I’m 26 and live with my girlfriend Lisa (using fake names). Around Six months ago, my world changed when my brother and sister-in-law died in a car accident, leaving behind my 16-year-old nephew. He had nowhere else to go. I’m literally his only family now.
When I told Lisa we needed to take him in, she wasn’t thrilled. She worried about our finances, our one-bedroom apartment, and how this would affect our future plans. She never said she didn’t want him here, but I could tell she resented the situation.
My nephew has been through hell. He barely spoke for the first month, struggled with nightmares, and dropped out of most of his activities. The only thing that seemed to like was drawing. Before the accident, he was really talented: won school art contests and everything. His therapist encouraged him to keep creating as a way to process his grief.
Last month, I used some of the insurance money his parents left to buy him a professional art set that includet expensive colored pencils, sketch pads, and some more stuff. It was the first time I’d seen him genuinely smile since the funeral. He started spending hours drawing again.
But then Lisa started acting weird about it. She’d make comments about how much I spent, how he was “always making a mess,” and how the apartment smelled like art supplies. She seemed annoyed that he was getting “special treatment” and that I was “spoiling” him. I tried to explain that this wasn’t about spoiling and more about helping him heal.
Things got worse when Sarah started using his supplies when he was at school. She’d do adult coloring books or doodle, claiming she was just bored. My nephew never complained, but I could see his frustration when he’d come home to find his pencils scattered around or his special paper torn out.
I asked Sarah to please use her own supplies and let him have his space. She agreed but gave me the cold shoulder for days afterward.
Last Tuesday, I picked my nephew up from his therapy appointment and came home to find his art supplies completely destroyed. Pencils snapped in half, sketch pads ripped apart, paints squeezed out everywhere. My nephew just stood there staring at the mess, then locked himself in the bathroom.
When I confronted Sarah, she claimed it was an accident and that she’d knocked over his art box and everything just broke. When I called her out on the obvious lie, she exploded and said she was “tired of coming second to a teenager” and that “everything was perfect before he moved in.”
I told her she was being cruel to a grieving child and asked her to pack her things and leave. She’s been staying with her sister since then.
My nephew finally talked to me yesterday. He said he knew Lisa didn’t want him here and that he was sorry for “ruining everything.” It broke my heart.
AITA for choosing my nephew over my girlfriend in this situation?
Comments
Good for her. This is just too much, you can barely take care of your own
no you did the right thing, i‘m so sorry you and your nephew had to go tru all of that
NTA
I’m so sorry for the loss of your brother and sister-in-law.
NTA at all. You are a good man to stand by your nephew. If she can’t see that, her loss. I wish you and your nephew all the best for the future.
Your GF is a heartless women.
Nope not at all. Your nephew has had a life changing event losing his parents and you stepped up and did the right thing. Your ex gf on the other hand, well let’s just say that selfish features heavily in her personality……. Frankly no loss and you dodged a bullet as she showed her true colours.
NTA
NTA! She’s extremely immature and selfish. She needs counseling because you doing the right thing by taking in your nephew should not make her feel like that. She should’ve never taken it out on him he’s the one whose whole life has changed. Also the money from his parents life insurance getting spent on him having a little joy is none of her concern unless she’s the only one working and keeping the bills paid.
Choosing between a grieving teenager and an adult who can’t handle a little mess. Tough choice. I guess some people just can’t handle sharing the spotlight or the colored pencils.
NTA
What a psycho, women have some crazy control issues
My goodness…. She actually threw a tantrum, out of jealousy about a teenager who had his world turn upside down and has to grieve the loss of his parents…
I am both sorry for him and for you.
This is devastating and definitely a deal breaker. It’s good that she left.
It’s heartbreaking that your nephew told you he is sorry. I hope you will be able to find the right words to explain to him that nothing is his fault. That you may be sad that it is the end of your relationship but that you will always put him first and that you are happy to get to know him better and spend time with him, and that the two of you can remember his parents together etc…
You made the right decision by taking him in. You are a good person.
