I (31 f) live with my fiancé, 2 kids, and mother in law. Recently my brother in law (26 m) moved in, he lost his apartment and mil told him he could stay with us without consulting my fiancé and I. Fast forward 4 months I’m constantly made uncomfortable by his childish fits he throws when not getting his way. Today mil confronts me about how me not wearing a bra in my own god damn house makes her baby boy feel “uncomfortable”. The reason for not wearing a bra at home is due to medical conditions. Wearing a bra causes my joints to shift wrong causing pain so when I’m home I don’t wear one to avoid pain. Am I the ass hole for telling her my comfort is more important to me and my health than her dick of a son.
Updated: quick tidbit mother-in-law, fiancé, and I all own the house. We’re all on the mortgage. We bought it together.
Comments
Who pays the mortgage/rent?
NTA. Ridiculous.
I’m curious how can you make decisions like deciding to become a parent but can’t answer this dumb*** question
NTA
It’s your house. Do what you want. Are you shirtless? Are your boobs totally exposed? Even then, it’s only sexual if he makes it that way. They’re only boobs and nipples after all. He can grow the fuck up. Fuck him
On another note, and I truly don’t mean any personal offense to you, but fuck your mother in law too for inviting him to live with you guys without even consulting you. Even if she’s paying a portion of the bills, she doesn’t get to just decide if someone else can move in. You guys are in a partnership so a group conscience should be had. She made that decision on her own and that makes her as big of an asshole as your brother in law.
Again, you are NTA
If he don’t like it he can move out same thing with your mother-in-law shalom you’re loved 💔
NTA.
If BIL doesn’t like it, then he can leave or pay rent, until then he (and MIL) can shut the fuck up.
Nah NTA. If your bra makes him uncomfortable, he can look away or move out.
Nta you should be comfortable in your own house
You don’t have an in law problem, you have a fiancé problem. if he won’t stand up for you, then take your rent payments elsewhere.
pshhh. what kind of baby is complaining about boobies to his mommy? your house, your rules. I haven’t worm a bra in years, I hate them
I’m so sorry these idiots are ganging up on you in your own home! Don’t try to get into it with them, they’ll just say you’re belligerent. Maybe go buy as many tops as you need that are comfortable and not revealing (breast outline exempted), and tell them that’s your accommodation for them, case closed.
NTA – get them both out of there, that sounds like hell on Earth.
Yeah, anyone drawn to a monster like bunny probably has some… interesting priorities. It’s a fair point to make, but maybe the wording just wasn’t right for her
If your joints “shift” due to such light pressure as a bra, you have way more concerns that your BILs issue.
I would continue going without a bra, if that helps you physically. If BIL doesn’t like it, he doesn’t have to live there. Your husband needs to tell his mom and brother to mind their own business.
You should be allowed to be comfortable in a house you pay rent in.
The whole point of “home” is to take off the bra, no medical reason necessary! NTA
What kind of weirdo has an issue with a woman walking around with bra?
NTA. It’s your house do as you please. Tell in laws to gtfo
Sounds like MIL and BIL should go live together elsewhere.
Ha I never wear a bra at home if I can at all avoid it. You’re coming in my house at 11pm to hang out with my daughters? That’s on you. 😂 Your MIL sounds awful. She won’t get any better. Cut and run!
insane. it’s okay not to wear a bra. NTA
He’s 26…he’ll survive
And I’m sure he’s not the one complaining, FYI. Anytime me being braless has been an issue, it’s usually from another woman making a backhanded comment. I’m sure he mightve made a comment in passing to MIL, but he probably doesn’t actually care.
I would confront BIL myself and see what he says
NTA
NTA. You are not exposed. You are not wearing a bra. Tell her if she wants you to wear a bra, the brother in law needs to wear a jock strap all the time in the house.
No. If you have a medical issue, I would hope she understands, but I think getting rid of the freeloading brother-in-law is your first priority.
Sounds like it may be time to kick all the in laws out of your house
NTA
He gets no say in what you wear.
