I have been in two marriages. One was “work” the other flowed like water. I’m still in that one and I’m firmly convinced that anyone who says marriage is “work” is simply with the wrong person. You will probably make it work but is it giving you a good quality of life and happiness?
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Unless “work” is the struggle to find time with your significant other due to life issues (be they work, child, or other life demands) or it’s a very atypical state in both your lives… yeah you’re right.
Or maybe your partner married the wrong person, but same point
Two thoughts:
Are you going to risk a sure thing (that “works”) for the chance to find someone who flows like water?
Perhaps the issue lies not with the other person but rather with yourself?
I think when people say “work”, the most charitable interpretation is that they mean effort. Showing up for one another, making time for each other, finding ways to keep the romance alive, performing acts of service for one another, listening to each other, resolving disagreements in a healthy way, etc. etc.
All of these require effort and energy, make no mistake. I don’t think anyone should let their marriage run on autopilot. But I agree with you that when you’re with the right person, it shouldn’t feel like “work” or a chore; it should feel fulfilling. But you do need to invest in each other’s happiness and well being.
Marriages do take work, but I think the better way of going about it is to say it shouldn’t be hard work.
Like any relationship, you need to put in effort for your partner. Being there for them physically/mentally/emotionally, keeping their needs in mind as well as your own. It shouldn’t take a lot out of you to be with them. But it shouldn’t stress you out; like you said, it should flow naturally like water in a spring.
If you’re constantly forcing yourself to be a part of it, then that is when it has slipped into hard work and isn’t healthy.
Nah bullshit. I’ve been married 17 years and we have 4 kids. Loving each other was never work. Making the day to day communication, sharing space and responsibilities, accounting for differences in love languages and parenting techniques and stress management, finding time and space to prioritize sex and intimacy- that type of stuff is work. It’s childish to think that a marriage won’t take intentional work, especially if you’re parenting too.
All relationships are work, including marriage. When people say marriage is work, they mean that it takes effort to care for it properly, like how its effort to tend to a delicate plant. But that’s just how relationships are, romantic or otherwise. You’re dealing with a whole other person and trying to keep them and yourself happy is effort. It shouldn’t be “hard”, but it should be “work”.
As an adult most relationships take work and organization
Only one marriage, and we actually abandoned everyone we knew, moved to Alaska, and limit work to part time. We thought we only wanted 3 kids, so my wife had her tubes tied. We are just starting in vitro because we both want to have a fourth, and we are looking to start a homestead while homeschooling. We found our slice of heaven, and we aim to experience it!
Shouldn’t be unpopular but it definitely is. Terms like calling partners “the old ball and chain” are still rampant everywhere so that makes it more normalized to simply dislike the person you chose. It’s very odd. Marriage isn’t easy but anyone that thinks it’s a no freedom wasteland definitely married the wrong one.
There is nothing bout this unpopular. Wrapping up a 22-year loss currently. There is work, I’ll admit, but the work is simple. Communication, devotion, dedication, and admiration. Do that, and as you said, “flows like water.”
I did, and more. Just a wife thought her trauma from life was all that mattered, and trying to find common ground on that was too much. Literally, I found out I might have pancreatic cancer on June 13th. She sprung divorce on June 15th. Said these words “My timing sucks, but you don’t think beyond yourself. What’s happening to you affects everybody.” Buddy of mine said:
That’s true, Cancer affects family, Chemo affects YOU.
Not everyone is looking for a submissive partner that will cave to their every whim. Then most that are still won’t find said partner. For the rest of us, that means putting in work to figure out how to best function and be willing to compromise.
incorrect. you still have to work to keep the marriage alive. you cant just stop making an effort, after all. even if it flows like water, its still work.
It’s not work but there is effort you need to put into your relationship and things won’t always be easy. You still gotta communicate, get past issues, deal with life together, and everything else but it shouldn’t be considered work or hard.
Putting effort into something you love is easy.
Love isn’t found, it’s built
My relationship with my last ex “flowed like water.”
