I (52M) have lived in the same house for 25 years and covered mortgage, taxes, utilities, insurance, and upkeep entirely on my own. My son “E” (24M) moved back in after college with zero savings or job prospects. For six months he’s been lounging around, ignoring every chore request, and blowing money on streaming subscriptions and takeout. When I tried talking budgeting he shrugged and said “I’m still young chill out dad.”
Last weekend I snapped. A few years ago I bought an oversized doghouse for our large German Shepherd when he was a pup. Rex is now 8 years old and mostly sleeps in my wife’s and my bedroom these days. When we go out of town we board him. That means the doghouse is just sitting empty, so I spent a day converting it into a tiny living space with a small matress, lamp, electric hookup, and a portable heater. I told Ethan he’s welcome to sleep in the house again once he pays $200 a week in rent, cooks dinner twice a week, and does a rotating list of chores (yard work, cleaning bathrooms, basic repairs). Until then he’s free to enjoy his new backyard suite.
He immediately set up camp and started posting photos of his “luxury” digs on his Instagram. My wife showed me his videos and said I’m being too harsh. She thinks that I went too far, but she also agrees he needs to learn responsibility before he’s 35 living rent free. I’m still giving him full access to food, water, bathroom, laundry, and wifi. He just has to earn his keep.
It feels harsh but our costs keep rising and I refuse to bankroll his indefinite freeloading. AITA?
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I (52M) have lived in the same house for 25 years and covered mortgage, taxes, utilities, insurance, and upkeep entirely on my own. My son “E” (24M) moved back in after college with zero savings or job prospects. For six months he’s been lounging around, ignoring every chore request, and blowing money on streaming subscriptions and takeout. When I tried talking budgeting he shrugged and said “I’m still young chill out dad.”
Last weekend I snapped. A few years ago I bought an oversized doghouse for our large German Shepherd when he was a pup. Rex is now 8 years old and mostly sleeps in my wife’s and my bedroom these days. When we go out of town we board him. That means the doghouse is just sitting empty, so I spent a day converting it into a tiny living space with a small matress, lamp, electric hookup, and a portable heater. I told Ethan he’s welcome to sleep in the house again once he pays $200 a week in rent, cooks dinner twice a week, and does a rotating list of chores (yard work, cleaning bathrooms, basic repairs). Until then he’s free to enjoy his new backyard suite.
He immediately set up camp and started posting photos of his “luxury” digs on his Instagram. My wife showed me his videos and said I’m being too harsh. She thinks that I went too far, but she also agrees he needs to learn responsibility before he’s 35 living rent free. I’m still giving him full access to food, water, bathroom, laundry, and wifi. He just has to earn his keep.
It feels harsh but our costs keep rising and I refuse to bankroll his indefinite freeloading. AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) Action I took: I told my 24‑year‑old son he must move out of the main house into a converted doghouse and pay $200/week plus do chores if he wants to live here.
(2) Why that might make me the AH: Forcing him into a cramped outdoor space sounds cruel, and it’s created real conflict with him. He’s calling me heartless and says I’m risking our relationship over a punishment that may be disproportionate.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
ESH – if this is true, would love his IG.
Lol sounds like a luxury apartment in the shit rentals subreddit….. /Cries at the price of rental houses
He is a grown man acting like a teenager. He can get a job, join the military, go get an apartment with a roommate. His choices are his own! He needs a booster to launch it seems – good job, Dad!!
Robot
What’s your kids Instagram? I want to check out his digs.
Congrats op your did absolutely nothing to stop enabling your son! Make him earn it, the wifi, laundry, shower. Everything besides food and water is a luxury. If he wants to use those amenities then he needs to do some chores to earn them. He is still going to do absolutely nothing as long as you provide him everything he needs and now you just gave him his own bachelor pad. He doesnt care that its a literal dog house, he is posting pictures like its the greatest thing. You and your wife are letting him live rent free and still covering everything he needs. Stop! He is a grown adult, he needs to act like it. Mommy and daddy need to cut the strings asap!
What a load of rubbish
No need to put him in the dog house. Just shut off his access to WiFi, he’ll cave faster to that.
I would change the wifi password.
You’re being very fair. Others wouldn’t have done nearly as much.
In college we got free room and board at home because we were in school. But after that, it was work and pay a reasonable number or move out. I totally get that the reasonable number has increased. 25 years ago it was only 600 a month I was contributing…. But, times change.
