Okay, so I’m 26F, my boyfriend’s 28M. We’ve been together just over a year now. He’s got a full-time job, super stressful, always seems wound tight. Me? I freelance from home, so my schedule’s way more flexible. Honestly, I end up doing pretty much everything around here – cooking, cleaning, laundry, you name it. Groceries, bills, even picking up his prescriptions. It’s… a lot, sometimes. I mean, I don’t hate doing it, but yeah, it piles up.
His birthday was coming up, right? I wanted to do something really special. Like, really special. I secretly planned this whole weekend getaway to the mountains for us. Found this cute cabin, stuffed it with all his favorite snacks, made a killer playlist for the drive… even booked us a whiskey tasting at this place he’s been drooling over forever. Dropped like $700 on it – which, let’s be real, is a massive chunk for me. But I was psyched, y’know? Wanted to show him how much I cared.
Then… last week happened.
We got into this stupid argument. He was being all moody and snapping at me over nothing. Finally, I just said, “Seriously? Can you just tell me what’s actually wrong instead of taking it out on me?” He went quiet for a minute, then dropped this bomb: “I just feel like… you don’t really do anything for me. I always have to carry everything.”
Honestly? I froze. Just… dead silent. Didn’t yell, didn’t cry, nothing. Just let those words hang there like a bad smell.
Next morning? I canceled the whole damn trip. Didn’t even explain. Just sent him the refund confirmation email with a note: “Since you feel like I don’t do anything for you, this didn’t make sense anymore.”
Cue the meltdown. He blew up! Called me petty, said I was overreacting big time, accused me of “weaponizing kindness.” I just told him straight: I’m not gonna pour my time and money into planning something special just to be told I bring nothing to the table. He did kinda-sorta apologize later, mumbled something about being upset and not meaning it. But… ugh. The damage felt done, y’know?
Now he won’t drop it. Keeps saying I “threw it in his face” and “emotionally punished” him. Even got a text from his sister saying, “You should’ve just gone on the trip! It might’ve helped you guys reconnect.”
And now I’m sitting here wondering… was I actually the jerk here? Like, seriously? AITA?
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Original copy of post’s text by /u/Training_Wish_854: Okay, so I’m 26F, my boyfriend’s 28M. We’ve been together just over a year now. He’s got a full-time job, super stressful, always seems wound tight. Me? I freelance from home, so my schedule’s way more flexible. Honestly, I end up doing pretty much everything around here – cooking, cleaning, laundry, you name it. Groceries, bills, even picking up his prescriptions. It’s… a lot, sometimes. I mean, I don’t hate doing it, but yeah, it piles up.
His birthday was coming up, right? I wanted to do something really special. Like, really special. I secretly planned this whole weekend getaway to the mountains for us. Found this cute cabin, stuffed it with all his favorite snacks, made a killer playlist for the drive… even booked us a whiskey tasting at this place he’s been drooling over forever. Dropped like $700 on it – which, let’s be real, is a massive chunk for me. But I was psyched, y’know? Wanted to show him how much I cared.
Then… last week happened.
We got into this stupid argument. He was being all moody and snapping at me over nothing. Finally, I just said, “Seriously? Can you just tell me what’s actually wrong instead of taking it out on me?” He went quiet for a minute, then dropped this bomb: “I just feel like… you don’t really do anything for me. I always have to carry everything.”
Honestly? I froze. Just… dead silent. Didn’t yell, didn’t cry, nothing. Just let those words hang there like a bad smell.
Next morning? I canceled the whole damn trip. Didn’t even explain. Just sent him the refund confirmation email with a note: “Since you feel like I don’t do anything for you, this didn’t make sense anymore.”
Cue the meltdown. He blew up! Called me petty, said I was overreacting big time, accused me of “weaponizing kindness.” I just told him straight: I’m not gonna pour my time and money into planning something special just to be told I bring nothing to the table. He did kinda-sorta apologize later, mumbled something about being upset and not meaning it. But… ugh. The damage felt done, y’know?
Now he won’t drop it. Keeps saying I “threw it in his face” and “emotionally punished” him. Even got a text from his sister saying, “You should’ve just gone on the trip! It might’ve helped you guys reconnect.”
And now I’m sitting here wondering… was I actually the jerk here? Like, seriously? AITA?
