So me 26M and my girlfriend 23F of six months have bern working together for about two years. The night we agreed to have our first date, she went home with another coworker of ours. This doesen’t really bother me because we weren’t dating at all at the time, and she is free to do whatever she wants when she is single.
Fast forward a few months. We were out having drinks with a few friends when she brought it up while laughing that she was texting me about going on a first date at the same time she was having sex with this guy.
It really botherd me then, but I just moved past it and just took it as her being too drunk. I thought the feeling would pass eventually, but I’ve found myself being reminded about the joke everytime I see the coworker she slept with and it’s relly gotten under my skin.
I have told her how I feel, but there isn’t relly anything she could do about it now, and she really regrets it. I really love this girl and i just want to find a way to deal with these emotions. So is there anyone that has been though a situation like this? Is there any tips on how to start letting go of the thought? As I am really scared this will end up with me pushibg her away.
Tl;dr: My girlfriend laughed about having sex with a coworker of ours while she was texting me the night we met
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It’s a pretty crappy thing to say, even when drunk. I’m not surprised you’re hurt by it. Confront her and see what she says.
The reason she laughed is because she didn’t consider you an equal then.
She might regret it now, but she entered a relationship with you under false pretense of being interested, while in reality she considered you an option rather than being genuinely interested.
Absolutely horrendous. I wouldn’t tolerate this. In case you didn’t catch on (which I am sure you did) she wanted to be with the co-worker but for whatever reason that didn’t work out so she’s dating you. Now that would be fine if she didn’t actively “joke” about it. That displays her arrogance and the fact that she doesn’t care about you.
Just get over it, why is everyone so soft now a days. You are the one fucking her now.
How would she feel if you were trying to date her and hooked up with her coworker? Exactly. She was free to do whatever when she was single but the fact that she mentioned it, shows how little she cares about how you feel. You could let it go and move on. But you’re stuck on it, so it’s up to you.
Just do your best to move past it, but I’d be on guard. Especially if ever hangs around that co-worker. I honestly dont see it working because that a really shitty foundation for a relationship. You can still give it a shot i guess, just set boundaries for yourself and dont let her walk all over you.
How to start letting go of the thought can look different for everyone.
Some talk it out and get it off their chest.
Some just think through it bluntly and let it play until it’s done and feelings fade.
Some may need help from a professional or a trusted person.
Some may just take a while to get over the hurt.
I’d honestly say it’s probably just too fresh right now and you’re going through the emotions, having triggers like seeing that coworker won’t help either.
Furthermore that would honestly be a really crappy thing to say to a partner or in front of a partner no matter what state of mind they are in. She may regret it and I hope she sincerely apologizes, I don’t blame you for being hurt and something like this could just take its time. Don’t stew on the thoughts as much as you can and I know this is the hard part but doing so will just cause you more grief than anything else. Think of the positive side of things if you truly want to get past this.
Like how your girlfriend makes you feel now. The good things of the relationship. Who she chooses now.
It’s one thing to not care what she did prior to you guys dating, it’s another to be hurt by lack of consideration during a time of connection.
Wishing you the best Op.
This definitely sucks but she’s young and immature still- she’s processing it like wow and now we’re dating! She was in the beginning of understanding her feelings for you, dating around, and chose to be with you.
She disrespected you and there is no going back. Once someone, a woman or man that you love disrespect you, especially in public in front of friends or other people, love does not matter anymore. Being drunk is also no excuse to behave this way…and i am certain she does not regret it.
A person that really loves you and is in love with you will never put you in this position and disrespect you. What she said and done will always be stuck in your head and if you have to see this coworker also often, then it is definitely a deal breaker. Plus you do not even know what she does or says to this coworker behind your back.
I would move on, as you are young and deserve someone who can respect you much more than this girl.
You still see this guy? How? Do you work with him too? Get a new job or get rid of the girl. She sounds trashy,
We live in a sick society.
Young people can be awkwardly disrespectful at times and you guys are young and figuring it out, if you love her and forgive her then push forward. If you’re gonna hold this over her or if she gonna continue disrespecting you then maybe you guys should reconsider this since you guys work with each other and it will spill into the workplace. I’m 8 years older than you but I’ve noticed Gen Z is more lax about being Eskimo bros and handle that dynamic way better than any previous generation.
I understand that you’re hurt. But you have a choice here. You have control of your thoughts and your mind and you either have to forgive her or you leave the relationship there.your two options. You can’t hold onto shit because it ends up making you resent people and resentment makes you bitter and resentment cause a relationship to fail very quickly.
