I (23F) live at home with my twin sister (23F) and our mum (52F), who is currently away for two weeks. Our mum has two small dogs, one of whom is unwell and needs to eat regularly, or she gets sick.
For context, I’m at university and also have a part-time job. My sister starts uni in a couple of months and works a temp job here and there. She’s very organised and she has a calendar on the fridge where we note down any plans. I had written that I’d be working from 10 AM to 6 PM on Saturday and 12 PM to 6 PM on Sunday and also noted that I’d be watching the football with friends on Sunday evening at the pub (I invited her and her boyfriend too).
On Saturday, she was out all day, and the dogs were alone—it happens sometimes and isn’t usually a huge deal. On Sunday, I walked the dogs before leaving for work. My sister and her boyfriend had already left to go to a local market. Around 2:30 PM, I texted her asking when she’d be home. She replied, saying she wasn’t going home at all.
I reminded her I was working until 6 PM and heading straight to the pub after, so I wouldn’t be home to feed the dogs. She suddenly panicked, saying I never told her I wouldn’t be stopping at home first and that the dogs would be left alone and unfed for 12+ hours.
I told her that my schedule was on the fridge, and it’s not reasonable to expect I’d go all the way home for 10 minutes just to turn around and head back into the city where the pub is—especially since I was already at work in the city. To me, it seemed obvious that I’d go straight from work. She said I was being rude and unhelpful and told me to figure something out.
I told her there was nothing for me to figure out. She had no set plans that day and could’ve easily been home. She asked me to leave work, go home, sit with the dogs for 10 minutes, then head back out. I refused, and she claimed it was my fault for not explicitly telling her I wouldn’t be coming home between work and the football. I told her to stop blaming me and to take responsibility, especially since she knew both my work and football plans.
She called me an asshole (along with a string of other things) and told me I had a bad attitude and that she wouldn’t be engaging with me any more. My mum is now involved and seems to be blaming me too.
So now, I have to miss the start of the football match with my friends and feed the dogs, and I’m really frustrated. I honestly don’t see how I’m at fault here—but my sister insists I am.
AITA?
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I (23F) live at home with my twin sister (23F) and our mum (52F), who is currently away for two weeks. Our mum has two small dogs, one of whom is unwell and needs to eat regularly, or she gets sick.
For context, I’m at university and also have a part-time job. My sister starts uni in a couple of months and works a temp job here and there. She’s very organised and she has a calendar on the fridge where we note down any plans. I had written that I’d be working from 10 AM to 6 PM on Saturday and 12 PM to 6 PM on Sunday and also noted that I’d be watching the football with friends on Sunday evening at the pub (I invited her and her boyfriend too).
On Saturday, she was out all day, and the dogs were alone—it happens sometimes and isn’t usually a huge deal. On Sunday, I walked the dogs before leaving for work. My sister and her boyfriend had already left to go to a local market. Around 2:30 PM, I texted her asking when she’d be home. She replied, saying she wasn’t going home at all.
I reminded her I was working until 6 PM and heading straight to the pub after, so I wouldn’t be home to feed the dogs. She suddenly panicked, saying I never told her I wouldn’t be stopping at home first and that the dogs would be left alone and unfed for 12+ hours.
I told her that my schedule was on the fridge, and it’s not reasonable to expect I’d go all the way home for 10 minutes just to turn around and head back into the city where the pub is—especially since I was already at work in the city. To me, it seemed obvious that I’d go straight from work. She said I was being rude and unhelpful and told me to figure something out.
I told her there was nothing for me to figure out. She had no set plans that day and could’ve easily been home. She asked me to leave work, go home, sit with the dogs for 10 minutes, then head back out. I refused, and she claimed it was my fault for not explicitly telling her I wouldn’t be coming home between work and the football. I told her to stop blaming me and to take responsibility, especially since she knew both my work and football plans.
She called me an asshole (along with a string of other things) and told me I had a bad attitude and that she wouldn’t be engaging with me any more. My mum is now involved and seems to be blaming me too.
So now, I have to miss the start of the football match with my friends and feed the dogs, and I’m really frustrated. I honestly don’t see how I’m at fault here—but my sister insists I am.
AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I refused to go home after work to feed and sit with my mum’s dogs because my sister—who had no other responsibilities that day—chose to go out and wasn’t planning to return home. She got angry and said I should’ve made it clearer that I wouldn’t be stopping home between work and the football. I’m wondering if I might be the asshole because I didn’t directly tell her I wouldn’t be back, and the dogs ended up alone all day.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA ? Tho I would like to know why your mom thinks it’s your fault, considering the schedule with notations. Your sister is just sh*t and mad because you drew a boundary. If this ever gets discussed amongst your family again maybe firmly set your boundaries ahead of time with them and stick to it. And of course the real losers here are the dogs one of which who is ill. I know you went home to care for them, it just sucks that they are so lowly valued that there has to be arguments over who is going to care for them.
ESH, both of you had the responsibility to take care of your mother’s dogs. You literally had plans for the entire weekend and didn’t consider your responsibility to the dogs. This is made worse by the fact that you know one of the dogs needs special care. If your mom’s out of town you should have asked for time off work or at the very lease not gone to a football game.
You inviting the only other person that could care for the dogs to the football game shows just how little care you took with your responsibility. You do have a bad attitude, I hope those dogs will be okay.
ESH
Poor doggies.
NTA, but if your mother has 2 dogs that neither you nor your sister can look after, your mom should find a dog sitter or a kennel to board them.
NTA
“So now, I have to miss the start of the football match with my friends and feed the dogs, and I’m really frustrated. I honestly don’t see how I’m at fault here—but my sister insists I am.”
How do you figure? Do you always cave every time that someone challenges you?
Tell sister that SHE has to figure it out because SHE messed up, and is being “rude and unhelpful”.
NTA. You literally wrote your schedule down, invited her out after, and she still acted surprised? She had no plans and dipped anyway. That’s not on you. You’re not a dog sitter on call just ‘cause you live there.
ESH. Both of you are prioritizing socializing with your friends/boyfriend over caring for these poor dogs. If you agree to split care responsibilities for an animal (or a human for that matter), you need to discuss and agree on who is responsible for what and when. That way everyone is clear on the plan, and if extra help is needed it can be sought ahead of time. To do anything else is to accept the risk that you will end up neglecting these poor dogs, who deserve better. That is unacceptable. Both of you failed to communicate, which could have very easily resulted in medical distress for your special needs dog
ESH. If you two are sharing responsibility for looking after the dog while your mum’s away, there needs to be some discussion of who is doing what and when. Posting your work hours in the kitchen? Fine. Making evening plans without discussing with your sister and ensuring at least one of you was able to sort out the dog? Not fine. And your sister is just as bad. You both made assumptions that resulted in a situation that could have been entirely avoided by having a conversation.