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Stop doing all the other stuff too, since it’s clearly never ever going to be enough for him. He’s wound tighter than a rubber band and he needs to learn this lesson now. Let him complain all he wants, and maybe he will start by having adult conversations.
Nta. He sounds like a great big unappreciative spoiled manbaby. What exactly does he bring to the table?
NTA He doesn’t appreciate you or the things you do for him. If he feels like you don’t bring anything to the table maybe it’s time to cut your losses. You deserve better.
Whether you’re an AH really depends on whether you want to be in this relationship any longer, because tbh cancelling it and then sending him the evidence is definitely the nuclear option and isn’t going to help you address the situation.
However, he is an AH for not recognising the load you take on around the house and doing things for him and for both of you, and suggesting you don’t do anything. He’s obviously built up some resentment because he sees you as having things ‘easier’ because you’re spending less time at work and finding it less stressful, but that’s not really fair to you.
The problem is though, that you’re response isn’t really going to do anything to resolve the situation, it’s just made it worse. Two wrongs don’t make a right and all that.
However, I don’t really blame you for doing it. Picking up all the slack at home only to have it thrown in your face with the suggestion you don’t do anything would have been a real slap in the face.
NTA. You did not owe him that birthday extravaganza. You never did. This is not the first time, probably, just the last straw maybe. He was trying to get away with childish communication levels, to his benefit again. Your mind would continue to make excuses for his miminal partnering, up until that moment. Now he expects it? True, you should have just quietly cancelled it and handed him a signed birthday card and went about your day. Making him aware of how generous you intended to be? Some level of petty, yes, but also understandable, given how he dropped that verbal lie bomb…. That was to put you on the defensive and back off, so he’d not have to own his S#it. I bet that other things have been happening, over time, where you felt unappreciated, maybe used a little for your creative generosity, but you pushed them to the back, made excuses, kept the peace, stayed positive…? You have likely felt like the one trying to prove you are worth a bigger effort, closer to reciprocal. So you went big to try and prove you were worthy, maybe, for his birthday. That’s all about him, right? So less likely to be accused of selfishness? I was there. When my enlightenment moment hit, it was sudden for me too. Ooohhhhh. He’s will not ever be a giving person. Ever…Gotcha. Good luck OP.
he handed the “invisible labor” of keeping house and home running from his mom to you, this is a very clear picture of what the future of this relationship looks like. he showed his ass, take that as you will
You should’ve broken-up then and there. You’ll always be resentful of that comment.
Just because he can’t manage his stress, he shouldn’t take it out on you. That’s not your problem. Why are you even still with this guy? I would have went on the trip with a friend and made him stay at home
NTA
NTA.
You busted your ass planning an entire weekend getaway, dropped $700 you could barely spare, and poured your heart into making this guy feel loved. Then he turns around and says, “You don’t do anything for me”? Are you kidding me? That’s not just hurtful. that’s straight-up insulting and delusional.
Girl, NTA. Why are you playing Mom to a full grown man? You deserve an actual partner who will carry an equal load. You’re already doing more than him around the house and that’s only gonna get worse with time.
Imagine what it will be like if one day you have children and then you have to parent them by yourself, as well as keep playing mommy to this full grown man who can’t help with basic household chores.
Then he disrespects you, and when you give him a consequence, also just like a child, he gets mad at you and calls you the bad guy.
What are you doing in this relationship? This is not healthy. Just because you don’t hate doing things for him right now doesn’t mean that’s going to last.
My husband would never treat me like this, and he would never stand back and watch me do everything and be comfortable with that.
You’re NTA in this situation, but you are kind of being an AH to yourself by tolerating these kinds of behaviors in what should be a partnership. The trip is not the real issue. You have every right not to spend your time and money doing something special for someone who treats you like crap. The problem here is everything else about your relationship.
NTA – hes super unappreciative. He does not deserve you.
Dude’s gaslighting the hell out of you. Get out of this relationship.
NTA. Stop doing everything you do for him. Maybe it will open his eyes. If it doesn’t, then leave. Misery loves company.
NTA
But why are you still with him? Do the job properly and break up. You should have taken the trip solo to reconnect with yourself and see why you’ve taken on so much of his shit.
YTA if you stay with this loser. He is totally unappreciative of what you do for him. He contributes nothing to the relationship.
NTA. Dump this AH. There are better men out there.
