Hi I M28 have been with my girlfriend F27 for around a year now, the summary is that she is a lot more social than I am and now I’m worried about if this will become a bigger deal in the future.
For example she usually wants to meet up with friends every weekend, but I’m more of a older soul. I like yo start my mornings slow, with some coffee and then maybe go for a run. Watch a movie and then cook. But for her it’s more of going to a concert or meeting up with a bunch of friends for drinks and she suggests we do this every chance we get. But i like my alone time after a long week at work. I’m not opposed to it but I’m worried this will become an issue later on in the relationship where I won’t be able to keep up or where she will feel held back. Anybody who has gone through the same thing? What should I do?
Comments
You’re burning out trying to keep up. Set boundaries now or lose yourself later. She can be social without dragging you into every plan.
She doesn’t need to drag you with her everywhere she goes. You can have your alone time at home, and she can go out with her friends. Isn’t that how a relationship is supposed to be? Respecting each other’s wishes and giving each other space?
I’m totally like that, I like having my alone time after a busy week. But at the same time, I completely understand that everyone is wired differently.
So either sit down and help her understand that, or go your separate ways. It’ll be easier to move on now than later.
why don’t you talk to her about only going every couple times? she can still go have fun while you recharge back home
You can do both. Let her see her friends alone.
You can each do your own thing.
The problem would only come if you want her to stay home or she wants you to go out with her. That’s where the resentment starts.
She can go out with her friends. You can stay home and do what you like.
It can become a problem.
But my wife and I are the same, and we get by nicely.
She just goes out with friends, and we do the “slow” stuff together. If all other aspects of your lives work, then this shouldn’t be too much of a problem.
As an ambivert, it’s nice that she brings her friends home so that I sometimes see other living beings too.
My mum and dad were like this and stayed together until death did them part.
There were always things they’d go together to and other times where she’d go and he’d stay at home.
Seemed to work for them.
Sounds to me like you two might just be incompatible 🤷♂️ I’d talk to her about it and see if there’s middle ground to find where you’re both happy. If there isn’t then you two may just have to move on. Should be no hard feelings though, sometimes people are just different
I’ve been through this exact same thing (20f) in my first ever relationship – my bf at the time was a lot more socially active than I was, every time he’d ask if we could go out, party, drink or meet up with friends I’d always decline & it DID become an issue in our relationship. I had love for him, but I simply didn’t like to do those things esp bc for me it just never made me feel safe being around a new group of people WHILE drinking.
We only lasted 2 months because of it 😂 and I don’t regret breaking up with him, I now have a gf who’s some sorts along the lines of… ME. We hike together, drink at our apt together & have sm fun TOGETHER & it’s so much more intimate because we don’t have to tone down ourselves or be careful with the conversations we have because it’s just two women who genuinely love each other. Occasionally we’ll go out with friends (once or twice every other month) and we love it. Keeps our friendships alive along with our relationship.
Find someone like you or someone who won’t put it past you or make it feel like you’re lacking social traits.
I have a friend who likes to stay in more so but his wife is very outgoing and seeing friends/doing stuff out and about all weekend.
You’re gonna have to communicate this to her. You shouldn’t have to join in on every single thing she does! Let her know it’s ok to go out with her friends without you. Ofc you can’t skip everything, but compromise some
Incompatible, but also you don’t want an outgoing wife that will bite you in the ass.
Get a pen and paper and seriously ponder about the qualities and attributes you deeply desire in a partner.
You should asses a person BEFORE getting together.
Totally get you. My partner’s a golden retriever and I’m basically a houseplant. It works if you both respect each other’s energy levels and don’t force stuff. Just talk it out early, better now than when it turns into resentment later.
your so boring 🤣🤣🤣 she gon find some REAL guy and leave you soon 🔥🔥who would want a ralationships with a grandma wtf 😂🧓🧓🧓
Hey! I would say its very important to have a conversation about it with your girlfriend, maybe try to find a way to satisfy both of your needs and wants.
Also its totally fine for both of you to do the things you want/like alone.
Example: go out 2 or 3 times a week/ chill at home 2 or 3 times a week
If she loves you she’ll love you for who you are. Maybe go out to the odd thing with her, but saying no should be fine to do. I’m lucky, my Mrs really doesn’t mind. She understands I’d rather play my Xbox than mingle with people sometimes.
You need to learn to compromise. You also are not attached at the hip, she can go run around, and you can relax. Meet at dinner and share your adventures.
Don’t lose who you are.
It can work if you have balance. And if you guys work together, you will find that balance.
What did you mean by having an older soul ?