Im disabled & have a 10ft bestway pool it is brilliant for my joints in this heat. I have OCD
My adult son has come home for a visit & openly just admitted he’s justt peed in the pool.
I now won’t go in it.
Everyone is calling me over the top & I’m in tears.
I have one day off a week caring for my mum & I was going to spend that day, tomorrow floating in my pool.
It has a small pump & chlorine.
That’s not the point
I cannot swim through urine no matter how diluted.
Husband & son are now emptying it.
They’ve been at it 2 hours, it’ll never fill by tomorrow.
Im honestly devastated, am I being pathetic?
Thanks.
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Im disabled & have a 10ft bestway pool it is brilliant for my joints in this heat. I have OCD
My adult son has come home for a visit & openly just admitted he’s justt peed in the pool.
I now won’t go in it.
Everyone is calling me over the top & I’m in tears.
I have one day off a week caring for my mum & I was going to spend that day, tomorrow floating in my pool.
It has a small pump & chlorine.
That’s not the point
I cannot swim through urine no matter how diluted.
Husband & son are now emptying it.
They’ve been at it 2 hours, it’ll never fill by tomorrow.
Im honestly devastated, am I being pathetic?
Thanks.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I got upset that my son peed in my pool.
2.am I being over the top. My son thinks I’m being dramatic.
Was I wrong to be upset
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Never allow him near it again.
I’m sorry he treated your space that way. Health wise, it is fine, but obviously to you it is a large emotional issue. He should be ashamed for hurting you that way.
If you’ve ever been in a pool with more than 2 other people in it, you’ve been in a pool people have peed in. NTA, but… good luck with that if you ever wanna vacation or cruise or anything else.
NTA, your son should have known better. But I hope you can find some way to reduce the stress over it for when you can use it again. If your son didn’t understand ocd before I hope he can be more understanding in the future.
NTA. OCD is a dark beast, and people who never had it reduce it to a “oh, I just like things tidy” meme.
Your son knows you’re disabled and struggle with OCD, and he still chose to pee in your pool. You’re absolutely not TA here.
NTA. Your son is being gross and absolutely should not have done that.
NTA… not overreacting. If he did it on purpose, which it sure seems, then I’d make him buy you a new one. If that’s the case, your son is gross.
Why did your son even tell you lmao
NAH
NTA
Does it happen that I pee in pools? Yes. Large sea connected one that has water flowing in and out consistently. I admit it, I do not care. Would I piss in the pool of someone with OCD? No.
NAH. Unless your son is a monster, I can’t imagine him knowing about your contamination OCD and telling you he peed in the pool. I also have OCD (not contam) so I won’t try to reason with your feelings bc I get it, but we need to remember the world shouldn’t & won’t adhere to our neuroses.
Peeing in the pool may be a dick move & it sucks you might not use it on your day off, but if your son is a “safe” enough person to use the pool at all & he’s cleaning it I think there should be no hard feelings.
NTA. It’s your own personal pool, for physical therapy rather than fun and frolics, from the sound of it.
10ft is small, nothing like a massive gym pool, holiday pool, or any other kind of public pool.
Why other commenters are comparing a small pool in your own home for your private use, to a large public pool that you can opt not to go to, I don’t know.
Your son is an ass, and I hope he apologised. If you, a disabled woman, can manage not to piss in your pool, then a presumably healthy adult male can make the few steps to the toilet. What the fuck, after all. What he did is disgusting.
Yes, a shame about the waste of water, and I hope that they have stored or made use of as much of it as possible, but that’s on your son, not you.
Edit: typo
I understand that if you have a disorder to this degree, logic has no place in talking you out of your emotions. But it might help if you see somebody if you haven’t already, and reason might factor into the strategies that they employ.
Are all public pools, spas, the ocean, hotel facilities off limits? How are you around door handles? Money? The reality is youre surrounded by bacteria, fungus, other people’s skin flakes and oils which you take no notice of because it is normal part of life. Yes, draining and refilling an entire pool at the cost of money and your only day of relaxation is a disproportionate maladaptive response to an insanely dilute quantity of sterile electrolytes.
That said, I get some people find it more gross than others and if your son knew this about you and pushed this button of yours intentionally then he’s inconsiderate and you’ve got the right to be angry.
NTA you are so not pathetic. Who the heck wants to swim in somebody else’s pee. I’m sorry but your adult son would never be allowed back in any pool. Being able to float and soak away some of your aches and pains at the same time is healing for you mind and body. You just had somebody pee all over that and think it was funny. When you’re able to be calm about it I would have a serious discussion with your adult son about how disrespectful and gross his actions and choices are.