He doesn’t think you do anything for him because the laundry, cleaning and cooking, groceries, bills, picking up his prescriptions, those are your responsibility anyway. As he sees it, they are not things you do FOR him, they are just things you are supposed to do because you are a woman. He’s a man, so he doesn’t have to do those things. You don’t deserve thanks or respect or kudos for doing those things any more than you would for brushing your own teeth.
Sorry, I forgot why you are still with him?
Cancel the boyfriend.
Nta. This man doesn’t like you. You are his bang maid and housekeeper.
So when’s the breakup?
NTA. Why are you with this dude? What does HE bring to the table of the relationship?
NTA but truly this pit of resentment usually cant be remedied.. you guys probably done
YTA only for him not being your EX-boyfriend.
What a brat. He can handle his own laundry, errands and other chores. NTA!
I really doubt that what he told you is the ‘real’ reason. It sounds like he’s unhappy in the relationship, for sure but not because you’re not carrying your weight. It sounds like he’s trying to end things without being honest.
He’s a spoiled brat, you already do everything at the house and his parasite ass just wants more and MORE AND MORE!
Run from that shit, they’ll use you up and then complain you didn’t do enough.
It’s only been a year and he’s an insufferable ass.
This isn’t a relationship you need to work on, it’s a relationship you need to cancel. Seriously.
NTA
Nta but since you don’t do anything you should stop doing his stuff too
And reconsider the relationship as well. He does not appreciate you and it shows
Probably should cancel the whole relationship too while you’re at it. He sucks donkey dick.
I feel like conversation would have been better than making a statement. What he said wasn’t right and he shouldn’t have blown up, but cancelling the trip- while within your rights- couldn’t have helped the situation.
The goal should be to fix the relationship problem between you, so it may have made things worse before they get better. Y’all need to talk about it and come to a mutual conclusion.
NTA
Why should you spend money on your potential future ex? If he wants to reconnect, he can plan a nice trip and apologize.
Nta. Do you live together? Because if you do, I would move out.
I bet there’s another girl doing fun stuff with him while you do all the work.
Not the AH – I would now be asking what he brings to the table apart from his stress and bad attitude! You can do so much better than this guy.
It’s time to move on. He’s just going to get worse.
NTA
No friend, NTA! He seriously has issues and can’t see the best thing that ever happened to him (you) right in front of his face. You don’t deserve a partner who inadvertently or deliberately forces you to carry the load in the relationship or one who is treating you so badly and gaslights you once you’ve understandably reached a breaking point. Please seriously reconsider the future of this relationship. You deserve better.
You’re not the jerk. In fact, you should stop picking up his prescriptions as well. He’s an adult and needs to take responsibility for himself. In fact, start doing less and he will see how much he does NOT do. I think the real question is, what does he bring to the table? Cause it doesn’t seem like a lot.
I don’t think you are compatible with him.
If you do all the stuff you say and he has the balls to say that, imagine what it’d be like down the road with potentially kids.
I’ve got some friends who would love a bang maid that also pays for their vacations, and wouldn’t complain about it
Respond to his sister, ” Actually, im thinking about moving out instead. I literally do everything around the house for him, even running his errands, but not any more. Im tired of being the person he takes his anger out on. I’m done. “
Please leave this relationship – this is what he’s like at only a year in.
NTA. He is not yet a man, able to carry himself through life.
Because he is not yet a man, he has no idea how to appreciate or even acknowledge all that you were doing for him, in a mothering role for him, that you did not want to be doing.
Don’t be a man’s mother. Not only it is unattractive, but will he not appreciate it, and he will feel entitled to more.
Next time, choose a fully grown adult. Someone who takes care of his work life, and personal life, like a pro. This is a provider in life, and no, I am not just talking about financially. A provider of help and solutions to the problems life presents you with. Life hands you a lot, you want and deserve a helpful partner by your side who is emotionally, physically, and mentally strong and healthy.
He needs to adult
NTA
Girl .. gtfo . Like yesterday.
NTA
A high stress job doesn’t mean you have to pickup his slack and also take a verbal beating when he’s stressed out.
Also the sister sticking her oar in just shows he’s used to people being accepting of this behaviour as f she doesn’t see if as a big deal.
What does he actually bring to your relationship?
NTA. He is. His actions have consequences.
NTA if your next move is breaking up with him.
Can’t go to busy cleaning the house that day😂
NTA. Man said you don’t do anything for him while you’re basically his unpaid life assistant then got mad when you stopped doing things for him. Actions have consequences, my dude.
