So I (17f) met this guy (20m) three years ago when I was 14. We started dating on and off over the years. When we were together he always wanted to do something physical like kissing or touching my privates etc. I was uncomfortable with as I was molested by my biological father when I was a toddler and when I was 6 or 7 by a family friend. But I never told him that nor did I explain that im uncomfortable with it. We barely went on any dates, maybe once or twice to a movie (but that’s a whole other thing) So fast forward, it was my 17th birthday two weeks ago. We decided that he was going to come for a sleepover and we will drink some alcohol. Turned out I’m a lightweight and got drunk pretty fast. We went to sleep and then I remember only small pieces of that night. I don’t know how we ended up there but we were having sex. I remembere him being on top of me and saying stuff like “I want your children” “I want us to get married” etc. I remember answering him “me too” and I didn’t push him away nor did I say no. The next thing I remember is waking up next to him naked. I felt disgusting with myself. I acted like it wasn’t a big deal and the next day when I went to school I told my friend about it and she suggested me to ask him if he used protection. I asked him and it turned out that he didn’t. I was freaking out so I went to the pharmacy with my friend to buy the pill. Later that day I broke up with him. I feel awfull about the whole thing. Did I overreact ? Am I the Asshole ?
AITAH for breaking up with my boyfriend after having sex for the first time?
r/AITAH
Comments
Ah, a douche that completely ignores your feelings about your own body. Nah, screw this guy. NTA and ditch the loser.
No, he definitely shouldn’t have even been with you as a 20 year old and he’s fucking disgusting
You did not overreact. That was sexual assault. He got you intoxicated and had sex with your inebriated and unconscious body.
I’m sorry yet another man has let you down. If it makes you feel better you don’t have to count nonconsensual sexual encounters in your body count. I don’t.
He got you (and underaged woman) drunk and then had sex with you? Not sure how you feel about this but that’s r*pe IMO. You couldn’t consent?!
NTA. Not an overreaction. He had sex with you when you were in no state to consent. That amounts to rape. You shouldn’t be with somebody who would do that. In future, beware of a man one-sidedly deciding it’s going to be a sleepover. Consent is important here, too.
Indeed he’s creepy enough for going after someone that much younger than him in that age range (23 and 20 is fine for example; 14 and 17 is..not) and then he raped you…So uh..no, NtA
That was not consensual at all. Depending on the state you’re in you can potentially even bring him up on charges. And you should.
You didn’t overreact, he raped you. You were too drunk to consent to sex, and he had unprotected sex with you anyway, that’s rape. I’m so sorry this happened to you, please reach out to someone you trust and talk about this. Definitely try to get into therapy you can, this is a heavy thing to process on top of your past trauma.
NTA
You dont have to say no if your not in a clear mental state he took advantage of you drinking to get what he wanted thats a slimy excuse of a man
Definitely NTA hes a poor excuse of a man to do that to you
Although you didn’t excatly fight it. It was date rape. This was him abusing you in a way. You were under the influence. You’re lucky you dropped him because only a low down loser would take advantage of you like this. Others may disagree but it’s tape. Happens to us ladies more than it should because we trust the wrong people. Hope you stop beating yourself up. It’s not your fault . Be aware from here on out that anything you take can put you in same spot again.
You did not overreact what he did was SA. You were obviously drunk and he took advantage of you. Do not get back with him he knew what he was doing.
Nta he took advantage of you while you were in a vunerable state. Stay well clear
NTA. Just because you didn’t push him away or say no doesn’t make it consensual. You were also drunk enough to be mostly blacked out from that evening. I would call this sexual assault, even if a DA probably wouldn’t decide to move forward with bringing the case to a grand jury.
You broke up with him because it didn’t feel right. You can break up for any reason, even if you had a wonderful experience, and this wasn’t that.
Don’t beat yourself up for ending this. I hope you can get therapy so you can process your sexual trauma and work on setting healthy boundaries.
Not over reacting, not an asshole. Hunny, you were sexually assaulted. You were intoxicated and unable to give informed consent. You don’t have to say no for it to be a rape. Anything but enthusiastic consent is SA plain and simple. Sounds to me like you were not only intoxicated but in freeze response as well. Please reach out to a trusted adult and see if you can get into counseling at the very minimum.
You need to file charges against this guy. He’s an adult, your a child he got you drink, maybe even spiked your drink, though it’s probably too late to test for that. He didn’t use protection, and you’ve rejected his advance for multiple years. What he did is absolutely tape, and should not be tolerated. He is not your friend. He’s an abuser and a rapist.
NTA Omg sweet angel! What he did was NOT ok. Explicit consent is clear and enthusiastic and sober. This was not that. Thank goodness you dumped him, never feel bad for abusive men.