It is too bad that your SO showed that she could not handle a life changing event and stick with you. She somehow showed her true self, and it is probably for the best, since you both have very different values and morals. Now you know.
Your nephew is 16, it’s not like he is 4 and will be with you “forever”. At some point he will either go to college or get a job and when he’s ready he will start his own life.
Good luck to the both or you. You are going through something so traumatic. You deserve to be surrounded with love and be supported.
I’m sorry it took this to find out how cruel & small your ex’s heart is. Hug your nephew & assure him this is not his fault.
What a sad mess,,,
Nobody won this,,
Your nephew and you are:
N
T
A
Hopefully soon everything changes and is much DIFFERENT and BETTER ❄️☁️🌥️🌱💚💚🥀🥀
NTA You and your nephew suffered a terrible loss. You are doing the best you can. She couldn’t see that and you need a true partner. Hugs.
NTA. He did nothing wrong to her. What a selfish, uncaring bitch.
This is good for you, a bullet dodged.
NTA she is violently jealous of a child who lost his parents. She’s a fucking weirdo
god no. tell your nephew he saved you years with a heartless bitch who would have made your life hell. honestly, depending on the cost of the supplies i’d see if you can get her to admit to destroying them over text and sue her in small claims court. i can’t imagine ever treating a child like that. poor kid had to hear her nonsense when he’s already suffering. definitely book an emergency therapy session for him and see about doing some counseling together to figure out if you’ll be taking on a more parental or mentor relationship with him since he’s already a teenager.
Edit to add: NTA NTA NTA
ex gf is a HUGE AH though
NTA. What kind of grown woman gets jealous of a grieving teenager. What kind of grown woman throws a tantrum and breaks shit. Like what the actual fuck. Your nephew will never forget how you had his back when he needed it.
I’m sorry for your loss. I’m sorry for your nephew’s loss. I’m not sorry that your relationship has ended. She’s a c#nt if she really did all that. A selfish spoiled little girl who has no empathy. I think with her gone, you and your nephew can become a tight knit duo. Love him and take care of him. The rest will follow. <3
NTA.
You dodged a bullet, this woman seems unstable.
NTA.
This is abusive behaviour towards your nephew, because she the adult cannot control her feelings. This is also abusive towards you, shes about to say it’s me or him.
It should be him.
This situation does suck for her. She has the right and she should be given the grace to bow out and say I cannot do this and leave, if that’s how she feels. She would not be the bad guy at all if that’s the choice she made.
She is the bad guy and an abusive asshole right now because she decided to destroy someones possessions to get at them. To hurt them. To make them feel just as bad as she does… And it’s towards a child who’s lost basically everything due to one accident that turned his world upside down.
She’s pushing to see how far you’ll let her get away with. She needs to go and stay gone. If she’s willing to destroy your nephews possessions so easily and then lie, she’s liable to do it to photos and sentimental items of his too.
You need to ask your nephew what was she saying and doing to him, when you weren’t around or in the next room. She made it clear to him, you need to find out how and help him and a therapist deal with this and the other losses. He’s just been harshly rejected by your ex and likely worried he would be booted out so you and her could stay together.
ESH, except the kid
Going off the information in your post, Lisa expressed valid concerns regarding the practicalities of the living situation – 3 people in some bedroom, how committing to a traumatized kid would affect your future now that you’d unilaterally decided to take him in.
Why not use some of the insurance money to move to a 2-bedroom apartment? Is your nephew in actual therapy, or were the art supplies the total of it?
Don’t get me wrong, Lisa is 100% TAH for lashing out like she did, but she has been escalating to feel heard, and your solution has been to ignore it.
You need to take photos of the damage and your ex needs to replace everything she damaged.
Also, you dodged a grenade. You should never have children with a woman this unstable.
i’m so glad your nephew has someone like you taking care of him. recovery won’t be linear, but having a guardian who cares about and puts your needs first makes the whole process so much less painful.