I used to work full time, go to college full time, do most of the childcare, did all the cooking and cleaning. We had been married for 15 years. I even joined the Army and deployed while he was unemployed.
My ex husband went vegetarian and I had to cook two separate meals because he didn’t cook.
One night while I was washing dishes after making dinner, I joked “What would you do without me?”
He coldly and matter of fact stated
“I don’t need you for anything. You don’t do anything for me.”
And I knew I was done. That was almost five years ago and I still remember the moment.
This relationship is dead. OP needs to cut their losses and just walk away.
Darling, you’re not punishing anyone. What happens here is simply actions having consequences. You can’t tell someone they never do anything for you and then be surprised if they actually start doing nothing for you. What you did was just acting the way they said you were acting. Of course your bf meant what he said: he just didn’t think you would follow through. All those ‘weaponizing kindness’, ‘throwing things in his face’ are just attempts to make you feel guilty so you get into line again. That should tell you that he thinks you’re easily manipulated. The only way to reconnect in any meaningful way is to ask your bf to be honest about his expectations of you. You see, I think that there the problem lies: he’s not honest about what he wants from you. Looking at the facts, you do a lot. More than he does. So why does he complain? My guess is that, since you work free lance, he feels you should do most of the household chores. As for his sister: that’s another sign your bf is not mature enough to really solve this issue himself. You did absolutely the right thing by refusing to be walked over by your bf and his sister. You are not on the same page and you will not flourish with this bf: your’e more mature than he is.
You threw the trip he didnt know about in his face which makes youa little bit of an asshole but not THE asshole in this situation. I imagine if he didnt know about the trip ans you broke up with him for it he would jave eben elss bothered. You could have kept the trip and taken a bestie without dangling in front of his face. That in itself is a little bit manipulative.
Clearly there is a breakdown of understanding of expectations between you.
NTA – he wasn’t appreciative of you. You need to stop doing things around the house so he can see fully what you do. He needs to face it, he was a huge jerk. Help you reconnect? yeah, he got his way, but it doesn’t solve the issue. It doesn’t solve the idea you do NOTHING. You don’t cook, so don’t cook. You don’t clean up his messes – don’t. Clean up yours!. You don’t do laundry, don’t. Do yours. Don’t pick up his medicine. Let him feel the effect of what you do first hand.
NTA, and throw this dude away. Updateme
My best advice is to dump him and don’t look back. I wasted over 20 years with an emotionally immature person. It’s exhausting and I am leaving soon, just tying up loose ends beforehand. Don’t waste decades on a person who cannot control their emotions. You will regret it.
Wait, so you work, take care of the bills, groceries, etc. What exactly does he do? Does he just sit on his money? Then he has the audacity to say you do nothing for him? I’m sorry, but does he think he’s god’s gift to women? You need to reconsider this relationship.
I think the real question is are you staying in a relationship with this person? Because it seems like that’s the conversation you guys need to be having right now.
NTA. He doesn’t see the things you do at home because he doesn’t think they are “for him”. He’s an AH and he will continue to treat you like this if you stay.
How did you ‘stuff it full of snacks?’ from a distance before the rental?
You had an immature response, yes.
NTA
It sounds like he is starting to compare you to either someone he knows or some fantasy he has come up with. I’m not saying he is cheating, but he has expectations that he is not communicating. Either it is, “so and so’s girlfriend does this for him,” or “my boys were saying that real men have women who do it.”
Really, the lack of support at home from him, and the moodiness without explanation were red flags to begin with.
So you do everything, planned something nice for him, he accuses you of not doing anything, and is now crying because he’s facing the consequences of his own actions?
NTA but, if I were you, I would have grabbed a friend and went on that trip instead
If you need to re connect after dating for a year, he is not the one. What he said was clueless and mean spirited- if you want to be with someone like that, press on. Or move on and find someone who you are compatible with.
Nta. Id dump him.
nope, he’s a giant baby who wants a bangmaid. Please say you don’t live with him and stop doing stuff for him.
NTA- I’m not condoning his behavior but men do carry a lot on them and they don’t have the same support because they’re taught to be strong and not show emotion. My boyfriend doesn’t open up a lot but when he’s stressed he’s different. I often just lay with him and rub his head and his back. Sometimes he tells me what’s wrong and sometimes he just holds me without saying anything. Just like women want safety, men want it too but they don’t know how to ask for it. Hopefully he learns a healthy way to cope with stress.
