Have you ever avoided a woman you were attracted to, even though you knew she liked you too? If so, why?
If you’ve ever avoided a woman you were attracted to, why was that?
r/AskMen
Have you ever avoided a woman you were attracted to, even though you knew she liked you too? If so, why?
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Their posts online were out of my tax bracket
Depression’s a hell of a thing.
I had no idea how to be intimate or where I’d even begin lmao
She was (is) genuinely insane and not in the fun way. At a certain point you can’t ignore the red flags and have the sense to just stay away.
Absolute 10/10 though.
Yes, as much as I possibly can. Plenty of reasons: depression, anxiety, extreme insecurity, low self esteem and body issues, as well as not wanting to be seen as a creep – I do my best to avoid interacting with anyone I find attractive; the few times women showed interest in me (as well as the one time a guy did – worth noting that I’m bi, just for context) I have pretty much excused myself from the conversation somehow, left the room and pretty much never spoke to them again – in some cases, doing everything but literally running to get away. Fun times.
Mostly because I fear that I’ve misread the signs and she’s not actually interested in me, and my advances would be perceived as creepy. I know it’s a fear of rejection that keeps from potential experiencing happiness, and I’m working on it, but it’s scary, man.
I can’t afford it.
My wife objected.
I’ve done this for a plethora of reasons.
-they didn’t seem genuine in their intent
-She’s a coworker or in a space I don’t want to be messed up – Gym/Work/Hobby Club
-A friend of mine liked her
-She didn’t seem stable
-I felt like she wanted something I didn’t want to offer – could be FWB, Could be LTR depending on where I was in life
-I felt like her lifestyle posed a risk to mine
I don’t really like casual sex and I’m pretty disciplined and like stability and predictability in my life. If someone poses a notable risk to that I pretty much just dump the idea of anything altogether. For this reason, I never date at work, almost never date at my gym, and rarely date women at my hockey rink or dance classes.
For me knowing I can go into those spaces with no stress and truly unwind is worth more than the potential romance or other benefits I could get from pursuing a non-platonic relationship in those settings.
The other thing is Im pretty skilled, empathetic, and reliable so Id often get people asking me for help or to hangout in some capacity. If these people do a lot of drugs or lead a more fast and loose lifestyle I tend to put some distance in between us.
Hope this helps!
Had several high school classmates who had strong mutual attractions with me and it never went anywhere because my home life was so fucking weird. My dad was allowed to police my activities and not my sisters, and he was a true blue fundie freak at the time. Dude didn’t want me playing Zelda because Zelda had magic in it and magic was of the devil. LOL.
My cat objected 👎
She was gorgeous but was after access to my contacts and I hit her with a question that exposed her.
Because of the very fact it wasn’t mutual. Wasn’t any point in wasting my time LOL
Nuts. And not in the fun way.
You can be attracted to people who are actively bad for you.
She dated a friendish of mine. When I pursued her after their breakup he told me he ended it because was insistent on him sucking or getting sucked by other men. Thanks for the heads up, pal.
I knew she liked me too. But I also knew her dad had his shotgun in his hands and his eyes locked on me as if they were spitting fires
That was a long time ago, but the reason was: she was married. I didn’t care if she was in a happy marriage or not, I just stayed out of the way.
I met my absolute 10/10
We hit it off personality wise and I thought she was a smoke show.
Then her period came and she had no right treating me as awfully as she did. I get they suck and I was nothing but supportive, I communicated to her that id do anything she needed or leave her alone if she needed space.
She wanted me to be around so she could give me the cold shoulder and snap at me for existing wherever I sat.
I ran for the hills.
I already have more than enough problems in life.
They were already taken. And them also being my classmate didn’t help… Seeing them around everyday like that was tough
She was beautiful and into me but she was acting in a way that was far from comfortable to me
I finally saw what her ex was saying. I ran and didn’t look back. Just let her know “that story’s over on my side, thanks and hopefully we’ll never see again.” Luckily still had my own apartment, luckily she wasn’t able to go for that few day “holiday” we were going to go. Luckily went by myself and finally saw what it was that made me miserable. It’s funny now after few years to think how greatly she played her part, how little by little she reeled me in and how good she was hiding her narsisistic traits.