YTA for not discussing and clearing this with your wife first. I don’t disagree that you need to stop enabling your son’s behavior, but you’re also meant to be a partnership with your wife. She needs to be consulted about choices made about the living situation and your son before you make them.
NTA
Change the wifi password.
Give him a bucket to piss in.
Lock the house.
You wanting your adult son to get his life together is fair. But starting the story with how you paid for the house for 25 years already sounds like you resent him for living there rent free for 25 years. What did you want him to do, earn his keep as a toddler? I‘ll have to go with ESH
NTA your son is a loser. Time for tougher love. I’m not a parent, so I can’t relate, but I think the dog house plus amenities was too generous. So is $200. WTH was college for? He should have an eviction date same as if he were paying rent anywhere else, and after that, locks get changed and he’s couch surfing or finding some other sucker to leach off of.
I loved this episode of King of the Hill
You didn’t kick him out, you set boundaries and offered a clear path back in. If he’s comfy enough to brag on Instagram, maybe it’s not the worst lesson in adulting. It’s not about punishment, it’s about accountability, and honestly, the doghouse setup feels more creative than cruel
NTA
You will be probably covering the electricity bill for him soon. Now that he has electricity he will probably find a way to add a television and computer to his home making the electricity worth the price of his rent.
I think the German shepherd has earned the right to stay in the house by being a good boy.
But your own son isn’t a good boy. So your conditions are only fair for him, he has to learn.
You’re not being too harsh. Just stay with the conditions until he pays.
You should still require him to pay rent if he’s in the dog house. I would suggest $60 for use of the bathroom and toilet.
He has to cook outside too.
If he doesn’t pay his rent then you trespass him.
200 a week seems steep for family tbh. But to each their own.
Take the WiFi away
I think you’re brilliant.
YTA.
The fact that you’re forcing your adult son to live in a doghouse seems indicative to me that he is the way he is in the first place due to how you treat him and treated him prior.
It’s both cruel, and unusual. Just because you need to teach him a lesson doesn’t automatically justify how you treat the lesson.
On the basis he seems excited to be one step closer to living on the streets NTA.
But, it’s all a bit odd, you got being so gleeful about it and him for taking pride in it
Your not an asshole here.
I’m in a similar situation with my step son. I’ll say that $200 a week seems excessive. You can get a crappy 1 bedroom apartment in my area for around $650 a month.
There’s nothing wrong with living with your parents as an adult but he needs to pull his own weight, he’s not a child anymore
Wtf. Kick his ass out are you kidding me?nta. Youre not being hard enough.
This is absolutely fake.
NTA, you did exactly right💕 I understand why your wife is upset but this really is what’s best for him and you guys. He’s 24, a grown man who should be able to provide for himself. Since he’s unwilling to contribute to the household or save his money (be a mature, self sufficient adult) he’s lucky to have a roof at all. I would give him 30 days, no access to shower, access to the internet if he pays his share of the bill. See what he does in that time. If he’s really comfortable and not motivated to become independent then I would serve him a 30 day notice to vacate. He has to grow up eventually. If he won’t do it on his own he needs additional motivation to do so. This is an act of love, though it doesn’t feel like it right now🌺
My kids are young, so I cannot speak from a position of authority. That said, you’re weaponizing shame, which doesn’t work well for promoting long term change. Mostly because it antagonizes people and this is the perfect fodder for holding a grudge. Best of luck though
He appears to be happy with your decision and has no intention of moving out of his new luxury pad. Don’t expect him to contribute
NTA. You are doing the correct thing.
I’ve seen this episode of king of the hill. Don’t worry, Bobby ends up loving the dog house.
Yes and no.
If he’s a “grown” man and has no motivation to pitch in financially or otherwise, it’s on him. Also never gonna change. I’m gonna go out on a limb and assume he didn’t pay his own tuition. Good luck!
Just kick him out like a normal person instead of trying to humiliate him while still providing everything he needs, so it isn’t even going to work
Give it some time. Couple of rainstorms and he’ll want in. If it begins to impact his social life he’ll want something more for himself.
Definitely change the wifi password. And no food or showers.
At 24 years old…. I can’t imagine bringing a lady home to a doghouse in my parent’s back yard. Way to impress her!