>Keeps saying I “threw it in his face” and “emotionally punished” him
You did and he deserves it. Sometimes these guys have to feel consequences.
NTAH. Since you’re doing nothing it’s time to leave him and show him how much you really were doing.
My dear if you need to reconnect after only a year, the relationship isn’t worth it. That’s still honeymoon period.
NTA. You do everything. He works and comes home. Like. WTF else are you supposed to even BE doing for him? Jesus Christ I can’t stand these kinds of people.
YTA until you leave him. If we said YTA would seriously book a new trip. The guy sounds like am AH
NTA, u should have leave after he apologized with murmuring something under his breath. If he can’t see u sacrificing for him, why still stay with him? Stop doing wifey things to these ungrateful fellas.
You need to stop doing his laundry. You need to stop picking up his prescriptions. He’s a grown man.
Money says this dude is cheating. He’s manufacturing problems to get you to dump him.
NTA.
NTA but I would also just stop doing all of thing things you do for him . Prescriptions..oh no sorry I tho he by you were getting them. His laundry nah…his dishes his food…just stop. You will feel better if you are only carrying your own load and he can get a wake up call about what doing nothing looks like.
It feels like there has to be missing context as the post doesn’t really make any sense as is?
Usually the reality of the situation is somewhere in between, not in my-SO-is-completely-out-of-touch territory
Does he provide the majority of the income? Do you ask for a lot of input on every decision when planning? Is there very little romance & intimacy in your relationship?
It seems like a response from a lot of stress & frustration but the story you are telling is that you’re damn near perfect support & he’s randomly blowing up? It may be something that doesn’t seem important to you, but is important to him, that is the real source of the issue.
ESH as it stands, canceling the trip seems punitive if this is truly a random out of character outburst— but what he said is also pretty messed up, even in anger, if you are truly as supportive as you say.
NTA, what does HE bring to the table? Seriously list everything out you both do and decide if he’s worth it.
NTA. He sounds like a complete dick. Rethink this relationship. You are literally carrying the burden of everything with the house and bills and he says you don’t do enough for him. WTF.
Stop completing the adult tasks for boyfriends people!!!
What did you “throw in his face”? The insults he threw in your face first? I get that it can be frustrating when you are working out of the home in a stressful job and maybe he sees you freelancing from home as having it “easier” than him. But that is not accurate and those are things you deal with in a relationship. He should be glad that you have the time to do all that stuff for the household. The fact that he got his sister to text is gross and if he doesn’t have a real come to Jesus moment here I would re-evaluate if this relationship is right for you. NTA.
NTA it’s been a year and this is already how he’s behaving. You already are carrying the mental load in this relationship. I would’ve simply asked him how he feels like he’s carrying everything and then listening all the things that you do. Honestly, at this point, I don’t even think it’s worth the effort. Protect your wallet and protect your peace. If you have to reconnect over a year and this is not the relationship for you. Sounds like you’d be better off only having to take care of just yourself.
He went whining to his sister?
He’s a child, not a grown man.
Sis should have told him to handle his own business. 28yo. Wtf?
Stop doing his laundry too
NTA.
I’d hope you can get him to explain exactly what he meant with him “having to carry everything”.
And that he can actually answer with three things he does.
If not, I’d drop his behind faster than he can complain to his sister.
Heck, I’d do it anyway.
Girl, you’ve been doing 2 full time jobs, and he’s complaining?!
Nahhh. This sounds like the traditional man being an actual gold digger. This is where men expect women to now pay 50/50 for everything AND ALSO to do all that is “expected” of a traditional wife.
And what does he do? Goes to work and comes home with no other responsibilities?
I’d honestly run. If you guys were to have kids, you’d get strapped with working full time, taking care of the kid full time, and being a full time homemaker. Only for your man to say shit like this and then cheat because he’s “unappreciated”.
Please, you deserve better.
I would have made him a list of all the things you do, then I would stop doing anything that’s technically his – none of his laundry, no medicine pickup, no food for him (enjoy those girl dinners!) and canceled the trip. And text his sister “well, get ready for him to ask you for help with his food, laundry, medicine because I’m not doing any of it for him anymore”.