NTA – chlorine or not, nobody wants to swim in other people’s piss. The fact that he mentioned it casually tells me he doesn’t see an issue with that behaviour, which is an issue in itself.
NTA- and I can’t believe so many people think peeing in a pool is okay. (and have even admitted to doing it) Now urine is antibacterial so you won’t get sick from it- but it is absolutely gross! I don’t have OCD but I would be disgusted too.
NTA your son is an adult who should have used a toilet like a responsible person.
All these people who say everyone pees in the pool is fuxking gross. I never have and never will. Young kids I can excuse but able-bodied teens and adults who do it because they’re too lazy to get out are just assholes.
I’ve had dead mice in the pool. Apparently the chlorine will kill the bad stuff.
I think wiz isn’t objectively as risky as dead critters but I get it’s gross.
NTA. Is it an overreaction? Objectively, yes, without a doubt empty the pool is an overreaction and not a rational response to the situation. But OCD is anything but rational. You are not an asshole for not being able to swim in a pool that has been peed in.
Your adult son is an AH because he should have known better. Everyone calling your reaction over the top lacks empathy.
NTA
And you should not be asking Reddit this question. Very few people here are going to understand and appreciate the devastation you feel because it doesn’t “make sense” to a non-OCD brain.
I assume your son knows you have OCD, meaning he did it knowing it would ruin your weekend, then he told you about it knowing it would ruin your weekend. If he doesn’t know you have OCD, then maybe it’s NAH.
That’s a lot of water your son just wasted. Hope hes enjoying the manual labor of his own making.
Despite piss boy disputing people piss in pools all the time, maybe don’t piss in someone’s private pool?
NTA at all! Your son is so inconsiderate! If he doesn’t have a health condition then peeing in your pool was just laziness. Definitely make him wash it. I would be so mad as well. Don’t let him in it again when he can’t be trusted.
Your son is an asshole for pissing in the pool. You are an asshole for making your husband drain the whole fucking pool rather than just chemically treating it like the rest of the world would do.
NTA
INFO: Does your adult son have a severe developmental disability?
NTA.
Your son on the other hand is TA.
YTA or ESH depending on how serious this OCD is and if your son knows about it. If you have ever been in any pool ever, you have swam in pee water. If you have ever been in a lake, you have swam in far worse. The whole point of the chlorine and pump is it renders anything that ends up in the water dead and denatured on contact. It’s not even diluted pee, it’s pee that’s been destroyed past the point of being pee and THEN diluted.
You are indeed being pretty ridiculous, draining it is beyond unnecessary. If the ridiculousness is the result of fairly debilitating OCD, then it sort of is what it is and it’s an unfortunate overreaction driven by your condition… but it IS a massive overreaction.
NAH, you are being irrational, but if you have OCD this isn’t a choice.
We’ve got an 8 ft bestway pool & I don’t have OCD – but if one of my partner’s adult kids weed in the pool I’d be disgusted & would fully expect them to empty the pool, clean it & refill it.
I also wouldn’t be letting them use the pool again for a period of time & until they’d shown proper understanding of why that’s not acceptable behaviour from an adult.
Although I’d also be very surprised – I literally can’t imagine a scenario except sudden & severe illness, where an adult would intentionally urinate in such a small amount of water.
(For those saying “everyone does it” – maybe they do in the ocean, I do that myself – but not in a small back yard pool that only fits a very few people in.)
The only thing that’s likely different in our situations is that if we need a wee when we’re in the pool, we are happy to do that in the garden. Only rules are to walk a few metres away from the pool so that area doesn’t get smelly, and don’t wee in a well-used area that’s likely to get walked though in the next few hours.
Edit: and you have all my sympathies for feeling devastated about your plans for your one day off being ruined. As well as people on this thread misunderstanding the size of your pool, and not understanding about OCD – most people don’t empathise with long term pain conditions until they’ve had one themselves.
Knowing that you’ll be in additional pain tomorrow & this week because your pain management treatment was denied you through your son’s selfishness… that’s a special kind of hurt.
NTA, but your son really is. As are the people in your life telling you that you’re over reacting to this. Does that include your husband? Is he normally so unsupportive towards you or is this a special case?
OMG. No wonder we are failing as a nation. A science or beginner chem class would do this group some serious good. As little as 15 gallons of water can dilute an 8 oz glass of urine. Your 10′ x 30 inch pool has over a thousand gallons.