Turns out we just weren’t addressing the problems.
i think this is largely an issue of semantics. What is your definition of work? Is your definition inherently negative? Do you find that you consider things like effort, commitment, and thoughtfulness to be “work” depending on how easily you can perform them?
Most people married the wrong person. What is your point
Definitely unpopular, all relationships require work/give and go, discussions, compromise etc etc. if you’ve done no work you’re a horrible partner
It takes work but it shouldn’t be work.
The only “work” we do together is serve the whims of our Lords and Masters the house cats.
spending 40-50 years with someone. keeping things fresh. knowing to not push their buttons. not letting them push yours. raising a family. living through the hard times.
that’s all work. NONE of that comes naturally or easily. you are looking at your second marriage with the knowledge and experience of your first so of course you’re going to have an easier time.
If your relationship is so easy, chances are your partner does all the work behind the scenes.
When you’re doing it for someone you love work quickly shifts to care.
If you think a marriage doesn’t take work you’re in the honeymoon phase or a stupid superficial relationship without depth or meaning.
So somebody been married for 2 mo so far? Gratz! Good luck
I’ve always wondered for every spouse who says ” oh we just flow like water, love of my life”! Their partner is like “yeah its ok if guess”.
In all marriages..someone is putting in the work. One way or the other. Better to try and lift together.
When I think of a marriage requiring “work” I simply interpret this to mean “effort”.
There’s honestly not that many people on the planet though.
You just haven’t gotten to that point yet.
Relationships are work. There is trauma, dynamics and overall growth you need to work through.
Your opinion is indeed unpopular albeit a bit naive.
If your significant other doesn’t want to ‘work’ on marriage, you married the wrong person.
Question: have you or your spouse been through serious illness or trauma that happened during your marriage?
I’m not arguing, I’m just telling you that unexpected things beyond the control of anyone can make it hard. That’s when you have to put the work in. It’s a labor of love, not frustration, but it is not easy.
Maybe, but it’s the person I’m with so it is what it is.
I think it depends on who you are. Some people might not think compromising and showing up is work when they’re in love. Others could be madly in love and still have to make a little more intentional effort. If the work is gut wrenching, yes, bad marriage. Believe me I know 🙃 but I also know myself well enough to know I am a unicorn who will probably always have to work a little to match someone else’s freak/life.
I’ve been happily married for 40 years. I wouldn’t call it work, but it does require effort and awareness. You both need to prioritize the relationship.
If you don’t think marriage is work, you’re probably a bad spouse. It’s like being a good person – anyone who thinks they are one probably isn’t
Some of us are just doing our best against our own bad personalities and that’s why it’s work 🥲
How long have you been married and do you have any kids? Major factors in marriage ‘work,’. People who divorce once have high probability of divorcing again from the statistics
Anything worth having is work. Kids, homeownership, college, sports, career, pets etc. If it’s not work it’s not worth having it, period.
My wife and I have a crazy easy marriage. In 7 years I can probably count the big arguments on 1 hand. Not because we don’t ever disagree, but because we find ways to compromise and make sure we’re choosing words and actions that don’t hurt the other person. That is work. Coming home after a long week and knowing your partner had it rough too, so you go to the store to cook their favorite meal is work. Taking care of them when they’re sick is work. Doing all the housework for a month because they have an injury and not complaining or thinking twice is work.
Marriage is work. If you’re not working at it and keeping your partner at the forefront of your thoughts and actions at least part-time, you’re not honoring your vows.
Married 27 years, happily. It’s still work at times. Most of the time it’s easy, almost all the time I’m happy to do whatever is needed. The times I’m not thrilled, I still do it because I love her and our kids.
If you think marriage isnt “work” or requires little effort, your partner is putting in 2x the effort to keep things working and you are the bad partner.
More like THEY married the wrong person.
Interesting that you didn’t happen to include how long you’ve been married. Your honeymoon period will end, and you will step off of your high horse when you begin to actually understand what people mean when they say marriage takes work.
All relationships are work. You need to put in effort and show up every day. Thats the definition of work. Compromise is work, going out of your way to make them feel valued is work. When people say it’s work they don’t mean it’s difficult and you hate it, they mean you need to put in effort to make it last.
