I (f50) went out with a really sweet guy (m47) last night. This was a second date, and I’ve noticed that throughout the date I am constantly having to high five him. Last night was at least 7 high fives. This is during regular conversations where he sees we agree on something.
I’m fine doing a high five now and again I guess? But seven?? Come on! So what’s the best way to say “I love your enthusiasm but I’m not a big high fiver.” Because I think that wouId hurt his feelings.
UPDATE: thanks everyone for the wonderful responses, this was really helpful!
Comments
You could just high five him? Is it hurting you? Clearly he thinks that whatever you’re talking about is cool enough to high five, that should mean something.
This sounds a little excessive, but I’m all about high fives as a bonding thing, even romantically. Maybe try to throw in a chest bump occasionally, switch it up.
I would demolish his feelings if it meant I didn’t have to do 7 high fives again.
Similar to people that use a million exclamation points!!!!!!
Offer the fist bump instead
Or just communicate directly about it
I think if you make a joke about it, like saying, “oh I’m all out of high fives for the day. Can we just fist bump instead? ” he might get the point.
When he puts his hand up for something that doesn’t deserve a high five you verbally say “I’m gunna leave you hanging on that one”
He might be too shy to make an actual move, even a simple one like reaching for your hand to hold it. So his way of connecting and initiating contact is to high five. Next time, grab his hand and hold it. You’ll probably feel his whole body blush.
Maybe do the up high down low too slow a couple of times to see if he gets the idea
This is honestly hilarious
This could be a Seinfeld episode lol.
Start calling him “The Todd” and ask if he’s seen Scrubs.
It’s his way of connecting.
Do you like him enough to go in for a hug instead next time?
I’m nervous because as a teacher I give out high-fives as a sorta reward and it’s built into a habit…
Maybe this is an awkward way of him looking to initiate some skin on skin contact with you?
Is your friend David Puddy?
Seinfeld rerun?
He is trying so hard to bond with you. I honestly think it’s kind of cute.
I have a 1-2 high five per year limit, and it’s got to be well-earned. I just make eye contact with a blank expression and say “I don’t do that”. If it’s a kid I’ll hold my hand out flat and say down low to avoid ruining their mood, but that’s definitely the intention for adults.
Watch this together
The Seinfeld episode featuring the high five is “The Dealership” (Season 9, Episode 11). In this episode, David Puddy, Elaine’s boyfriend, has become a car salesman and develops a habit of giving high-fives, which Jerry finds annoying. Jerry complains about it to Elaine, who then confronts Puddy, leading to their breakup.
god i wish we all got truly honest typed up after-action reports after every date, and perhaps a more in depth one after the end of a relationship. Can you even imagine reading “she thinks you’re cool, but recently went on reddit to figure out how to quell your excessive amount of high fives”
He’s trying to initiate some physical touch, but doesn’t want to seem pushy. You should feel lucky, a lot of guys kiss women’s hands.
Either initiate a different thpe of physical touch like handholding if you’re open to it or just remind him in a friendly way that you’re not a 13-year-old boy and enough is enough with the high fives and fist bumps.
Uuummm.. this is a Seinfeld episode. Is this for real happening to you?
If I were said guy, I’d appreciate and respect something like this most: “I love your enthusiasm but I’m not a big high fiver.” You can also follow up with a “down low” five and “too slow” to ease the tension if any.
“I’m saving all my high fives for motivating children playing t-ball”
I would just ask why? With a cute laugh? Cause I’d genuinely want to know.
Offer a fist bump the next time he goes for the high five.
Maybe he just wants a reason to touch you, tell him to just hold your hand instead or something
I got a buddy recently into high fives. Dishes them out like candy on Halloween. So awhile back we watched Hot Tub Time Machine( 1st one I think may have been the 2nd) and in it there is a scene where instead of physical high fives, they just say “high five”. The moment I saw this I was like this is the answer. Now every time my buddy goes in for a high five im like “high five”. He gets a lil upset every now and again, if it’s a deserved high five I’ll give it to him. I think this is the solution to your problem!
My wife and I fist pump on occasions.
I also fist pump on occasions my wife isn’t around.
“Dude, stop!”
It’s his way of having physical contact with you without you feeling uncomfortable
Poor guy, I bet it’s a nerves thing. He’s trying to establish a connection and make it a good time but he’s overdoing it.
I’m sorry but I can’t stop thinking about after having sex you turn to him and say “was it as good for you as it was for me?” And instead of answering he just has a hand up ready to receive a high-five
Have sex with him. If he high fives you afterwards then it’s not saveable. If he doesn’t then you can talk him down from the rest of the time.
Worst case scenario is you both get laid.
47m – LOL, I would take that as a Red Flag warning and wouldn’t bother if I were you.
Is he a fan of The Sims? Spamming high fives for those sweet ++
Sounds like a nervous high five, and probably surprised he’s got so much in common with you. Maybe they’ll stop when he relaxes a bit more around you.
Is the high five a swinging stinging “whap!” does he take a run up? Or is it a gentle touching of palms. I’d take the latter to be more about early initiation of comfortable contact.
If it’s the latter then I’d expect further dates to move past it. Especially if it’s done with some irony. If it’s the former then you can just politely say “Hey, I’m not really big on the high fives.” Or “Ok, one last high five but I’m not a fan of the high fives.” Or make a joke of it that you’re limiting him to two high fives per date so he needs to pick the most high fivest of high five moments to high five (if you want to be cute about it.)