0/10 wouldn’t recommend to anyone.
Not really avoiding, just not trying to get closer because I knew I didn’t have a chance.
I’d already talked through the whole conversation and awkward rejection in my head and shyness took over
They treated me like crap, gaslit me into thinking I was the problem, and then would come complaining to me when someone treated them like they treated me. At that point, I realized what I meant to them (nothing) and just stopped trying.
Too ugly, I know the answer before I even have to ask lol
Yes. Fear of rejection.
Am I happy about it? Yes. It brought me to my wife and I’m the happiest guy I know.
Low confidence, introvert, skinny, money, career, responsibilities and many more 🙃
Out of my league is a real thing. Or timing was off.
She had a happy relationship with a guy that was good for her, while I was not very good for her. I had a self harm problem and was going to therapy for it as well as battling depression.
At least I can say now two years later I won all my fights and am happily married (to someone else)
Yes, I’m currently hiding in the bathroom avoiding my wife who wants to go furniture shopping.
What do you do when the bride who took your breath away becomes the wife who makes you hold your breath in terror?
~Jacob Snell
Wvery time this has happened to me they’ve always had a boyfriend or husband!
I was married and wanted to get divorced with a clean conscience. My ex-wife had cheated on me several times by that point, and was insisting we have an open relationship. So I think I had some justification in pursuing a relationship with this other woman. But I knew I could not feel good about myself if I did not wait until after we got divorced.
But damn…I really liked that other woman, and she was in to me (unless I REALLY misread her offer to come to my hotel room to give me a massage).
Because I love my wife and I don’t put myself in those kind of situations.
All the time. In my experience, girls are attracted to the person they think I am, not the actual, real me.
Eventually they realise and check out. Every time.
I am not trying to be fake when I’m working(that’s where I meet a lot of young single girls), I just try to stay professional and polite and I guess it makes me look different than my usual self.
It’s better to avoid that emotional and financial investment into something that will end up hurting me in the end after I start liking her more and more. It’s calmer and simpler that way. I’ve gone through this too many times to believe that “next time” will be any different.
I had nothing to offer her and knew she was better off with anyone else.
Horrible character, didn’t know what she wanted, she wasn’t “ready” for a relationship but was happy to keep letting me pay for dinner and drink dates and do a fwb situation. Nah.
Nervous, I said to myself out of my league and thank god i said that she’s been into 7 relationships from then, none worked and now dis arrange marriage and she duped her last bf saying dad won’t agree. 🙄🙏
I have no idea if she liked me, but I did have a crush on this girl once. At first I usually just saw her from a bit of a distance. First time I managed to sit next to her, my crush was instantly gone. Not because she wasn’t pretty, but just due to the super strong smell of cigarettes. I don’t smoke, so that smell just filled up my nostrils. I think she smoked so much that it became part of her bodily odor 😬
because she was in bed with my friend
She indirectly begged for money
I’ve had a Cluster B woman get focused on me a couple times. I stayed the hell away from them, even though they were cute. I don’t need that kind of misery.
Had a good friend end up in a psych ward for a few months after dating a BPD woman for 18 months. Hard pass on that shit.
She was hot, popular and outgoing, which was not me at the time. Had to just not bother, even though she gave me every chance.
Was hanging with her for little while. Then one day while we were having sex, she said “punch me”.
I was like “huh?”
“Punch me”
So I lightly kind of hit her thigh and laughed a little. I thought she was kidding.
“No. In my face”
I was really confused. So I lightly slapped her face.
“No. Fucking punch me for real. Hard”
Well. Needles to say I did not punch her and that was the last time we hung out. I found out later she had been smoking painkillers before coming to my house. I had no idea. She seemed like a totally normal girl. I mean, nobody would ever know by looking at her on the street.
I knew we wouldn’t be a match, different lifestyles.
I don’t think I’m worthy of actually being in a relationship. I’ve had a hair amount of girls come up to me and I’ve always told them I have a gf (never had one) but once I get my money up then I’ll open up.
