I (19F) have a niece who I sometimes watch every now and then for my older sister. I love my niece and sister, but I don’t really like children all that much, and she can very much be a handful (i.e: Tantrums, not potty trained, the usual kid stuff). I’ve recently agreed to watch her a little more often because my sister just recently started a second job and doesn’t have any reliable child care for that second job on the weekends. I offered to watch her this weekend, and I could have sworn I only agreed to just weekends. But apparently, my sister has left the country and won’t be back for another week. She had mentioned wanting me to watch her for a week trip she’s taking, but never once gave me more in depth details like dates, how long she’d be gone, and other important things like that. She had only mentioned the trip in passing and really only jokingly asking me if I could take her with me making jokes back about how I’d have to train. When this weekend was coming up and she had called prior, she had only mentioned this weekend and not a whole week. I honestly feel like I got suckered into a full week for a trip when I only seriously agreed to helping her out on weekends for work, not for a trip she takes pretty often. I had talked to my parents and they both believe that she wasn’t fully honest with me, and now I’m stuck with a toddler for a week. Would I be the asshole if I backed out of watching her for a while because of this? I love my niece and while I don’t mind watching her, I don’t want to agree to something that won’t be fully explained to me.
Edit: Just for some clarity, she did leave her with more than enough supplies, I did get some cash so I won’t say I didn’t get anything out of it, I don’t think there were any other child care options that would have taken her while my sister left. She also didn’t pull a leave her on my doorstep otherwise I would have definitely reported it, but she did do a drop and run (I didn’t get to say goodbye before she even left she ran out so fast). I’m so sorry if I left anything super vague, but I can thankfully say with certainty that the baby isn’t in danger with her or has been abandoned by her mom (I have training in this area to see signs). However, she definitely did pull a fast one on me, and I really just wanted clarity and honesty so I could mentally prepare and arrange my schedule. I’m so sorry if I left anything too vague for, and I do want to emphasize that the baby is safe!!
Comments
^^^^AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! READ THIS COMMENT – DO NOT SKIM. This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read this before contacting the mod team.
I (19F) have a niece who I sometimes watch every now and then for my older sister. I love my niece and sister, but I don’t really like children all that much, and she can very much be a handful (i.e: Tantrums, not potty trained, the usual kid stuff). I’ve recently agreed to watch her a little more often because my sister just recently started a second job and doesn’t have any reliable child care for that second job on the weekends. I offered to watch her this weekend, and I could have sworn I only agreed to just weekends. But apparently, my sister has left the country and won’t be back for another week. She had mentioned wanting me to watch her for a week trip she’s taking, but never once gave me more in depth details like dates, how long she’d be gone, and other important things like that. She had only mentioned the trip in passing and really only jokingly asking me if I could take her with me making jokes back about how I’d have to train. When this weekend was coming up and she had called prior, she had only mentioned this weekend and not a whole week. I honestly feel like I got suckered into a full week for a trip when I only seriously agreed to helping her out on weekends for work, not for a trip she takes pretty often. I had talked to my parents and they both believe that she wasn’t fully honest with me, and now I’m stuck with a toddler for a week. Would I be the asshole if I backed out of watching her for a while because of this? I love my niece and while I don’t mind watching her, I don’t want to agree to something that won’t be fully explained to me.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1). My sister might have tricked me into baby sitting for week when I only agreed to a month, and I want to back out of babysitting for a long time. 2). I’ve already agreed to babysitting, but I not longer trust her communication.
Help keep the sub engaging!
Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
Click Here For Our Rules and Click Here For Our FAQ
Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. Your sister stuck you in this situation without your consent. Of course that’s going to turn you off from helping her out.
NTA. What mom ditches her kid for a week without the clear details? Where is she going? This sounds crazy.
NTA
> apparently, my sister has left the country and won’t be back for another week
Have fun, CPS!
NTA – looks like the answer will always be no going forward and you can explain that the bait & switch she pulled is why. So your lack of support is directly due to her behavior!
NTA
You agree to watch your niece during the weekend. Your sister went away for a whole week without clearing communicating with you how long she would be gone.
If I were you, I would go ahead and watch your niece for the week because I’m kind of concerned for her safety. But tell your sister no more babysitting ever and the next time she tries to do something like this you’re gonna call child protective services.
This sounds like abandonment.