A marriage with no work is either inept or goes nowhere because W = F * D.
All relationships take work. If one doesn’t then one or both people are probably hiding some things. Relationships should not feel like a second job, but they absolutely do take work.
My marriage is work but not in the “Its work to be around this person.” Mine is work in the sense that 1 month after we got married in 2018, she had to go to the emergency room as I got to my first Duty Station in Jersey. And it turned out she had an AVM in her brain. December 2018 has brain surgery to remove it, and has been paralyzed on the whole left side of her body since as an after effect. So the work is I stay in the military to get her health insurance that without it she literally would not have been able to get the medical care she needed to survive. And the continued work is making what meager money I can to take care of the both of us on not so good E4 Air Force pay. Is it work? Yes because I’m doing a LOT to keep us both taken care of. Would I give up this work? Absolutely not, I am doing everything in my power and making damn sure that even disabled she will outlive me, because I will not let her go. Is life really god damn hard because of all of it? Yes, but I ain’t hear no bell, and I ain’t throwin in no towel. The bell for me is going to be me dying specifically, and I am gonna delay the shit out of that from pure spite
I think if you take the word “work” at face value then you are doing the relationship wrong. When people say “work” they mean every daily task and/or parenting. Couples DO have to WORK together to get on the same page in terms of finances, responsibilities, parenting, plus so much more. Work isn’t about the love aspect, loving someone for who they are should always be easy, but the work is more so the partnership. It’s super easy to love someone, but to work with someone and be on the same page as partners? That takes work if you plan to be with your significant other for the rest of your life.
People are all wrapped up in the semantics in the comments. The word “work” has a negative connotation to it, but it’s not always bad. Sometimes work is enjoyable. Better compatibility = more enjoyable work
There was this couples vows that went viral recently where he said:
“Our love is work. I don’t mean work like drudgery, an early morning commute or stale coffee; I mean work like the way artists talk about paintings as vital and prioritized. It’s the most important work of my life, our partnership, and I cherish it.”
Love at a core level doesn’t take work. You have an initial connection to someone that you can see yourself being in love with them. That’s not marriage or a relationship, you can be infatuated.
The relationship beyond that is different. That DOES take a shitload of work and depends if you and your partner wanna put in that effort.
I am married to my best friend, but that was never the given intention. It feels like marriage isn’t work because I married someone that wanted to put in the same exact effort that I was going to sink into it. That’s never a given thing and some people dip out cowardly.
For you to feel like it “isn’t work” is what everyone seeks. It doesn’t feel like it’s work because you met someone that couldn’t be more compatible with you. That’s rare, really rare. Cherish every second of it.
People that don’t understand this have never been in a long-term marriage. You will get tired of each other. You will get tired of each others shit. What was once cute, will become old. It takes work to remember why you got married in the first place, and to try to keep that commitment together.
Sounds like someone on their way to a third marriage.
Or you are the wrong person.
Welcome to America, where we define “work” as that thing you hate doing for 10-12 hrs/day.
As opposed to the rest of the world, where work is that thing you actually kind of don’t mind doing so that you’re not poor.
That’s literally what this post is about: the definition of ‘work’.
But just because a relationship is “easy” doesn’t mean it’s “good”.
I’ve found that a lot of women will put up with my bullshit just because they like me. It doesn’t mean it isn’t bullshit.
Helps to have a robust social life so you can keep each other’s egos in check.
Hmmm I’m in between. I would say life is hard but marriage to the right person isn’t. Super happily married and have been for 9 years. My marriage hasn’t never felt like work, but it always has been intentional.
It’s a matter of interpretation. If you define work as drudgery, no one would want a relationship like that. But as said, if work means effort, showing up for the other person even if it isn’t always convenient, making sure that you think of the other person, that is what a good marriage takes. I think if someone has found a marriage that is a total breeze, that’s great, but not the norm.
