Throwaway because this is a dumb argument.
For some context, my boyfriend, Jake (M24) and I (F24) don’t live together yet, but intend to by the end of the year. We have been together for about 4 years, long distance for most of it. We live in the same city now, but usually only see each other 1-2 times a week. We don’t go through condoms that fast. For the last 6 months or so I’ve been the one picking up condoms every time we get low or run out because I’m more likely to be out shopping than he is.
We ran out about 2 weeks ago but haven’t had sex since then. I’ve decided to not buy another box until he gets at least one. Yesterday, I was out shopping with my mom picking up some stuff for my dad because he’s been feeling sick. So, I didn’t get any condoms then for those two reasons: I want him to get the next box and I was with my mom. Tonight I’m over at his place and we again couldn’t have sex. He got upset because I was just at the store and didn’t get any condoms. He didn’t explicitly blame me but he did get really quiet when I told him I didn’t want to have sex tonight. He then asked why I couldn’t have gotten them yesterday, saying that we’re adults and that she would’ve understood.
I am not on any birth control at the moment for mental health reasons so condoms are the only way we can safely have penetrative sex.
AITA for not buying condoms yesterday when I was out with my mom?
ETA: I want to make it clear it’s not about the cost. I don’t really care about that, they’re still cheaper than a kid. He does make about more than I do though and he works full time while my job only gives me about 15 hours a week. (I make $22/hour. He makes 60k/year)
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Throwaway because this is a dumb argument.
For some context, my boyfriend, Jake (M24) and I (F24) don’t live together yet, but intend to by the end of the year. We have been together for about 4 years, long distance for most of it. We live in the same city now, but usually only see each other 1-2 times a week. We don’t go through condoms that fast. For the last 6 months or so I’ve been the one picking up condoms every time we get low or run out because I’m more likely to be out shopping than he is.
We ran out about 2 weeks ago but haven’t had sex since then. I’ve decided to not buy another box until he gets at least one. Yesterday, I was out shopping with my mom picking up some stuff for my dad because he’s been feeling sick. So, I didn’t get any condoms then for those two reasons: I want him to get the next box and I was with my mom. Tonight I’m over at his place and we again couldn’t have sex. He got upset because I was just at the store and didn’t get any condoms. He didn’t explicitly blame me but he did get really quiet when I told him I didn’t want to have sex tonight. He then asked why I couldn’t have gotten them yesterday, saying that we’re adults and that she would’ve understood.
I am not on any birth control at the moment for mental health reasons so condoms are the only way we can safely have penetrative sex.
AITA for not buying condoms yesterday when I was out with my mom?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole because I do go shopping more often and I knew we have been out for a while. I was just at the store and definitely could have bought more, it wouldn’t have been the biggest deal.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA.
Though your moms an adult.
Also respect for not having unprotected sex.
NTA, but why can’t you both just go right now?
NTA
Has you or your boyfriend heard of Amazon? It’s this website where you can purchase things online and have them shipped to your house.
NTA for not buying the condoms, but ESH if you only said it’s because your mom was there and not that he never buys them. That’s textbook passive aggressive.
I don’t understand why you couldn’t just tell him you want to split the cost of condoms. YTA.
NTA. Is he not an adult that can go buy himself condoms?
NTA
I don’t get why you two can’t just order them online, I mean come on lol Also, stop being passive aggressive and tell him you need him to meet you halfway with the BC.
NTA, Its one thing to buy condoms but another to buy them in front of your parent. I can see why you not buying them then. He can buy them, he had time.
YTA if you haven’t said you expect him to purchase the next box. NTA if you’ve discussed this and he knows the ball is in his court.
NTA. You’re not wrong for setting a boundary around always being the one to buy them especially when you’ve been doing it consistently. If he wants to be an active participant in a healthy sex life, grabbing a box of condoms once in a while is literally the bare minimum. Also, buying them while you’re out shopping with your mom? Nah, anyone acting weird about that clearly hasn’t been in that awkward aisle with a parent.
NTA you are adults and he can buy them too. He’s had two weeks to go and buy them and he hasn’t. Don’t buy them
YTA
I mean you making a huge thing out of a box of condoms means there are underlying issues.
Intercourse comes with adult responsibility for birth control. He can buy condoms.
I’m in my 50s, and I wouldn’t buy condoms while out with my mother. I’d have to make an excuse to run back inside or just wait until later.
Your boyfriend has issues. If a gf told me that we can’t have sex because there are no condoms, there would be condoms in about five minutes.
Your boyfriend is the asshole, first, for never buying them himself and second, because he’d buy them in front of his mother. You, NTA.
He can Amazon prime them if he wants them that bad 🤷🏻♀️
> I’ve decided to not buy another box until he gets at least one.
Info: did you tell him this? Did you say “you know what, babe? I’ve been feeling like I’m responsible for the condoms an inordinate percentage of the time. Can you get them this time? Its only fair” or something more or less like that?
NTA…..You are an adult, yes but buying condoms when shopping with your mum doesn’t make sense at all.
NTA, he’s an adult and can go to the store like a grown up.
Yta in a response you say you’ve never directly told him you want him to pick up the condoms. Then when he asks why you didn’t, rather than just say “I want you to do it” you make a big song and dance about not doing it in front of your mum.
This gives the impression that you totally would have picked them up if you’d gone alone, not that you want him to do it.
You’ve also got a history of doing it so it’s not unreasonable for him assume you plan on doing it soon.
Use your words because he’s not reading between the lines.