Absolutely NTA. Compulsory bra-wearing is one of the most asinine things ever, especially in one’s own home, regardless of who’s paying the mortgage. What the actual fuck! This indicates a parenting problem on the part of MIL… she failed to properly inform her son that females have boobs of varying shapes and sizes, and while they may be sexually interesting in some contexts, they are a normal part of life and need to be treated as such. I’m sorry the medical condition was even mentioned, because OP should not have to excuse her clothing choices like this.
I have similar issues (frozen shoulders) and bras really really make me hurt worse. Screw him. He can leave if you being comfortable in your own home makes him uncomfortable.
Tell her to back off or you’ll start going tip less too!
NTA. You could let him know that you need him to wear a sports cup at all times in the house because fabric alone over his genitals is making you uncomfortable.
She lied obviously 🙄
He is not having a problem with you being braless
MIL always sowing discord
Why is your MIL living with you? If it’s her home then she can invite her son to live there. IF it’s YOUR home then her sonny boy needs to move out.
Nta your house your rules
NTA
Send her baby boy packing. She didn’t even ask? Selfish. Is it your home, or does she pay too?
As a guy, im all for dump the bra. Seriously. Your house. Your sandbox
If you are not married then you don’t have a MIL.
Who owns the home?
As an adult, I would never live with in-laws. I’d demand that my significant other moonlight or work overtime, I’d do so myself, I’d cut costs in any way possible to be independent.
NTA – I’m confused why you even need to say it’s for a medical reason though? You cannot wear a bra in your own home even if it’s not a medical reason.
But also it doesn’t seem like BIL is moving out. Are you and your fiance planning to live with your MIL forever? I think it’s time to either sit down and draw some boundaries that you all can stick to or you and your fiance need to look for another place to live or MIL/BIL need to find a new place.
WHO owns the house???
Obviously NTA
Kick them both oht
Why is your MIL living with you? And why is the brother still at your house after 4 months?
NTA: it’s your house. You have the right to be comfortable. If MIL feels uncomfortable, then she can leave, but she can’t tell you what you have to wear in your own place. If you wanted to walk around naked you could
Is he going braless as well? Even stevens
Even if it wasn’t for medical reasons, not his place to say anything. If he’s uncomfortable with no bra, does he not leave the house? A lot of people never wear a bra.
Your house, your rules. You don’t need a medical condition to not wear a bra. Woman to woman, not sure why breasts make her uncomfortable.
NTA
I’d say yall are lucky I have pants on… stop looking at my boobs.
Why is MIL there ? What’s important here ? Your health or keeping the Peace ? You climb the mnt you had better take your Zen with you…
I didn’t even read all of this but you’re nta. LET THE TITTIES FREE! I go out everywhere without a bra! If you see an outline of nips you will survive, so who cares. Him and MIL can move if they have problems with it (or anyone else)
Who cares why you don’t wear a bra? Medical condition or no, you don’t want to wear one so don’t. Free the titties is my motto (as someone else who refuses to wear a bra at home). Maybe you should also free the BIL to go find somewhere else to live. And take MIL with him
Get all these moochers out of your house and live your life. Nevermind just saw your update. Why in the world would you get a mortgage with your mother in law. What in the terrible decision is that.
Whhhhhhhy did you get a mortgage with your mil
You made a huge mistake getting a mortgage with mil.
Nta
NTA.
Find a way to move out of this nightmare.
Your MIL should have at least consulted you. It is not only your all’s house too, but your kids live there as well. That means there are 4 people you speak for that she DID NOT consult.
Her 26 year old baby boy needs his mother to tell you to wear a bra in the house because… boobies? What?
Live your life. Tell your husband what has happened, and make damn sure he is on your side in case it is brought up again. Don’t cave. Do what you need to do, focus on your family, and be looking for a way to move out.
I’d call both BIL and MIL out and ask what makes him uncomfortable. I wouldn’t want anyone creepy around my kids so I’d make sure I get a clear and honest answer from him. “Childish fits” I don’t want that example around my kids either.
All three of you are on the deed? You mentioned the mortgage, but what names are on the title?
Why in the hell did you and your fiance agree to a joint mortgage with your MIL???