If you think marriage isn’t work, your partner married the wrong person 😂
I agree 00%
I’m on my second marriage and the difference is night and day. The first we had to make a lot of effort to try to be good to each other. The second we enjoy it and it’s easy and fun. This isn’t work. This is absolutely silliness with my absolute best person.
Work usually means effort. You can have a good marriage and partner. They don’t cheat, they don’t abuse you, they help out, loyal, etc all the bare minimum. But if there’s no effort, making you feel special it can really fade. The little things are really important
Shit
What if your husbands an alcoholic and depressed dafter you married him?
I don’t think it’s work but it’s effort. If you put in effort for the two years then get married and just kick back that’s not great. Continuing to “date” and appreciate your partner is necessary. Some people think that’s work because they already worked to get married so now they’re done. If you marry one of those people, I’m sorry.
I just left a 16 year marriage. It was work just to survive. I thought that’s what it’s supposed to be like.
I’m in over a year with my current girlfriend and it is literally the easiest thing, even on hard days. And we’re 2000 miles away. My ex will never stop reminding me how hard it will be and I can’t even tell her how easy it is to love my girlfriend.
Unfortunately, “oops I married the wrong person” is only clear in the rearview.
I’m going to say no because even if you are with your best friend like I am, sometimes things go wrong.
When my dad needed help moving? My man got stuck doing the literal heavy lifting.
When my boyfriend got significantly sicker with covid than I did? Taking care of him was work.
Any kind of loving relationship entails this sort of work no matter how happy.
Marriage is work. I work on my relationship with my husband. It’s not hard work, or unenjoyable work. But we both put effort into having a good relationship.
There are issues occasionally but it doesn’t take a lot to sort.
I am very relaxed usually and could have a relationship that flowed like water, but that would mean constantly just saying yes and moulding myself to be what he wanted. But eventually I would become resentful.
Guess your partner is the one doing all the mental load work then
It’s still work it’s just a job you love. So it feels like never working a day in your life.
I’m very happily married and always surprised when people say how hard it is. Sure, compromise is needed. But it comes naturally to me because I want my spouse to feel loved and supported.
It’s not work in the same way that going to a job is but it IS work (also known as effort). If you don’t put forth any effort the relationship will rot from the inside out.
What is work? Is it communicating? Is it doing housework and other chores/ day to day tasks? Is it the emotional labor? Is it being considerate of them? Is it taking on a team mindset when making decisions?
I’m of the opinion that if your relationship takes zero work, the other person is simply picking up your slack.
It is “work” to be single, if you’re doing it correctly.
You can absolutely choose to be a bobber, carried away by the different currents in your life, OR you can take responsibility and choose to be intentional. Emotionally healing and philosophical growth don’t just happen, they are active choices. You should be challenging yourself as a single…it’s how you grow and improve.
There are plenty of people who don’t do all of the work before jumping into relationships or marriages. Doing all of the personal work while also being mindful of communication/attunement styles can be a challenge. It’s okay if it is. If one or both parties are unhealed, there will probably be more opportunities for conflict to arise. Conflict is not inherently bad. Making the choice to show up in a loving way should be the norm, but depending on what else is going on/being grown through, it might not be easy. That doesn’t mean that they’re married to the wrong person.
Marriage can flow like water when you are child-free. Throw in a kid with medical needs and ailing parents and it’s gonna take some work, I promise you. After 23 years we still get along great but life absolutely has a way of showing up in unexpected circumstances that test you both.
What a bunch of crap. What a troll post
People change constantly. The person you married is not the same person 10 years later. So you always marry the wrong person, if you don’t already get that just wait a few more years, then they will be the wrong person. But this is why marriage works – it’s a commitment or a covenant, not a mutually beneficial consumer agreement.
Marriage shouldn’t be a full time stressful job… but if you feel like it’s effortless, it’s probably because your partner is putting in all the effort to accommodate you, or it’s too new and hasn’t challenged you yet.