So an adult got a minor drunk and then raped her. Is there any part of this that isn’t clear who the asshole is?
he raped you. he got you drunk and had sex with you without your consent. and, depending on where you are, that’s illegal to give you alcohol at that age.
Sweetie. He coerced you into having sex. It may or may not have been technically rape but it was 100% coercion which is a really shifty thing to do to someone. He doesn’t love you and you wouldn’t owe him anything if he did. Talk to your parents and get them to keep him the hell away from you.
Are you really a lightweight or did he drug you?
You can never be wrong, nor do you need a “good” reason to break up with someone. If your gut reaction to this, was to end things. then that is probably the right move.
i’m so sorry this happened to you ❤️ you don’t remember saying no or fighting back, but you also don’t remember saying yes, which makes what he did rape.
it can be really hard to accept, but that is what happened. he also was wrong in the first place to go after someone so much younger than him. when you look at 14 year old boys now, don’t they seem like children to you? yet he must have been older than you are now when he first asked you out.
you were absolutely right to break up with him.
it is so unfair that you have had to experience all of this at your young age. but you have a strength inside your gut that is so important, and that is what made you break up with him, even when your brain wasn’t certain. you need to keep listening to that. don’t let anyone make you second-guess yourself. your instincts are the best protection you have, because a predator will never announce themselves. most will try to convince you should thank them for abusing you.
Totally not the asshole. This guy took advantage of an underage drunk girl. That’s messed up.
Please don’t direct that disgusted feeling at yourself, it’s for him! He’s a predator who planned this and assaulted you. None of this is your fault. He may also have been trying to baby trap you. Are there any adults that you trust, like your mum or a teacher? Reporting assaults are hard, I’m not saying you have to do it, but what he did was rape and he will very likely do it again to someone else. You may also be in danger if he keeps trying to contact you. I’m really glad you have your friend, but I really recommend you tell an adult what’s going on.
This guy is nothing but red flags. Groomed you at a young age, forcing unwanted physical behavior, getting you drunk and taking advantage. And honestly the things he said during intercourse on top of the fact he didn’t use protection seems heavily like he was intending to trap you with a pregnancy. I woke absolutely dumb, block, delete and press charges. Stay safe OP
Oh sweetie, that’s not sex, that’s a whole ass adult man supplying a minor with alcohol, getting them drunk, and raping them. Breaking up with his is the least you should do. You have full rights to go to the cops and get him arrested for sexual assault and rape against a minor.
Wait, what? This has to be rage bait. Why do YOU feel bad?
He groomed you, made sure you were so drunk you didn’t know what was happening and assaulted you. I’m sorry.
I hope one day you can get therapy and heal from all the trauma you’ve endured. Speak to the authorities and see if you can report your “ex bf.”
Half of these replies are sickening. You are NOT the one in the wrong here.
OP, please please please go to the hospital and get a rape kit done on you TODAY, tell your guardian, and call the cops all today.
He’s been grooming and molesting you for years, if he’s always wanting to be touching you, THATS MOLESTATION. He convinced and coerced you to get drunk (alcohol can have such detrimental effects on an undeveloped brain and your brain isn’t fine until you’re 26) and then HE RAPED YOU. Please don’t let him do it to any other litte girl and please know that not one bit if this is your fault. Your father failed you, it’s not your fault. This man used and abused you, don’t let it continue. You are wonderful for listening to your gut after it happened, you are learning to navigate after a traumatic childhood, it’s not your fault.
Absolutely not. NTA. You did the right thing!
NTA. You couldn’t consent. He didn’t use protection. Also, when he was 17 and you were 14, that’s a bit problematic, IMO and feels like grooming. Also, in many states, a 20 YO having sex with a 17 YO is statutory rape, even if consent was obtained. These laws were specifically created so that minors don’t get pregnant and have their lives ruined by older men who groom, coerce, and impregnate them.
Technically he had sex with a minor depending on your states age laws. He can be charged with sex with minor and will have to go the the registry. You were in no way able to consent to intercourse with him. Id look at bringing charges against him for statutory rape.
There’s no reason a 20 year old should be with a 17 year old. Let alone a 17 year old with 14 year old. You are still a minor and that is a whole ass adult that has been using you
So he’s a predatory rapist, and I’d get the police involved personally, definitely NTA and I’m glad you have a good friend that would go to the pharmacy with you
NTA: HE RAPED YOU. You need to file a police report and have him arrested. You also need to get to your OBGYN and get checked out. He has been grooming you for 3 years. A 17 year old pursuing a 14 year old is gross. He absolutely is wrong here. Yes, neither of you should be drinking alcohol as minors, but that still doesn’t excuse what he did. YOU DID NOTHING WRONG. Remember that. 🩵
You underreacted to the tune of at least one felony sexual assault charge. Every bit of your relationship with this man was wrong. Every last moment. Many of those moments, most, by the sound of it, were criminal.
