When I was a teenager, my mom told me to wear her $70 hoodie to school because I hadn’t washed mine and she wouldn’t let me leave without one. The day went fine; no damage to the hoodie. Just as I had gotten in, my cousin asked me to hold her 1mo old. For context, this cousin is quite irresponsible and genuinely doesn’t think before she acts. She’s also the kind of person who’ll never take no for an answer and guilt trip you over small things. I have always had a weak resolve and my family constantly uses this against me (still working on that to this day).
So, she really begged/forced me to hold the baby. Since I had just got home and couldn’t undress from school, I was still wearing the aforementioned hoodie. A baby’s a baby, things happen, so literally 20 seconds later the little one threw up on the hoodie. I called up to my cousin, who rushed downstairs, to see what happened. She told me to hand her the hoodie and put it in the washer. This wasn’t the first time she had washed clothes and the hoodie was machine washable, so I thought everything was fine.
It wasn’t. She was too lazy to get the new laundry detergent from my mom’s room so she used dish-soap. On top of that, she washed the hoodie with the hottest temperature on the washer (didn’t know any of this at the time). That resulted in the jet black hoodie turning ashy. The hoodie was still usable, but my mom was enraged. She went on a tirade, yelling at me (and only me) about damaging the hoodie. I tried to explain that the baby threw up and the hoodie had to be washed; and that, since the baby had done the damage, my cousin should have been the one to correct it, so ultimately it was my cousin who damaged the hoodie. She wouldn’t have that, demanding that I pay her back or she’d make me live elsewhere (she couldn’t just kick me out). My older sister came to my defence, talking her down and explaining the same as I. My mom changed her tune a bit, saying now that both my cousin and I had to split the cost.
Here’s where I might’ve been the a-hole; I adamantly refused to pay. It felt like I was being faulted for simply wearing something that my mom gave me permission to wear. I felt, if my cousin’s going to continuously shove her baby onto us (she has every day since the baby was born), she has to face the consequences that follow. In the end, the price of the hoodie dropped and my cousin had to give my mom $50.
Even after that, my mother remained upset with me and tried to paint me as an arrogant and selfish idiot to the rest of my siblings. Even though I ultimately didn’t lose any money, I took verbal bashing and threats over something I felt didn’t warrant it.
AITA for not paying?
TLDR: The hoodie my mother lent me was damaged by my cousin (and her baby) while in my possession. Though I was blamed, my cousin ended up paying for the hoodie, while I didn’t.
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When I was a teenager, my mom told me to wear her $70 hoodie to school because I hadn’t washed mine and she wouldn’t let me leave without one. The day went fine; no damage to the hoodie. Just as I had gotten in, my cousin asked me to hold her 1mo old. For context, this cousin is quite irresponsible and genuinely doesn’t think before she acts. She’s also the kind of person who’ll never take no for an answer and guilt trip you over small things. I have always had a weak resolve and my family constantly uses this against me (still working on that to this day).
So, she really begged/forced me to hold the baby. Since I had just got home and couldn’t undress from school, I was still wearing the aforementioned hoodie. A baby’s a baby, things happen, so literally 20 seconds later the little one threw up on the hoodie. I called up to my cousin, who rushed downstairs, to see what happened. She told me to hand her the hoodie and put it in the washer. This wasn’t the first time she had washed clothes and the hoodie was machine washable, so I thought everything was fine.
It wasn’t. She was too lazy to get the new laundry detergent from my mom’s room so she used dish-soap. On top of that, she washed the hoodie with the hottest temperature on the washer (didn’t know any of this at the time). That resulted in the jet black hoodie turning ashy. The hoodie was still usable, but my mom was enraged. She went on a tirade, yelling at me (and only me) about damaging the hoodie. I tried to explain that the baby threw up and the hoodie had to be washed; and that, since the baby had done the damage, my cousin should have been the one to correct it, so ultimately it was my cousin who damaged the hoodie. She wouldn’t have that, demanding that I pay her back or she’d make me live elsewhere (she couldn’t just kick me out). My older sister came to my defence, talking her down and explaining the same as I. My mom changed her tune a bit, saying now that both my cousin and I had to split the cost.
Here’s where I might’ve been the a-hole; I adamantly refused to pay. It felt like I was being faulted for simply wearing something that my mom gave me permission to wear. I felt, if my cousin’s going to continuously shove her baby onto us (she has every day since the baby was born), she has to face the consequences that follow. In the end, the price of the hoodie dropped and my cousin had to give my mom $50.
Even after that, my mother remained upset with me and tried to paint me as an arrogant and selfish idiot to the rest of my siblings. Even though I ultimately didn’t lose any money, I took verbal bashing and threats over something I felt didn’t warrant it.
AITA for not paying?