Water is kind of an apt analogy lol. Water flows aimlessly, it can be directionless and destructive and depends on the shape of the river to guide it. The water might seem to follow fhe shapenof the river peacefully, but over time it slowly erodes the rivers boundaries and changes the shape and direction. When the water is influenced by wind and rain, or the state of other rivers, it floods over the boundaries of it’s riverbed and does whatever it wants. If both partners are flowing like water, then they will be destructive to those around them.
The best context I’d ever seen about “marriage is work” was, marriage takes work in the same way that a vacation takes work – plan out flights or travel, accomodations, budget, schedule, sitters for children or pets, heading to the airport, traveling for hours if it’s faraway, etc. Yeah it’s technically work, but it’s the sort of inconveniences that should count as manageable, basic maintenance sorta stuff that’s well worth it for the vacation itself.
All relationships whether marriage or boyfriend/girlfriend are work/effort. That’s what people, mean…. that it’s am effort.
I’m tired after work and I’m only interested in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship without marriage. Zero interest in putting in work/effort and mixing the government’s in my private life
No way.
As you age and your life shifts you grow apart, want different things, opinions change, desires / wants / needs change. If you can make it through all of that, THATS marriage. Thats love.
Does your partner just obey your every command and not complain? How can it not take work? Compromises need to be made and regular check-ins with eachother is important
I have the exact opposite view. Marriages shouldn’t be viewed primarily as work, but they do involve work. When people say this, they don’t mean begrudging tedious work, they mean effort, and sometimes it’s not fun effort. My take is if you don’t think your marriage is work, you’re not trying hard enough.
Lmfao. You had me at “I have been in two marriages.” Thanks for the advice!
It is work. If it’s not then you’re not doing enough, or they’re doing everything. I think you conflate work with bad and you’re confused.
RemindMe! – 2 years
I don’t think this is necessarily true. It depends on how long you are married. It was very easy for us in the beginning. We were young, free spirits and did a lot of traveling. It was magical. We have been married for 30 years this year, and there is work involved. You do have to want to stay together. You have to overcome changes as a team, and learn to deal with hardship and difficulty. We are happily married, but it does take work to maintain it. It’s like maintaining a vehicle. You have to change the oil and the tires, fill it up with gas and wash it sometimes.
Is this the flowing like water relationship you are talking about?
https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/vOmVeHZm6D
Not even married, but I disagree. I think it’s incredibly unrealistic that 2 people just effortlessly meet each other’s needs at all times. The work is communicating your needs, and accommodating your partner’s. And life is hard in general, so a lot of stuff will come up. Chances are, if it feels effortless, your partner may just not be addressing their needs and it could turn into resentment over time.
If you love your >!rim!<job, you’ll never work a day in your life
Man, this comment section could put anyone off of romantic relationships.
You’re correct. Love is a feeling; a RELATIONSHIP is a choice. When in love with a compatible person you don’t have to choose anything, love comes naturally. “Lots of work” means an incompatible pairing.
How long have you been married?
It’s not work like a 9-5, but you are going to have some conflict with this person at some point. Money, kids, careers, family members outside of your home, making time & being there for your partner, sometimes doing things you don’t actually want to do to make them happy; issues with these topics are inevitable and it’s very unlikely that you will be 100% in lockstep with your partner on everything. Navigating those things is the “work”.
‘Take marriage advice from me, I have a 50% success rate! (so far)’
Many would say if your marriage is easy it is probably because your partner has put your needs so far out in front of their needs that you encounter no difficulty and have to do bo work. Marriage is some work for two or lots of work for one. Some might say that… In response to your unpopular opinion. It. Might be unpopular because it’s wrong
I’ve been with my partner for 23 years (yesterday was our anniversary). I love the Hell out of her still and I feel loved by her. It’s work though. Honestly if it wasn’t it’d feel artificial like I was in The Matrix or The Truman Show. Anything worth doing is usually work. Sure some work feels better than other work but generally if you don’t work on something it’ll fall apart or become stagnant. I’m not the same person I was when we first got together and she’s not the same person either. We had to work on the relationship with each other and ourselves to maintain a good course together. We helped each other do that and still do. That’s one of the things that makes it great.