While it can be very inconsiderate of him to pee in the pool, the wasting of 1000 gallons of water is “pathetic”
Make better life choices. YTA for wasting water.
My partner and I have a pool and I’m the one that cares for it. I would be right pissed if someone peed in the pool, and if an adult, they would be permanently banned. Your son was being a pig
Urine is NOT sterile according to the latest research. It would need to be shocked at the very least
ETA: NTA
I guess you were NTA but you might failed a little as a parent?
NTA. I would ban him from using your pool since he can’t be respectful. Gbere are also chemicals that activate when someone pees and turns blue or other colours I recommend in the future. Ask him if he needs a swim diaper next time since only children piss in the pool.
Yeah, I dont trust any water fish bang in it.
NTA but does it help knowing that if you are sanitizing it properly the chlorine reacts with the pee to make different chemicals and so it is no longer urine?
I’d shock it over night and run the filter for longer than usual if you can deal with that. The pump will stir the pool so that all the urine is gone.
I am a translator and I translated a technical document on pools years ago. It addressed the peeing in the pools, because most people do in the public pools, together with the other pathogens. It said it takes several seconds to completely clean the pools. I wish I could find the document and give the exact figures. But, I still remember how surprised I was, just a few seconds… I understand you feeling disgusting, I would too, but the pool was not unhealthy.
You raised him.
NTA I seriously don’t understand people. Your son owes you fresh water or a new pool. Why would he do that?
That’s absolutely vile, and you are NTA
Best vacation advice ever: EVERYONE IS PEEING IN THE POOL
NTA
But I’m just saying:
> I cannot swim through urine no matter how diluted.
You absolutely have already.
Remember those of you who say “if you’ve ever been in a pool you’ve been peed on” this is not a big concrete inground pool with big pump and filter. This is a set-up-yourself and fill with a hose 10’ Bestway. Lots more contamination.
NTA. Gross. Sorry he’s your son.
Y’all this is urine???
NTA at all. He’s a grown person, he can get out to use the bathroom instead of making your pool a biohazard. I’m actually grossed out by some of these comments.
NTA. Your son is revolting (he’s an adult ffs it’s not like he’s three and had an accident) and I can’t believe everyone is calling you over the top for feeling this way now that your son did this.
You’re not being over the top, OCD is what it is, and you’re not pathetic for feeling the way you feel.
And here we see who knows what OCD is and who doesn’t.
NTA that’s disgusting. He made it a toilet.
NTA sounds like somebody lost their pool privileges
NTA if you don’t want people to piss in your own pool. NTA if you don’t want to swim in communal pools that people peed in.
I am sure he wouldn’t have done it — much less said something — if he knew you would be so devastated. Honest mistake he seems trying to fix. Wasn’t to harm you.
So, you’re not being “ridiculous”—you’re being irrational, because OCD isn’t rational. An overreaction, but not one you have any control over.
Weirdest part here is that he told you, like, why?!
Not at all, that is absolutely disgusting that a grown man, with a grown man’s bladder, would pee in a pool that other people are expected to use. If he has that little control over his bladder, he needs medical attention, if he has control and did it anyway, he is just disgusting. Hopefully your reaction jolted some sense into him. I’d also, every time he goes to get into the pool, loudly ask him if he’s gone potty, because he’s not to pee in the pool again. That is fucking nasty, you are NTA.
What if someone with mild bladder incontinence swam in your pool? They leak a little now and then. Not their fault, also a very small amount.
If they empty and refill the pool, no matter how well they do it, there will still be a few molecules of urine in it.
Urine is mostly water. Is it the non-water components that are the problem? Those are killed/destroyed/removed by chlorine and filter. What about the water molecules that were in the urine? Do those have to be removed too because they were once part of some urine?
Every drop of water on earth has at one time or another been urine.
NTA. I get it. I have OCD too, I am like this with carrying food past the bathroom door, which I have to to get to my bedroom. If it stinks because someone has been in there, I have to wait at least half an hour or cover the food with way to much tin foil to make sure there are no gaps at the side for feces particles to get in. OCD doesn’t care if it sounds rational to other people outside of you.
Might be N A H if son didn’t actually mean to pee in the pool, but I can’t imagine how a sober adult could do that by accident.
Eh, NAH.
Is it rude to piss in the pool? Sure. But it’s a tale as old as time and the reason that pool sanitization exists.
There is basically no difference between urine and rainwater in your pool. If your pump/filter is in good working order and your sanitization levels are correct, any “intrusive” liquid/solids solution is neutralized in a few seconds.