TLDR: The hoodie my mother lent me was damaged by my cousin (and her baby) while in my possession. Though I was blamed, my cousin ended up paying for the hoodie, while I didn’t.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I refused to pay for a new hoodie when the first was damaged. I may be the a-hole because the hoodie was in my possession when it was damaged but my cousin covered the cost.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. This all started because your mom insisted you wear her hoodie. Your parents should have bought you enough weather appropriate clothing; if one item is dirty, you should own enough clothing that it isn’t an issue.
NTA. If anyone is going to be held responsible it’s your cousin for washing it improperly. Let’s be clear, although your words indicate you blame the baby somewhat… it’s a baby. We only consider the adults.
You did nothing wrong. You held a baby and the bay threw up. Normal baby day. Your cousin attempting to wash it immediately was also a good idea, but she botched it in practice and is 100% to blame for the ruined hoodie. However… if your mother doesn’t accept this, I don’t know how you convince her. Whether I think you’re to blame or not, she blames you since you were the one wearing the hoodie when this came about.
So, you’re right, but it won’t do you any good. If this ruined hoodie has turned into verbal abuse and threats, it’s never really been about the hoodie, OP.
INFO
> When I was a teenager
Are you not anymore? When exactly did this take place?
NTA. Your mother is for not listening and not understanding. Good for you for standing up to her.
NTA
For the future, if you do NOT want to hold a baby and someone still hands it to you, immediately lay the baby on the ground on its back and walk away.
You do that enough times and people will stop trying to get you to hold babies.
Stand your ground!!! This will be uncomfortable because it’s new for you! What a great place to start practicing boundaries.
The bottom line is cousin botched washing the hoodie. It is 100% on the cousin to replace said hoodie.
Why is your mom unwilling to put the responsibility on the cousin? Why is mom so comfortable being an ass to you?
I hope you’re getting your ducks in a row to move out and get yourself into therapy.
NTA
Mom prioritizing the hoodie over her child is the a—hole.
NTA
Your mom sounds flat out nasty. Who uses this tone with her teenage daughter? Calling you an idiot? Threatening to kick you out of the house because her hoodie got ruined?
The cousin either lives with you (your mom ok’s this) or was invited over (your mom’s doing?) so this is a house guest of your mom’s who’s kid created a mess (as all kids do) and cousin botched the clean up effort. This is your mom and the cousin’s fault.
Hope you learned to never ever borrow or accept offer to wear anything of your mom’s ever again.
Going with ESH
YTA – Mom lent YOU her hoodie. You’re responsible for it. Accept at least SOME of the blame. You could have told your cousin no, or taken off the hoodie. Your cousin didn’t borrow it…you did. You have a responsibility to return it in the same condition it was given to you.
Mom – Mom is the A because yelling and screaming over a f@ing hoodie is unhinged and she’s the one who insisted you take the hoodie in the first place. If it was worth THIS much of an argument, she never should have made you take it to school. An accident with it wasn’t inevitable, but there was a decent likelihood of something happening to it (spilled coffee or lunch, etc.) and you don’t carry laundry detergent to school.
Cousin – her baby, her washing error, her problem. Baby knocks over a vase – cousin’s vase to replace. Baby wrecks hoodie – cousin’s to replace. Her compound error with the wash only adds to her liability.
It is highly likely that your DNA contains a fair amount of A in it. Make sure to watch out for more.
YTA. The hoodie was your responsibility. You should have washed it to ensure it was done properly.
NTA. What a terrible parent.
I’m going to go slightly against the grain of the community, and say ESH.
You aren’t to blame for your cousin setting up the washer wrong, but…there were some things you did that contributed to the situation.
Firstly, your mom entrusted you with her hoodie because you hadn’t done your own washing. If you’d kept up with your laundry, it wouldn’t have been her prized hoodie on the line.
Secondly, the hoodie was in your care, not your cousin’s. Whoever’s fault the soiling was and whoever’s responsibility it should have been to amend, it was an objectively flawed decision to entrust your mom’s hoodie to a person you knew to be irresponsible. You should have washed it yourself, or phoned your mom straight after the baby vomit issue, and ask whether she’d prefer you to wash it immediately (at your cousin’s), or wipe the worst off and bring it home for her to oversee the cleaning.
YTA.
When you borrow something, it is YOUR responsibility, and yours alone, to take care of it and return it in the condition you got it.
No, you did not have to hold the baby, and No you most certainly did not have to, and in fact should NOT have allowed your cousin to wash the hoodie.
Lacking all of that, yes you owed your mother for the cost of the hoodie. You’re real good at throwing your cousin under the bus but at least she paid for her mistake.
And if you back it all the way up, YTA for not doing your laundry and needing to borrow a hoodie to begin with.
Ok your cousin is an idiot for washing something like that. But honey you have a bigger problem if that’s how your mother treats you.
NTA.
YTA
this is YOUR fault, not the cousin’s. YOU held the baby with your mom’s sweatshirt.
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Nta.
Jesus that was a crazy plot twist!