You’re misunderstanding what people mean by work. They just mean that maintaining a relationship long term takes effort.
I’m not taking marriage advice from the guy who’s been divorced, that’s my unpopular opinion
It’s enjoyable work, but work nonetheless.
I think the right word is effort. It takes effort. Anything worth having and maintaining takes effort.
This is the kind of thing people say when their marriage is finally having a good week.
All relationships take work.
They’re a difference between work and forcing it. You shouldn’t have to force it, but it’s normal for there to be some work/sacrifice for one another.
I disagree. Your marriage that is “flowing like water” is because you got wise and learned from the first one. I’m also sure you don’t want a second divorce. So therefore, you are caving in more and making life easier.
I show up everyday and decide to be the best version of myself for my husband and my kid. That is WORK, period. Having the balance to work full time, have time for your partner and kid, cook dinner, do laundry, spend time together, it’s all WORK.
You misunderstand. People mean that relationships require effort to maintain. Not that it should be miserable.
All these comments prove how unpopular of an opinion this really is, I for one completely agree with you.
Love is not work. It’s freedom.
Many people will never agree to this because their sense of self worth is wholly dependent on a relationship they might or might not have entered into making an informed and conscious decision at the time.
While I think this is great and all, I also don’t find the need to tell the world in this formate. Our live and relationship is ours and some parts of it might not make sense to another but regardless, I think one should tell the other half and not post it for everyone here, just my thought.
I’ve been married 12 years. We are a very good match and each others’ best friend, but it’s just factually true that in order to maintain the marriage we both have to put in work.
It’s work finding anniversary gifts for each other, it’s work pretending to be interested when the other person is talking about something and you’re really just not in the mood to talk, work to tidy up the house when the other person is feeling like the place is cluttered even if you’re not having the same cleaning bug, work spending time with friends or family that the other person likes more than you do.
Even in very good marriages, you’re just never going to be 100% aligned with that person about everything all the time, so you gotta put in effort to close the gap sometimes.
I agree that if you feel like it’s work most of the time, that’s probably a problem, and the classic boomer joke of “I hate my wife” definitely means you married someone who sucks (or you suck). But if you never have to put in some work/effort, my guess is that there’s some brewing resentment, or you haven’t been married long.
I think when folks say “work” they may mean “struggle”, and think THAT is work. If you’re struggling, then you likely have some issues. I’m by no means a marital expert, but my wife and I have gone through some stuff (e.g. cancer and ESRD), and come out stronger on the other side in the 12 years we’ve been married. It won’t always be easy, sometimes it won’t be smooth, but with the right partner and a firm foundation, you both set yourselves up for success.
Loving each other should come easily, but building a strong foundation is work from both sides.
Well, considering my husband and I are the only marriage in either of our immediate families that hasn’t resulted in infidelity or divorce…I’d say the work we’ve been putting in for 16 years is worth it.
You obviously don’t understand that “work” is required to maintain any close relationship. The work you speak of is compromise, forgiveness, and selflessness. It is also work to learn another person deeply and find new ways to fall in love with them. Raising children together is also work. But getting a college degree, building a career, and building a home also require work—and these things are just as satisfying despite the amount of work you have to put into them.
You are associating “work” with negative connotations. And this is why your opinion is off-track.
The divorcer
It is a labor of love.
I wonder what your wives would say about it.
Of course marriage is work, but it should be equal work. Going to a job, cleaning the house, taking out the garbage, taking care of kids, those are all work and should be taken care of in an equitable fashion.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/1jlieu3/comment/mk3xr87/?context=3&utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
>How genuinely stupid my husband is. He makes me do all his thinking: he can’t make simple decisions without running them by me. Drives me NUTS.
This you? Personally, I’ve never even had this type of thought cross my mind about my spouse. And if i ever did in the future, I’d work through it with him rather than post that openly online.
Good luck on your future divorce, I guess.
I would consider my marriage to be about as happy and perfect as one could be between two imperfect people but it still takes work. It’s like a hobby project in the sense that some days the work you are putting into it is effortless, and some days are incredibly frustrating and you just want to scream. In the end you choose to work on that project everyday because you love it, it is part of your happiness and it makes you feel complete.