The fact that he’s still complaining would cause me to push it even further. He can wash his own clothes, cook his own meals, wash his own dishes. Do nothing for him until he shows some actual sincerity
NTA Whatever is causing him to be short with you is his problem, stop doing wife things for a boyfriend especially since he doesn’t appreciate it, and tell his sister to eff off not her business how dare he run to her and tell on you! When men act upset with you out of nowhere it’s a red flag that someone else is on their radar
Time to take the trash to the curb where it belongs!
NTA but it sounds like your relationship is done and it’s time to move on.
I don’t know getting weird vibe about a fake post…. how did you stuff it with his favorite snacks weeks ahead of time? You wouldn’t have access to a rental that far out, and who would leave their stuff in a place that other people were also renting until they got there?
No, you are Not the jerk… But, you both are Not honest and Open to each Other. Biggest issue ist to Not Bring Things ON the Tablet immy and let them pile Up. That only Frustrates until the bigbang comes.
I suggest you make a list of ALL houswork duties that needs to be done and how often per day, week and monthly cycle. Put an estimated time consumption next to IT.
ASK him to Take the 50% share of the housework to be done and let him Pick.
He shortly will learn how much you did for you both as a couple.
NTA, why are you even with him at this point? Stop doing everything for him and show him exactly how much you do for him. Or just break up
Honestly I’d drop the multitude of little tasks that you do for hi too – including picking up his prescriptions and doing all the household chores. Let him really feel how much you have been doing for him and never will again NTA
This reads like AI.
NTA and start invoicing him for all the labor you do around the house. he can either admit he’s an AH or he can find some other naive person to be his mother.
NTA
It sounds like he’s into manosphere bs. That’s a red flag.
The housework and cooking needs to be split.
You’re literally doing too much for him and his ungrateful butt wants to take advantage of you even more.
Why are you tolerating this?
NTA. Well he must have said something to his sister she says the two you need to reconnect. So he doesn’t feel connected and he’s not happy in the relationship therefore he said that nasty little comment to you. But he likes it enough to go out to be willing to go on that trip and have you pay all this money for him and then probably would have dumped you. But yeah you might want to think about an exit strategy.
Why are you even dating this guy? He seems like an ass.
He’s a grown ass man that can’t keep himself from lashing out, and doesn’t see that his laundry gets done when he hasn’t done it. He needs to grow up.
NTA he felt entitled to all of your labor and money, they weren’t favors, he expected you to wipe his ass. Stop doing everything and anything for him. He doesn’t deserve anything. I’d dump him.
How do you think he will react when he notices he is out of clean underwear?
NTA and I would’ve guessed only child until I got to the last section. Still wanna guess “The Baby” of the family. Sounds like a guy who was spoiled rotten growing up and it takes work breaking out of that mindset. He could’ve made up for it with a rock solid apology and promise to work on that; but clearly that didn’t happen.
NTA and ewww… he went crying to his sister?! Does he often drag outsiders into your disagreements? He sounds sooo unattractive. What do you see in him?
This is clearly an AI post.
NTA. However, you are doing EVERYTHING for him and he doesn’t notice, doesn’t appreciate it. He expects this treatment and MORE from you. Kick him out. Stop wasting your time on him. He won’t change. He will continue to blame you for everything and his behavior and anger will escalate. You are not responsible for his dissatisfaction with life in general. Don’t spend a minute more of your energy thinking about this man. Send him back to the streets where he belongs.
NTA. If you don’t want to break up, at least take a break.. After all, absence makes the heart grow fonder.
Also Tell him bluntly you don’t appreciate him siccing his sister on you.
Why do you live together and do all this shit after just over a year? NTA but I don’t know what you expected
NTA
who goes and tattles to their sister? anchild.
what kind of sister would blame you and tell you what you should have done- unsolicited. As if you were in the wrong, not this brat boy.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Run, Forrest, Run!
But you didn’t stop cleaning, and everything else. Is he carrying the $ load or have you two discussed the division in labor? He is devaluing your household management.
NTA……………..BF is a sad sad excuse for a human being. He is SPOILED. Does not appreciate you or the massive amount of work you do to keep the relationship going.
HE CROSSED THE LAST RED LINE……” you don’t really do anything for me.”
Strongly suggest you ……MOVE ON. This sick twisted person will NEVER TREAT YOU DECENTLY.