Who is Sarah?
You started off talking about Lisa, and then you start talking about Sarah.
Tell your nephew you are grateful to him — that without this you would never have seen her for what she is — selfish and cruel.
I married my Sarah-Lisa. It was a desert of loneliness and missing money.
You tell him that he didn’t ruin anything he helped show you who she really was.
Nta leave her. She can’t respect a kid who’s grieving and is jealous it’s immature of her. You need to be with someone who’s willing to treat your nephew as someone worthy of being cared about. Tell your nephew her actions are not his fault and her behavior to him being there was uncalled for she should have communicated as an adult and acted accordingly. Not using his things and starting drama. It’s your job now to show him what healthy relationships are between couples and more. Never let him blame himself for her toxicity.
nta
please tell your nephew, he is not the reason, just the ‘tool’ (meant positively) to help you finding out what a worthless wannabe human being your (hopefully) ex-gf is under her mask
Imagine having a child with her, her being jealous of her own child and trying to get you to ignore said child for focusing on her (happens way more often than ist should be, people are aware of) => that is, how people like her end up.
People like her would leave you in case of a life-altering injury, leave if someone with lots of money would focus on her, she sees herself as only focus, with already having proven to react not only cruel, but with ‘blindly furious’ destruction, never ever trust someone who did something like this even once
You didn’t choose your nephew over your girlfriend, she chose to be a massive arse to a grieving child. She copped the consequences of her actions. Mate, you dodged a massive bullet. You got to see her true colours. Do not take her back! You both deserve so much better. She sounds like she must be a teenager herself, she is a massive AH. Take this as a close call, choose better next time
You used Sarah instead of Lisa a few times here and there, dunno if you need to change that.
NTA, she really overstepped with that, but otherwise this is a no-win situation generally. Your ex never seemed to be in favor of the whole situation of having to take care of a grieving teenager by your own admission, and she expressed that several times, something that you ignored. You on the other hand didn’t have much choice in taking/not taking your nephew in (also I’m sorry for your loss) so a break up was probably inevitable. It just sucks that it came after your nephew’s property was destroyed and not earlier from two mature adults (you and your ex) communicating like adults.
NTA, while I can imagine that this is not an easy adjustment for Sarah, if taking on custody of your nephew was a dealbreaker for her, she should have moved out. When you became your nephews guardian, you agreed to make him your first priority. Sticking to that commitment if the only right answer
NTA for the art stuff but Please tell me you didn’t move your nephew into a one bedroom apartment to share with 2 other people
NTA – Sounds like you dodged a bullet tbh.
She should be your ex girlfriend. That child has been through hell and back and the very least you can do is support him in something healthy that is helping him live again. I’d send her an itemized bill and make her pay for it all and then tell her it’s over for good. Who gets jealous of a child that would kill to have his parents back she’s the lowest of the low. Gross 🤮
I’m sorry to hear about your brother and sister-in law. Sending best regards to you and your nephew.
NTA and nah you mean your ex gf. She’s a self centered narcissist jealous vindictive brat that destroyed your nephews art supplies because she wasn’t the center of attention. What makes matters worse is he’s grieving and used those to help him heal. Unless she does a 180 tomorrow and shows true remorse (doubtful) she’s not gonna change and will do something similar down the road.
NTA. Family is everything. Well done for being resolute, and you really shouldn’t be with anyone who doesn’t respect your family.
Lisa / Sarah sounds like a horrible bully. I think you are amazing for protecting your nephew. She is not nearly as deserving as this kid is of grace and love.
Bruh, if it somehow isn’t fake – why are/were you with her? That’s not a girlfriend that just a narcissistic, jelaous toddler. NTA
Wow, nta. Your ex is a whole human skin suit stuffed with shite. What a mean thing to do, not just to your nephew but to you as well. You put that gift together for him, with real thought and intention behind it, and she took a giant crap on it. Over petty jealousy. Yuck.
