My husband and I33 have been married 8 years. We have a son who has severe asthma. My in laws (FIL and his wife and their daughter17) were staying with us. They are visiting for the two weeks. I set up strict rules due to my sons asthma, and I wasn’t aware of either of them smoking though. I came home to my house basically smelling like straight pot due to my SIL, she admitted it right away because she didn’t want me to tell her parents. I told her don’t let it happen again, explained it’s not good for my son to breath that in. A few days later my husband and I came home to the same smell.
I told my husbands stepmom and dad, that they needed to go. My husband agreed. They said I was overreacting and that’s just a myth. SIL defended it by saying she had a window open and no one said no smoking. I said I didn’t think I had too, when I explained no strong fragrances, and other such. They said I was overreacting and it started a huge argument.
Basically they left for a motel, refused to answer our messages about plans we had the next day. Yesterday we got a message saying they left early because of me they couldn’t afford a motel that long and weren’t interested in our plans. AITA
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My husband and I33 have been married 8 years. We have a son who has severe asthma. My in laws (FIL and his wife and their daughter17) were staying with us. They are visiting for the two weeks. I set up strict rules due to my sons asthma, and I wasn’t aware of either of them smoking though. I came home to my house basically smelling like straight pot due to my SIL, she admitted it right away because she didn’t want me to tell her parents. I told her don’t let it happen again, explained it’s not good for my son to breath that in. A few days later my husband and I came home to the same smell.
I told my husbands stepmom and dad, that they needed to go. My husband agreed. They said I was overreacting and that’s just a myth. SIL defended it by saying she had a window open and no one said no smoking. I said I didn’t think I had too, when I explained no strong fragrances, and other such. They said I was overreacting and it started a huge argument.
Basically they left for a motel, refused to answer our messages about plans we had the next day. Yesterday we got a message saying they left early because of me they couldn’t afford a motel that long and weren’t interested in our plans. AITA
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I kicked my in laws out of my house on vacation for smoking inside. They left early and blamed it on and ignored our messages. I might be the ah because I kicked them out and they couldn’t afford a hotel
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. It was nice of you to give SIL a second chance with the smoking and then she had the audacity to do it again! They definitely had to go.
NTA
Not smoking anything in someone else’s house is literally the least you can do as a house guest
Like go the fuck outside
I smoke, I don’t ever smoke in the house
NTA you told her once so she knew and she did it again. I say this as someone who smokes weed and in my house, but if i am going to have guests, especially children around I would absolutely not put them in that position.
NTA. It should be totally obvious, whether they have strict rules or not, that you should never smoke in someone’s house without asking them. That said, you still gave them a “warning.” Second time they get the boot. Your house will be respected and there was nothing else for you to do at that point.
NTA, you made clear ground rules to them that they couldn’t smoke and that your son has asthma, their decision to ignore that puts them in the wrong, not you.
I don’t know why people think that just because smoking is common, it isn’t stupid or dangerous. All it takes is a few seconds of rational thought to see that you’re committing suicide and paying through the nose to do it. No part of that is rational. That said, are you an awful person for not wanting to breathe in other people’s second hand smoke and not wanting your son to do the same? No.
NTA. Smoking anything in someone else’s house without permission is crazy. Fuck em. I’d guess it’s unlikely that that disrespect wouldn’t manifest in other ways throughout their stay had things otherwise gone according to plan.
YTA for not telling her parents then kicking the parents out when they didn’t fix a problem they didn’t know about. I understand SIL shouldn’t be smoking in your house, and your anger that she put your child’s health in jeopardy. How, you threw her parents out without a warning. Then you seemed to expect the trip would proceed as planned.
Who tf smokes in someone else’s home? That’s just rude and disrespectful nta
NTA. I have asthma, and the amount of smokers who want to tell me that 420 won’t affect me while I’m coughing and wheezing is honestly shocking. Not to mention, it reeks and takes forever to dissipate.
I see it as if I took my cats on vacation without a litter box and then act confused when the homeowner complains about the unsanitary conditions and overwhelming odor.
People in general need to understand that when you are a guest, you follow the house rules. Why is this so hard for people?!
It’s not that hard to respect someone’s house rules. And you specifically told her not to do it again, and why, and she did it again. It would have been so easy to smoke outside. Oh well. NTA.
NTA. And why aren’t they upset that they’re 17 year old is smoking pot regardless of whether or not it’s allowed in the house
It’s wild how people will treat your kid’s health like an optional suggestion. You didn’t even flip out the first time, you just explained it and moved on. And they still did it again. The audacity to get offended when they’re the ones actively putting your kid at risk? Nah. NTA and you handled it way more calmly than I would’ve.
NTA – you have to protect your kids, and your kids need to see you protecting them!
NTA
As a former smoker, I only smoke indoors if the person I am staying with is an indoor smoker and allows me. Otherwise, I exclusively smoke outside. I didn’t even smoke in my own home.
You caught her. You told her not to do it again. It was crystal clear. There’s consequences and so bye. Instead of learning from it, they blame you. Also, if they couldn’t afford a motel, it sounds like they couldn’t afford the trip and expected you all to pay for everything.
NTA. You didn’t even need a reason for telling them not to smoke. It’s your house your rules. I would kick anyone out who smoked anything in my home.
MTA, they didn’t care about the health of your child. Not a loss for you. If he has bad asthma if you live is a city you should move to a suburb or countryside. It will help.