Sorry, but that was extremely foolish. I NEVER would have agreed to that.
Wow, I would definitely never buy a home with MIL even if I got along with her. That’s just a nightmare situation.
Note to all…..just no NEVER BUY A HOUSE WITHOUT MARRIAGE AND NEVER WITH A MIL!
nta he can stop looking or gtfo YOUR house.
Why on earth is your MIL on the mortgage? That’s worse than a death sentence.
If he isn’t comfortable with it, he can move out. It’s not his house.
You’re asking for trouble if you have your mother in law and your brother in law move in with you. Get them out of the house asap.
Seriously
Hey it’s part your house so be comfortable. If your BIL can’t take it tell him to leave.
Do all of you live with your MIL, or does your MIL live with you? Whose house is it? That’s who gets to set reasonable rules.
I’ve always thought the actor of noticing someone isnt wearing a bra is far creepier than the act of not wearing one. Most of the time I can’t tell whether someone else is wearing a bra.
Get out. This will never end.
Is buying her out a possibility?
NTA. Tell her something like you’ll wear a bra 24/7 when he does. I bet he even walks around topless, how immodest 🤣
I am one who hasn’t worn a bra since high school when at home. Can’t stand the things. Last thing I put on when dressing and I usually take it off in the car on the way home. I can take it off while driving.
NTA, tell mil if her baby is uncomfortable then he should move the F out.
NTA, and her son needs to lose the main-character syndrome. Women are not objects.
That said, I myself like privacy at the same time I hate wearing brassieres. Stretchy cotton tanks under your clothes that are a little tight fitting provide a tiny bit of control with no discomfort, and those silicone discs prevent show through. YMMV, but I like those for myself.
Big mistake buying a house while not married and adding your mil in the mix. But no NTA. You’re part owner. Bil might be there indefinitely so you’re going to have to deal with it. Good luck!
NTA. Also, a mom speaking on behalf of a 26 year old? Grow up. Bro can maybe bring it to the fiancé’s attention, who’d could then say “STUF man, you’re not even paying rent and you’ve got xx amount of time to move out”.
gurl. i just went grocery shopping without one
my 65yo neighbor lives to jump when she is ecstatic
and my bonus kids give no fucks!!
gen z, some of boomers, and all of what i dreamed of in a stable family is fucking alright
Does your house have a door? Your MIL and BIL need to be shown the door. Pronto.
NTA – It’s your home. I’m sorry that you have pain by wearing a bra. Even if you didn’t, if you want to go braless at home, that’s your right. Tell the momma’s boy to stop looking and he can go to another room if he’s uncomfortable.
Nta
Tell your mil she raised a pervert 🤷🏻♀️
I stopped wearing a bra years ago, home and in public, sure, I’ll throw something over to cover my nipples, but hell yeah, its liberating and how the F is it worse than all the bimbos walking around in public with a tiny strip of cloth barely covering their nipples? Her baby boy can go get his own fing apartment if he’s uncomfortable, I’m sure he would happily suck on a pair lol
there is no law that says you must west a bra anywhere, any time! NTA, his issues are just that – HIS! he is free to move if he doesn’t like it
Get rid of MIL and BIL. See if there is a special (probably expensive) store that can fit you with a bra that will help your body. Do that for you, no one else.
NTA. Get some loose fitting sweatshirts so it’s not so obvious. You can cut off the sleeves if they are too warm.
NTA
Okay save your medical reason about your bra— it’s your house. You don’t need to explain why you don’t want to wear a bra in your own house. It’s ridiculous that someone made you feel this way. NTA
People wear bras at home???
I never do.
NTA
Take the bra off and be free. It is ridiculous to expect you to wear one after you get home. They are uncomfortable and evil.
Time for a house meeting. BIL needs to be paying rent or move out.
MIL doesn’t get to rule the roost, tell her to make her son move out if he is uncomfortable in a home that isn’t his.
Wanting also walk around your house without a bra? And what else?
Do you have a shirt on? If your tits aren’t hanging out, then who the fuck cares if you have a bra on or not? It makes absolutely no sense to complain about that. How the fuck could someone possibly care that you don’t have a bra on when you have a shirt on?