YTA. Stop sleeping with a guy who takes no responsibility. You’re also not on hormonal birth control so relying solely on condoms is incredibly naive – especially when your main gripe with him is “why won’t YOU buy the condoms this time” – how will that translate to parenthood etc?
Neither of you sound old enough or responsible enough to be having intercourse.
I am going out and getting them while my gf waits for sure. You don’t have to ask me to get condoms twice!
NTA, was leaning y t a since if you’re grown enough for sex you’re grown enough to buy condoms in front of mommy BUT then I read the rest.
he is also capable of buying them and it’s very reasonable for him to have the next turn though if you have to spell that out for him this one isn’t worth keeping, no one needs a project and this one can’t even buy birth control but wants to pout because you didn’t. Yikes.
NTA. If you live separately and he doesn’t have them at his house then he’s out of luck. It’s like him expecting you to bring shampoo or deodorant to his place so he can keep himself clean.
If he was thinking about you he would be purchasing first thing in the morning.
NTA, you shouldnt be uniquely responsible for this and also it wouldve been awkward. Saying that, you might find this gets resolved quicker if you straight up tell him you feel bad about always being the one to buy condoms and would appreciate him buying them sometimes.
NTA
You boyfriend wants the privilege of fucking you and also wants you to be the one responsible for the condoms for him to do so? He sounds lame, if having condoms meant fun timw, I’d never be out of condoms!
Nta
Maybe you’re boycotting or something, but Amazon exists? Instacart it with other deliverables? No one has to even leave the house.
If you haven’t explicitly said ‘hey, I want you to contribute and buy the next box of condoms. I’d also like to alternate so it doesn’t feel one sided’, then he’s probably used to it being a certain way.
Not saying it’s right, but if you’re usually the shopper, and usually the one who gets the condoms, you need to be the one to break the cycle by being communicative.
But like… damn. Please just use your words.
Why are you with a man this cheap? If he can’t pay for condoms, he can’t afford to have a relationship.
You can do better.
Seriously, if condoms are the only way you guys are going to be having sex…. I’m surprised he doesn’t have stash at his place….
Hasn’t he heard of Amazon and their ability to deliver if he requires privacy for his purchases????
Also why haven’t you asked why he won’t buy any??
Soft YTA. Unless you actually used your words (‘you need to buy the condoms too’) then this whole thing is petty. Yes, he should buy them without asking, so maybe it’s ESH, but if you’ve always bought them til now how does he know you don’t want that unspoken arrangement to continue – unless you tell him?
Is this the gender swapped “my boyfriend won’t buy me pads” generic story?
Why is your boyfriend not buying condoms. Why is this all on your shoulders. Is he that immature that he hasn’t bought any condoms for his own penis. Sorry the two of you need to at least go 50/50 on the condoms it is not only your responsibility.
ESH. Who buys condoms shouldn’t be a thing. Buying them with a parent is a no-go.
NTA – it’s the responsibility of the person wearing the condoms to make sure they’re on hand to use. “Why didn’t you buy them yesterday?” Why didn’t he buy them anytime in the last 2 weeks?
If course you shouldn’t buy condoms when you’re with your mom. Your boyfriend could have popped out to a convenience store or all night drugstore for some.
ESH
It doesn’t sound like you brought up the condom imbalance before and that it bothered you that you were the only one looking after the reproductive needs of you as a couple. It’s important to have these types of conversations early.
He’s an asshole for not looking after his protection needs himself
YTA for not getting them while you were shopping because “he needed to get the next box”. Ya’ll needed them, so buy them if you have the opportunity.
And to all you people who think it should be the man’s responsibility alone, screw that. It takes two people to have sex. That means two people have the responsibility to get the things they need. If someone did say they’d get the next box and didn’t, then you call them on it but if you have the opportunity to get the box, get them instead of being like “oh, sorry didn’t get condoms can’t have sex now”. That’s a shitty way to be.
So why can’t he get any? They are sold at basicly any store and easy to get
Nta- tell him if its difficult to find the time to buy them he can easily buy them online and have them delivered too!
ESH
Him for leaving it to you all the time
You for not communicating that you expect him to take some of the responsibility too
NTA – Buying something like that with your mom can be extremely awkward regardless of age. Also this man should take some responsibility for his own penis jfc
ESH
Does he know you’ve instuted this test? Cuz it sounds like he’s operating under the assumption that as a couple, “we” get what “we” need. YTA for for playing games and giving tests instead of being an adult and using your words.
He’s an AH cuz, you’re right, it’s a stupid fucking argument and the both of you adults together are responsible for your sexual health as a couple. He could grab a pack the next time he stops to gas the car, there’s no excuse. It’s not the end of the world if both of you own a pack at the same time. And it’s not outside the realm of possibility this is a ploy to incite an unprotected encounter.
He should be buying them.
Just go get condoms together. Go to the store and buy them, go home; and use them. I mean come on. This is that big of a stumbling block? You’re both AH.
Dude. When we ran out of condoms, my ex would run out of the house to get another box at the nearest convenience store! Even if we were in medias res!!!
If he wanted it bad enough, he’d take the steps!
NTA it’d be weird to buy them with your parent there. Tell him it’s his responsibility to buy them or he’s tough out of luck 🤷🏼♀️
NTA. But I’d be upfront and tell him clearly that it should be a shared responsibility. Here’s a compromise: whoever initiates provides what is needed!
If you plan a long-term relationship that eventually includes a shared household, know that you will be responsible for taking care of things. It doesn’t sound like he’d be willing to get groceries when you’ve had a busy week or run out for meds if you (or a child) were sick.