Okay, so we are both in highschool, so you know we’re still sensitive to our feelings and stuff like that. But I have this friend, lets call her Sara. She is a really sweet girl, but the thing is, she always needs attention, and since we’re not in the same school anymore, I can’t really talk to her everyday anymore.
Shes very clingy and needs attention like almost everyday and she just shuts down whenever I don’t reply to her for 2 or 3 days. Whenever this happens she starts ignoring me or acting cold, so I have to apologize everytime. But I still try to talk to her every week. And this has happened way too often that Ive been feeling uneasy everytime I forget to reply to her, and this happend again last night, I didnt reply to her for 2 days and she starts ignoring me, I ask her whats wrong and she says that ‘We dont feel as close as we were anymore’.
I got irritated when she said that so out of recklessness, I told her “I can’t give you attention everyday, I have school too”. After I said that, she blocked me, and now I feel like ive made her feel horrible, so AITA?
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Okay, so we are both in highschool, so you know we’re still sensitive to our feelings and stuff like that. But I have this friend, lets call her Sara. She is a really sweet girl, but the thing is, she always needs attention, and since we’re not in the same school anymore, I can’t really talk to her everyday anymore.
Shes very clingy and needs attention like almost everyday and she just shuts down whenever I don’t reply to her for 2 or 3 days. Whenever this happens she starts ignoring me or acting cold, so I have to apologize everytime. But I still try to talk to her every week. And this has happened way too often that Ive been feeling uneasy everytime I forget to reply to her, and this happend again last night, I didnt reply to her for 2 days and she starts ignoring me, I ask her whats wrong and she says that ‘We dont feel as close as we were anymore’.
I got irritated when she said that so out of recklessness, I told her “I can’t give you attention everyday, I have school too”. After I said that, she blocked me, and now I feel like ive made her feel horrible, so AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I knew she was sensitive with these kinds of things and I told her that I can’t give her attention all the time. 2. I probably couldve handled it better or just apologized again
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
You are NTA, considering that you have tried to spend time with her whenever you can. It’s just that you also have other responsibilities (such as school), reducing your free time available to chat with her. She should be able to realize that as well.
NTA. I am 50 and have a 60 year old friend who is like this. Some people just need more support. Set some boundaries and stick with them. I told my friend I can’t talk/text everyday now we text twice weekly and it is mostly ok, sometimes they will text more often but I won’t read them until I am ready.
NTA. Do you really want to keep continuing this cycle to be her emotional support pony?
Be grateful she’s blocked you and move on.
Wanna act decades above your age?
Simply just go about your life. If she comes back great. Engage with her how you are able to. If not, then just move on. If she is meant to be a friend, then it will happen.
I get the worry about disappointing, but I promise you it’s not as a big of a deal as you are making it out to be. Don’t let it get to you. You’re all good.
NTA, but maybe she just felt like you were closer before and is sad that you don’t talk much anymore. I kinda understand her side, as in you try to keep in contact with someone you were close and they just “forget” to answer you for days.
in this case the best thing for you is setting boundaries and seeing if she will respect your decision, and then think if she is worth it i guess
NTA. You are doing both of yourselves a favor. You are busy with your life and now she will have time to find new friends and activities instead of drowning you.
NTA
Look sweetheart, you both have lives separate from each other and Sara needs to understand that.
If Sara is so frustrated by you not replying to her, then why would she extend the time of you not talking to her by ignoring you for another couple of days? It’s absolutely crazy.
The silent treatment, which is exactly what she’s giving you, is a form of MANIPULATION and EMOTIONAL ABUSE. (Yes, friends can emotionally abuse you) You don’t have to apologize because life got in the way and because she gets in her feelings. She has to learn to better cope with the fact that people have other things to do than talk to her all the time
Hopefully you open your eyes to her toxicity and you block her before the cycle starts up again
People like your friend are energy vampires. They literally suck your energy out of you, leaving you emotionally and physically exhausted. She needs mental health support from a professional. It took me a while, but I managed to cut the energy vampires out of my life. It made such a huge difference to me that people commented on it. There’s a big difference between supporting a friend and being a crutch for a needy/clingy person. Honestly, I’d take her blocking you as a win and move on.
NTA
Nta! You can only do what you can. You have other things happening now and are more busy and shouldn’t be expected to hold it down for yourself and others.
That being said, has your friend always been like this? Is she at a new school or are you? Im just wondering if she isn’t making friends, so she feels all alone. Either way, it isn’t your job to fix this.
NTA.
You two are both learning boundaries still at your age, and your acknowledgement of that is beneficial. Your friend may be scared in a sense of losing you, as it sounds like she has RSD. Rejection sensitivity disorder. It’s a long journey for both of you tbh. The distance is guaranteed harder for her than you can probably imagine as well.
Just remember to breathe, and maybe have a moment to talk about what you both need from each other. Don’t be afraid to ask! It’ll probably be emotional but that’s a reminder we are human.
Heck! If you guys are battling the distance look into getting a Enabot. Or tap bracelets between friends. You two definitely need to build a bridge together. Metaphorically
NTA my lifelong best friend and I had codependency issues as teenagers.
It was similar to this, except worse because we were both very seriously mentally ill. We are still best friends and we got through it, and have a super healthy relationship now. But my psychologist made me set boundaries with her and stop giving in and constantly meeting her needs. Sometimes tough love is all you can do. Hopefully your friend grows up or gets some help.
My friend ended up being diagnosed with BPD. I’m not saying your friend has that, because being a teenager and learning how to communicate in a healthy way is hard. But maybe there is more to it. Either way, that isnt your problem to fix. Don’t sink yourself to help them float.
NTA. I had a friend who was like that and we’re both adults. I don’t even text my best friend every day and we pick up where we left off lol. It is exhausting and mentally draining having to deal with a Sara. You’re too young for that. So continue to enjoy your life!
NTA, but if this is how she’s reacting and it’s causing you stress, then you should really consider if this is a friendship worth saving.
I once had a friend who was the opposite and would only reach out if she needed something, despite me making attempts to get together and hang out on a pretty regular basis. Then, if I didn’t respond to her request within a couple of hours, she would get upset and not talk to me for a while. Eventually, I decided that this friendship, which had lasted through high school and well into our adult lives, just wasn’t worth the effort and stress, and I cut her out of my life. It hurt, but overall, it was what was best for my mental health.
Sometimes people just grow apart, whether due to changes in the people or changes in their environment. It’s a part of life that just happens and will continue to happen as you get older and move through the different stages of life.