Do yall really believe someone would wonder if they’re being an asshole for this after their partner destroyed a grieving child’s art supplies?
She’s a witch and jealous of a grieving teenager. Get her out of his (and your) life.
Edit NTA
NTA. Tell Lisa “we’re never, ever, ever getting back together again”.
NTA, c’mon are people that heartless? Kid just lost his parents! And there’s something in his life that makes him want to continue despite the grief he is suffering and someone just destroyed it to make it worse. I would reconsider your relation with your girlfriend. I wouldn’t want someone who would not respect my family. What if it had happened to her side of the family, would she be like this too?
Think of it this way- if your nephew had somewhere else to go- would you think this girl is the type of person you would trust as a mother? Would you ever be able to trust her with anything ever again?
Because I would say absolutely not. Someone who could be so deliberately cruel to any child, but especially a grieving one, isn’t someone I would trust with a goldfish.
NTA
Nta. She’s DeLuLu AF!!! Also…… you didn’t spoil him, it’s was out of the insurance money from HIS parents death….. not your money, and definitely NOT HER MONEY. If it really was expensive sue her for a replacement. Actions have consequences and she clearly needs to learn that lesson. Hope you and your nephew heal and grow together and she had the life she deserves xxx
NTA she’s a little old for tantrums especially when he probably will find his own place and start working really damn soon
make her pay for new supplies and break up with that absolute villain asap
NTA – Your ex-girlfriend is NOT a good person. It is better you learned now than waste more of your time with her. She lacks maturity and compassion. Your nephew‘s world just got destroyed and you are the only family he has left. Your ex-girlfriend cares more that she is being inconvenienced by art supplies than she cares about the needs of your nephew. That is a red flag. To me, that means you cannot trust her as a long term partner. How can you trust her to be there for you or your future children if something tragic happens? You want a partner that is a rock, not a whiny baby. And your nephew is 16. He could be off to college in a couple of years possibly, thus it would be back to just you and your girlfriend in the apartment while he is at school. Regardless, as the saying goes, you dodged a bullet with your ex.
NTA.
You are the best uncle ever!! Don’t let her back into your lives she’ll just do more petty shit behind your back and make your nephew feel even more unwelcome, you did the right thing
In your shoes, I’d have let my nephew break her shit up and then kick her out. NTA.
She’s a C*nt be rid of her forever. What kind of psychopath hurts the one thing a grieving child likes. She’s got real I think I’m a princess energy thank you brother from above for gifting you her true colors
Your ex did what???
Sorry for your loss and please keep supporting your nephew, NTA
Updateme
Yeah, pencils don’t all snap when they fall over.
NTA for kicking her out.
I can understand she is frustrated that suddenly another person lives there, but he seems to be minimal trouble for a teenager and she acted more like a spoiled brat herself than the nephew did.
A+ for you for sticking up for your nephew!
Don’t let that idiot GF back in.
Your gf sounds like a spoiled b!tch! Dump her and concentrate on helping your nephew heal
You are so not the AH – your GF has shown her true colours – she is a spoilt child, I mean who destroys something that is giving a grieving actual child some joy in life? You are well rid of this woman – she has no empathy or compassion, it’s all about me me me – imagine what it would have been like having kids with her??
So who is your girlfriend Lisa or Sarah?
Obviously this is a made up story and it was good until your slip up with the name.
NTA
NTA. Your nephew may be young but your hopefully ex-girlfriend was the one behaving like a toddler.
NTA
That was cruel of her and unnecessary behaviour. She has shown you that she holds a lot of resentment and anger about the situation and is okay with directing it at your newphew. Do not listen to anything out of her mouth about being sorry, she’ll just get better at hiding this behaviour for when you’re not around.
He is 16, for goodness sake. He is self-sufficient and just needs love and a safe space for a few years. As she is incapable of that, I think you’ve dodged a bullet.
