me (23F) and my fiancé (27M) have been together for around 3 years and recently he proposed! he has always been a family friend and was best friends with my sister(27F) for a while before we got together. my sister is the way we met and i will always be grateful for that! however recently i was back home to visit my parents and my sister came as-well. (we all like to get together for the fourth of July) when the party died down i was with my fiancé, sister and another close friend from home in my parents basement. my sister sat in between me and my fiancé which i didn’t mind because they are very close friends, however she made a joke saying “ what if i made out with your fiancé right now!” i was shocked but didn’t want to speak up right then and cause a fight in front of our freind. so i just said “oh. that would be so crazy… please don’t”. later i approached my sister about it and asked why she would say that and its a bit weird to talk about kissing my fiancé. she said that i was overreacting and it was all jokes going on about how i need to understand that’s just how she jokes with him. i understand that they have been friends for a long time but it made me very uncomfortable when she made that ‘joke’. i talked to my fiancé and he said that he also thought it was weird of her to say that. but now i am fighting with my sister about this almost every day.
am i the asshole for starting a fight with her about it?
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me (23F) and my fiancé (27M) have been together for around 3 years and recently he proposed! he has always been a family friend and was best friends with my sister(27F) for a while before we got together. my sister is the way we met and i will always be grateful for that! however recently i was back home to visit my parents and my sister came as-well. (we all like to get together for the fourth of July) when the party died down i was with my fiancé, sister and another close friend from home in my parents basement. my sister sat in between me and my fiancé which i didn’t mind because they are very close friends, however she made a joke saying “ what if i made out with your fiancé right now!” i was shocked but didn’t want to speak up right then and cause a fight in front of our freind. so i just said “oh. that would be so crazy… please don’t”. later i approached my sister about it and asked why she would say that and its a bit weird to talk about kissing my fiancé. she said that i was overreacting and it was all jokes going on about how i need to understand that’s just how she jokes with him. i understand that they have been friends for a long time but it made me very uncomfortable when she made that ‘joke’. i talked to my fiancé and he said that he also thought it was weird of her to say that. but now i am fighting with my sister about this almost every day.
am i the asshole for starting a fight with her about it?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> i started a fight with my sister and brought my friend and fiancé into it, possibly breaking up there friendship
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. Your sister needs to grow tf up and understand the boundaries of what can be joked about and what is off limits.
You’re NTA
>she said that i was overreacting and it was all jokes going on a
Typical response of people who step over the line. it’s not my fault for being an asshole, it’s your fault for reacting to me being an asshole.
Jokes are supposed to be funny. There’s nothing funny in saying what she said.
NTA Your sister is obviously TA, but why isn’t your fiancé acting indignant and shutting this down?
The objection would be much more powerful if it came from him… just a few words would suffice: “Never say that again.”
NTA. I’d ask fiancé to say something about how it made him uncomfortable and to please avoid jokes like that in the future. If she won’t understand or respect it from you maybe she might from him.
I’d say most likely she’s jealous and feeling left out from the attention you’re getting from someone that was HER friend for so long, so she’s acting out. If both of you express you’re not comfortable with that sort of thing and it continues or she doesn’t like it, then you’ll have to go low contact until she does. Hopefully she’ll realize before that point.
NTA. Your sister is starting shit and she knows it.
I don’t know what shit. I’m sure people here will enjoy speculating that she’s in love with your fiance, but she could be just jealous of all the attention you may be getting for being engaged, or just jealous of his time/energy being spent on you instead of her (which can absolutely be unrelated to romantic feelings for him), or…whatever. Maybe it’s something else entirely and this is just how she can needle at you the easiest.
The reason for the shit doesn’t really matter, so don’t get distracted by that. The point is you don’t want the shit she’s starting. Refuse to be a part of the shit-stirring. Get on the same page with your fiance about shutting it down if she tries something like it again. Then quit talking to her about it! You’re not getting anything just litigating it over and over again. If she refuses to see your perspective after days of talking about it, she’s not gonna suddenly have an epiphany and apologize.
Stop talking to her about it. If she brings it up, tell her you’re done fighting. She knows how you feel. It’s up to her to decide what to do with that information.
NTA
NTA. Your sister is jealous.
She said it because they have and him not shutting it down immediately is enough. Be mad at your sister, but this is going to keep happening. I would be more worried that he’s with you to be close to her. Congratulations on your engagement.
NTA. But why isn’t your fiance shutting her down?
NTA,
When I read title I was expecting sister to be 5-12 y/o. but no, just at 27F acting like one.
nta. your sister stepped over a line ( is she young or immature?)
“Why don’t I ruin your family? Isn’t it a nice little joke, right?”
NTA
I’m wondering if she has feelings for him and is upset you got with him and is trying to ruin your relationship or test the water with him to see how far he will go.
NTA, but she is jealous. Choose not to engage with her.
Your sister is creepy. NTA. But also fiancee’s voice is way too quiet on this!. Makes me wonder how deep that friendship went.
NTA – your sister is though, and her best friend/your fiancé should have shut it down then.
She said that they joke like that. He said that it was weird, but didn’t tell her that he would never allow that to happen. He should have stated that it was uncomfortable to hear her say it. Also it wasn’t funny to him or you.
NTA. But marrying your sister’s best friend?? ESH thats just a bit too much if you ask me.
“you are overreacting”
REDDIT red flag, fake
NTA, and I would be VERY uncomfortable with their relationship moving forward. This has the makings of “I’ve always liked you” on the low end and an extramarital affair on the high end. NOPE NOPE NOPE
NTA at all, mate. It’s not about “just a joke”, it’s about respect. It’s your fiancé, not a topic for her comedy skit. Fam or not, boundaries gotta be set. Stick to your guns, and remember, it’s your relationship, not a trio. Chill sis needs to get a grip, majorly. If it makes you squirm, she gotta learn, no harm in keeping peace, but some jokes ain’t a lease. Peace out!