If you were officially together at the time different story but you weren’t and yes her words were hurtful and it does sound like she regrets it because that’s what you said in the post, so I will say it again. You have a choice. I’ve been in a relationship for 25 years and I’m very happy, but you cannot hold on to sine if the shit that happens in a relationship especially your scenario, my advice would be very very different if you were in a committed relationship but you weren’t at the time. u have to communicate about it And come to an agreement a compromise and forgiveness depending on the circumstances, these things can really save relationships you might not feel like this is that small but sometimes you have to not sweat the small stuff? She’s also very young. 23. She’s a baby learning about life so as long as she is showing remorse and is understanding that you’ve been hurt by this and if she’s taking accountability for saying that then I think forgiveness should be given if she’s not taking accountability for what she said and seems spiteful then I would be thinking does she really care about me?
You’re not wrong to feel jealous considering the way she presented this information to you. It seems like this is the kind of sentence you’d say to someone to put them down. It’s fine for a partner to have a past but the way she did it raises some suspicion. Of course you can’t tell something based off one action but personally if she says something that sounds like she’s belittling you for a second time, it’s a pattern and it is intentional. It has nothing to do with who you are as a person and nothing to do with your value, all you can do is trust her until she says/does something suspicious
Go out and find your person.
Wait, you’re WITH THIS PERSON??
Well you fucked up OP. You either live with it or leave but I’m amazed you stuck with a person who laughed in your face about going on a date with you and fucking somebody you both know immediately afterwards. That’s fucking disgusting bro. Have some self respect, JFC. That’s the type of shit that will never go away because it shows you a terrifying element of their true character- you still see the guy she fucked regularly and her words and the reality she caused with them will never fade. It was a selfish and cruel thing to do. Period.
The fact that she laughed? She found it amusing stringing you along whilst she was having sex with this other person.
And don’t give her the excuse of being drunk when she behaved that way. Drink often brings out a person’s honest thoughts and behaviour.
She has zero respect for you, and is not someone who you should trust or consider suitable for a long term relationship.
She’s a major red flag and a prime contender for cheating on you in the future (if she hasn’t already). Is she still in contact with this co worker of hers?
Sounds like its time for a new job and a new girlfriend. Good luck on your next relationship.
Fuck that
there’s nothing funny about embarrassing ur partner. when will ppl get this into their dumb heads? it happened and it passed, why did she openly revisit it so casually? what a b**ch
Updateme
Wow. Just wow. So instead of you she goes with the coworker. Then pretty much mocks you when she refers to it. Sounds like you need to find someone who actually respects you.
My first step would be telling the gf this is not a joking matter and honestly shouldn’t be being brought up by her at all. Situation was in the past and like you’ve said you’ve moved on – it needs to be left there as well.
Have you talked to her about HER feelings towards this coworker? Why she perused him? What she was looking for? Etc. that may put your mind at ease if she says it was a drunk/easy opportunity to get her itch scratched.
Y’all are young, but she’s choosing to be and stay in a relationship with you. You gotta trust that (until she gives more of a reason not to)
The fact that it happened is not as concerning as her joking/bragging about it.
100% depends on the context of your friendship, and her relationship with this coworker, but this sounds an awful lot like you were the backup plan if the first guy didnt work out. And she let that slip.
To each their own, but if i was in your situation id confront her again, and break it off. Ive been the plan B guy before, and itll probably stir up issues again in the future. Planning a new date while in the middle of another one should be your first red flag.
No respect. End it
Saddest thing I’ve read in a long time hopefully it’s fake
Thats trashy af. No way im dealing with this.
That’s so trashy. I get you’ve already sunk 6 months with her, but if it were me, I’d cut ties and count my losses. She’s already shown you that she’s not the type of partner you’d want to spend life with.
you are the latest back up plan she will date anyone
If it bothered you then that was a sign to not be desperate and settle for someone who wasn’t interested in you.
Yeeears later is way entirely too late to bring it up again…. please break up.
Then go get into therapy for your own health to develop self awareness and how to express your feelings and understand what it id about your psyche thst tolerated such fuckery.
C’mon, you can do better than her.
I would not care about this.
That’s pure NARC behaviour, she has devalued and showed what your worth is to her, move on and find a women that respects you!
You should dump her now. Like immediately. She doesn’t respect you at all. There is nothing for you to get over. You are right to feel the way you do.
Can’t turn a wh…well I’m sure you know the saying
Obviously I don’t know all the details but to me, if she’s texting and setting up a date with another guy DURING sex, she wasn’t having a good time. And obviously she ended up with you and stayed with you. Sounds like she was laughing at the other guy
I am sure that co-worker laughs his nuts off too thinking about bagging your girlfriend right before you guys started dating.
Is she stupid?
She’s a village bike, she doesn’t regret it, just regrets being stupid about bragging about it.
Six months is an appropriate amount of time to learn what kind of person you are with, whether you are compatible, and if you want to continue the relationship.
Dude she not only disrespected tf out of you, she punked you in front of all your friends. You also still work with the guy?
Damn.