At 47 he should take any of that in his stride. It’s not like you’re tearing him down.
HIGH FIVE HIM EVEN HARDER AND EVEN MORE to assert your dominance of the hand.
Boom, power move!
Are you dating puddy?
It sounds like my homie has been out of the game for a minute and is super nervous still 😂
Try you making your own move to diversify it and break the ice a bit. It seems like his brain does that thing when we are with an attractive person it goes mushy and all he’s got is the high five thing so give him something else to focus on you know?
Really tho if this is just him and that many high fives is just legit this dudes thing that’s ok to not let that continue cause that’s absolutely exhausting
Lol maybe do a couple elbow jabs? Or hugs. He’s probably uncomfortable in the moment he does these high fives, but likes that you’re agreeing on things..Just my guess. I wouldn’t be able to keep high fivin’.
You can beat him to the high five, if you initiate a couple of high fives first and or match his high five energy he might be less compelled to throw out the high five.
You were on a date with the Todd.
Turn it into a “hand hug”. Build from there.
He’s definitely going to high five in bed, report back thanks.
Are you dating Putty?
Tell him you recently came down with germiphobia.
Hahaha what the fuck. I am picturing it now. Love at 19th high five. Aww.
He just needs you to get accustomed to his touch somehow. Maybe suggest some variance, low five, high five, handshakes, shoulder claps.
In all seriousness: Every gesture overly done can get on people’s nerves, I guess the dude just likes to connect and solidify rapport with a touch,..
But if you tell him kindly to use other gestures, so you guys do not end up entering the Guinness World Records for most high fives by accident
…And he still persists without fail I’d dump his ass real fast.
😂😂
Just say, “Calm down, Borat.”
Try this. The Rise and Fall.
Just say hay just so you know I’m not a big fan of high 5s .
Start playing the cupcheck game. He won’t lift his hands above his waist ever again.
Communication is key to any relationship.
Pat him on the shoulder instead
Tell him you don’t want the Hi V
Just tell him.
Does he work as a mechanic and wear an 8ball jacket? Cause….i think I know that guy
I’d try to just mask it with a joke, tell him you’ve got strict high five metrics to meet so you have to reserve them for only the most kino of situations so he will have to settle for some enthusiastic fist bumps.
Turn his high five into a turkey.
Is it wrong for me to hope this relationship works out?
It sounds like he’s excited to find out things you have in common/agree on. I can definitely see how it can be annoying, and imagine you fall in love and have a future together… Is he gonna be high fiving when you’re 80?
Either you leave him hanging, or you explain to him that you feel the constant high fives are excessive.
If y’all haven’t had sex yet I’d say he’s trying to find a different way to break the touch barrier.
Maybe he’s Barney
Jerry she wouldn’t stop with the high-fives
Be firm and direct.
Next time he goes for a high five, just pat him on his butt and say ‘attaboy!’
Unexpected Seinfeld?
This is so hilarious lmao. Tell him kindly that you like him and everything but you find it a bit strange that he high 5s so much. Maybe try to convert him to mini shoulder hugs for enthusiasm
The Todd?
Anxiety. If you like him, help to bring it down for him
“Down low… woop …too slow”
From experience you tell a guy something is cute and they stop doing it. So maybe…
You’re dating David Puddy? 😆
I hope this man finds a woman who is also a voracious high five giver.
Was his name Puddy?
https://youtu.be/LxQir5rAAes?si=EFJ0x2pQRmUdhTKF
“Too slow” him and rub your hand through your hair. When he goes for one.
Sounds like a Seinfeld sub-plot
You don’t
Didnt read a single reply but I s I spect he was just over-anxious. He’ll likely settle down.
Ball check with each high five
As Jerry Seinfeld says: Slapping hands is the lowest form of male primate ritual. In fact, even some of them have moved on – they’re using sign language now.
What’s worse, possibly hurting his feelings, or the high five king going another 40 years thinking that’s a cool and normal amount of high fives and alienating everyone around him?
Just say “I like being with you but it’s way too many high fives ok”. If that’s a upsetting for a 50 year old man then he’s the problem and can go high five himself.
“I just dont like high fives”
Really? I’ve not done that in years, perhaps at most once in a decade? 😀
Throw in an unauthorized pickle tickle, that’ll stop it.
He doesn’t know how he should deal with positive emotions around you yet and is probably nervous as all hell.
hit him with the “down low, too slow” move
You gotta balance it put with a sack tap next time and he’ll start keeping his hands down
Introduce the idea of dapping up ofc
Just pull him to the side and tell him 1 on 1 “Hey, I think you’re overdoing it with too many high fives”
High fives are for kids. Tell him so.
Instantly thought of Danny McBride in Hot Rod
Just leave the hand hanging there in the air and give him that “you are an idiot” look.
Watch the Borat movie with him. Tell him how annoying it is when Borat keeps saying “high five”.
Is he trolling? This sounds like a Sinfield episode.
so six is the limit
Go to a restaurant like Montana’s or something where you can write on a table cloth and just casually start making a mark every time he high fives you.
Are they Autistic? Because if so, this could explain a lot.
P.S.
I’m ASD 3, and my question is based on objective data. Not discriminating of any kind.
This sounds like a Seinfeld episode