As a cigarette smoker I’m very aware that most people hate cigarette smoke and I go as far away from them as necessary to enjoy my cigarette. I don’t even smoke in my own house or car because my family hates it.
NTA, ignore them until they apologize, and get your husband not to cave on this.
Ya you’re the AS. You should’ve specifically told them no smoking after you found out. You should not have kicked them out because after your argument, I’m sure they wouldn’t do it again. You just ruined your guys’s plans and your relationship.
You know the answer and just needed to validate it with us internet trolls and you got it, NTA.
NTA.
Your son’s health and well-being > In-laws’ colossal sense of entitlement.
I’m saying you are the AH. When I read “no strong fragrances” that just seems so weird. That isn’t smoke. That’s perfume and cologne. And even to say that to your In-laws js messed up. Just deal for two weeks and move on. Now you’ve created a battle ground for life. Good job
NTA. They blatantly disregarded your sons health.
NTA.
Who is buying green for a 17 year old?
NTA, and smoking anything inside someone else’s house isn’t a matter of “nobody said I couldn’t” but instead should be “is it ok if I do?”
They were incredibly rude, or at least SIL was, to assume smoking was ok even after the rules you laid out.
NTA. The culprit is SIL. Your FIL and MIL were victims of her inconsiderate behavior. You overreacted and blamed the wrong people. Explain to them what transpired earlier with SIL. Clear the air with them and apologize.
NTA
NTA Take the smoking out of it. You invited them to stay at your house with certain rules. They decided that your rules weren’t important. That’s disrespectful. You were completely within your rights to say they have to leave it they can’t follow the conditions you set. You even gave them a second chance. Did your FIL not have rules that your husband had to follow then he was living under his dad’s roof? Certainly the 17 year old has rules at home. The audacity. You’ve lost nothing.
Your house, your rules. Stand your ground.
NTA you are protecting your son’s health. I don’t give a rats ass if someone wants to smoke weed, but no smoking of anything is happening inside my home. Period.
NTA.
You didn’t even need the reason of your son’s asthma. I don’t have asthma, and I don’t allow smoking in my house. Not by anyone.
Also, if a person chooses to step outside and smoke in the yard, they must do it in a far corner as far away from my house as possible, and they must pick up their cigarette butts and dispose of them properly rather than just leaving them on the ground.
I told her don’t let it happen again
I wouldn’t even have given her a second chance. Few of my family and friends are smokers, but those few know that no one smokes inside my house. No one has ever broken that rule, and only one person has even asked. If anyone ever did light up inside my house, they would have to leave, and they wouldn’t be invited back.
Basically they left for a motel, refused to answer our messages about plans we had the next day. Yesterday we got a message saying they left early because of me they couldn’t afford a motel that long and weren’t interested in our plans.
Good. Problem solved. Don’t come back. Play stupid games, etc.
Nta but let’s be honest, you don’t like the smoke as well. The kids asthma is also a concern yeah, but obviously you are against weed and smoke(which is your right) but be honest, don’t use the asthma as the sole excuse
Nta! WHO TF SMOKES IN SOMEONE’S ELSES HOUSE!?
As an asthma sufferer I can tell you ABSOLUTELY NOT!!
We took our daughters camping once up in the woods/mountains of Northern California and I forgot my inhaler. I sat too close to the campfire and was awake almost all night, sitting up in our truck because I could barely breathe. We left the next morning. It was after that I never was without an inhaler again.
I had a reaction once to a daughter’s boyfriend’s cologne and ended up in the ER with a breathing treatment. Cigarette or pot smoke is an absolute no brainer for asthmatics. You did a good job mom!
They won’t be able to smoke in a motel either most likely.. who even does that? Go to someone’s house and smoke. Go outside if you really need to. So bizarre.
Doesn’t take much effort to walk outside to smoke.
Guy here who grew up being the kid with severe asthma. 1000% NTA. I couldn’t even walk by the fragrance aisle in department stores because my throat would start to close up. Pot was (and still is) a massive trigger for me. Walking by a pot smoker in high school (who toked up right before he walked in) sent me to the hospital once.
What they are saying is that their convenience means more to them than potentially killing your son. Asthma is dangerous and, much like allergies, it’s one of those things that a lot of people seem to think is made up. They have to “test” it out and then when things go bad it’s always “how was I supposed to know?”
NTA. I would NEVER light up in someone’s house without clearing it with them first. And her excuse was that no one said no smoking? You literally told her your son has asthma, and to please not smoke.
Smoking in someone’s house is an AH move to begin with. They think if they open a window no one will know but the smoke and the smell do not magically disappear out the window. They knew your son had asthma but still did it anyway. NTA.
YTA, only because you punished all of them for your SILs behavior. She’s technically still a kid, and you gave her a second chance, but it backfired. Nothing in this post indicates your in-laws knew anything about it until you threw them out. That was shitty to spring on them.
NTA, she is a terrible house guest regardless of what she was smoking. As a pot smoker this is disgusting mannerless behavior. Doesn’t matter if there is or isn’t an asthmatic person living in the home, you don’t smoke in someone’s home without explicit permission and invitation. It’s one thing to bring some pre-rolled and take a few walks, it’s another kettle of fish to smoke in the house period.
NTA
It’s appalling that they blamed you for leaving early for two reasons: it’s their daughter’s bad behaviour that lead to them being ousted, and they are failing to acknowledge that you and husband made this decision jointly.
I wouldn’t want that stench in my house without the health concern. nta
Who the fuck smokes in someone’s house without explicit permission? NTA