If your MIL also owns the house AND you are completely topless with your tits hanging out, then she 100% has the right to complain. If my roommate walked around with his dick out, I would be pissed.
Tell your MIL that she can house him since she didn’t ask y’all first. It’s your fucking house!
Every woman on this thread knows that the bra essentially exists as a means to decide whether to go out or stay home. Example: your friend calls you to ask if you want to meet her for dinner. She asks if you have already taken your bra off – because if you have, you probably will decline. My CEO called me one night and said ‘ I need you to go in to work and handle an issue that has come up; I’ve already taken my bra off and I am not putting it back on!! It was hilarious- I started to tell her that mine were hanging a bit low too, but got dressed and went in. Your home, your bra, your rules – tell your MIL that if she mentions your bra again, you will take the shirt off and give him the entire bonanza! If she says that’s ridiculous, take off the shirt! I am the description for FAFO! People rarely ever push me more than once!! I will act a fool just to see the look on your face!
Your house, your rules. BIL and MIL can go fuck themselves. Also, your fiancé needs to step up and chew out both of them for putting you through this crap in your own home.
In your house you can walk around naked any nobody can tell you otherwise.
NTA sheet I stopped wearing a bra all together. Why should I or you be physically uncomfortable for hours at a time, day after day, cause others are mentally uncomfortable.
“quick tidbit mother-in-law, fiancé, and I all own the house. We’re all on the mortgage. We bought it together.”
Ugh…. What a terrible move. Does she have her own wing or anything?
Wow you are stupid. YTA for buying a house with MIL. Now you are stuck with her for life. 🙄 considering we have subs like r/justnomil I can’t believe people are this foolish. You want to make the rules move out. You aren’t even married yet but you ties yourself to this woman?!? Cut your losses and move out. YTA to yourself.
NTA if you don’t want to wear a bra at home that’s your decision and shouldn’t be a problem in your own home. BIL needs to quit crying about it or move if it’s such a big deal to him
I’d tell my mother in law it makes me “uncomfortable” that she gave permission to her younger son to live with you (without all parties consent) . Every. Time.She.Says.It. Then zero attention or response. Look past her. Like she’s invisible. Until your husband is there and then tell him to address it. Do not reward this behavior with your energy. The uninvited guest can stay somewhere else or in his mommy’s room if your nipples burn his retinas
This is a complicated set up. You live with a lot of people. You, fiancé, mother-in-law, and now brother-in-law, and 2 kids. When living with so many people, there’s going to have to be some sort of compromise. I think the no-bra thing can just be solved by not wearing anything see through (not saying that you are) because what woman wears a bra the whole time they’re at home? As soon as my chill time starts, mine comes off. On top of that you listed related medical issues.
But it makes me wonder what the overall dynamic is in the house. If your name is on the mortgage and you contribute, you need to feel like it’s your home. Having my mother-in-law make attacking comments and being body shamed for having literal body parts would not make me feel comfortable. I think agreeing to an “all under one roof” scenario might have been a mistake.
You are going to have to put your foot down, and tell them that your wearing a bra is none of their business. That you will not be made to feel like a guest in your own home. And that brother-in-law can keep his opinion to himself, because I’m assuming he’s not paying anything toward the mortgage. Don’t let them walk all over you.
As a large breast woman who is in pain every time she wears a bra, TAKE THE DAMN BRA OFF WHEN YOU ARE HOME. This is literally the only place we can.
It isn’t your job to make someone else feel comfortable about your body. You should suggest that BIL stop staring at your chest, it makes you very uncomfortable.
I rip my bra off as soon as I walk in the door and if my shirt is thick enough, I don’t bother putting one on when I leave the house.
As someone who hasn’t worn a bra in at least 4 years, I might be biased, but NTA.
Seriously, she can pound sand.
