Throw away account, this is a long one.
I (F27) just recently had a baby. My ex-husband (M31) is the biological father, but we got a divorce about 3 months into the pregnancy, and I decided I didn’t want him around the baby based off how he treated me in our relationship. Throughout my entire pregnancy, his mother would send me messages at least once a week asking for updates on the baby, the bump, asking for the gender, etc. She would even sometimes show up in person with baby blankets, clothes, and things of the sort, which I respectfully declined. I rarely replied to her texts, but if I did, it was always something along the lines of “I have told you several times I’m not interested in having contact with you. My stance on this has not changed.”
My ex-husband honestly didn’t seem to care as much as she did, only texting sometimes to call me hurtful names or say his mom wanted an update on the baby and I was being selfish to not let her. His mother was always hostile towards me and my family during me and my ex-husband’s relationship. After we divorced, she would often tell me that I “obviously still loved him, and just wanted to go around and sleep with other men.” (I have not had a single relationship, not even just romantic, as I am not interested in having new men around the baby once she was born.)
When my baby was born, she found out from a Facebook post I had made showing a photo of her. I was immediately bombarded with texts from her—half throwing insults at me, the other half saying that she was so proud of me and she’d love to meet her grandbaby. I decided to ignore her and just enjoy my baby.
About a month after she was born, I was still getting messages from her saying I was a terrible mother and it’s sad my daughter wouldn’t grow up around her family (radio silence from my husband at this point). I was still ignoring her. I only kept her unblocked for two reasons. The first was to try not to bring any other mutual friends into it and avoid having her sending messages through them. The second was because, if she started sending threats, I wanted to have proof if I needed to take legal action.
Last week, one of my family members had an emergency, and I needed to go see them. It would only be a day trip, and I decided to have one of my cousins take care of my baby for the day, who, at this point, was unaware of the situation with my ex-husband’s mom. Over the last two weeks or so, my ex-MIL would come over about one or two times and try to see the baby, though I would see her on my Ring camera and ask her to leave or ignore her until she left.
The day of my trip, I left home, made sure my cousin was set up, and left for the day. The round-trip drive to where my family member lived was about 3.5 hours, and everything ended up alright about an hour after I got there, so I headed home early and got home at around 4 p.m. When I walked in, I couldn’t believe what I saw—my ex-MIL on the couch, holding my baby, while my cousin was in the kitchen making food.
The second I saw her, I snapped. I quickly grabbed my baby and had my cousin go take her to my car and just lost it on my ex-MIL. I tell her she is not welcome in my life, let alone my house, that she will never see my daughter again, and that I am disgusted she would take advantage of my cousin not knowing about her to blatantly disrespect the boundaries I’ve set. We argued back and forth for a bit before she stormed out, and I promptly blocked her on everything.
I reassured my cousin it wasn’t her fault, as she had met my ex-MIL before and she was fairly kind to her. Apparently, my ex-MIL had told my cousin that today was the day we had set for her to meet my baby and I must’ve forgot with all the family drama, but she couldn’t any other day and just wanted to “pop in for a quick meet.” I was disgusted and still am.
At that moment, I felt I was not in the wrong at all, but after that I got flooded with messages from her side of the family—most I had never met—saying I was being horrible to her, that she wasn’t doing anything harmful, and that I need to stop holding grudges against people who will always be in my daughter’s life no matter what. Some of these were so hurtful, but others came from people who I fully trusted, saying I went too hard on her. Now I’m questioning myself. Of course, she could’ve told them lies about what I did, but she didn’t harm me or my baby and was kind to my cousin. I’m now wondering if yelling at her and lashing out was too far. Really needing some outside advice on what to do from here.
AITAH?
Comments
She lied to get into your house to see your child, and she knowingly disregarded your wishes on the subject to satisfy herself. She didn’t apologize and has no remorse about what she did. You’re clearly not in the wrong here. NTA.
Time to get a restraining order
> About a month after she was born, I was still getting messages from her saying I was a terrible mother and it’s sad my daughter wouldn’t grow up around her family
This post doesn’t make any sense. Why would you subject yourself to constant abuse instead of just blocking her?
NTA over the MIL basically breaking in to see the baby but I just can’t imagine not letting my baby grow up without family when MIL clearly wants to be in the baby’s life.
Yeah dad sounds like a dick but refusing to let MIL have access to her grandchild because she didn’t really like you is really mean and selfish but you do you I guess.
Are you actually divorced? How did y’all get divorced without discussing custody?
You can’t just decide the rights & responsibilities for your child’s father & grandmother. The court decides that. Why haven’t you started that process yet?
Advice – Talk to an attorney. Now.
Edit
Rage bait. That’s all this is. You tell a good story though. If you got divorced while pregnant it’s still a divorce with minor children. Therefore custody and visitation would be included along with child support. Because guess what? They can enforce child support while pregnant. So. Good story. But you’re full of bs
Why didn’t you tell your cousin not to let her in? Was that a massive brainfart, or is this AI slop?
NTA However, your cousin also has some blame though for just letting a stranger into your home without calling you to verify first. I would never let someone I did not know into someone else’s home without calling or texting the person to ask if it is ok. I would not allow her to babysit again either.
NTA. Your mother-in-law is a pos. She didn’t harm you PHYSICALLY but she IS harming you EMOTIONALLY. “but others came from people who I fully trusted” I’m sure you also fully trusted your husband at one point. The deepest betrayals come from the people you trust the most. Why should it be surprising that her family members would also treat you like garbage when she does too? Ultimately, they’re loyalty lies with her not you. None of their opinions are worth anything.
NTA
NTA document everything and get a restraining order.
You are oh so scary concerned about your MIL, who has been harassing you, but didn’t bother to warn your cousin about her?
Yeah you’re the a-hole. A big festering a-hole. That or this story is fake.
Which is it?
NTA. Get a restraining order.
I believe the more people that love and pour into my children, the better for them. But you do you.
YTA you have an issue with your ex-husband and are taking it out on his mother. The baby deserves to have a relationship with both sides of the family, it’s actually really selfish of you to deprive the baby the love she would have because you are resentful. It’s a really shitty thing to do to your own child!
Don’t be that kind of mom!
Always love these one-sided stories and people asking to be validated for whatever it is they have done. Kind of pointless and dumb really. How can anyone truly have an opinion on these things without getting the other side of the story?
Lawyer up. Husband is going to come after you for joint custody so his mom can coparent with you in his name. Get ahead of this.
NTA – but you did put your cousin in a bad position by not informing her of the situation. If you trusted her enough with your baby, you should have trusted her enough to talk to her about the mess you have.
Somehow your ex knew you were not home.
I agree that the cousin was out of line. I forgot to include that part in my post.
Updateme