I understand the thought of it feels icky, but there is no danger. The chlorine used to sanitize your pool is far more harmful/toxic than urine.
You should not have a pool. Everyone pees in it.
Would you swim in a pool with a dead body? Probably not. But I’m sure that you’ve swam in the ocean which has innumerable dead bodies throughout it. Everything is a matter of degrees.
NTA I wouldn’t allow him in it again that’s so lazy and disrespectful
NTA, as someone who worked at a pool all you need to do is shock it and add more chlorine. No need to empty it.
Nta but I wouldn’t be in tears
We see you, special ed
Lol hope you never go to any lake, beach, public pool, or water park. More people pee in the pool than just your son
NTA. If you have OCD, especially to this level, they should know better than to say things to trigger “contamination” related OCD symptoms. The fact that anyone called you irrational or over the top after knowingly doing something that would upset you is wild work! I’m really sorry that they aren’t supportive. This may be projecting, but some people who discuss OCD will say “there is a line between enabling and support” to excuse poor behavior, but that is not an excuse. It’s beyond inconsiderate, it’s hurtful and disrespectful. Although I will say I wish you the best of luck in treatment, and I hope that things improve for you. I know it can’t be cured, but treatment really does do wonders to improve your quality of life! (Speaking from experience)
*edited for wording
NTA Why the heck would your son make this choice? I assume he knows you and is aware of everything about you. My kids know I hate mouth noises, so if they’re chewing their fingernails I say, “Fingers out your face.” It’s not even mean, just a please stop it. Your son must know that would set you off. Also!!!!! Holy smokes!!!! You don’t pee in pools. Ever. You get out to pee. In lakes or rivers it’s not a big deal, but in pools you don’t pee. Why did he pee in your pool? I think he’s not nice in general.
Ban him from using your pool because he lacks basic decency and respect.
NTA
Who the hell pees in a pool after like age 10?
I’ll wade out and pee in the ocean, but not a pool.
NTA. He’s a grown ass adult, if he peed in the pool AND announced it, he should be out there draining it and cleaning it. Enjoy your day tomorrow in the pool, you deserve it!
I mean majority of the fun of being a male is the ability to just whip it out whenever you have to pee, he didn’t even need to run to a toilet, he could’ve ran around the corner and peed in the yard
even if youre irrational, it doesn’t make you an automatic asshole. you don’t have to explain yourself.
its just extremely unclear what your son intended here. what response was he trying to provoke? because that is what it sounds like. was this supposed to be funny?
id like to think he didn’t anticipate this reaction and feels guilty though. he is helping to drain it right? and how old is “adult” out of curiosity? not that maturity can always be correlated with age…
either way, you’re not being an asshole imo.
You’re crying real tears because someone peed in your pool? Good grief how exhausting…
This is much more than pathetic.
NTA— disabled, or not, I would look forward to that one day a week where you didn’t have to be a caregiver. I know it’s ruined because your son decided to pee in it like he’s four.
I don’t think you’re an a-hole (the subject of this subreddit) or pathetic (the question you asked).
I do think you are overreacting, and I appreciate that you have OCD, which is why you’re overreacting. Your son making a jerk move like this should not be “devastating” but I understand your distress.
People aren’t noting that you have a VERY SMALL POOL. This is a 1,000 gallon pool, not a big in-ground pool, which average around 30k gallons, so a grown man emptying his bladder is a much bigger problem. Here’s an example: https://bestwayusa.com/bestway-fast-set-10-x-30-round-inflatable-pool-set-57269e?srsltid=AfmBOooxe1OLyib-4cFYEEgx9_qxEeU9ZyTT7GDKetTfPLte3RiQoFPy
That said, there’s plenty of time to drain and refill it by tomorrow. A typical outdoor faucet dispenses 6-8 gallons per minute. So at the longest, it’ll take 3 hours to refill.
I hope you enjoy your relaxing Saturday and your son learns a valuable lesson about not being a jerk.
NTA, personally I’d drain it, scrub it, run a filter clean/replace filter then use it again. But I am familiar with ocd proclivities. You feel what you feel. And it’s yours. That ends all.
YTA for making them drain the pool. That is ridiculous. Just treat it. You’re a major asshole that is overreacting. You should drain it yourself if it bothers you so much
NTA. I don’t understand, I don’t have any OCD and definitely find it absolutely vile anyone would pee in a 10ft pool! Your son is disgusting, I am sorry 🙁
NTA. Your OCD is extremely valid and even me (someone without OCD) would as well react this way. It’s unhygienic and completely gross
What kind of adult pees in a pool with others in it and then openly admits it like it’s something to be proud of? That’s some childish ass behavior and this is coming from an immature adult.