Time for bil to move the fuck out or shut the fuck up freeloaders don’t get to be comfortable. NTA tell mil freeloaders don’t get to be comfortable and you will evict his ass
Question: is this mother in law’s home that you live in and she allowed BIL to move in too or is this your house that MIL lives in and didn’t ask permission to move him in. Because if this is her house she is well within her right to move whoever she wants in, and your choice is to get your own house. If this is your house you need to stop being a doormat and tell your fiance his brother cannot live there.
Buying a house with your future MIL was a huge mistake. But you are NTA. Bras are uncomfortable!
I’ll start by saying, no marriage, no shared mortgage. And to include your (not even a) MIL? Even worse. Now you’re stuck with these issues like his brother moving in and his crazy mother being crazy. Now if there’s a legit wedding date set then you’re in a slightly better position. Now you gotta work on getting rid of her because that’s a lousy way to begin a marriage. God I hope this works out for you.
why is nobody talking about the mortgage situation? OP, please say you have a good reason for being on a mortgage with your mother in law.
what if you want your own home in the future and she doesn’t want to sell her 1/3? what if you want to move and she doesn’t want to buy your 2/3? then you’re stuck paying what’s likely to be several thousand dollars, if not more, in legal fees sorting that whole mess out. what’s the reason for taking that risk?
Time to kick 2 people out of your house. NTA.
I never wear a bra anywhere. Run don’t walk away.
Your brother in law is a rapist or what? He can’t control his urges so he’s uncomfortable with temptation? Lock your door at night! Someone’s mother never taught him about consent and respecting women.
I love that! My wife is German and boy , that is hot!! It’s normal in European countries. Just wiggle with it, rock on.
If he is uncomfortable he should stay in his own room or move out. Simple.
PS like everyone else will say don’t buy property either people you aren’t married to
NTA Let her know that this is as much your house as it is hers. Reiterate the fact that you can’t wear a bra & that tbh you’re not willing to be uncomfortable in your own home.
Last resort…use a bralette, this is what I do when I have company over. They’re super soft, it doesn’t feel like I’m wearing either.
He’s gay.
Oh, throw them out your house, real talk!
NTA – I don’t know where you are but here in the USA, you don’t even have to wear a shirt walking down the street if you don’t want. You be comfy and ignore any man who doesn’t like breasts. God bless you
This is baffling to me, there’s no reason a grown man should be uncomfortable with you going braless if you’re wearing a shirt. What’s he seeing? Sag? Nipple shapes? There’s nothing erotic or weird about that. And if that makes him to uncomfortable to control himself that feels like a much larger issue of his own. Let alone the fact you have a medical reason.
Idea: walk around the house only wearing a bra
>mother-in-law, fiancé, and I all own the house. We’re all on the mortgage. We bought it together.
Apologies, OP, because this is probably going to come off as rude, but…
This is why you don’t make big, important life decisions outside of marriage. Children? Discuss before marriage, have them after. Buying a house? Discuss before marriage, buy after.
You chose to have children and buy a house before getting married and that choice led you to a situation with complexity that you are going to find impossible to navigate because the origin of the problem in this situation is one of the homeowners. Somebody is going to have to compromise here and you damn well better believe it’s not going to be MiL. Normally, the good advice here would be to have your partner deal with his mom but… he probably won’t – she owns the place and BiL is also his family. Oh, and you probably can’t afford to move out with your mortgage payments. So, now, your only solutions are trashy ones. Walk around the house topless and ignore her complaints. Do things intentionally to piss them off. Etc. Those are your potential solutions because, well, you can’t force someone to prioritize you over their own house or children, so all you can do is piss them off and inconvenience them enough that they stop interacting with you entirely.
NTA but you’re trapped in this situation because you made bad decisions. Sorry. Hopefully other people will see your story and learn not to make big family/relationship decisions prior to getting married so that they don’t put themselves in the same trap.
hell no let the ladies breathe
NTA. If you’re ok with it, then go for it. Free the nips, man.
I live with my BIL who is 15y older than me, and I use a sports bra at the very least. It’s because I’M not comfortable with it, though, not to make HIM feel comfortable
NTA The answer is “I’ll wear or not wear what I want in my own home. Anyone uncomfortable with this can move on out.” End of story, don’t argue or debate it.