He does nothing to help you, build you up, support you, or treat you like anything more than a “LIVE IN MAID FOR SEXUAL USE”
Seriously, you can do much better. He is not a good person. You can’t change him. Move on
LIFE IF IS TOO SHORT TO BE MESIRABLE n ABUSED
You are not the asshole. And I will give you my sword for forwarding that cancelation email. Boss move, OP.
NTA but what does he offer you as a boyfriend? Bc from what I’m reading you’re the one carrying the entire relationship (such as it is) on your shoulders. Sounds like he’s the one that brings nothing to the table.
“Weaponized kindness” is diabolical. And it shows that he recognizes the good you do for him, which makes his words and behavior even worse. This man doesn’t appreciate you or treat you well and apparently badmouths you to his family. Why are you with him? Take some time to figure out whether this relationship is worth keeping, and if you think it is, figure out how to proceed with a healthier dynamic. Regardless of what you choose, I think that having an individual or couple’s therapist is the way to go.
Stop doing things for him like cook his meals, do his errands, do his laundry, etc. Let him see what you actually bring to the table.
NTA
you need to leave him. he is a user
NTA probably..
Does he pay 100% of the rent and utilities?
botbot
NTA. Stop doing anything for him. In fact move out.
NTA but why does he think you are not doing anything for him when you are doing everything for him including picking up his prescription? Stop acting like you are his mother. It is better to be single than raising an ungrateful man child.
Do you live together – after less than a year? (Since you said you’ve only been together for a little over a year, when did you move in together?) Or are you cleaning HIS place, on top of your own?
I don’t know how “stuffed the cabin with his favorite snacks” if you didn’t go on the trip. Or was it that you planned to? Some of the story doesn’t make sense.
That said, if you do al of the cooking and cleaning, bill paying, etc. and he’s saying you don’t contribute anything…what is it exactly that he contributes? I would suggest more more communication on that rather than cancelling a trip. Because cancelling the trip seems like spending money and doing special things like that are how you’re supposed to contribute, rather than doing all those daily, mundane tasks.
Why are you still with him
UpdateMe
Nah, he had it coming. Unappreciative jerk. Who says something like that when you do all the housework/shopping etc. That’s so rude.
And why are you still with him?
You WOULD be the AH if you stayed with him, and signed up to marry into a life of this. Please find someone better. It’s one thing for him to be ignorant to your contributions, but to try and claim you aren’t bringing anything to the table? Oh no no no.
NTA, DTMFA, don’t waste another second of your life on this man-baby, who can’t even recognize that you have been mothering him, what with the housework and all.
Don’t turn this into a long term investment, he showed his ass and you should take that as the giant red flag it is.
It’s not only about the trip message his sister back and let her know everything that you do at home to support him. Let her know about about the cooking, cleaning, prescriptions and emotional support, etc.. Ask her if she feels it’s right for him to treat you the way he did when you basically make his life easier because he ONLY has to worry about work. Ask her if she would feel like a romantic getaway was appropriate when your partner basically made you feel
worthless.
It seems there is a miscommunication here and YTA if you don’t fix it. You missed/skipped asking him the part where he clarifies what he means when he says you do nothing for him and you went straight to being mad. Try asking for clarity bc you seem to be on different pages.
You did kinda take the nuclear option. You could’ve just explained all you did for him and then told him about the trip to rub his face in how wrong he was. But either way, still NTA.
You literally told me that you pick up his prescriptions and do all of the chores around the house what the f*** does he mean you don’t do anything for him? Honestly I’d also stop doing all the things around the house
I guess this is just one random person take not saying it’s right or wrong or what you did was right or wrong but to be fair you asked him to communicate with you and because you didn’t like what he said instead of having conversations like adults who want to work through this you didn’t and chose to technically “punish “ him. You said yourself that he works a very stressful job. It’s very normal that when people are super stressed out they tend to not see everything infront of them but that’s the good thing about having a partner and not being high schoolers is that you guys should be able to try to communicate with each other. How would you feel if roles were reversed and that’s what your partner did after you told him you felt “unloved” or “unsupported “. I think you would have wanted him to maybe pursue a conversation in regards to those feelings instead of making a hasty decision and possibly making you feel like you can’t speak about what’s on your mind. That’s usually the beginning of the end for a relationship. I am not saying your an AH tho all I wanted to do was just say another viewpoint
NTA. He never would have appreciated the birthday weekend anyway.
this is AI 😒
You should stop doing EVERYTHING for him so he understands what it actually means when someone does “nothing” for him. NTA.
