Hi all, me and my girlfriend have been faced with this dilemma. We’ve only been dated two months and honestly we kind of rushed into everything. We had sex only one month in to the relationship and at first things were going ok, but after the third time we had sex she just stopped and sort of locked up on me. We haven’t done anything sexual since but it’s been eating away at her and she heavily values physical and sexual attraction and intimacy in a relationship.
She was in a previous relationship for two years and her ex was abusive towards her and I knew all this already but she assured me that she was over it and we still continued our relationship at the pace we were going.
Today she called me saying how we took things too fast, that she’s still healing from her ex, that she can’t get turned on by me, that she doesn’t want to break up, that she doesn’t want to seek out a therapist or a professional, and that she wants to “start over” but were too emotionally invested and along to be able to do that.
I’m simply in need of advice. I know our relationship is still new and can have space to grow but I’m at a loss at what to do. I think professional help might be the best shot at finding solutions, but she refuses. Any ideas, the both of us really want this to work?
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No sex. Is a dead relationship.
Leave her
She is still in love with her ex.
Also, when they say their last relationship was “abusive,” it mostly means things didn’t work out, and they refuse to take any accountability for their actions.
this is very common situation for men. When it comes to relationships women have an internal tug of war of biological impulse and logical reason. They logically want a nice comfortable guy but biological impulse has them attracted to biologically ideal partners due to hyerpgamy. At your age I would just move on to someone who cares about you. Also, at this age you should be working hard to maximize your masculinity so you can achieve the highest level of biological lust. Contrary to what you’ll probably hear on reddit…a relationship without biological love, is a relationship destined for failure. But society has taught women to choose men based on logic and not to ‘reduce someone to their physical’ but thats what human nature is whether it pisses people off or not. Best of luck to you brother.
i’ve been the 18F that is hooking up w men & flirting with men i don’t find attractive for attention because i wasn’t over my abusive ex. It’s easier for us to pick someone we don’t find attractive so we don’t get attached and don’t actually wanna settle down . She’s not trying to hurt u but it’s gonna happen. pull yourself out of the situation now, it’s just gonna worsen
I wouldn’t want to be with someone if they didn’t find me physically attractive. I think she’s not over her ex and jumped in too soon, but either way, I’d break up with her and try to move on.
It sounds like your girlfriend is in denial. An abusive ex warrants therapy, always. It’s really common for abuse victims to rush into intimacy and then need to pull back because it becomes overwhelming. Encourage her to go to therapy because how she’s acting is textbook abuse victim behaviour. I would also encourage you to be there as a friend and keep romance on hold. Healing from abuse is very complicated and what she needs is support. Being involved in something romantic will cause you both a lot of harm and likely hinder her healing process.
one of the most dangerous people you can ever be with is a person that doesn’t want to love you and doesn’t want to loose you.
That ain’t love its use,and when you run out of usefulness you get replaced.i’d tell you to just cut her off till she stands then you’ll get to know if indeed its the one for you.
dont end up on a youtube channel trynna find out if she cheating or not now… if she doesn’t feel* its right with you, you should leave before she finds someone who does and now she still doesn’t want to emotionally leave u, but keeps physically cheating w the other every week. thank you
Stop wasting your time here, bro.
You’re 20 but you’re talking like a 38 year old divorced dad of two.
This age should be the best time of your life with endless options and definitely not dealing with whatever this bullshit is that you posted about.
Sounds like you can be best friends
End it..