NTA, you did exactly the right thing. What a hateful woman. Please assure your nephew that he didn’t ruin anything, she did all that by herself. I’m glad he has you in his life to prioritise and support him through what is a very difficult time in his young life. Good luck to you both.
At least you now know what a nasty piece of work your girlfriend is. As everyone always says on here – when someone shows you who they are, believe them.
I really hope she is now ex
Leave her ass and never look back. She sounds heartless and immature. I would also make her pay back the supplies
Dude you nephew needs so much love. Your ex is cruel and a fucking demon. You are the only thing he has left and she treats him like a burden AFTER his parents died. There’s a special place in hell for people like her. Nta and keep fighting for him. Let him know he isn’t a burden and reassure him that he is wanted. Seriously, imagine your parents gone and then treated like that smh
Keep choosing your nephew. I’m so sorry for both of your loss.
Don’t get back with your ex gf. who the hell gets jealous of a grieving child
Tell him he didint ruin a thing. He saved you from a horrible human and a crappy future by showing you what kind of person she really is and you will always be gratefull for it
You did the right thing. She let the mask slip, and you got to see the real her: a spoiled brat so jealous of a grieving orphan that she destroyed the only thing that brings him joy–and is endorsed by his therapist, no less–like a toddler who didn’t get a toy they wanted at Wal-Mart. She is so selfish, she is plotting against a child who just lost his parents. What a deplorable, despicable woman, devoid of compassion, empathy, and human decency. Two words: good riddance.
NTA.
You need to find a new girlfriend, imagine being jealous of a 16year old kid who recently lost their parents. What a horrible lady.
INFO: Why is she not your EX girlfriend?
Can’t shout NTA loud enough!
That kids been through hell and she throws a tantrum because she’s jealous. You did the right thing, she really showed you her true nature. What would your future have looked like together if you guys decided to have kids on your own?
NTA. Buh bye.
NTA. You are just trying to be a good uncle to a bereaved kid who has no other family but you, and you did right. She deliberately destroyed his expensive art supplies that you spent money on, and tried to lie about it. She has shown a multitude of red flags and it sounds like you’re better off without her.
Also, I can’t help noticing the hypocrisy of her worrying about finances being tight and then destroying expensive possessions; how do those two things go together?
Your ex is a spoiled child. You did the right thing.
When did Lisa change her name to Sarah?
So her dumb abusive ass is gone permanently, correct? She is a creep. You are NTA for choosing him, but you are the a-hole for even questioning yourself about any of this.
Also, the insurance money is HIS money. Not yours, not hers. So if you bought him new art stuff, that’s with money left to him as beneficiary by his dead parents. She can eat a rotten egg, she isn’t entitled to his money and she shouldn’t be questioning it either.
Let him know he has done absolutely nothing wrong and reassure him of this daily. Tell him she is a very immature, selfish, insecure person and you are both better off without her.
Nta. I hope you browe up with her instantly. What a trash human. Thabk god you didnt have kids yet
What an awful person.
Your girlfriend did you a HUGE favor by revealing who she really is. For a partner, you want someone whose heart and values are like yours.
Your heart and values are very clear in what you have shared. You are a mature young man and I’m so proud of you. Your nephew needs you (desperately needs you and you are there for him.
Someday you will meet someone who completely understands and wants to join you and your nephew as a family. It will a lady who loves you and values you as the treasure you are.
Please stand firm and end your relationship with her. You will have to be strong because she will try to come back. Keep remembering how she made your nephew feel. She can’t undo the damage she has done with him.
And remember that how you handle all of this teaches your nephew who YOU are and how important he is.
Be blessed! You are amazing and you just dodged a huge bullet! ❤️❤️❤️
NTA
First make her admit via text message that she intentionally destroyed your nephews things.
Hope you still have the receipt!!!
Go to small claims curt and sue her for the damages. Oh and add emotional damage on it because your traumatized nephew was traumatized even more because of her behavior.