I would argue that if you are unable to recognize the “work” that goes into making a marriage successful and mutually satisfactory then either someone isn’t pulling their weight or problems are being swept under the rug
I don’t think when people say relationships are work they mean it is a job. I’m pretty sure they mean in a relationship you need to put effort into it
“Work” isn’t a bad thing
OP be like marriage is easy lol
Would love to hear how long OPs marriages lasted.
How much “work” is your partner putting in that you’re unaware of? Does your partner agree that you flow like water? Probably not.
I think this is just about different definitions of “work.”
Marriage definitely does require effort, sacrifices, and compromising. I consider that work. But just because it’s work doesn’t mean it’s bad or isn’t worth it
dependes. If the other person is doing all the effort. It may seem easier. But that would make oneself the bad person.
This opinion pretends that everyone is born into this life knowing bow to be a good partner and is a perfectly healthy, well adjusted individual.
Or, it is a person assuming s/he is perfect because they found a new submissive person who will eventually divorce or give up and die.
Plus, divorced person claiming work isn’t required= admission about why the first marriage didn’t work out.
Sometimes it will be work. It’s not hard work though, more like you have to be willing to do some things that you wouldn’t need to do when you are alone, like talk about difficult things, or when one or worse both get sick you will have to go the extra mile. Shouldn’t feel like hard work though. Being alone is more straight forward. But I get what you mean and it should never actually feel like a chore.
It’s not work it’s compromise and respect. Also a whole lot of tears and laughter.
Should I say there’s some truth to this but it’s also wrong. A relationship absolutely takes work but the key principles of a relationship is you have to have good communication a lot of people have poor communication which makes dealing with the relationship a lot of work.
I think the expression more means that it takes consideration and sometimes compromise to make sure everyone feels happy and loved. It doesn’t mean it necessarily has to be unpleasant. I know it isn’t for me and my wife. You and your current wife probably just love each other enough to want to make each other happy, so doing so doesn’t feel like work, it just feels nice. But you’re still doing what the people who use that expression mean.
Its effort.
Y’all, we’re gonna see a post from this person in like 6 months about them being pissed off their partner left them for being neglectful.
If you think your spouse needs to work the marriage while you need not lift a finger, agreed you married the wrong person. Your spouse deserved better.
It is work, but it’s work like a hobby or something you enjoy, not your job. You have to dedicate time, money, and effort to maintain a relationship. Date nights aren’t going to happen on their own, especially if you have both kids and a demanding job. It can be very easy to neglect and let a relationship die.
I agree with you 100%
I’ve been married for more than 20 years and it’s the easiest part of my life. If it felt like work, that would be a huge problem.
I had a coworker who had a marriage like that. work to make the other person happy type of relationship…
doing stuff he didn’t want go do and pretend to care about things he had no interest in. Got divorced and has never been happier
I may only be 24, but I simply have to disagree. Work can be hell to me sometimes, but working on relationships (romantic or otherwise) with someone who cares and I care for does not feel this way. It takes effort and is exhausting though, on that we agree. With the right person all that effort and exhaustion is worth it when hard work pays off.
Maybe you got lucky with your relationship and it doesn’t require that much work to maintain (not calling you a liar, but doubtful), if that’s the case then good for you but don’t think for a second that any relationship can “just be easy” without work from both parties unless it’s all coming from one side.
Happiness takes work. If you’re not the one doing the work, who is?
If you think having to work on your marriage is awful, you’re in the wrong job.
If I gotta score my marriage, I think it is possibly 1-2/10……
I’m here to tell you that your spouse doesn’t like you not putting effort into the marriage.
how long have you been in the second marriage? If it’s less than a decade your opinion is suspect.
I’m not understanding. You do ZERO effort? What’s the metric here?
I cannot disagree with this more.
“Work” can mean lots of things, but if you believe this, it tells me you don’t feel you need to put in any kind of effort.
Something or someone is getting left behind in this process.