I would never babysit for sister again. She’s using you for free labor which would be fine if it was something you agreed to and prepared for but she sprung this on you in a sneaky way and just abandoned her child at your place. That’s not okay.
NTA- sounds like child abandonment. Maybe you can call the police and ask what they think…
NTA I would make it clear what you are okay with and if she crosses those boundaries again I would not babysit at all.
NTA Well you won’t abandon the child now that she’s in your care. But you probably need to say you’re not doing it any more EVER. This is too much to ask of you, especially without proper notice. Oh, and by the way, you do have a life of your own too.
NTA. Your sister is taking you for granted. You need to set limits in a friendly way, and hopefully that’s possible.
NTA- Did she leave money? Diapers? Clean clothes? Do you live with your sister? There’s so much I don’t understand about this post. Who just leaves a kid for a week without arranging it with the potential sitter?
So many questions….do your parents just sit there and watch you take care of their granddaughter? And where’s the dad in all of this?
NTA- I would watch her for the week. When your sister comes back, sit down with her and tell her exactly how you feel. Explain that she was not fully honest with you. Tell her that you have been trying to be helpful by watching your niece but you are hurt that she tried to take advantage of you. So now you are going to take a break from watching your niece. She may have a meltdown and freak out. However, this will teach her not to take advantage of people who are helping her.
I’d never watch her again.
Did she even leave enough supplies for a week? The is straight up child abandonment and I’d never look after her child again and I’d tell her you will call child services where you live should she do it again. You’d be within your rights to do it now. NTA
Give it to your parents, I assume no baby daddy….tell them take it or I call CPD. Never mind it again. Spend time at family events only.
If your sister misled you into a week of childcare you are DEFINITELY NTA for refusing future requests. It’s of course more nuanced because it’s family. If your sister left town and your niece is in your care, personally I would feel the familial obligation to provide the best care possible for her until your sister returns.
Upon your sister’s return I would make it clear that your love for family doesn’t excuse her disrespect for your autonomy. Frankly, your sister’s an idiot for burning a reliable and loving childcare bridge. I was a nanny for my sister and it was great for both of us. A whole 24/7 week of toddler care on an unsuspecting and inexperienced party is practically assault.
NTA: you are not obligated to baby sit her, ever. Tell your sister she needs to make other arrangements as you have determined your not ready to be a mother and she is not your child.
This is child abandonment, if cps was called she would be in a lot of trouble. Do not babysit again. Although I see her dropping her off and leaving since your parents are there.
NTA. Stop babysitting for her full stop, or this will happen again. If she shows up on your doorstep with your niece, frantically banging on the door, pretend you aren’t home. She will try to unload her kid on you when yoh stop babysitting.
And OP, just a thought, are you sure your sister has a second job on the weekends? Cuz she just took off on her new job, if so. But I doubt it. She just said that to get childcare from you on the weekends.
NTA….Your sister played you and that is totally unacceptable.
NTA, your sister was 100% wrong. Tell your sister that you are not babysitting for the next year due to her stunt and that you will only visit your niece. Are your parents willing to take her part of the time? I would honestly call her up and tell her that she is an a-hole for this. If you want to be a complete a go to her house use all of her items for her child and don’t clean up. Allow her to come home to a messy house. Because I would be using all of her supplies for the baby and food. Having a child for a week is expensive.
NTA NTA NTA Good grief. She’s a jerk. You have a job too, yes? If she can leave the country, she can afford a nanny. You don’t want to develop resentment towards this child. Tell her you want to be an aunt and not a surrogate mother. And make sure you and your parents are unavailable on the next usual drop-off day.
NTA
I would never babysit again, and I would start calling at the expected pick-up time and keep calling until she answered.
Tell her you hope the trip was worth it because she just lost her babysitter.
Do not watch this child again. Your sister knows she can make you do what she wants and will just guilt trip you. Cut it out.
UpdateMe
500 dollars a day
Just like the old public service announcements on drugs: ‘Just say no’.
NTA. You’re not a free nanny, and she totally took advantage of your kindness.
NTA
contact cps at end of weekend. tell sister via message that agreement was for weekend, if she isn’t back, you are contacting cos.
and also inform her that you are never available again
NTA
Tell her if she pulls this white again, you’ll be calling CPS for child abandonment.