Change the locks before you do all of that stuff.
She is a monster ! A vile disgusting human being, treating a child like this …. She showed you exactly what kind of person she is.
why would you be the asshole? why would you care if she thought you were an asshole over this? is this a fake post? sorry to be blunt or rude or whatever, I’m just confused.
You should never stop thanking your nephew for saving you from your horrible ex. Keep reminding him. Ad nauseam.
I am so happy that you chose your nephew over your girlfriend. She is a spoiled brat, a destructive narcissist actually. You are well rid of her. Tell your nephew that he didn’t ruin everything–she did and that if you’re going to have a girlfriend, you’ll want one that doesn’t act like a spoiled two-year-old.
I have the feeling I read the same story at least 10 times with very slight differences.
I try not to be one of those people that always suspect karma farming, but in this case I strongly suspect AI or just badly executed writing exercise
In real life you will rarely find so clear-cut villains and angels, let alone the absurd “am I overreacting” question.
Yep, dude, the satan himself is appalled by her sheer unprovoked evilness, yet you doubt your decision to kick her out? Yeah, sure…
NTA. This is one of those stories where I have to remind myself that violence is not okay because I’d be tempted with this absolute monster of a human.
Ragebait ?
“AITA for choosing my orphaned nephew over a literal demon?”
YTAH- wow, I knew I recognized this obvious story! New account, no history or comments
NTA!! Not by a long shot!!! She is a vile person. I couldn’t imagine anyone treating a child that has been through such a horrific loss like that. Thank goodness he has you. And at least the positive side of this is he now knows for sure you’ll always have his back, no matter what.
Thank heavens that the way your girlfriend treated your nephew showed you who she was before you ended up having kids with her. What kind of monster is jealous over a grieving child? I’m so sorry that he had to go through that.
I hope you keep her away from both of you permanently.
Little girl needs to go before she does even more damage to this poor, innocent kid who has already lost everything. You did the right thing. Why would you want anyone like that on your life anyway?
NTA. Thank goodness he has you!
You’re cool. Tough times
Lisa, Sarah? YTA for this fake post.
You know the answer here. You know what you have to do. Someone who would treat a grieving child like this is not future (or current) partner material.
Jesus, what an absolute pos she is, jealous of a child who has lost everything and punishing him for existing in her world.
Please, OP. Please, PLEASE protect your nephew from her. Do not allow her back to torture your nephew more. She is not a good person.
Hopefully she stays gone, that she would treat ANYBODY like that, much less a grieving child. NTA. My condolences to you and your nephew.
She did you a favour, she’s shown her true colours. If she lacks the emotional maturity to deal with this like an adult, she’s not someone I’d want to spend my life with. More room in the apartment for yourself and your nephew now.
NTA.
Not at all. Your girlfriend has shown her true colors, and none of them are pretty. The lack of compassion and empathy is bad enough, especially combined with the jealousy. But the cruelty she’s displayed is plain evil.
Continue to take care of your nephew. Your love and support are crucial.
NTA and I hope you explicitly told him he didn’t ruin anything. I mean obviously you’re not blaming him for anything but I think he might still need to hear it out loud.
It’s a terrible loss for both him and you, but that loss is solely his parents/your brother and SIL. The ex sounds unhinged and is no real loss, she just showed her true colours so it’s good that you’re not going to waste more time on her.
NTA – It’s a good thing you saw her for what she is before you had a kid together. She’ll be a nightmare as a mother.
You can never be an asshole for helping a child in pain. If Sarah is so immature that she cannot understand the needs of a orphan, grieving teenager, you really don’t need her in the first place. I call it bullet dodged.
Your hopefully soon to be ex girlfriend is a narcissist. How much did you spend on those supplies? If it’s a significant amount, when you give her the boot, also sue her ass to recoup the loss and replace the supplies. NTA at all.
NTA. You dodged a bullet. Your ex gf seems psychotic. She should pay you for the cost of the Professional Art Set.