My first AITAH post and throwaway account š„“
So I’m (F 28) a retail assistant manager (glorified shift lead) and I have this part time associate that is the same age as me (M 28) who has for the past few months very much hated me. This all started when we had a family stop by with a special needs son. Most of their visit went fine but towards the end both the mom and dad went to do their own thing leaving their son (who was very much grown and way bigger than all of our primarily female staff) without any supervision. At that point my boss (F 22) went into our back room and the son ran after her trying to get into the employee only area, scaring my manager in the process. He had easily a foot of height on her and was running in a full sprint. I told the parents to please monitor his behavior and tried my best to be respectful but firm that they had to parent him this is a shop not a daycare.
After they left my employee expressed that he was unhappy with my reaction to things and said the son didn’t know any better, I told him I understand that but in that case the 2 parents that were with him are responsible for him and shouldn’t have let the situation happen. He got mad and stopped talking to me after that. A few months have passed since this incident and last week this same associate very last minute called out of several shifts and failed to show up for several others. When he did finally begin to show up again after getting written up by my boss he was sullen and rude and refused to talk to customers. I tried to have a talk with him about this and he snapped at me and was incredibly rude. I explained that I was sorry that he wasn’t feeling good but if he was going to come in he still needed to work and that was what I thought was the end of it.
I come in a few days later to find he complained to my boss saying he thinks I’m ableist because of how I treated him during this time + the previous incident and that while my manager did shut him down she did not give him the second write up he was supposed to receive for no call no shows during his mental health crisis.
Honestly I was pissed but I am in a manager position technically so I sent him a text apologizing and saying we won’t be scheduled together for the near future and that all communication should be get in text form and he ghosted me.
I’m not normally someone who apologizes first (Eldest daughter & Taurus š¤¦š¼āāļø) so not even receiving an acknowledgment really ticked me off.
My boss tried to talk to him AGAIN and he shut down so I’m at my last straw and filed an official HR complaint to at the very least have some documentation for how he is behaving. Nothing has come of it yet but now that I’ve cooled down a bit I do kind of feel like I overreacted.
The real kicker is he is claiming he is autistic but has no diagnosis but I do have a diagnosed disability even tho its just dyslexia lol
Sooo who know maybe I just need reddit to cook me
also ScalingStories if you see this ily and you have my permission to use this š
[EDIT]
Forgot to mention but at the time of most of the no shows/bad attitude my manager was on PTO so I was manager on duty during my shifts and he refused to contact me during that time and would only tell her when he wouldn’t be coming in.
Comments
Youāre not wrong for setting boundaries and protecting your work environment being falsely labeled something as serious as ableist isnāt a small accusation, and documenting it was the smart move. Accountability isnāt abuse, and respect goes both ways
This is MORAL HARASSMENT, you did the right thing!
NTA for what happened, and your employeeās reaction is very strange unless thereās more to the story, but please donāt use astrology as an excuse for not apologizing in general. People who use pseudoscience to excuse their behavior come off as obnoxious, and you donāt want to do that in management.
NTA
I’m going to guess this kid is Gen Z, has unnaturally colored hair and at least one hoop in his nose.
NTA. You’re just trying to run a shop, not a daycare. Dude’s gotta learn to step up or step out. His problems donāt excuse the no call no shows. It’s work, not a therapy session. You’re looking out for your crew, keep that up. Don’t let anyone guilt trip you into thinking you’re in the wrong. Stick to your guns! Understanding mental health is important, but ya gotta draw the line somewhere. Stay strong! šŖš
Youāre allowed to draw the line when accusations get personal and unfounded. Itās one thing for coworkers to have misunderstandings, but falsely claiming someone is ableist can seriously damage a personās career. Filing with HR was the right move, not an overreaction.
I would love to work for a boss like you. Shalom you’re loved š
NTA. The dude is out of line, and after his behaviour you did the right thing to call HR.Ā
You have done the right thing. NTA. His behaviour is not acceptable and his accusations are serious ones that do deserve to be treated appropriately, which you are doing correctly
YTA. Based on your post, it seems like you filed the HR complaint not because you felt you needed their help but because nobody had “done anything” to punish him for insubordination. He shut down when someone else was talking to him and didn’t answer when you texted him – which part of that warrants an HR intervention? He doesn’t owe you an answer to your apology.
You’re a glorified shift supervisor. You said so yourself. Quit taking it so personally.
It’s always wise to get your perspective down with HR. This person is going to get sacked eventually anyway, and you need to cover your arse in case it comes back to bite you later. Make sure you aren’t scheduled on the same shifts as them, they are part time so it shouldn’t be too hard. Let their new team lead deal with it.
> Honestly I was pissed but I am in a manager position technically so I sent him a text apologizing and saying we won’t be scheduled together for the near future…
INFO – did your manager ask you to reach out to the employee in this manner?
