Yesterday my brother (13yo) proudly exclaimed at the dinner table that he’s homophobic. My parents kinda laughed at him, but they didn’t reprimand/lecture him on why that is bad. There are no queer people in our close family, so this is not something that directly affects us, which I guess is the reason my parents aren’t taking it very seriously, but personally it’s making me feel really worried.
I wanna have some chats with my brother to help him become more open minded. But I don’t wanna make it too explicit like “Why are you homophobic??”. He might feel like I’m attacking him and shut down. And it’s not just homophobia, I’m pretty sure there’s other types of bigotry brewing inside him too. I wanna talk about some more casual topics that can gently push him towards a more accepting nature. Any ideas?
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Did he just out of nowhere say “I’m homophobic” or were you guys talking about something? Just try to find out why he thinks this, maybe he had a bad experience with someone from lgbt at school or online , or maybe he just doesn’t agree with it. Not agreeing with something and hating it are 2 totally different things. My advice is: find out what made him think that
Ask him why he is homophobic. Ask lots of questions on what lead him to these feelings.
My brother (15yo) has been like this too for the past few years. I’d say it comes down to two things. First a lot of what your brother could be seeing on social media might affect his behavior and beliefs. Second is whether or not he’s always acted this way. My brother has a lot of other disrespectful behaviors on top of some concerning beliefs and he’s always been like that, so if that’s similar to what you face than that’s an a lot more difficult situation. However, if this behavior is more out of the blue, sometimes it could just be because he’s a teenage boy. I’d say don’t be too forward because he might see that as an attack, but maybe learn more about other stuff, like what his friends joke about or what he consumes online and go off of that.
You have to have an open heart to heart conversation with respect. Ask him why he believes those things? Tell them you love them and are just concerned because you don’t believe those hateful things and you simply want to understand.
Treat him like his own individual person not a young kid. They’ll probably start to take you more serious once they realize you aren’t treating them like the rest. Be open, honest, and respectful. Try to answer questions and if you don’t know something, appreciate the good questions and both of you figure out the answer together.
Look up some questions he might ask or talk about and have age appropriate answers. Enough to be satisfied but doesn’t get into the specifics too much. Say that’s for when you are more mature.
If he a science or faith person? Can he tell the difference between good and evil? God and Jesus are easy answers to why questions.
Regardless of how you feel about Jesus, real or not he’s a guideline for being a good person. With story to give context and nuance to hard situations.
Look into media that show the values you want for his age range. I heard of this really cool show but I don’t know if you’re old enough to understand it.
Life is all about perspective and understanding yourself, the world and other people the best you can. It’s how you become smarter.
I hope this helps!
> I’m pretty sure there’s other types of bigotry brewing inside him too.
I’m sure this mentality will really help you get through to your brother.
When I was a teenager, I was about ready to fall into the alt-right rabbit hole. But, I realized I’m too open minded for that bullshit. So, hopefully he’ll grow out of it. But, expose him to different people slowly at first, then go from there.
Call everything and everyone he is watching gay.
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