We spent two amazing nights together, we had sex like 6 times in 2 days, were cozied up and really bonded a lot, watched TV-series, joked around and had a really good time, I made the mistake of telling her “I love you” during sex because I got caught in the moment and just blurted it out.
I can understand why she got really turned off by it, but the day after I went home she went and talked with a friend and then suddenly she wrote to me that she wanted to stop dating because of it but still wanted to be friends because we clicked so well, I got shocked because I told her I instantly regretted what I said, I agreed to staying friends but my crush on her is still there, I don’t know if I feel wronged or how I need to react after all this, is there a possibility we still could be friends after all this?
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It happened, can’t change it now. A friendship with her won’t work. Learn from this and move on.
It sounds like she was looking for something more casual (Hooking up/ Fwb) despite what you might have felt was a deep bond… It sucks that you guys weren’t on the same page but at least you don’t have to lose anymore time with someone who’s not ready to commit to the same feelings as you!
Still having feelings for her is normal and honestly valid considering you two were intimate. But once you plant a seed and it starts to grow, it can’t go back to being a seed again… don’t force yourself to be in a one sided situation & holding onto a maybe instead of choosing yourself & letting go.
32M with lots of dating & relationship experience here.
Okay so first, hope you’ve learned your lesson – don’t worry, it happens. Sometimes you get carried away, yet it usually is a huge turn-off for people to hear it first during sex and that early into a connection. Especially for women.
This doesn’t mean you should never convey how you feel – just take some time to check in with yourself first and see whether it was just an exciting rush or the actual feeling.
Second, I highly, strongly, totally, and with a f*ckton of emphasis advise against staying just friends. (Seriously, do not do it unless you want to experience a ton of drawn out psychological torture.)
You have a crush on her and it will only eat on you if you see her and suppress your wants and needs. You’re a man, she’s sexy, you want her. Anything else won’t be authentic. I’ve seen it plenty of times, all the “let’s stay friends” is bullshit. Let go and know that if that wasn’t supposed to be, something better will come.
So you have two options here:
Tell her you need some time and use it to check in with yourself and get level-headed. Then, if you still want to see her and crush on her, you can tell her you want to meet. Don’t talk about the incident, don’t make a big deal out of it, just go for some ice cream like nothing happened. You’ve already communicated that it happened in the moment and that’s that. Then you can keep flirting, maybe with half a foot on the brake – treat it like a fresh start and don’t get to touchy/feely/clingy. (This does not mean you should not feel the feelings you have for her, just don’t act on impulse.)
Tell her you already have enough friends and cannot see her as just a friend. Be willing to die on that hill. This will either mean it’s over for you two (sucks but bro you’re 21, there’s plenty of pichiquita for you in the future). Or she’ll yield and throw some sort of olive branch and continue dating you. The important thing is you do not back down from your decision.
Check in with yourself and see which option feels right (!) – that won’t necessarily be the one that feels good or easy, although it could.
Then go and do that.
When you’re an old man looking back on your life, you’ll at least be able to smile about what a good time you had.
On to the next one.
Tell just friends will be tough BUT if she throws in benefits once in a while it will all be good
I mean “I love you” on the second date is scary, accidental or not. I’d be wondering if you really meant it. No shade, but that’s a sign to run for the hills because you don’t know how serious it could get. While you mean well, people (and often times men) get really serious really fast and it starts to get scary.