If not, you would’ve been better served leaving him alone
It sounds like the store manager was handling it, including adjusting the schedule so you two don’t work together, so it didn’t need you to reinsert yourself into the situation – if the employee needed to be informed of the accommodations that had been made, it should’ve come from the manager
It doesn’t make you the AH or anything, just something to maybe consider it a similar situation arises again in the future
1 So what doctor signed what paper saying he should have accommodations for his mental health crisis.
2 Assuming a person with a disability doesnāt know what theyāre doing is unreasonable. Anyone in public should either know not to charge at people or to have their adult with them at all times.
3 The adult was charging at your boss, scaring her.
Watch for this worker to continue trying to take you down. Talk to the manager, tell her you are covering your butt and will be reporting every encounter with this guy. And be clear that you will not work with him. Not just now, but for good.
NTA but you SERIOUSLY sound like a Karen. Try and work on that.
NTA and it looks to me like this gentleman does not have the required abilities to perform the job. He is working in retail, he needs to be able to communicate and work with people or he needs to get another job.
He is wrong on the albeist accusation with the customer and that has nothing to do with his failure to perform his job.
Iād bet an HR complaint that his autism is self diagnosed, much like his mental health crisis.
Document everything. Heās just looking for a reason to complain when heās terminated for cause. NTA
NTA, but the “real kicker” you included isn’t really a kicker as lateral ableism is very real and some disabilities (including autism) can take a long time to diagnose or even get assessed for. You’re right to document everything with HR but don’t be commenting on other people’s diagnoses or lack thereof when doing so – it won’t help your case.
NTA. Go to the Department of Labor website and read the ADA section about Americans with disability accommodation, and how an employee must be able to to perform the substance of their job in order to get ADA accommodation. If heās unwilling to work, it sounds like heās unable to perform the substance of his job and your HR department should know that and handle it.
Assuming this is America, id of just let him go by now. His behavior, no call no shows are reason enough, but most states you can forever with no reason. I say this as an autistic person, if he isn’t using LoA or working with a professional then that os no excuse to miss work.
Edit: Also this is more on the manager then you. Clearly she is too young to do the job. She should be handling this better and not letting such bad behavior slide like that. Can you be a store manager at 22? Sure, however its clear she shys away from confrontation if most of this is falling on your shoulders after months of issues.
NTA. Youāre the manager. He canāt just act unprofessional and expect no consequences. Plus, using “autistic but no diagnosis” as an excuse? Weird flex.
>I sent him a text apologizing and saying we won’t be scheduled together for the near future and that all communication should be get in text form and he ghosted me.
What was he supposed to say? āThanks, I look forward to not working with you.ā š¤£
NTA
Iām autistic, moderate support needs. I have tons of autistic family members, all across the spectrum. I worked in retail & would have done the same thing as you did because it is the parentās responsibility. Also, he likely did know better but gets away with shit like this because people let him do whatever he wants. They use the same ABLEIST & INFANTILIZING excuse ādoesnāt know betterā. Frankly, I find it incredibly insulting. Just because a person is also autistic doesnāt mean they canāt be ableist, especially towards higher support needs autistics. You werenāt ableist here but your autistic co-worker was.
Generally speaking, NTA. You need to set clear boundaries with coworkers sometimes that involve stern conversations from HR. Having documentation within your company isn’t a bad idea, either. Just be sure you get copies of everything and document things on your own as well. Moreover, remember that HR is never your friendāthey are the company’s friend. HR will not CYA. They will cover the company’s and work in the company’s interest every single time, even if it means painting you in a bad light even though you’ve been a perfect employee by everyone’s standards.
This guy will game the system for as long as he can to get out of work, be able to slack off, etc. before inevitably quitting or finally crossing a line and getting fired. Avoid him and document everything. Actively work to get him out of there. People like him are a plague.
NTA for how you handled it.
On a separate note, magical star woojoo isn’t an excuse to not apologize when you’re in the wrong.
NTA he seriously just self diagnosed himself with autism to get out accountability? Contacting HR to document is just a CYA situation. He’s claiming he’s disabled and just labeled you “ableist”. That can have consequences for you if its not documented. As someone with an actual diagnosed disability I hate when people throw around the term because us disabled folks didn’t appoint anyone to speak on our behalf.
As a disabled person I say NTA. And tip toeing around like talking about our disability is shameful is a bit dehumanizing. Itās a fact of our lives and shouldnāt be a taboo subject, as long as itās done with respect. You were firm but respectful with the parents. And your employee throwing a hissy fit about it suggests to me that he is not mature enough to be in the workplace. HR should know about these things because he is acting like this while representing your store.
just remember that HR is there to protect the business and NOT the employees. be very careful
“How dare anybody think I’m ableist”Ā
“Special needs”Ā
Yta
NTA
Iām not understanding how this employee still has a job after no call no shows and refusing to talk to customers. Why is he even there then??? I wonder if your place of employment is afraid to fire him. Good idea getting things documented.
NTA he is weaponising issues that other people have when he doesn’t have them himself.Ā
He needs to be fired.