I was 8 years old at the time and the culture (Hong kong) was that young people should not date and fall in love. She was my best friend before this. I emigrated since then and never had the chance to even say goodbye… I might be retarded because I still miss her 8 years from now
There’s a strong possibility that it won’t end well.
There’s a strong fear of things going well.
When you’ve dealt with enough relationships going south, the magical feeling is gone. It just becomes “oh, she’s gorgeous and would probably be an amazing girlfriend. Who cares though.”
I was intimidated…I didn’t know what to do, just came out of highschool only used to girls not liking me so it was a new for me.
I think I was scared. And very shy. I was young, the attraction between us was so powerful and so real. It was the first time I didn’t have to just long for her and admire from afar. So when she revealed her feelings with a love note on Valentine’s Day, I panicked and didn’t know what to do. It was completely the wrong reaction and I know I made her feel unwanted and awkward. I made her feel like she put herself out there and I didn’t feel the same. I would still see her but I wouldn’t say a word. I blew it epically.
Oh yea big time. My I.Q would drop 30 points any time I got near this girl. It went on like that for a year. Then one day I go to answer my door and there she was looking mad as hell. Of course I stumble over my words just trying to say “hey”. She started ranting that I was bogus af for making her feel out of place and wanted to know what my problem was. I just stood there like a fucking idiot. Im not kidding you we stood like that for a solid 30 seconds. She crossed her arms as to say im waiting. So I spilled the beans. We dated for 2 years until she went to the navy and then moved to Italy.
Fear of rejection.
Too demanding in too less time
I worked at the same duty station as her older brother.
I met her through him, if indirectly. He gave me and a buddy a ride off base in his car. He had to swing by his house to pick up his sister before dropping me and my buddy at our destination.
That’s how she and I first met.
She liked me enough in that brief encounter that she wanted to take me out on a date.
She, being a fully adult woman, was happy to have paid for the entire evening.
The problem:
Her brother outranked me and was a bit of a prick.
To add a greater context to the problem…
It happened to be that his family home was located just a few blocks outside of the base.
He joined the Navy to see the world, and the world he got to see was located about a 30-minute leisurely walk to the north of his mom’s house.
So…
Thinking ahead…
How would it work out if she and I became a thing for a few weeks (or months (or years))?
Would I seriously manage to go to his house after knock off each day? Commuting with him? Spending the night? Fucking his little sister? Then ride back to the ship in the morning. All with no blowback on my military career?
Not hardly.
She and I went on that date. A very successful and enjoyable date.
A few days later, he inquired on his sisters behalf as to what my intentions were.
He said: “She comes on real strong, so I understand if you’re not interested.”
In those words, I saw my out.
It wasn’t her I wanted to free myself from, but him.
The dude totally cockblocked his little sister.
A shame, really.
She was a very intelligent, cute, spunky little redhead with huge tits who was totally into me.
Sad to have to throw her back after catching her.
All the time. Constantly avoid women I’m attracted to. They scare / intimidate me.
Yes because I will convince myself she doesn’t actually like me even if she asked me questions like “Do you currently like anyone?” Or “What’s your type of woman?” And similar questions.
Not sure how to put it any other way
This one girl she used to do the weather for our local news and then she went off and became a fashion model out in LA and Miami
We met through a couple of friends just the thing is we are both someone “recognized” or “known” people because of our jobs
I felt like we wouldn’t be able to have a real moment to ourselves since when we were together we were always around friends and our friends are just attention demanding so we never really get to hang out just us
We’ve talked for a while and she’s taken me to a few parties but we can’t just talk without everyone coming between us
Realistically she’s out of my league but she says I’m attractive and that she’s glad to see me when I’m around but with our jobs being too busy and we travel a lot I don’t think it would even work
Because I’m married and she seemed like “trouble.” As in, we had a lot of chemistry, and I could see things getting complicated.
Just didn’t think we were compatible. She has high drama friends and stays out drinking late and I don’t.
Too expensive
Yes, she was Not Emotionally intelligent.
Because I wasn’t in a position to be in a relationship at the time. I didn’t want to lead her on. I also felt that I would be overwhelmed.