Pathetic. Every person that has been in that pool has peed in it. He’s just the only one that told you
Why do you call him an “adult son” when he behaves like a child?
You’re not pathetic, but your son sure is.
NTA. I do not have diagnosed OCD, but I suffered from pretty intense intrusive thoughts for a while, and once I became focused on something, it consumed me.
Hope Sonny boy lost all pool privileges.
People’s butts soak in your pool, too, how do you handle that thought? This is why you have a filter, water treatment, chlorine, chemicals, whatever system your pool has. The amount of bacteria, etc. in the urinary microbiome is often so low, that unless someone has an infection, microbes often can’t be detected. Urine used to be thought to be sterile when it emerged, and was used for treating wounds. Yes, really.
If you’re not doing anything about your OCD, then ESH. If you’re working on it, then NTA. Your son is, not really because he did it, but because he blatantly told you he did, which seems intentional.
Even with your son being an ass, a part of me wants to say it’s a tiny bit YTA. Urine is 90-95% water, and most of the rest being various nitrogen compounds. The chlorine would nuke any bacteria in it, assuming it’s properly maintained. The only thing icky about it is its smell when not diluted and just a general feeling of ickiness. You weren’t put at any real health risk, unless there’s something specific you have that you have been told urine is a problem.
Sorry, you are pathetic.
NTA but you’re being pretty ridiculous. Also your adult son is an absolute asshole and deserves to have to drain and clean it himself.
Every drop of water you have ever gotten from any tap in any building is recycled sewage from the city upstream. It is pumped through filtration (or dirt) and sterilized in some way, usually chlorine and / or UV light. Well water too, we just don’t advertise these facts nor teach them in schools, so people have zero idea where food and water come from. (Dead animals, dead plants, and sewage from upstream)
I don’t have OCD and wouldn’t swim in a tiny pool someone peed in. I was a competitive swimmer in high school with a small bladder and managed to never pee in the damn pool.
NTA. Your adult son sure is though.
Disgusting. Once he’s done cleaning out your pool he can do whatever he wants to his own. NTA
Yes you are pathetic
NTA
That being said a 10ft best way pool will fill by tomorrow. Unless it’s 20ft deep lol.
NTA, a lot of people in this thread don’t understand that OCD isn’t rational and is debilitating. OP probably knows they’re technically being illogical, but it still FEELS harmful. When my OCD is particularly bad I am incapable of functioning normally. An event like this can trigger a really bad period where you spiral and you’re obsessing over possibilities for weeks on end. It’s your pool, and it’s your son, he should’ve respected you more.
NTA – and not pathetic. But your son is the pathetic one. I’d have been devastated and I’m not even OCD. I’m so sorry. It must hurt so much to be so disrespected by him. To be treated like your feelings don’t matter. To be treated with such a lack of care. That’s what is devastating. Don’t let anyone in your family minimize how he has made you feel.
NTA.
It’s probably overkill to drain and refill, but I get it.
I can’t understand the motives of adult son peeing in his Mom’s therapy pool, he just sounds mean.
The OCD is not even a factor here. Peeing in the pool is gross, full stop. Screw the chlorine and the pump.
Getting in public pools where you know there might be pee is one thing. Just a risk you have to decide to take.
But for someone to openly admit they peed in someone else’s personal pool… diabolical.
You are NOT the asshole.
ETA: NTA
Why do people pee in pools? So effin’ gross.
OCD or not, that’s disgusting. You should pee on his clothes while he sleeps if he sees what he did as ok.
I don’t have OCD and I am still would be disgusted to swim in someone’s else pee. Even if that person is my son. Come on, it’s gross.
They should empty the pool and refill it.
Did you overreact? Yes.
Does that make you an a-hole? Not at all.
Yes, you’re being super OD.
I’m sure you’ve been to a beach/public pool/someone else’s pool. I can guarantee all of those have been pissed in.
Also your disabled, but can care for someone else full time? It ain’t adding up.
In all fairness, everyone has a specific non-zero threshold for swimming in pee if you’ve ever been in a public pool or ocean or lake before
NTA. You dont pee in the pool. People that do are lazy fucks with no self respect or respect for others. You get out and use the bathroom like a civilized person. Now, if you’re in a lake, river, or ocean, it doesn’t matter.