I broke up with my ex 2 months ago. We lived together. I loved him but he was jealous and would start arguments with me and became disrespectful. It was a painful decision for me because I never loved anyone like him. But I left one day. Now I live alone.
We took distance, he apologised for everything, promised to change, and started therapy. I made it clear that I’m not interested in getting back together, my decision is final, but I still care, and we can keep contact as long as he is respectful to me and works on himself. He agreed. I know that it can get messy keeping in touch with an ex. But since I personally have no interest in meeting any other men for the foreseeable, and he seemed to accept the situation, I didn’t see the harm.
We texted, we met a few times, but he could not seem to accept that our dynamic has changed. He invited me on vacation. He asked me if I want to go grocery shopping together. We met outside and he invited me to sleep at his house? I gently refused all of those offers because none of that would be appropriate. The requests were getting tiring.
Last week, he offered to take me something I had left behind in his house. After that, we took a walk and had a drink to catch up, and then I went home.
Since then, he has been texting that he misses me, and asking to meet again while I refused. I told him to back off because he was making me feel uncomfortable and pressured.
On Friday, he asked if I want to meet this weekend. I told him I don’t know. I fell asleep, and he called me (waking me up) to ask if I want to have dinner together, and to tell me he has a gift for me. I told him no, and I politely told him to return the gift, because I’m not interested in receiving his gifts and I don’t want him to spend money on me. I thought he got the hint.
Saturday morning, I wake up to someone ringing my doorbell. He had shown up unannounced to my apartment. He brought flowers and breakfast. I went off on him, because I clearly said I don’t want gifts, and it’s inappropriate to show up at my home unannounced. I don’t mind meeting occasionally, but on my terms – I don’t want him (or anyone!) just arriving at my home.
I told him that he crossed a line, and to leave. He insisted that I open the door and allow him to give me the gifts and then he will go. I had to fight with him to leave with the stuff, because I already clearly stated that I do not want gifts. I was so mad that I said some things that were harsh and disrespectful, but it’s because he was refusing to leave. His response was that he couldn’t understand why I’m acting like this over his “kind gesture.”
He did eventually leave and he blocked me because I told him to leave me alone. I now feel shitty and I am second-guessing myself. Was my reaction appropriate to the situation? I just snapped from him pushing my boundaries over and over.
Please do not be too harsh with me, I know I may not have done everything right, I have difficulty setting boundaries and I am sometimes “too nice” with the wrong people. The break-up is also still quite fresh, and I’m trying to navigate it as best as I can.
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Appropriate response by you. I’m glad you didn’t open the door. You just never know how unhinged people are when they feel rejected.
Sis, if a guy shows up at your door after your request to not, and then tries to insist he comes in, you are clearly not harsh and disrespectful if you give him the absolutely what-for for his audacity. Stop meeting with him under any circumstances, though? You’re muddying the waters with this guy by still seeing him occasionally. He thinks you’re back to normal on some level and you’re not. That’s on you. You are not making this better by continuing to see him, correct?
You are sending mixed signals. You are saying you don’t want a relationship but then you do things with him. Sending mixed signals is not kind. Break it off completely.