That man is a horrible person who should be castrated in prison.
Yeah, it’s clear you didn’t consent, and he took advantage — regardless of how drunk he was.
Anyhow, you’re a teen. Breaking up is very normal at your age, for any reason at all. And this is a very good reason.
You need therapy to help with your past trauma. Stay away from alcohol, and don’t give the guy another chance.
NTA but it is statutory r8pe
He assaulted you my love, this is absolutely not ok. You did not in anyway over reacted and could still press charges. Please take care of yourself ♥️ not the ah
Even if you didn’t say no. You didnt say yes – you didn’t consent. That’s r*pe girl. And he didn’t use protection? that’s just adds to how horrible of a person he is.
The way you described the experience of coming in and out of consciousness and mumbling an answer and then waking up. That’s how my own experiences happened when I was drugged. Are you sure you’re a lightweight and weren’t drugged?
NTA I’m glad you got away from him. You did nothing wrong and you’re not the disgusting one. He is
he got an underaged girl drunk then had sex with her. honey. NTA, he raped you.
He’s definitely in the wrong here but I have no idea why you’d get into a relationship with someone when you have deep emotional instability. I’ve met multiple women like this, for some reason they think a relationship will fix their emotional problems when all you’re doing is exasperating them. You need to come to terms with yourself and what happened to you before you bring other people into your life.
Almost the same exact story was posted today with the roles reversed and so many were blaming the man.
You were raped and he’s a predator. You deserve better in life. Considering your past assault, I urge you to get into therapy. Good luck.
A sleepover with alcohol and your 17 ? I would NEVER EVER allow my daughter to have a sleepover with a guy 🚫🚫🚫 where were your parents ❓my daughter tried that one time n I didn’t come close to ever happening,just a waste of breath on her behalf n she was over 21
depending on where you are this is statutory rape, and illegal. not depending on where you are i think its possible you were groomed and should alert authorities and go to a trusted adult.
NTA – you are allowed to take care of yourself physically, mentally and emotionally – you should never feel guilty about that.
You matter too, not just his feelings, and what he did was selfish, he was only thinking about himself and what he wanted from you.
You are allowed to say that you want different or better behaviour than what he is offering.
Just please be careful that he doesn’t escalate, take care of yourself and don’t allow yourself to be pushed back into a relationship you don’t want.
NTA
Im so sorry that happened to you. This is not normal in any way and you deserve so much better. The age gap is crazy he was 17 when you were 14!!! Not okay at all.
Also remember how he didn’t take you out much/go on many dates but wanted to be super physical. That alone would be a deal breaker for me. If they can’t take you out publicly and respectfully then don’t let him have the opportunity to have you in private.
Consider the possibility that you aren’t actually a lightweight, but that you may have been roofied. What you described sounds very much like you could’ve been.
Sweetheart I know this is scary and it sucks but you need to go get checked for STIs. You need to be honest and upfront with your doctor and tell them you had unprotected sex and that you want to make sure nothing was transmitted.
NTA, but I’d go to the police, he took advantage of you when you were very vulnerable, which is rape.
He groomed you and raped you – I’m so sorry
You are not overreacting, and you are not the asshole in this situation. I am so sorry this happened to you, and that another man has let you down.
A 20 year old man shouldn’t be with a 17 year old, nor should he have been with you being 17 while you were 14. Not only is he a groomer, but he also never respected you or your boundaries. You deserve better.
NTA he has sex with you while you were almost unconscious not good you could also press date rape charges
NTA. He sexually assaulted you while you were intoxicated. You should absolutely not be with him any more.
You were raped. Of course you’re NTA. File a police report. He’s a rapist.
NTA
Please go to a clinic and get tested for any STDs 🙁
NTA, this is not an overreaction. My question is did he bring the alcohol and if so are you sure he didn’t put something in it? It sounds like what you were experiencing during that time frame you might have been drugged.
NTA just based on the ages. Get away from that pedophile.
What country are you in. That does vary on drinking age. Dis your parents not ask where you were going?
First off. There are ways too many red flags here.
He met you when you were 14. He was over the age of consent. He continued to pursue a minor until you weren’t even of age to continue to sexually advance on you.
This is Rape. Even if you consented. It’s Statutory Rape.
NTA. Get this man out of your life and never look back.
Do you have any idea how much time you wasted on a creep?
Please be more cautious and protect yourself. You aren’t even 18 yet.
