My bf went on a travel with one of his female friends when we were dating (not confirmed the relationship yet, so I didn’t say anything, I didn’t wanna sound mean).
A few months later he went on a travel with another female friend who was living near the area that he travelled to and had physical intimacy with her. We were still dating at that time but once he got there he stopped talking with me and only texted me when the vacation was over. When I got upset about all of that he said it’s nonsense since we weren’t bf and gf yet. After that we“confirmed” to be bf and gf.
Fast forward to recent when he visited his hometown and another female friend of his then visited his hometown as well. She stayed with his family and went to another city with my bf in a few days. I feel pretty uncomfortable with it. I don’t know if I’m being mean or not, is this just cultural difference (I’m Asian, he’s westerner). So before I talk to him I really want to know you guys’ opinions. What do you think about this?
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It’s not cultural difference that this upsets you, you’re not being “mean” by suggesting it upsets you. Virtually any exclusive partner would reasonably be uncomfortable with this. According to him you’re supposed to be OK with this and take his word for it that he’s not cheating. But practically everyone who cheats lies about it. And this has all the optics of cheating, whether he actually is or isn’t. I’m almost most disturbed by the idea that he said it was nonsense that you were upset that he was traveling and intimate with other women after you had started dating. That shows how inherently selfish he is, as I’m assuming it would have disturbed him if you were being intimate with people after the two of you had started dating. Big red flags.
I’m An European male, And for what that’s worth, I wouldn’t be OK with it.
He’s going on vacations with girls and sleeping with them while you two are dating (even if you werent officially exclusive)?
I would strongly be doubting someones intentions and values around trying to find a serious partner if they are engaging in so many other casual relationships right up until we are “official.”
Being exclusive shouldnt be a “oh shoot i guess i finally cant officially sleep with other people, Ill try and squeeze as much in before we commit.”
Sure, he technically didn’t do anything wrong, but that doesn’t mean he’s a quality person who’s values of finding a serious partner match your own.
You should express to him your concerns and see how he reacts to him. I understand your perspective as my gf has said the same thing to me when I wanted to travel with my female friend of 20 years. Although I canceled my trip with her out of respect for our relationship, I wouldn’t expect others to do the same. If they’ve been friends this long and nothing’s happen, there’s a good chance it will remain that way. You have to ask yourself, do you trust him to remain faithful? There’s going to be times where he’s going to travel somewhere without you. Is that going to be an issue for you?
Some people are fine with their partners having opposite sex friends, 1:1 hangouts, and travel. Some people aren’t.
But people aren’t projects. So if you want to date someone who doesn’t have female friends and do things with him, date someone else. And next time, make sure to discuss this boundary early on.
I personally have several good friends who are men. My hiking buddy is a guy and we take a trip annually where we pack in for a week and share a tent even. My partner would be welcome but he doesn’t enjoy back country, high altitude, backpacking.
If my partner was uncomfortable, I’d offer to introduce him to my friend (although he lives on the other side of the country so not easy). But if that didn’t make it okay, I wouldn’t be dating him.
This is weird and NOT okay. He’s disrespecting you and probably cheating on you too.
It doesn’t sound like he is ready to be in a committed, exclusive long-term relationship. Not a lot of people in their 20s are these days.
Tell him how it makes you feel. Tell him that if it doesn’t stop you’ll need to go find someone who is ready to prioritize you in the relationship. And then see what happens. Be prepared to follow through with the consequence if he rolls over your boundary.
This is an a cultural difference. It’s just that he’s an asshole. You need to dump him in a heartbeat. People in a relationship don’t do that. Kind of crap.
The first time is an accident, the second is a coincidence, the third is a pattern.
He has a pattern. It’s not cultural.
I would not continue dating this person. I went almost ten years on and off of my life “dating” someone like this. The whole label thing is such a bullshit excuse to sleep with other people. In my situation the dude had deep seeded severe hatred towards his mommy and as a result he treated all women like bangmaids. It just took me way too long to realize I wasn’t as special as I thought I was. Run. It won’t get better.
What the actual fuck….. why are you dating him this is my worst nightmare
I wouldn’t be ok with it nor would I continue to date him.
I’m Asian and my husband is white and there would be no way in hell he would be staying overnight with female friends or going on solo trips with them. Just like he wouldnt be ok with me doing it. Not a cultural thing but a bull shit one. Dump him, he is still sowing his wild oats and not ready for a committed relationship.