Im a 18F and my ex bf is 18M and wed been talking for 3 years and we never really dated but we acted like we were and we were so exlusive to each other we just didnt date at the time because we barely saw each other and we were so on and off we’d talk for 3 months everyday and every hour of the day and then stop talking because uni got in the way and also he studies in another continent but even then he was just exclusive to me and vice versa. however last month he came to my country and we met and he told me he loved me and that he was sorry he didnt say it earlier and he wanted to have something serious with me and he wanted me in his life and he wanted to make this official because to him everytime we stopped talking it felt like a breakup and he took me out several times and he’d make sure i knew he only wanted me and we spent every day together and he told me he wanted this to work and we even went out once and he insisted that we have a talk about making things work. and after he said he loved me in real life i genuinely felt like this time nothing would get in the way. It started off good and then i had to stay home for a while because we both had stuff going on and hes a competitive swimmer so he was always in training. however thats not my issue, two weeks after we had gotten together he started acting so distant but we would still talk and i always overthink stuff so id ask if everything between us was okay and i told him i know i need reassurance but this time it was because things got too serious and i was scared of losing him. he told me that he is scared because when he goes back to uni and barely has time to do anything wed go back to square one and he kept telling me that hes giving it his all to make this work and he genuinely was. it started off by him saying love u instead of i love you and i know it sounds so childish but it genuinely felt off and then id try to ask him whats wrong and hed say nothing is and then we’d talk for less than we should and then i asked him again what was wrong and he was like im scared of what will happen when i move back because he had the best time and was the happiest when we were together in real life. i forgot to mention that we were both willing to do long distance since we’d literally been doing it ever since we met and the only time we properly met was now. anyways, i dont know why he said he loves me then when things got too serious he felt like it was too much and i was the happiest while i was with him. our situation is so complicated cuz even if we did do ldr we wouldnt have been anle to see each other for 7 years. He told me he feels like he doesnt have anything to give and he doesnt wanna waste my time and it hurt me when he said that because i was willing to do anytning. he was so respectful to me and did everything he could and put me over everyone and made sure i knew i was the only one for him. he told me he doesnt wanna be with anyone neither now nor later and he said he has commitment issues and said he doesnt want anyone else and when the time is right he said ill be the only one on his mind. he said we could still talk but it tore me and i told him i cant imagine talking to u without being ur gf and now i dont know anything about him and i feel like i probably said the wrong thing or drove him away by constantly needing reassurance. All i want to know if i should try talking to him or to let go.
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Let go…hes a wack job..he comes all that way to see you and said he loved you…now he has no time etc. etc..I think you feel like you are dealing with a grown man and you are not. He is an 18 year old boy.
this sounds a lot like the situation i have with my first love, like VERY similar. i’m 20F now and trust me when i say that if you don’t let go now the pain you will feel down the road will be unbearable.
it’s not like he doesn’t love you, it’s just that he CANT. and he knows that. he needs to stop promising things he can’t fulfill and i honestly think they do this just so we hold on and don’t look anywhere else. there will always be an excuse, he will never change, he will continue to give you the world for moments at a time then leave on his own accord. he’s selfish and you may love him, but you need to realize that elongating the inevitable will result in regret. each time i went back he would promise to never leave again, and we would make future plans and he’d tell me how he only loves me, yada yada all that bs. then boom one issue and it’s “yeah i just need time to work on myself, i want to come back stronger for you” BULLSHIT.
if he really wants you in the future he will be there in the future, but if he’s not putting in the proper effort now or only does so for moments at a time, then you’re a very present day interest for him that he tends to whenever he pleases. he does so because you let him. i let my first love walk in and out of my life as he pleased, i love him, i mean i love deeply. but then i started to realize that i was losing my self-respect and identity just to keep a guy who prioritizes his needs over mine. i stopped and reflected and thought, “man, when you truly love someone you can’t stand not hearing from them for that long. or at least that’s the love i deserve.”
it doesn’t have to be a bitter ending. he’s growing and so are you. once you redirect that energy onto yourself, along the way another will come that’ll match your energy. when i was 18 i wish i realized this, i would’ve been two years ahead in my healing journey smh <3
You should not give up on him, When a guy says he’s committed and couldn’t move on he really means it and as you have mentioned that He’s busy in his stuff that’s the only reason he couldn’t give you much time. Ik it’s important to give time in relationships in addition when you are in LDR but then comes the “trust” if you trust him and he trusts you there’s nothing in this world that can separate you guys and at last it’s your decision, that can you stay in LDR while not even talking much.. I hope you make the right decision, my blessings are with you