NTA. NTA. NTA
Groomers should remain at the vets…
Even tho he was under age when you met you were way too young and for him to be eager to touch you!?! Please do not give him any kids!!
NTA.
Even if (if is reaching), he was drunk and thought you were okay with what happened. It is still not okay that it happened. Arguing with someone that they are a creepy pervert is next to impossible. Leaving is the best option. With intent, it’s rape and he is going to do it again. Without intent, it was rape and he is going to do it again, but he will have bullshit excuses as to why he is not a bad person. NTA
NTA. In 3 years when you turn 20, it’ll really sink in how much of a loser this guy was to be fooling around with a 17 year old.
On a serious note though, please find a therapist or counselor you can see consistently. Since you’ve had a pattern of sexual abuse in your life, you’re going to need help and guidance to know how to form healthy relationships in your future. You deserve to find a happy and healthy relationship, and a trusted professional can help you know what to look out for so this hopefully never happens to you again.
A 20 year old bought you, and underaged minor, alcohol. Got you drunk, and had sex with you. Get his ass locked up.
NTA. He took advantage of a situation where you could not give consent due to alcohol. You need to stay far away from him. I’m sorry that happened for your first time. It wasn’t supposed to be like that, and you deserved better. You did the right thing. He was selfish and awful. Make sure you took the morning after pill and not the regular pill.
NTA: You kept telling him no before, no matter how many years it had been. He gets back with you and immediately wants to have a sleepover drinking with a minor. Being drunk to the point of passing out is definitely not consent. You did the right thing breaking up. He’s an adult and you’re a minor. He knows better. Just be careful going forward in the future of situations you put yourself in. Not your fault, but, always be aware of your surroundings. I’m sorry this happened to you and your past trauma.
NTA. It is difficult to overreact to being date raped. You deserved better.
NTA. He raped you, a 17 year old, practically a child. Please do not be alone with him again and find a new boyfriend for your own safety and happiness.
He raped you.
Statutory rape
You were groomed and raped. I’m so sorry love. I’m glad you had the strength to leave 💓
Can you get tested as well? You were definitely assaulted. Regardless if you were conscious or not, you said yourself you went to sleep. He violated you in your sleep and made you think you wanted it. I would feel disgusted too. Please get tested
You are a precious person and you deserve someone who treats you well. Over time you will feel better.
You did it right! Don’t go back! Stay strong!
honey you got raped.
Dump him!!!!!!!!!
He raped you. Please break up with him and get some help for yourself. Stay safe
This has got to be rage bait. But on the chance it’s not – that’s rape. Turn him in. NTAH
NTA – go to the police and tell them everything you’ve posted here, I think they’ll be interested.
No I mean it kinda sounds like he was grooming you. Why would a17yr old want to date a 14yr old and always touching you as an underage minor is literally illegal and a sexual crime. I think you did the right thing. Stay far away from him and protect yourself. Love yourself first and enjoy life before worrying about a relationship
Damn you’re not the asshole but you also have no standards. You’re a young girl dating a grown man for 3 years and went on 2 dates? Yikes if I was your parent I just know I failed miserably. But all in all let’s see you were supplied alcohol/drugs and blacked out. Obviously not able to consent to anything most people will say that’s rape. Especially since he seem pretty cognizant
NTA. Of course you’re a lightweight, you’re 17. He def raped you because you’ve already told him you are not ready. And getting super drunk doesn’t change that. And, him not using protection is insane. I’m sorry this happened to you. Good choice and good luck.
This happened to me on my 15th birthday. He got me a handle of Captain Morgan as my present. I never told anyone for over 10 years. I was so ashamed. Be grateful you are seeing it for the rape that it is now. You should consider pressing charges. It’s likely you aren’t his first or last victim.
You’re not the asshole in any universe. You were raped. It may take a lot for you to realise it now, but soon you will see this for what it is.
You should report him, what he did is not okay!
I hope you’re safe and in the future can see the red flags earlier and clearer.
NTA. You were unable to consent. That was rape.
OP, have you taken a Plan B or another after-the-fact contraceptive?
Or contacted the police about being raped while impaired, possibly while underage, depending on the age of consent in your area?
Because this is a HUGE deal, for multiple reasons, and you have every right to cut him out of your life.
He’s a pedo and a rapist
Simply breaking up is an under reaction rape. And that is rape on two grounds. First, you are most likely below the age of consent. And second, you were intoxicated, so you were unable to consent.
Yeah NTA from what you’ve described he raped you. The whole plan reeks from the start, if you think about it. He brought alcohol with him to sleepover with you and it sounds like that was your first time getting drunk? He was hoping to get you drunk and have sex with you from the start.