I’m 31f and am living with my partner, we’ve been together 3.5 years and have been living together a year. There’s a lot of love between us, he’s a beautiful person, but I’ve realised it’s time for me to leave. It’s mostly a knowing. I’ve changed a lot and the person I am now/am becoming isn’t aligned with him. There are more reasons but if I go into that my post will be super long.
I’ve spoken to some close female friends about my feelings to help me process it but I’ve not spoken to him yet. The reason I’ve not spoken to him is because the lease for our apartment ends the end of June and we live in a really expensive city where neither of us can afford to pay the rent alone. Up until recently, I was comfortable to stay in the relationship and just appreciate what we have and enjoy his company (as I said, there’s still a lot of love between us, he’s like my best friend) but it’s starting to feel way too painful. I was also a little uncertain before.. whereas now I trust that leaving is the right thing to do. I feel like I’m lying to him and it’s awful. It feels so wrong! I feel like I’ve betrayed him by talking to my friends but not him.
The reason I’ve not spoken to him about my feelings is because I know once I do, we’ll break up and I don’t know how we’ll navigate breaking up whilst sharing this apartment.
I have to live in the city for work but he works out of town near his parents house where he could stay (he has a great relationship with his parents.) I can’t and would never expect him to pay rent if he’s not living here but I can’t afford the rent myself.
I’m mentally exhausted because when we have a lovely time together I start thinking about staying and doubting my decision to leave. I’m so tired of going back and fourth and I’m not sure I can carry on till the end of June… now that I know I need to leave, staying is so painful, especially because I love him and he loves me. I feel stuck. Help. Thank you
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Leases can be broken, or you can find people to take over your lease. Start looking for apartments. I’m guessing you’ll need a roommate if you can’t afford your current apartment on your own. Talk to the girlfriends you’ve already spoken with and see if either of them know of any apartments or people who need roommates.
I’m best friends with my ex wife. we saw a couple’s therapist to help us through the divorce. we lived together 6 months (waiting for lease) and honestly it was the most fun we ever had in our 10 year marriage lol
Did you simply fall out of love? Has there been issues? Need more backstory for real advice
You cannot wait to have this conversation in June. It’s going to suck, it’s going to hurt, but you have to do this as soon as possible. Don’t leave him floating in space because you’re scared or want to continue splitting rent. You owe it to yourself, and to him, to be honest about how you’re feeling.
You should break up now since it sounds what you really want to do. Staying with him bc you can’t afford your apartment is cruel.
Figure out the finances. Either pony up the money to break the lease, or figure out your finances for you to afford the place for the next two months. Or maybe you can both live amicably for 2 months while broken up.
How many bedrooms? If budget is a problem, could you separate but stay in separate rooms until the lease ends? My friend asked for a divorce with 10 months left in her lease, they’re just doing separate bedrooms for now…. It does kinda suck though, they’re actively looking for other options.
Does either of you have a friend who could move in to split the rent? And/or a friend who would take you in?
You got to rip off the bandaid because the longer you wait, the meaner it’ll come off because you’re delaying their ability to also figure out their living situation.
If you treat it with care, I doubt they’ll leave you stranded to pay rent by yourself (or maybe they will but it is what it is). Staying with someone so they’ll help you pay rent is messed up though…
You need to have this conversation as soon as possible, to give you both time to look for a new apartment. Divide e furniture as fairly as possible. Discuss options regarding the lease and try to find a solution that works for both of you. If not, you might have to ride out the rest of the lease as exes who are roommates.