Not knowing if she liked me or not and being too shy/nervous to approach
it would be more appropriate for me to date her mum.
Quite a few had online activity that was inundated with selfies and boastful shit. Dating a narcissist presenting as “living their best life” is not how I’d spend my time. No amount of hotness would lure me into that type of hell hole relationship.
I was married.
Yeah sometimes attraction isn’t enough, timing, self doubt or just not being ready can make you walk away from something real.
She was an extrovert and I am absolutely not
Many reasons: didn’t think that I was good looking enough, didn’t think that I was emotionally intelligent, didn’t think I had enough money, she also works 3 doors away from my shop, so I’d have to see her every day, I’m depressed, etc.
I’m in a relationship
Socially awks
Whatever they want; I don’t got.
If I knew she liked me too and I was attracted to her?
The only reason in that scenario would be if I was in a bad mood or going through something negative and I didn’t want it to negatively impact her or for her to see me at a low point
Sheer terror
Feeling of vulnerability if she found out. If low self esteem is a factor one can imagine she wouldn’t be interested anyhow so you stay in your shell so to speak.
I am attracted to women who smoke and swear. Tattoos are also high on my radar. When I was snow birding in Mexico last year I avoided someone because I was initially interested in someone else.. I so regret that descion.. I chose the nice girl. Didn’t work… I’ve have a new saying now.. Don’t waste a nice girl on me-!!
The easy (and probably pretty universal) answer here is “because I assumed she was out of my league,” which has definitely been true for me in some cases.
I also had a four-year self-imposed dry spell and a crippling fear of intimacy after a bad breakup. “Avoiding women I was attracted to” was pretty much my default setting during that period.
Trauma related anxiety.
If I’m attracted to her then she’s out of my league which mess I have zero chances anyway.
I was not worthy of her.
I really can’t focus and it’s dead week. My university did this thing where before exams we had a week to study or catch up on missed assignments. If i saw her coming i would run away becuase i really couldn’t have that right then
One of my friends has a beautiful daughter just out of college that I know likes me, but some lines shouldn’t be crossed. So, I avoid her.
I had a big dumb crush on one of my friends for a couple years, but I never told her because I felt like I had a lot of work on myself to do before I was the guy she deserved. While waiting for some undefined metric I met someone else who was honestly so awesome and kinda perfect for me. Trouble with that is I thought if we got together I’d never get a chance with the first one, so I didn’t pursue her enough and lost her interest. A few months later I came clean to my friend in hopes of starting a relationship, but was turned down. In that time the 2nd one started a new relationship she’s still in. So I lost the chance at someone amazing because I was still hung up on my friend who I never had a chance with anyway. I played myself and I’ve regretted it ever since.
terrified of offending her 🤷🏽♀️
I make an effort to not shit where I eat so I’ve always kept co-workers at a certain distance barring a few indiscretions here and there.
Drama
I thought it was impossible for any woman to ever like me back.
Usually I avoid someone I’m attracted to because if we happen to have a good interaction, I’m usually extremely afraid that I’m misreading everything, and would rather they nothing me than think I’m a creep. Most of my coworkers are women so having professional boundaries is a necessity.
Co worker and her lifestyle was very different. She was 100% feeling me too I needed that job lmao.
To save her the disappointment
Mostly cause women don’t want us to approach them, so I’m just not doing that. That and I’m an extremely socially anxious man so that doesn’t help either.
I worked with her.
She was married to someone else
She was married to me.
I did it so that I wouldn’t look so easy, because if I show them too much, they get bored.
I never go backwards. I had a highschool crush,
Life just moved on by.
She was an avoidant.
thought she is a good person and i was just looking for one night stands after a breakup
She was like a warm ray of sunshine burning my skin!
She was binge-drinker with many mental issues.
I didn’t feel like it would work out, and me feelings were too unhealthy, and likely one sided.
Our environments simply did not mix.
She’s either borderline, narcissistic, or histrionic. But I’m not sticking around to find out.
One is a coworker. And is in a relationship.
