Tl;DR
I 30 F have been with my boyfriend 28 M for almost two years now. It’s a serious, committed relationship, and for the most part, he’s good to me. But one issue keeps repeating: him watching thirst traps on Instagram.
We’ve fought about it several times. I’ve cried, expressed how much it bothers me, and he’s promised to stop — only for me to catch him doing it again. After a while, I just gave up fighting over it. I convinced myself this was a flaw I had to live with if I wanted to be with him. I tried to suck it up.
Eventually, I just asked him to stop pretending. I told him if he’s going to look at those videos when I’m around, at least stop acting like he’s not — like swiping super fast when I catch him or acting weirdly secretive. Just look at them the way he would if I weren’t there.
Well, now he does that. And honestly, it hurts even more. Seeing him openly engage with that stuff right in front of me, knowing I’ve told him how much it bothers me, just makes me feel invisible. Like my feelings don’t matter. Like he can’t be bothered to care.
I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m trying so hard to be chill about this, to not be controlling. But I’m exhausted. I’m starting to wonder if this is something I should just end the relationship over. It’s not the thirst traps themselves — it’s the lack of respect, the fact that he keeps doing it despite knowing how it affects me. I love him and I can see he is crazy about me but I dont feel like looking at other men Im surprised how he can constantly keep watching these women despite me being so so uncomfortable.Is this normal for men in committed relationships?
Comments
You can’t control what another person does. You can only control what you will tolerate.
Men have been socialized to feel entitled to this kind of content. So yes, it’s fairly normal. But that does not mean you have to put up with it. If it’s a dealbreaker for you, that’s entirely valid.