure why they do it but some women just don’t wanna see their man sleeping. i’m sure the reverse holds true for others too
There’s no deeper reason here. She’s just being selfish
this would get old quickly with me and I’d have to sort it before I lost my mind. Sleep is important for mental health.
I always told my kids if you love someone, you let them sleep. I don’t know what the answer is but I feel for you because I absolutely hate when my nabs are interrupted.
I knew a man who did this and would literally jump on the bed to wake his wife up. It’s FULLY on purpose. A narcissist absolutely cannot stand if you are enjoying yourself and will do anything to prevent it. Ask yourself if there are other areas of your life where this is true too for her. It’s a really disgusting trait to bring into a relationship.
She is doing it on purpose
She’s not accidentally shoving her phone at you when your eyes are closed. She knows your eyes are closed and she knows she’s shoving her phone at you.
Same thing when you get under the blankets. She knows where you are nestled into the bed.
It sounds like you have already discussed it and she is still doing it. It is not an accident.
Maybe your wife is always loud, peppy, and wanting to interact with you or be social (chatting on the phone, etc) but you never notice it until your in “off” mode, trying to take a break from it. She may also not realize how seriously aggravating it is for you
Have you tried…talking to her?
My mother was like that. In her case it’s because she thinks naps are a waste of time and everyone should be awake and productive. Then she reached her late 70s and started taking naps. Now she’s a napper too. She apologizes when she takes a nap LOL
She wants a nooner.
I mean, it’s kinda weird she’s waking you up on purpose? Just tell her how it makes you feel, and if she cares, she’ll stop.
I don’t buy the idea that your wife doesn’t do it on purpose but in the chance that’s true, try creating a signal that says you are off limits. If you nap in the bedroom (recommended) close the door & put a necktie or a sock on the doorknob as a flag. When the flag is there, she’s not to disturb you unless she’s calling 911 as well or the outdoor warning sirens have gone off.
If you nap in the living room or other common area, stop that. It is harder to disturb you if she has to open the door of a different room.
Well she wouldn’t be taking a nap while I’m awake…
After work, and before you get home, pull over to a nice quiet spot and take a nap.
It’s not an uncommon situation. The wife says she supports your nap (or ANY activity) but totally sabotages the nap (activity) because your spare time should be dedicated to HER (not your nap, book, game, or whatever activity). No amount of talking is going to change anything.
Weird……….I love when my boyfriend takes naps. I finally get to watch something I like or game on my PlayStation/Switch. He always lets me nap if I end up doing so because I too get monstrous when awoken. He makes fun of me continuously about waking me or God forbid holy hell…it’s WW3… Hell hath no furry, etc LOL…I don’t mean to be a jerk but like……I’m napping! Like Let me nap 😁 Or at least wake me with sex or like something to drink🍹or a snack
What’s the balance of household labor like? Is it possible she feels you’re not doing your share and watching you go for a nap is causing resentment?
Lol. How can she not be doing it on purpose? You’re laid down with your eyes closed, is that not a clear sign that you’re trying to sleep?
Start waking her up every time you’re awake, and explain that anyone can inflict sleep deprivation.
Tell her to stop, that you’re trying to sleep, roll over and go back to sleep
She’s doing it on purpose. If she admkts she’s doing it on purpose, it opens her up to interrogations and accusations. But gaslighting you about it makes it seem like you’re imagining it.
I’ve seen many stories where the spouses thinks napping and sleeping during the day is wasteful, unproductive, and a poor character trait, so they try to discourage it. Also I’ve seen where they think, “I’m awake, they should be too.”