One lives so far away and we’re great friends. I don’t want to ruin the friendship and the long distance wouldn’t work anyway.
One is my ex. I’ve given her 3 chances, my head finally overrid my body at the fourth time.
One had a boyfriend at the time and something felt off. Like too good to be true. A month later, we did get sexual. Fast forward half a year and oh boy, should I have listened to my intuition.
I don’t like rejection! You can’t get rejected if you don’t try, but you also can’t get the girl.. I guess it’s a win/lose situation
she look like she in love with the money
That’s all I’ve been doing my entire life.
What if she talked to me and I didn’t know how to respond?
Don’t have a fucking chance in the world
She didn’t like me back until she found out her new (cute) roommates liked me. Then she was all over me, and tried to make me jealous by dating some other random dude who she ended up breaking up with after a few weeks. Turned me completely off.
I was married. Still am.
I was nervous even though I knew she was interested. It still scared me for some reason. I wasn’t a smart man at that time.
Because she wasn’t attracted to me. Why should I torture myself.
I’ve always done that not because of anything wrong but rather I just find it hard imagining myself with someone.
One or both of us weren’t available. But it’s rare that I’m so confident she’s attracted to me. Women are too subtle.
I just knew I wasn’t where I wanted to be in life and I couldn’t give her my all
Depression anxiety, I had a feeling it wouldn’t work out. Either because I’m flawed, couldn’t meet them at their lifestyle or something seemed off or there was a red flag.
I’ve been better about just trying it and seeing where it goes while being guarded and I’ve had mixed outcomes with that.
Right now my main focus is my career and my education. I have a tendency to make the women I date the center of my universe and it would mess me up in where I’m trying to work towards.
Also, I am just plain not in a good head space right now. To put it bluntly, I’m a mess and I didn’t want her to get closer and then get overwhelmed by all the mental illness I keep a lid on.
Usually her bf. I seemed to attract a type: in a relationship.
She suddenly started going on about being gender fluid, sexually fluid and older men having nudes of her that they could make “art”. Fuck aaaalllllll of that.
Typically because I’m not in a position where it can or should be acted on and I’d rather not deal with the awkwardness.
Because I was in a relationship that I valued, and the behavior was becoming inappropriate.
Im me. And im a person thats been fucked over for years, why would someone want to fuck with that?
I was married.
She liked having sex,like a lot.live in a small town and everyone knew that this girl would have sex with anyone anytime. She ended up getting aids and died a few years later. every guy that had sex with her freaked. After her most girls wouldn’t have sex until the guy tested negative for stds. One of my good friends died with it because he had sex with her at least twice a week.
She was married and/or we worked together.
She looked like she was uncomfortable just being in a room with me.
She looked like Lindsay Lohan. Had freckles. Loved her but couldn’t tell her.
I realized she was bat shit crazy and I’ve been with enough bat shit crazy to know where it would lead if I kept pursuing
Mismatch outside of physical attraction
Because I’m married, buddy. You don’t go to the buffet when you know you’re gonna eat at home.
1: I don’t want to hurt them
2: I don’t want to be hurt
I was 16 and she was 29. And another when I was 18 and she was 40+
Restraining order?
😛
There’s only been one in my life where I’ve done this. It’s a girl I still work with. She’s angelically beautiful and I’ve never experienced being so nervous around someone before. I’ve even been with very attractive women, but something about her, I don’t know. I can’t seem to control the nervousness and I’ve racked my brain for why that reaction is happening. I think I don’t feel worthy of her kind of beauty and put her up on a pedestal. The super good looking girls I’ve dated have been full of issues that make them seem accessible to me or they present themselves as “hot.” This girl is beautiful; like the kind of beautiful that makes you want to be a better man or a warrior or something. And there’s something different about that. That is the exact kind of wholesome attraction I want to feel and at the same time feel not up to standard with. When she’s around I freeze, and because I don’t want to make her feel awkward or be humiliated acting like a nervous wreck, I just avoid her whenever possible.
I would get too nervous and overthink. Better to avoid spilling my spaghetti
Found out she has a boyfriend. Shame, but I won’t ruin relationships since I was at another end of that situation once