Also, read this: https://english.emmaclit.com/2017/05/20/you-shouldve-asked/
I’m not understanding the need to reconnect when the relationship is only a year old. Maybe I’m missing something?
How long were your dating before you moved in?
This is bigger than the trip.
UpdateMe
Disengage. Loneliness is better than misery
I feel like you didn’t do enough, because clearly, he still feels some type of way by telling you to let go while not letting it go himself.
I’d just stop doing everything. His laundry, his dishes, his bills, his prescriptions. Everything.
Next time he has no drawers or clean shirt to take to work, maybe he’ll appreciate you more.
NTA
Fast forward 6 months when everything is “good,” and there is an argument, and he throws this in your face.
NTA
NTA your boyfriend is a toddler and should be treated as such. As for his sister, she should t even be getting involved, however I can guarantee that when he went composing to her about this, he left the part out where he acted like an asshat. It’s only been a year, dump him.
Yeah that was all you
You’re perfectly justified and he’s a man child.
Why did you move in and start doing wife type things so early in the relationship? You’ve only been together a year. There are a lot of red flags with him.
NTA. You should cancel the relationship too.
It sounds like you taught him a valuable lesson about the power of words. If he didn’t mean it he shouldn’t have said it.
NTA, Christ, I’m not gonna jump straight to dumb him but seriously you need to have a come to Jesus with this man. You tell him everything you do, implicitly, and then ask what exactly it is he does to carry everything. Ask him what it is that he thinks you should be doing and why he feels entitled to a trip that you paid for when he had treated you like this. Then ask him how he plans on rebuilding the trust that he had broken by talking to you that way, and having his sister message you to fight his fights.
Your boyfriend is an asshole.
But did u tell him the things u did at home while he was out carrying everything?! Did u tell him u cooked cleaned picked up his meds etc but HE carried everything ? does he things magical faeries do that stuff when he sleeps?
Or you’re gonna get back to him and do that all over again
NTA, go find someone who appreciates and deserves you.
NTA Make a list. What does he bring to the table that benefits you, your life, and your happiness. Make a list of what you do for him.
Ask him to do the same.
Compare lists.
Realise how much you are doing which he doesn’t acknowledge or appreciate and find someone who does.
Leave him NOW… the writing is all over the place… and an enormous red flag that says RUN… and did you actually say weaponizing kindness? No fucking way… that has to be the most outrageous verbiage ever… and now his family is interfering too!
Listen to me it doesn’t get better from here… it only gets worse…
Dump that gold digger and go on a solo trip
STOP DOING THE THINGS YOU DO FOR HIM!!
Let him find out truly what does and doesn’t get done.
NTA you should tell him the call from his sister was your breaking point and dump his ass.
I mean you should dump him regardless, but be sure he knows he caused this by activating his sister.
He treats you like his maid instead of a GF. You take care of everything, and he has the audacity to say you do nothing. I think your reaction was valid.
Drop everything you do for him now. What he said was thoughtless and shitty.
You’ve only been together a year and you are sharing a place and doing all the mental labor in the relationship and he comes at you with that?
Girl, grow a spine and lose 200# of trouble. He’s obviously not the one. A good partner makes you feel good about yourself, they don’t actively try to insult you and drag you down.
This is the moment when you take the opportunity to actually do nothing anymore just like they already assume.
OP needs to immediately stop doing anything and everything that is not directly for her own benefit. … when she grocery shops, it is to buy food only for herself and her own necessities. She now needs to cook for only one, only wash her dishes, runs personal errands only for herself. Stop cleaning, organizing, planning,… Let the man baby fend for himself since everything you were already doing wasn’t really helpful.
It sounds like he can figure it all out and do it himself from now on.
And now that you have all this free time OP… Work on figuring out where you are going to live all by yourself or with a better roommate! Explore your lease and your options to get out or get him out.
In the meantime, prepare for love bombing, excuses, baby trapping, his flying monkeys… He has shown you who he is, he has told you what he really thinks about you and what you bring to the table, and he has shown you how much effort he is willing to put into the relationship… And it isn’t much.
NTA
You know it is ok to be single, right? He sounds insufferable.
You do WAY too much for this guy and he doesn’t sound like he is worth it. I would never put up with this.
Does he do anything to make your life better or easier? It doesn’t sound like it.